Radu Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Nyla, over the last few weeks i have met so many women that are involed with men 15-20yrs older than them it's not even funny. They really don't seem that messed up, and are quite happy in their relationships.
Author Nyla Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 From his stand point, there is zero incentive for him to marry you. You already fill the wife position, and have had his child. If he isn't traditional, I can't see one good reason. He is probably very aware that military marriages have bad odds of lasting for many reasons. He's dead right that there are zero benefits, and only risks. If it fails, he'll be stuck paying alimony and child support for three kids instead of one. Maybe agree to a pre-nup. You must have meant this for someone else. I am already married to my husband and we are childfree. My husband is not in the military.
ltjg45 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Well, to me, how a wife dresses normally gives me an idea of their sex drive. The ones that want to get laid often? Cleavage all over the place! Needless to say, males is all staring, I'm horny as crap as a husband, and I can't wait to get back home to give that woman the love she demands. The ones that doesn't want the attention? She usually isn't sexually active as much. I personally prefer my wife dressing sexy. Gives her the attention from others, prove that she is taken, and I go back home with her to show her the proof as to WHY she is taken by me! With that said, if I had to choose between 2 women, that will most likely decide who I ultimately will commit to.
Author Nyla Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Nyla, over the last few weeks i have met so many women that are involed with men 15-20yrs older than them it's not even funny. They really don't seem that messed up, and are quite happy in their relationships. It is certainly possible to have a happy marriage with an older spouse. I dated men who were more than ten years older than me before I was married. They were all controlling hypocrites who tried to parent me. Never again. One of the things I love about my husband is the way he does not try to use his age to control me.
JamesM Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Do the husbands of LS feel that wives should dress modestly? Why or why not? A Christian woman would feel that her dress be not God-dishonoring. And a wife should dress so that her husband is not dishonored. If a husband if fine with an outfit that attracts the eyes of other men, then so be it. If her husband does not like other men gawking at her, then why should she enjoy wearing such outfits if she knows it offends him? Would she mind if he dressed to attract the attention of other women or quit wearing his wedding ring and appeared single? I rarely tell my wife how to dress. She will ask for an opinion about how something looks, and she will accept it if I tell her that her cleavage is showing abit too much. I don't tell her because it offends me but because I know she probably doesn't realize it. She doesn't like to show too much....her boobs are not small and she is conscious of them. Personally, I don't mind a little cleavage showing as it does make her appear more sexy. Hey, she attracts the eyes of men without showing cleavage! Her opinion: too much is trashy. A little is sexy. BTW, the reverse is true. She rarely tells me how to dress but will let me know is something doesn't look good on me as it reflects on her (or so she tells me). She also knows that I value her opinion more than that of other women. Why wear something if she doesn't like it? Anyhow, a wife should honor her husband and a husband should honor his wife. How each dress should be respectful of the other. And yes, when you put on the ring, it should affect how you dress. 3
Babolat Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I never thought about this topic before my current GF. Mostly because she has larger breasts (probably close to perfect in shape and size) than any previous woman I have been with and is tall and striking. She also has great legs and a gret butt. Her breasts are not freakish, just larger. No matter what she wears, you can tell she has larger breasts. She does like to wear form fitting clothes. I find myself thinking "I wish she would not wear that" though I do not say it. Or if we are going to a formal event and the girls are showing, I love it, I love to look at them though it does bother me to se eother men looking at them too. Again, though I keep y thoughts to myself knowing it's my issue, not hers. On one occassion were were going out, she put a very revealing short dress on and asked me what I thought. I said "Well, if you want men staring at your breasts and butt all night wear it". her reply was "men are going to look regardless...I cannot control that". She said the same of me, that I have a nice body and woman are going to look.
JamesM Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 On one occassion were were going out, she put a very revealing short dress on and asked me what I thought. I said "Well, if you want men staring at your breasts and butt all night wear it". her reply was "men are going to look regardless...I cannot control that". She said the same of me, that I have a nice body and woman are going to look. Actually, we as guys know that a woman CAN control it to a degree. Men don't look "regardless." Or rather, men don't look in the same way or nearly as long. My own wife can wear a form fitting shirt or a looser fitting shirt. The form fitting one will accentuate the breasts and catch eyes more than the looser fitting shirt. And a low cut neck will attract looks quicker than a turtleneck (unless it is form fitting). While we may be responsible for our own eyes, there is no question that certain outfits attract our eyes more than others. We all should to take responsibility where responsibility is in our control. 2
Radu Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) It is certainly possible to have a happy marriage with an older spouse. I dated men who were more than ten years older than me before I was married. They were all controlling hypocrites who tried to parent me. Never again. One of the things I love about my husband is the way he does not try to use his age to control me. I have been thinking about this for a while now ... and you kinda confirm what i have seen. Every time when i saw an older guy happy with a younger girl, one of them bridged the gap. That means that he/she is not behaving like the stereotypical person of their age. Either the man takes good care of himself and has a youthfull outlook on life ... does not want to parent a child but have a wife. Or the girl is one of the ones that is way ahead of her generation in terms of maturity, knows what she wants. PS: JamesM ... just wanted to mention [besides through the likes] that i 100% agree with your posts. Ppl who think these do not matter are either forever-innocent or just plain want the attention. Edited February 4, 2013 by Radu
BetheButterfly Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) Actually, we as guys know that a woman CAN control it to a degree. Men don't look "regardless." Or rather, men don't look in the same way or nearly as long. My own wife can wear a form fitting shirt or a looser fitting shirt. The form fitting one will accentuate the breasts and catch eyes more than the looser fitting shirt. And a low cut neck will attract looks quicker than a turtleneck (unless it is form fitting). While we may be responsible for our own eyes, there is no question that certain outfits attract our eyes more than others. We all should to take responsibility where responsibility is in our control. Yep. When I work with kids, I make double sure to dress modestly (and nicely). Kids observe everything. One little girl once informed me I had lipstick on my teeth lol. I thanked her and went to the bathroom to clean them. It is very important to me, as well as to the parents, to dress modestly around children. They need role models that they can relate to and examples in the adults in their lives. I don't think children need to be exposed to sexually stimulating clothing and that is one reason I personally am for dressing modestly. At home though, it's a different story. (When we have kids, we are going to have to figure out how to balance sexy time between hubby and me with the important responsibility of taking care of our kids and me dressing in a modest way for their benefit.) And again, modestly depends a lot on the culture. My husband's idea of modesty is a lot more liberal than mine, and that's ok. He thinks it's funny that I cover up even at the beach, but he doesn't argue with me about it anymore. My skin and family history being a prime candidate for skin cancer helps my case and also encourages me to cover up! Past experience with sunburns is a great motivator for modesty in my case too! Edited February 4, 2013 by BetheButterfly 1
xxoo Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 So much of what is considered "modest" or "immodest" is cultural. Some women I know consider it immodest to go out with their hair uncovered. More depends on a woman's body shape. I'm small all around, and can wear a tank top without anything "spilling out". Another women will have a difficult time finding anything to wear in hot weather without men staring at her breasts. What is modest? Why should it be up to wives to control other men's eyes and thoughts? Unless you live in a very conservative culture, your idea of modest is probably another person's idea of immodest. 2
JamesM Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (When we have kids, we are going to have to figure out how to balance sexy time between hubby and me with the important responsibility of taking care of our kids and me dressing in a modest way for their benefit.) And again, modestly depends a lot on the culture. My husband's idea of modesty is a lot more liberal than mine, and that's ok. He thinks it's funny that I cover up even at the beach, but he doesn't argue with me about it anymore. My skin and family history being a prime candidate for skin cancer helps my case and also encourages me to cover up! Past experience with sunburns is a great motivator for modesty in my case too! Having kids DOES change everything especially when they get older. My wife used to walk around the house with nothing and very little. She slept with nothing on. Not so anymore. Kind of a bummer! So much of what is considered "modest" or "immodest" is cultural. Some women I know consider it immodest to go out with their hair uncovered. More depends on a woman's body shape. I'm small all around, and can wear a tank top without anything "spilling out". Another women will have a difficult time finding anything to wear in hot weather without men staring at her breasts. What is modest? Why should it be up to wives to control other men's eyes and thoughts? Unless you live in a very conservative culture, your idea of modest is probably another person's idea of immodest. True. Modesty IS culture related and hence how a woman or man dresses will be culturally defined. It isn't up to wives to control other men's eyes. You/they cannot. The question here isn't how to dress so that other men don't view you sexually. The question is should wives dress modestly...and implied IMO is for their husbands. or rather should they dress respectfully for their husbands? NO woman can control a man, nor can a man control a woman. However, I think from a man's POV, a woman can dress to deter or attract a man's sexual leers. We are all responsible for our actions and can expect results and consequences based on what we do. Dress to attract and you will attract. Dress responsibly and you will be treated as such. 1
BetheButterfly Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 NO woman can control a man, nor can a man control a woman. However, I think from a man's POV, a woman can dress to deter or attract a man's sexual leers. We are all responsible for our actions and can expect results and consequences based on what we do. Dress to attract and you will attract. Dress responsibly and you will be treated as such. So true. When I was dating my hubby, I watched him to see how he sees other women, including those who are "immodest". One thing out of many that I admire about my husband is that he sees other women as human beings worthy of respect. I have not yet caught him leering at any women, except for openly and with his eyes desiring only me. That makes me feel so special and loved!!! I REALLY appreciate that, because I have seen other guys who leer at any beautiful woman, no matter what she is wearing. I know I am not the most beautiful woman in the world and I'm ok with that, but I remember once dating a guy that made me so sad because he would always leer at every beautiful lady that passed by. I don't leer at handsome guys, so I appreciate the man I choose to love not leering at beautiful ladies. I really appreciate how my husband, no matter what clothes a woman wears, does not see her as a"piece of meat" but rather a human being deserving of respect, and that he loves and respects me so much that his eyes look at only me with sexual desire. That helps motivate me to be faithful to him. We both motivate each other to be faithful to each other, both in our minds (thoughts) and actions (triggered by thoughts) no matter what another person is wearing or not wearing. Since this thread mentions Christian, one of the verses that is so cool is when Job said the following, accounted in Job 31: Job 31 NIV - ?I made a covenant with my eyes not - Bible Gateway " 31 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman. 2 For what is our lot from God above, our heritage from the Almighty on high?" That can go both ways, and I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at any man other than my husband, no matter what other guys wear or are not wearing!
xxoo Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) Having kids DOES change everything especially when they get older. My wife used to walk around the house with nothing and very little. She slept with nothing on. Not so anymore. Kind of a bummer! I still sleep naked, kids or no kids! True. Modesty IS culture related and hence how a woman or man dresses will be culturally defined. It isn't up to wives to control other men's eyes. You/they cannot. The question here isn't how to dress so that other men don't view you sexually. The question is should wives dress modestly...and implied IMO is for their husbands. or rather should they dress respectfully for their husbands? NO woman can control a man, nor can a man control a woman. However, I think from a man's POV, a woman can dress to deter or attract a man's sexual leers. We are all responsible for our actions and can expect results and consequences based on what we do. Dress to attract and you will attract. Dress responsibly and you will be treated as such. But in a multi-cultural area, who is to say what is modest? Other than a full burka, how can women dress not to attract? For example: high heels with a business suit. Definitely designed to accentuate a woman's physicality, but perfectly normal in our culture. Is this modest or immodest? Edited February 4, 2013 by xxoo
Author Nyla Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 I have been thinking about this for a while now ... and you kinda confirm what i have seen. Every time when i saw an older guy happy with a younger girl, one of them bridged the gap. That means that he/she is not behaving like the stereotypical person of their age. Either the man takes good care of himself and has a youthfull outlook on life ... does not want to parent a child but have a wife. Or the girl is one of the ones that is way ahead of her generation in terms of maturity, knows what she wants. PS: JamesM ... just wanted to mention [besides through the likes] that i 100% agree with your posts. Ppl who think these do not matter are either forever-innocent or just plain want the attention. My husband takes good care of himself; even more so since he has been with me. He has a desire to stay young for his wife. I never went through the club and bar phase when I was younger and most men who were my age during my twenties were into that. It was hard to meet a young man who liked old jazz music and getaways to small towns. I have been through so much in my life that I know young men cannot relate to any of my struggles. I have a nice rack and shapely legs. I only feel comfortable showing these off when I am with my husband in public; men hit on me far less when I am walking with my husband who is 6'2 with a deep voice.
Babolat Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Actually, we as guys know that a woman CAN control it to a degree. Men don't look "regardless." Or rather, men don't look in the same way or nearly as long. My own wife can wear a form fitting shirt or a looser fitting shirt. The form fitting one will accentuate the breasts and catch eyes more than the looser fitting shirt. And a low cut neck will attract looks quicker than a turtleneck (unless it is form fitting). While we may be responsible for our own eyes, there is no question that certain outfits attract our eyes more than others. We all should to take responsibility where responsibility is in our control. I think the message she was trying to give me is if she wants to dress sexy and it makes her feel good, she cannot control if men will look at her. Why should a woman dress differently simply because men may stare at her? We were in the grocery store yesterday..she had 3 layers of winter clothes on including a coat and I noticed 2-3 men checking her out. Its gonna happen. That's like asking me not to wear a certain shirt I feel good in because it shows my arms or my chess better than others. 2
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