stop the madness Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 OK so I dodn't get much response the other day from my post. Here is the current situation. I am talking to MM today. Yesterday I was freaking out because we broke up. We'll in his words" he wants to be with me, but can't leave his wife for me because of the guilt. He has to leave for another reason. How about she hates his kids by his ex-wife. How about she only cares about her frickin green card, how about the fact that she's bulemic, how about the fact that she works at two bars and expects him to sit there and do nothing while she flirts for tips. I can think of a hundred other reasons. I am dealing with feelings of rejection right now. One day i am ok and i can talk with him. On other days I want to put my foot into his face. I have been hating him for doing this to me-Kicking out his wife, being with me and then going back to her. What the *@# is wrong with this boy? I take medication for panic disorders and I have been a cutter for a long time. I still do counseling and therapy for this. This situation is not healthy for me but I feel worse without him than I do with him. What am I supposed to do?
littleflowerpot Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 right now you might feel worse without him but if you continue the yo-yo relationship you're never going to feel good. there will always be drama and heartache. this is why the guy doesn't leave his wife: he doesn't want to. you can't sit around analyzing forever why because whatever the reason, you can't control it. you HAVE to get over it. i know that's hard. i KNOW because i've been in a similar situation and i too was obsessed in a way with my ex. the truth is if the guy loved you IN THE WAY A MAN SHOULD LOVE A WOMAN he wants to be with, then he would leave the wife and be with you. he hasn't and chances are pretty damn good he's not going to. you are giving him all your power by letting it run your life. you have to start doing other things. the only way that things have FINALLY started easing up for me after years of heartache and fighting this is by truly cutting off contact and finding strength in myself because even though i miss him like crazy, i am finally a little stronger and have pride in that. i also think you are putting way too much blame on his wife in this situation. you only know what he tells you. even if she is not perfect, he spins her bad points to make her sound even worse. your own need to justify your relationship then further helps you to make her out to be the bad guy because it helps you to rationalize staying in such a damaging relationship. you gotta stop thinking about what a bitch you think she is and start focusing on who you are as a person. i, too, was a cutter. and because you've shared that, i know that there are deeper issues here for you other than your relationship with this guy but you're focusing all your energy on him because it helps you to avoid the real things going on inside YOU. you need to stay in therapy and learn to love yourself. good luck, girl.
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 Flower is right too on everything she said...Concentrate on your therapy and put you FIRST. Forget him. He isn't healthy for you at all and you are suffering because of it. Don't deny the feelings, just deal with them, talk about them as much as you can...Then let it go and move on. I bet you will feel so much better in time, the anxiety won't be as bad. Remember though, the anxiety is only as bad you let it get. It's all mind control and thought pattern so take back that control and work on yourself!! Do you do cognitive behaviour therapy for your anxiety disorder? Keep posting and take care. WWIU
9Lives Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 That was great advice. I know what the poor girl is going through. When a man breaks up with you or just stops calling, it leaves you feeling very terrible. I am so glad this board exist. I had to look at the entire relationship and I realized that his decision was because of what he was going thru. Though I should not have been, I was good to him. We did not have any big problems. We got along very well then all of a sudden he just stop calling. I was hurt but I was not crushed. Again, I knew I was good to this man and that he did it for his own personal reasons. Time heals all wounds and I am trying to get past it. I think about him alot and I miss him sooooo much. I wish he did not walk out of my life but he did and I have to deal with it. I hope that I dont see him soon because I dont think I can handle it. I still want to be with him. I still want to have sex with him because it was so good. I have to been sad. He can easily come back right now. I need strength. I need help.
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