Men enjoy being valued and somewhat chased too

[StanMusial]

Make me laugh a lot, show you have some intelligence, banter with me... and ****, I may find you to be VERY attractive by the end of the night.

 

[Bristolius]

Of course you do because you not risking anything like he is..you just sit back as he does all the work id like that too if i were a women

 

My description did not have the man doing "all the work".

[kaylan]

Most men are decent looking. So what? Doesn't mean I want to touch them or see them naked.

 

I think you underestimate how men men fit into this "neutral" zone for a woman.

 

Yes, of course there must be potential, but the point is that we aren't judging him sexually at all at that time. He's in neutral, and we are thinking about other things altogether.

I dont underestimate a thing. I think you misjudge how women my age behave. How old are you? How much of your life has been spent with this current generation of young women?

 

I have seen and heard how these women think and behave. Straight from their mouths two. When out with my gal pals, the first thing they mention about a guy they just met is his physical attributes...and they usually mention if theyd hook up with him or not. I almost never hear anything about his personality first.

I am a woman... and I am disagreeing. As was xxoo. You just are so stuck in your ways that you refuse to acknowledge it.

 

Gosh I wish I could collect pictures of all the men I have ever dated, you all would be shocked.

 

And you still dont disprove that those relationships dont last.

 

Either way, Ive seen most women behave a lot differently from you. So Im not stuck in any ways...Im stuck focusing on how women show me they behave.

[tbf]

Most men are decent looking. So what? Doesn't mean I want to touch them or see them naked.

 

I think you underestimate how men men fit into this "neutral" zone for a woman.

 

Yes, of course there must be potential, but the point is that we aren't judging him sexually at all at that time. He's in neutral, and we are thinking about other things altogether.

One way to ensure that she's not going to want to bang you, is to display unsheathed, hostile aggression towards her.

 

Thought I'd point this out since it happens so abundantly on this site.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Lets get another thing straight.

 

Saying that people unconsciously or consciously ascertain someones sex potential when they first meet them, is not the same as saying they immediately think "I would (nt) bang this person". What Im saying is that within first meeting someone, people usually figure out really quickly if the possibility for a physical connection is there--if theres potential or not. Me thinking to myself "hmm shes cute, I could see myself giving her a shot" is much different from someone thinking "Id so screw him/her"

 

See this I think is why people have such a hard time dating.

Why must everyone always group someone as unattractive or not?

Why can't they just be a ****ing person whose personality either goes with yours or not?

 

When you choose your friends, is it based off of how attractive they are? Or how awesome they are?

[miss_jaclynrae]

I dont underestimate a thing. I think you misjudge how women my age behave. How old are you? How much of your life has been spent with this current generation of young women?

 

I have seen and heard how these women think and behave. Straight from their mouths two. When out with my gal pals, the first thing they mention about a guy they just met is his physical attributes...and they usually mention if theyd hook up with him or not. I almost never hear anything about his personality first.

 

And you still dont disprove that those relationships dont last.

 

Either way, Ive seen most women behave a lot differently from you. So Im not stuck in any ways...Im stuck focusing on how women show me they behave.

 

For one, I am 22. So I just so happen to BE one of those younger generation gals. Duh the first thing women in GROUPS talk about is how hot guys are, just how men talk about how huge that chicks rack is when they are all out together. That has NOTHING to do with dating. Those are women who are looking for a lay, not a date.

 

As for disproving? Relationships can end for TONS of reasons.

[kaylan]

See this I think is why people have such a hard time dating.

Why must everyone always group someone as unattractive or not?

Why can't they just be a ****ing person whose personality either goes with yours or not?

Why? because physical attraction and sex are a component of a romantic relationship.

When you choose your friends, is it based off of how attractive they are? Or how awesome they are?

When men and women choose opposite sex friends, it does seem physical attraction plays into their choosing most times. Which is why many male-female friendships has one of the friends liking the other. Ive been on both sides of that equation. Its just how humans are...we are very sex driven as a species.

 

As Ive gotten older, Ive been able to block that behavior though. But tbh, its all really innate and unconscious in us. This is why people tend to hang out in groups or with friends who are of similar attractiveness levels. If you ever go out and people watch one day, youll see thats how people are.

 

If you ever just go out and analyze groups of people, youll see that people tend to hang out with those of the empirically same attractiveness level as them.

[mesmerized]

For one, I am 22. So I just so happen to BE one of those younger generation gals. Duh the first thing women in GROUPS talk about is how hot guys are, just how men talk about how huge that chicks rack is when they are all out together. That has NOTHING to do with dating. Those are women who are looking for a lay, not a date.

 

As for disproving? Relationships can end for TONS of reasons.

 

hmmm, Not all women are like you and it does have a lot to do with dating. You and xxoo represent a percentage of women who don't put looks on the top of their list. I cannot say however that you speak for the majority of women.

[miss_jaclynrae]

hmmm, Not all women are like you and it does have a lot to do with dating. You and xxoo represent a percentage of women who don't put looks on the top of their list. I cannot say however that you speak for the majority of women.

 

You may be correct, but to say that NO women do that is BS.

That is what bugs me, generalizing and then failing to accept the fact that not all women are the same.

[tbf]

If that were the actual case, there would be no such thing as an abusive relationship.

Abusive relationships rarely begin abusively. You might want to do some research on the psychology behind these types of relationships.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Why? because physical attraction and sex are a component of a romantic relationship.

 

When men and women choose opposite sex friends, it does seem physical attraction plays into their choosing most times. Which is why many male-female friendships has one of the friends liking the other. Ive been on both sides of that equation. Its just how humans are...we are very sex driven as a species.

 

As Ive gotten older, Ive been able to block that behavior though. But tbh, its all really innate and unconscious in us. This is why people tend to hang out in groups or with friends who are of similar attractiveness levels. If you ever go out and people watch one day, youll see thats how people are.

 

If you ever just go out and analyze groups of people, youll see that people tend to hang out with those of the empirically same attractiveness level as them.

 

See, I must be an effing weirdo then. Or maybe I am one of the few people left on earth who actually cares about WHO a person is and NOT what they look like.

 

 

It is sad really, the amount that people place on looks.

[kaylan]

For one, I am 22. So I just so happen to BE one of those younger generation gals. Duh the first thing women in GROUPS talk about is how hot guys are, just how men talk about how huge that chicks rack is when they are all out together. That has NOTHING to do with dating. Those are women who are looking for a lay, not a date.

 

As for disproving? Relationships can end for TONS of reasons.

Um..even when talking in the library about a guy they wanted to date, theyd mention something physical about the guy. Like if he was cute, or had cool style, or whatever else.

 

Despite all the personality stuff, physical stuff gets mentioned by men and women because thats a strong component of romantic relationships.

 

Dont shoot the messenger for sharing what hes experienced in his dating life, what his friends and acquaintances have experienced, and what women have straight up shown me when dating them.

[mesmerized]

Thats the way it is. There isn't much for unattractive men.

 

Luckily for you, there are quite a few women who will overlook your looks (as you saw in this thread). Do you have anything else to offer?

[KungFuJoe]

See, I must be an effing weirdo then. Or maybe I am one of the few people left on earth who actually cares about WHO a person is and NOT what they look like.

 

 

It is sad really, the amount that people place on looks.

 

No. You're normal. Most of the people here are either suffering from anxiety or some form of post traumatic stress syndrome.

 

And before anyone says anything, I'm part of the latter though I'm a LOT better now than I used to be.

[Scarlett5]

I am sure there are plenty of women who appear cold and aloof, who are actually really into you, yet you would never know!

 

I think it is important though, that you can both see clear signs of interest, otherwise I can't blame people for giving up.. People are not mind readers.

 

Kaylan I often see your posts and I really like them... I tend to have the same opinions. Very honest and insightful!

 

You are totally right on this one....but personally, showing my interest in someone I like is something I really struggle with! I can flirt and have a laugh, but the minute someone I'm really into is in front of me, there seems to be this wall that stops me from really showing my true feelings. Fear of rejection? Maybe. But I'm so aware of it, and I know guys lose interest in me because they think I'm not interested in them.

 

Which is why I've quoted the above - it reminds me of me, and the last paragraph is so true. I don't blame them for giving up either!

 

It's happening to me right now, there's an amazing guy who I need to show my feelings to. This is a massive deal for me, and it's held me back for years. A huge challenge!

[veggirl]

hmm yeah I don't know any one, male or female, that dates people they find ugly. Can attraction build, sure but that is over time and organic situations...not ONE NIGHT. It's like having a coworker you don't look at twice and then after months you realize they are really funny and an attraction builds. No one is denying that happens but do girls go out for the night and give their #s to dudes they think are ugly ? um no...

 

there is nothing wrong with wanting to be attracted physically to your partner. why can that not be included in "who someone is" ??

 

I don't know anyone who can say "yeah I thought my girl/guy was ugly when I met them but he/she grew on me!"

[kaylan]

You may be correct, but to say that NO women do that is BS.

That is what bugs me, generalizing and then failing to accept the fact that not all women are the same.

When did I or anyone else ever say that no women do that?

 

I merely stated that its my experience that most women, like men, take initial physical attraction into account when selecting a mate.

See, I must be an effing weirdo then. Or maybe I am one of the few people left on earth who actually cares about WHO a person is and NOT what they look like.

 

 

It is sad really, the amount that people place on looks.

Wow...youre one of those people huh? The kind of person who thinks that just because looks also matter to others, than personality obviously doesnt matter to them huh?

 

No one ever said personality wasnt a big factor. Its just a realistic fact that physical attraction is just as important when it comes to compatibility as personality is.

 

Lets not pretend that its not.

[miss_jaclynrae]

When did I or anyone else ever say that no women do that?

 

I merely stated that its my experience that most women, like men, take initial physical attraction into account when selecting a mate.

 

Wow...youre one of those people huh? The kind of person who thinks that just because looks also matter to others, than personality obviously doesnt matter to them huh?

 

No one ever said personality wasnt a big factor. Its just a realistic fact that physical attraction is just as important when it comes to compatibility as personality is.

 

Lets not pretend that its not.

 

Now look whose putting words in ones mouth.

All I am saying is that if people stopped focusing on the attractiveness and more on a decent human who they get along with swimmingly, it would be better for everyone. Of course attraction is essential, but it doesn't have to be the FIRST annnnnd deciding factor for a relationship.

[mesmerized]

No. You're normal. Most of the people here are either suffering from anxiety or some form of post traumatic stress syndrome.

 

And before anyone says anything, I'm part of the latter though I'm a LOT better now than I used to be.

 

I can claim I don't fit in any of those but I'm my own kind of weirdo. I think you need to add a few other categories.

[xxoo]

hmm yeah I don't know any one, male or female, that dates people they find ugly. Can attraction build, sure but that is over time and organic situations...not ONE NIGHT. It's like having a coworker you don't look at twice and then after months you realize they are really funny and an attraction builds. No one is denying that happens but do girls go out for the night and give their #s to dudes they think are ugly ? um no...

 

That is a huge and important point. The kind of thing I'm talking about is part of interacting with someone you meet through social connections, not something that would happen in one night, in a setting like a bar, for the most part.

 

Most people still meet their partners through social connections. People may shop for the "hotties" on OLD or at bars, but most of us just connect and fall in love with regular people we meet in our daily lives.

[kaylan]

Now look whose putting words in ones mouth.

All I am saying is that if people stopped focusing on the attractiveness and more on a decent human who they get along with swimmingly, it would be better for everyone. Of course attraction is essential, but it doesn't have to be the FIRST annnnnd deciding factor for a relationship.

No one put any words in your mouth. You clearly stated that people here apparently care mostly about looks...and no one ever stated they. All that has been said is that initial attraction matters when selecting a mate.

 

Physical Attraction isnt the first factor in a relationship...but it will ALWAYS be one of them. And every factor of attraction, be it emotional, mental, physical, personality, etc...all these factors are deciding factors in relationships. Having a relationship fail because of bad sex is no worse than a relationship failing due to no mental connection or lack of emotional spark. Its all about connection...all are needed.

 

People just seem so afraid to admit that the sex part matters a lot and can be a relationship glue like anything else. Doesnt make anyone shallow or wrong. It makes them human.

[xxoo]

And you still dont disprove that those relationships dont last.

 

I have been very clear here on LS that I believe passion, and spark, and chemistry is very important.

 

But what I know is, the men that I've developed them most passionate attraction for have not necessarily been the men that I found the most attractive at first sight. I might not have even considered him that way the first few times we met.

[KungFuJoe]

I can claim I don't fit in any of those but I'm my own kind of weirdo. I think you need to add a few other categories.

 

I know..I think all of us here are weird in our little ways.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

The thing is women equate them dressing up, putting on make up and getting ready for dates as their 50%.

 

The guy does everything else. Initiate and plan dates, They paying of dates, moves the the relationship further, does all the chasing, calling, texting. Makes the first move in regards to displays of affection every time. The romance. The ILY's. The exclusivity talks. Not to mention making himself look good. The proposing. The paying of an engagement ring. The "keeping the marriage alive"....That's the guys 50%

 

You're right. Women offer absolutely nothing to relationships. Men do it all on their own. That's why more women read books about how to relate to men and date and self-improvement while men jerk off to porn and look for ways to pick-up women to bang.

 

Did you ever think that you don't value what women do or even know women well enough to know what they put into a relationship that goes beyond her dressing up and puttin on make up? I bet you don't.

[xxoo]

People just seem so afraid to admit that the sex part matters a lot and can be a relationship glue like anything else. Doesnt make anyone shallow or wrong. It makes them human.

 

The sex part is really important to me!

 

But honestly, so little of my sexuality is visually driven. Other women may be different, but my long-lasting, passionate attraction to my partner is fundamentally mental (meaning: his behaviors make my knees buckle)