conehead Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) I've been with my bf over a year. Over the course of our relationship, my bf has upset me a few times with his so jokes/comments about girls. For example, he saw a pic of his brother's new gf (she was wearing shorts and tank sitting on a car) and called her 'sexy' in front of me and his brother. Another few times was with his best friend's longtime gf -- he told her that since her bf doesnt like desserts, he'd take her out to this nice dessert place and it'd be 'like a date' he said -- he said this in front of everyone, including me. There are another few times he did such comments but I won't elaborate further. I have discussed this with him a few times and it has been awhile since he's made such comments. I think maybe he finally realizes his jokes arent that funny to me. He thinks I'm over-sensitive, but I asked my friend's opinions and they agree that his jokes are inappropriate. Going forward, he probably won't make these comments again. But, I find myself still holding a grudge. I'm having trouble getting over it. I am getting more nervous recently because his brother's gf is moving across the state to live in their house....which means I will be seeing her alot! I am dreading this, and its affecting our relationship. I got mad at my bf, and I told him that I want to avoid seeing her as much as possible because the sight of her would make me remember his jokes/comments and how humiliating and upsetting it was to me. His jokes hurt alot...like a stab to my heart, makes me think how can my loving bf say such things to belittle me and our relationship? Perhaps I have a big ego, but I find myself feeling anxious about having to see her probably a few times a week. But I don't want this. How can I make myself just let it go and get past this grudge I have? I don't want to feel upset every other day. I feel like I don't want us to have to see her or go on double dates....perhaps part of it is because I want to punish him for hurting my feelings? But part of it is because it hurts to have to see either girls... Edited February 2, 2013 by conehead
Author conehead Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 What can I do? I want to feel good about us again, but I am having trouble getting over the humiliation and upset. I feel like what he did wasn't cheating, but it was secondary to cheating. I felt like he betrayed me and our relationship. But I really want to get over it and just gosh darn forgive him for reals. I love him and want it to work out
AMusing Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 It sounds like he worded things poorly, but that his intentions weren't bad. Take a step back, and think about how absurd it is to be jealous due to these two scenarios. He invited a long-term gf of his friend out for dessert. I'm assuming the friend was there when he made the invite? I'm also guessing his friend didn't bat an eye, because he knew your bf wasn't trying to actually take this girl on a date. Right? And it sounds like he was just trying to give his brother a compliment, by complimenting his girlfriend. The first time I saw a picture of my brother's girlfriend (now wife), I said, "Oh my gosh she's gorgeous!" Complimenting someone in a photograph is very, very common. It's almost rude not to, in my mind. That doesn't mean he wants anything inappropriate with this girl. Good god, it is his brother's girlfriend! Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that even though your boyfriend thinks you were overreacting, he still agreed to modify his behavior so you'll feel more comfortable. That is very impressive; try to focus on that, instead of your jealousy.
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