miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I don't get why women don't do it more often. Sure, sometimes you get rejected, but ****! It can be fun! I in my dating life have cold approached men MANY times and always had fun with the witty banter. Sometimes you need to stop waiting and whining and DO SOMETHING. 1
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I don't get why women don't do it more often. Sure, sometimes you get rejected, but ****! It can be fun! I in my dating life have cold approached men MANY times and always had fun with the witty banter. Sometimes you need to stop waiting and whining and DO SOMETHING. You're probably a natural extrovert. Not so easy for those who aren't. Hell I'm not an introvert by any means and I was never comfortable with the cold approach.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 You're probably a natural extrovert. Not so easy for those who aren't. Hell I'm not an introvert by any means and I was never comfortable with the cold approach. I totally am. I don't know, I just don't see why people find it so hard, more than "hitting" on someone, it is really just talking to someone. Even if they have a girlfriend [yeah, I have hit on guys who had one unbeknownst to me] they tell you they have one and all it takes is one simple line. "She is one lucky lady, have a good time with the guys and try not to break every ladies heart in here!" Easy peasy! 1
Author kaylan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I don't agree at all that if there is no initial attraction, there won't be any attraction. At least from a woman's pov. I've experienced attraction developing many times because a guy is charming, and flirty, and made me feel special. I think the difference is that, for me at least, most men I meet are in a neutral zone. I'm neither attracted nor unattracted. He's just a guy. His behavior determines whether or not he shifts out of neutral zone. From a womans point of view? Yes. ONE SINGULAR womans POV. In reality my previous post stands as correct. Why? How many threads exist here, how many instances in real life, where a woman tries to force attraction or wait for it to build when it wasnt initially there. And those relationships tend to be unhappy and/or fail. The vast majority of people know right away if they at least somewhat attracted to someone or not. Sorry...as I said in another thread...men arent that much different from women. All the great personality traits someone has cannot make up for a complete lack of physical attraction. We have seen time and time again how those relationships fail. So please can we not spread the falsehood to guys that chasing and personality will somehow win over a girl whos not into them?
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 From a womans point of view? Yes. ONE SINGULAR womans POV. In reality my previous post stands as correct. Why? How many threads exist here, how many instances in real life, where a woman tries to force attraction or wait for it to build when it wasnt initially there. Sorry...as I said in another thread...men arent that much different from women. All the great personality traits someone has cannot make up for a complete lack of physical attraction. We have seen time and time again how those relationships fail. So please can we not spread the falsehood to guys that chasing and personality will somehow win over a girl whos not into them? I completely agree with her POV. For someone looking for more than a one night stand, personality traits can make up for more than you think. 2
Author kaylan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) I completely agree with her POV. For someone looking for more than a one night stand, personality traits can make up for more than you think. Again, they dont make up for a LACK of physical attraction. If youre not attracted to someone, you just arent. Personality can grow an existing attraction...but it wont create one where there is none. If what you two are trying to say was true at all, so many men and women wouldnt be in relationships where they were unhappy cus they werent at all attracted to their partner...yet saying how awesome their partners personality is. I can show you COUNTLESS threads on this issue. I dunno why people are encouraging that sort of thing instead of being realistic about this. Edited February 2, 2013 by kaylan
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Again, they dont make up for a LACK of physical attraction. If youre not attracted to someone, you just arent. Personality can grow an existing attraction...but it wont create one where there is none. You have never met a woman and neither thought "ugh she is ugly" or "damn she is fine!"? I have met plenty of men at bars that merely saw them as a man talking to me. Initially they probably weren't even my type! Make me laugh a lot, show you have some intelligence, banter with me... and ****, I may find you to be VERY attractive by the end of the night.
Keenly Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 You have never met a woman and neither thought "ugh she is ugly" or "damn she is fine!"? I have met plenty of men at bars that merely saw them as a man talking to me. Initially they probably weren't even my type! Make me laugh a lot, show you have some intelligence, banter with me... and ****, I may find you to be VERY attractive by the end of the night. You can see some one as a man whether or not you find them attractive or not. You are dodging the question. It's a subconscious action so there is no denying it.
Author kaylan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 You have never met a woman and neither thought "ugh she is ugly" or "damn she is fine!"?When I meet women I usually size them up immediately as potential mates or not. Most people Ive talked to have mentioned the same thing. Its just how people work. If you are neutral about someone, yet can admit they are decent looking, it means theres attraction potential and personality can help that. I have met plenty of men at bars that merely saw them as a man talking to me. Initially they probably weren't even my type! Make me laugh a lot, show you have some intelligence, banter with me... and ****, I may find you to be VERY attractive by the end of the night. My whole point that is if you find someone not attractive to you, personality cant fix that. How hard is it to understand that. Someone not being your type, but still falling within the bell curve as a decently looking person, isnt the same as finding someone unattractive. In the former case, personality helps. In the latter case, it wont help at all realistically.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 You can see some one as a man whether or not you find them attractive or not. You are dodging the question. It's a subconscious action so there is no denying it. Say what you want, but I have dated guys who I did not think were physically appealing at first and then after talking to them thought they were sexy as ****. Then again, I give men a chance based on their personality and how they present themselves to me. Call me one of a kind, but I am SURE there are others who would agree with me. He is trying to say that someone you are not attracted to, with a great personality a woman would still never give him the light of day. FALSE. I have given them my ear and attention and even though maybe physically at first I did not find them attractive, their personality and ability to get along and "click" with them made them wildly hot in my eyes. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 When I meet women I usually size them up immediately as potential mates or not. Most people Ive talked to have mentioned the same thing. Its just how people work. If you are neutral about someone, yet can admit they are decent looking, it means theres attraction potential and personality can help that. My whole point that is if you find someone not attractive to you, personality cant fix that. How hard is it to understand that. Someone not being your type, but still falling within the bell curve as a decently looking person, isnt the same as finding someone unattractive. In the former case, personality helps. In the latter case, it wont help at all realistically. I have found men unattractive. I have let them give me their best shot at picking me up, and some I have dated and found extremely more attractive after showing me how awesome they were.
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 How hard is it to understand that. Someone not being your type, but still falling within the bell curve as a decently looking person, isnt the same as finding someone unattractive. In the former case, personality helps. In the latter case, it wont help at all realistically.Another way to describe this phenomenon, is to call it the drop-dead point. Almost everyone has a minimal attractiveness level they can handle.
Author kaylan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Its funny to me how many women love to say how much women are different than men...but when Ive become close friends with a number of women, or hung out in largely female groups, I see their behavior is similar to men. As soon as they meet a guy they often size up whether theres a possibly theyd sleep with him or not. Most people are like this if they are honest about it. Its not really too conscious of a thought process. Humans are very driven by sex, so its something that goes in and out of your mind really quickly. You meet someone new, acknowledge their level of attractiveness, and depending on their level, they may or may not be above the level that gives them sex potential. Youre not always outright thinking "id sleep with this person" or not. Most of the time its simply "hmm shes cute" or "hmmm shes interesting". And you just kinda already know what the potential is without fixating on it.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Its funny to me how many women love to say how much women are different than men...but when Ive become close friends with a number of women, or hung out in largely female groups, I see their behavior is similar to men. As soon as they meet a guy they often size up whether theres a possibly theyd sleep with him or not. Most people are like this if they are honest about it. Its not really too conscious of a thought process. Humans are very driven by sex, so its something that goes in and out of your mind really quickly. You meet someone new, acknowledge their level of attractiveness, and depending on their level, they may or may not be above the level that gives them sex potential. Youre not always outright thinking "id sleep with this person" or not. Most of the time its simply "hmm shes cute" or "hmmm shes interesting". And you just kinda already know what the potential is without fixating on it. I must be a rare breed. I love how men use that bolded line. Yeah because that group of women you know speaks for the entire female population. 1
Author kaylan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I have found men unattractive. I have let them give me their best shot at picking me up, and some I have dated and found extremely more attractive after showing me how awesome they were. You found them physically unattractive? And why am I not surprised that you arent still with them? You arent really disproving my point. And no, I didnt say that women wouldnt give guys the light of day if they werent attracted to them. I said these relationships almost always invariably fail because of the lack of concrete lasting attraction.
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 This is where I fully disagree with you. Being willing to sleep with someone on first contact is a far cry from not being repulsed. You're projecting male thoughts onto the female mind. 1
Keenly Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I'm sorry but I do not believe you have ever dated an ugly man for his personality, Maybe a mediocre one, but never an ugly one. 1
Bristolius Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 But it is just an old word for approaching, initiating, and showing interest in women. Men used to love chasing women. So much so, they didn't stop even after they married I think we're talking about the same thing. Calling it the chase without describing it can be confusing. It makes me think of Hollywood or Disney Princesses. It's strictly from the woman's point of view. But how about this? A man sees a woman and likes her. He approaches her and talks to her. He makes it clear that he finds her interesting. She shows some signs of not minding his interest. Later, he asks her on a date. She says yes. He makes an effort to please her. They both have fun. She makes sure he knows she had fun. The man tolerates some ambiguity not knowing for sure how she feels. So he asks her out again. She says yes. He is more flirtatious than before. She seems to like it and is also flirtatious. They have fun again. He likes her more than before and he feels appreciated, so he plans another evening. He asks her out again... To me it seems more like a dance. Like you would say, it sounds like fun. Is this what you think of when you think of the chase? 2
Author kaylan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I must be a rare breed. I love how men use that bolded line. Yeah because that group of women you know speaks for the entire female population. I dont see woman here disagreeing with my notions about this, nor voicing disagreement to my recent thread about this. Most women do tend to echo my findings. Lets be real here...actions speak louder than words...and most of what women say here or in real life, hardly match what I ever see those same women do in the dating world. Same for the guys. Again, men and women arent as different as people try to make it seem. Hell, guys can have personality grow their attraction for someone too (its happened with me), but there still needs to be a seed of potential. If someone cant find someone attractive, it aint working, no matter how awesome a personality they have. Thats a realist view. No sunshine "personality matters so much more than looks" fairytale stuff. Everything matters when it comes to dating. 2
Author kaylan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 This is where I fully disagree with you. Being willing to sleep with someone on first contact is a far cry from not being repulsed. You're projecting male thoughts onto the female mind. Oh god...people need to learn to read my posts properly. Did I not say that the mind wont always immediately go to sex? Did I not say the mind will acknowledge that someone is at least cute, decent, or interesting as a person? And no...Im not projecting male thoughts onto the female mind. Not when Ive seen women behave in ways much similar to guys. Not when I find out from mutual chick friends, that a girl hooked up with me because she had me pegged as someone she wanted to hook up with when she first saw me.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I dont see woman here disagreeing with my notions about this, nor voicing disagreement to my recent thread about this. Most women do tend to echo my findings. Lets be real here...actions speak louder than words...and most of what women say here or in real life, hardly match what I ever see those same women do in the dating world. Same for the guys. Again, men and women arent as different as people try to make it seem. Hell, guys can have personality grow their attraction for someone too (its happened with me), but there still needs to be a seed of potential. If someone cant find someone attractive, it aint working, no matter how awesome a personality they have. Thats a realist view. No sunshine "personality matters so much more than looks" fairytale stuff. Everything matters when it comes to dating. I am a woman... and I am disagreeing. As was xxoo. You just are so stuck in your ways that you refuse to acknowledge it. Gosh I wish I could collect pictures of all the men I have ever dated, you all would be shocked.
xxoo Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 But how about this? A man sees a woman and likes her. He approaches her and talks to her. He makes it clear that he finds her interesting. She shows some signs of not minding his interest. Later, he asks her on a date. She says yes. He makes an effort to please her. They both have fun. She makes sure he knows she had fun. The man tolerates some ambiguity not knowing for sure how she feels. So he asks her out again. She says yes. He is more flirtatious than before. She seems to like it and is also flirtatious. They have fun again. He likes her more than before and he feels appreciated, so he plans another evening. He asks her out again... To me it seems more like a dance. Like you would say, it sounds like fun. Is this what you think of when you think of the chase? Yes, it is a dance. Enjoyable for both. And it works best, imo, if the man leads.
PJKino Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Yes, it is a dance. Enjoyable for both. And it works best, imo, if the man leads. Of course you do because you not risking anything like he is..you just sit back as he does all the work id like that too if i were a women
xxoo Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 If you are neutral about someone, yet can admit they are decent looking, it means theres attraction potential and personality can help that. My whole point that is if you find someone not attractive to you, personality cant fix that. Most men are decent looking. So what? Doesn't mean I want to touch them or see them naked. I think you underestimate how men men fit into this "neutral" zone for a woman. Yes, of course there must be potential, but the point is that we aren't judging him sexually at all at that time. He's in neutral, and we are thinking about other things altogether. 1
Author kaylan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Lets get another thing straight. Saying that people unconsciously or consciously ascertain someones sex potential when they first meet them, is not the same as saying they immediately think "I would (nt) bang this person". What Im saying is that within first meeting someone, people usually figure out really quickly if the possibility for a physical connection is there--if theres potential or not. Me thinking to myself "hmm shes cute, I could see myself giving her a shot" is much different from someone thinking "Id so screw him/her"
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