KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I don't value what women have to offer. I'll admit it's because of my bitterness. Than enjoy the single life..and get used to it.
mesmerized Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 The sex part is really important to me! But honestly, so little of my sexuality is visually driven. Other women may be different, but my long-lasting, passionate attraction to my partner is fundamentally mental (meaning: his behaviors make my knees buckle) Have you ever been with a very visually attractive man who was also good in bed? You wouldn't know what you are missing out on until you have one. 3
xxoo Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) Have you ever been with a very visually attractive man who was also good in bed? You wouldn't know what you are missing out on until you have one. Yes, sure. I dated a good looking football player in hs, with a 6 pack, and he was quite skilled and enthusiastic. He was my best experience until I met my H. Then I discovered a whole different level of attraction eta....I don't want to imply that my H isn't attractive! He is. Many women consider him "hot". But he isn't the physically hottest guy I've dated, or have had the opportunity to date. Nor is he the wealthiest. I have a friend married to a really hot guy. We were talking once, over drinks, and she admitted that she doesn't even see it anymore. And it isn't like they don't love each other! But the impact of "hot" has worn off, and she just sees her husband. Her attraction is more tied to their relationship now, rather than his appearance. Edited February 2, 2013 by xxoo
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I've had a very long time to get used to it, but I do not enjoy it. It's really a shame men never want to be of any help to each other. It's a scorched earth policy between men. I know it's the whole chicken egg thing. I say your attitude turns off women...you say you have your attitude because you can't turn on women. All I know is that people were designed to do ONE thing. Mate. There are billions of people on the planet. The fattest guy in the world is MARRIED. There is someone for everyone. Unless you're a circus freak, looks aren't the barrier. With so many varied personalities, that can't be it either. What's left? Issues. Personal issues. Mommy issues for men, daddy issues for women, or both parent for the very unlucky (like myself). You have to make do with what you got. Stop worrying about what the other guy has that you don't, and start building yourself up. But me saying all this means nothing. YOU have to believe it. Therapy could help. It helped me some.
veggirl Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Wouldn't you feel kinda s.hitty if your partner was all "yeah when I first saw you I wasn't attracted at all but you won me over!"
HopelessRomantic76 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I could never be with an unattractive man:sick: i have to want to tear his clothes off and want to taste him from head to toe just by looking at him of course other things are important but physical comes first to stir my juices and get me wet
xxoo Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Wouldn't you feel kinda s.hitty if your partner was all "yeah when I first saw you I wasn't attracted at all but you won me over!" I probably would. My H has never seemed particularly concerned about my first impression.
somedude81 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Wouldn't you feel kinda s.hitty if your partner was all "yeah when I first saw you I wasn't attracted at all but you won me over!" Who is this question addressed to? I got a feel that a lot of women would have a problem with it. While a lot of men wouldn't care. I certainly wouldn't care. I know I'm average in looks. And if I still manged to win a girl over, it means that she really took a liking to my personality and humor.
Author kaylan Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Have you ever been with a very visually attractive man who was also good in bed? You wouldn't know what you are missing out on until you have one. Sadly I have never gotten this total package. The girls Ive been with who had the best bodies have only be so-so in bed. Then again, Ive really only had the best sex of my life last month. It was great and fun, and I definitely enjoyed myself, but Im sure an awesome body would have heightened things. But I super liked this girl, so that was great in its own right.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 You're right. Women offer absolutely nothing to relationships. Men do it all on their own. That's why more women read books about how to relate to men and date and self-improvement while men jerk off to porn and look for ways to pick-up women to bang. Did you ever think that you don't value what women do or even know women well enough to know what they put into a relationship that goes beyond her dressing up and puttin on make up? I bet you don't. Really? NOTHING? I can't tell if that is truly your opinion or sarcasm. Have you ever been with a very visually attractive man who was also good in bed? You wouldn't know what you are missing out on until you have one. There it is again. All about looks and sex. I have. Many times. Then again, there it is, the lay vs the relationship.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 The sex part is really important to me! But honestly, so little of my sexuality is visually driven. Other women may be different, but my long-lasting, passionate attraction to my partner is fundamentally mental (meaning: his behaviors make my knees buckle) YES. This. I couldn't have said it better myself.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 That's oh so good to know. Maybe I can last 10 seconds. Trust me when I say it isn't your looks that are making dating impossible. It is that attitude you have.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I was almost average looking with a hopeful mindset in my twenties and my early thirties, was nice to women. I got nothing but shot down. Now my attitude is bad and I'm fat and I get nothing but shot down. That's all I know, getting shot down. Sat home in Boston alone for my 41st. Not a single women likes me in the whole city. Fixing the attitude will do nothing for me but get me shot down some more. Why don't you DO SOMETHING. Go work out, get some hobbies, enjoy your life. Who would want to be with someone so miserable?
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Wouldn't you feel kinda s.hitty if your partner was all "yeah when I first saw you I wasn't attracted at all but you won me over!" It feels s.hitty yes. Even if I thought my partner originally looked like an orangutan with a decade long crystal meth habit the first time I saw them, I wouldn't let on. I'd just say I thought they were cute the first time I met them. I respect people's feelings. Most people are so selfish, insensitive, and stubborn that they 'absolutely have to be honest' and tell their partner they thought they were physically unattractive the first time they met them. Why again? 2
xxoo Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It feels s.hitty yes. Even if I thought my partner originally looked like an orangutan with a decade long crystal meth habit the first time I saw them, I wouldn't let on. I'd just say I thought they were cute the first time I met them. I respect people's feelings. Most people are so selfish, insensitive, and stubborn that they 'absolutely have to be honest' and tell their partner they thought they were physically unattractive the first time they met them. Why again? Once again, there is a big difference between not being attracted and thinking someone is unattractive. Most men I meet look fine. That doesn't mean I am personally attracted to them--yet.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Once again, there is a big difference between not being attracted and thinking someone is unattractive. Most men I meet look fine. That doesn't mean I am personally attracted to them--yet. So what? Why do people have to be honest if it's going to hurt someone's feelings? Women have such a relentless need to be honest about their pickiness and emotions and often steamroll men's feelings in the process. Just say you thought he was 'pretty cute' from the start. Done, over.
xxoo Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Well that's wonderful. But someone has to be a mega hunk football player to have a chance with most women. Did you miss where I ended up with someone who turned me on far more than the football player?
veggirl Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Who is this question addressed to? I got a feel that a lot of women would have a problem with it. While a lot of men wouldn't care. I certainly wouldn't care. I know I'm average in looks. And if I still manged to win a girl over, it means that she really took a liking to my personality and humor. It was to Jaclyn and xxoo mostly. I would feel crappy if my bf said he didn't think I was anything special when he met me. Not sure how he would feel if I said that (and not gonna ask LOL, plus it doesn't apply). 1
xxoo Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 So what? Why do people have to be honest if it's going to hurt someone's feelings? Women have such a relentless need to be honest about their pickiness and emotions and often steamroll men's feelings in the process. Just say you thought he was 'pretty cute' from the start. Done, over. Not every guy is so sensitive about the issue. Of course he was "pretty cute". I don't think he'd get much satisfaction from me saying that, though. He's rather hear about the moment when I first felt my knees go weak, which came a little later.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Not every guy is so sensitive about the issue. Of course he was "pretty cute". I don't think he'd get much satisfaction from me saying that, though. He's rather hear about the moment when I first felt my knees go weak, which came a little later. Well. If you knew that it would hurt the feelings of SOME men, then would you continue to keep being honest and tell them you weren't attracted at the start or spare their feelings and tell them you were attracted. I know which road I will be taking with every woman I meet from here on out. I don't mean YOU necessarily BTW, just women in general. It goes for men too. I remember watching a TV show on MTV where this guy was talking about his wife and was like, "I wasn't physically attracted to her in the beginning, but I became more so." I was like, "WTF. What a d@uchebag. He knows this is on TV and everybody she knows is watching this right?" Edited February 3, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
xxoo Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Well. If you knew that it would hurt the feelings of SOME men, then would you continue to keep being honest and tell them you weren't attracted at the start or spare their feelings and tell them you were attracted. I know which road I will be taking with every woman I meet from here on out. If I were with a man who was very sensitive about his appearance, I'd be more careful. My H has some insecurities, and I am careful not to tease him about those little things. I build him up. He does the same for me Meeting and "catching" me is not something he is insecure about, in the slightest!
Sportsnutim Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 This thread is sort of a response thread to this thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/370837-do-men-really-prefer-doing-chasing I know Im one of the guys out there who enjoys a woman who can be as equally assertive or as laid back as I am. Which means that instead of one person taking a passive role, while the other takes an aggressive role...we both actually follow one anothers lead. Guys do enjoy, dare I say many of us prefer women who know how to go after what they want. Girls who sit back and make me do all the work dont end up having me feel as valued as the girls who actively pursue me while I pursue them as well. All in all, I put effort into my mind, body, appearance, personality, etc...and guys want to feel like a prize to be won sometimes too. Maybe some of the girls Ive dated have spoiled me...but once you date someone who make you feel of much value...you have less patience for the gals who sit back and barely put in work...while expecting you to win them over. Remember guys, women have to win you over too. It seems more like more of a challenge since my ex wife and I got married 24 years ago. Now that I am 49 the dating world as gone upside down. I have chased but have had so many women either not communicate at all or even acknowledge I even exist, though they may have chatted with me one minute the next they're gone. Sure, I understand men need to have some confidence but come on, jumping through hoops at my age just doesn't cut it. I prefer women between 40 and 53 but it seems women are more wary than they used to be, which I can understand a bit because of the freaks out there. My ex wife and I have been apart long enough for a new relationship to not be a "rebound". Frustrated.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) If I were with a man who was very sensitive about his appearance, I'd be more careful. That is irrelevant to me. What is the point of telling a person (or your family and friends for that matter) you weren't attracted at first? There is no point IMO. It's self-serving honesty. Did you read my anecdote about the TV show? Totally insensitive. If the woman in question was never physically attracted to any man initially, then fine. But that is NEVER the case. There's always Ryan Reynolds, and Josh Brolins they drool over. P.S. I've seen some women say here that they would totally be OK with the opposite happening to them. I pretty much guarantee that if it really did, they would not be OK. Edited February 3, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
123321 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 "I chased and chased her until she finally caught me" Women traditionally "chase" men by selective attraction.
xxoo Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 That is irrelevant to me. What is the point of telling a person (or your family and friends for that matter) you weren't attracted at first? There is no point IMO. It's self-serving honesty. Did you read my anecdote about the TV show? Totally insensitive. If the woman in question was never physically attracted to any man initially, then fine. But that is NEVER the case. There's always Ryan Reynolds, and Josh Brolins they drool over. P.S. I've seen some women say here that they would totally be OK with the opposite happening to them. I pretty much guarantee that if it really did, they would not be OK. Hmmm...I don't know what to say other than that my guy doesn't feel anything like the way you do. And also, our reality is nothing like how you imagine it.
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