Nyla Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 One of my best friends is a devout Christian. While we don't share the same beliefs, we are able to have rational and informative discussions about the way her faith influences her opinion about other matters. The last time I saw my bestie, we were watching a tv show where a married woman was dressed very provocatively. My friend thought that the representation of the wife was disgusting because "wives should only dress that way at home for their men". The wife on the sitcom was wearing a miniskirt with heels and a tank top with spaghetti straps. My husband will give his opinion on what I am wearing if I ask, but neither of us believe that he should have the power to tell me to cover up. I try not to dress in a way that will attract too much attention from other men only because it makes me uncomfortable. Do the husbands of LS feel that wives should dress modestly? Why or why not?
Clockwork Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I don't mind my wife dressing sexy when we go out. I don't want to see her in lingerie or anything - that's for my eyes - and as long as her boobs aren't popping out of her shirt I don't mind if she is wearing clothes that highlight her curves 2
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 My husband wouldn't ever tell me what to wear unless I asked his honest opinion (no, it's not a trap ). The reverse also holds true, although he does frequently ask my opinion. But then, where do women draw the line in tasteful and venue appropriate clothing? Also, are they wearing clothing that suits them where you see women who dress in clothing that while sexy on another, looks frightful on them. One indication is if they're literally bursting out of their clothing or have heavy and deep crease lines across the crotch.
eleanorrigby Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 My husband can't stand if I show too much cleavage or wear something tight out in public. He doesn't tell me that I can't wear certain clothes but his discomfort out in public is so palpable and annoying it ends up not being worth it to me. It was more annoying in my 20's and 30's when I really wanted to show off.
xxoo Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Some couples may be more comfortable with modest dress, but no, I don't believe wives "should" dress differently than unmarried women. Getting older has changed what I am comfortable wearing in public, but getting married did not. 5
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 We haven't had the kind of weather, in the UK, for 2 years, that has enabled that kind of clothing on women... well, maybe for a fortnight or so - but honestly? All my pretty summer gear is in mothballs and gathering dust.....
MidwestUSA Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 We haven't had the kind of weather, in the UK, for 2 years, that has enabled that kind of clothing on women... well, maybe for a fortnight or so - but honestly? All my pretty summer gear is in mothballs and gathering dust..... I'll send you my addy. Ship 'em out!
BetheButterfly Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 One of my best friends is a devout Christian. While we don't share the same beliefs, we are able to have rational and informative discussions about the way her faith influences her opinion about other matters. The last time I saw my bestie, we were watching a tv show where a married woman was dressed very provocatively. My friend thought that the representation of the wife was disgusting because "wives should only dress that way at home for their men". The wife on the sitcom was wearing a miniskirt with heels and a tank top with spaghetti straps. My husband will give his opinion on what I am wearing if I ask, but neither of us believe that he should have the power to tell me to cover up. I try not to dress in a way that will attract too much attention from other men only because it makes me uncomfortable. Do the husbands of LS feel that wives should dress modestly? Why or why not? My husband jokes with me that I'm Amish (I'm not Amish really) but he grew up in Ecuador, where it is perfectly natural for the women to wear hardly anything at the beach... to wear those string bikinis, you know? He grew up in a Christian family who had no issue with that. The Christian girls in Ecuador do tend to dress in pretty dresses or slacks for church. If you watch the movie Soul Surfer (one of my favorite movies that talks about the true life story of an amazing lady), in Hawaii it's normal for girls to wear bikinis. It's not considered immodest at all. However, I was not raised in Hawaii or Ecuador. My idea of modesty is different and I'm uncomfortable not wearing a overdress over my bikini lol! So, it really depends on the person and how they grow up. My husband's idea of immodesty is nude lol. My idea is showing cleavage or my tummy or my thighs... I'm more conservative/modest than my hubby but then again, I'm not from a tropical climate like he is.
sweetjasmine Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Some couples may be more comfortable with modest dress, but no, I don't believe wives "should" dress differently than unmarried women. Getting older has changed what I am comfortable wearing in public, but getting married did not. Agreed. If some women want to dress differently after they're married, no problem. But I don't think they must. I think the only questions are whether it's age and context appropriate (eg, no wearing a plunging V-neck tiny tight black cocktail dress and 6" heels to a PTA meeting ). In our case, H doesn't ever tell me what to wear. He's not comfortable judging what's appropriate and doesn't have a problem with me dressing sexy when we go out. Neither of us is religious, if that matters. 3
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Why has nobody mentioned that if a man can't control himself with regard to how a lady is dressed - then it's not her problem, but his? A woman may be at liberty to dress how she pleases - but men shouldn't make assumptions and get leery, simply because a lady chooses to wear a skimpy top and shorts..... 6
Ladybugz Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I think its good for any woman to dress nice without showing their goodies for every men to see. Men take you some how serious aslso based n the way you dress. And i think people dress the way they think about themselves and want people to see or approach them . not always but a lot of times. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Sure.... everyone should dress appropriately according to the situation.... evening gown/suits for the opera, bikinis/swim-shorts for the beach/pool, pyjamas for bed - not for shopping - !! but within reason, I think a lady should feel confident enough to wear what she likes without the fear of being subjected to rude or offensive remarks from men who merely perceive them as phukkable. 2
KathyM Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 One of the most popular marriage therapists I know of (Mort Fertel) recommends that married women not dress overly provocative in public so that they don't attract sexual attention from other men. He recommends saving that sexual attire for private times with your husband, rather than enticing other men to look at you. I would agree with that perspective. I don't dress conservatively by any means, and I am a Christian, but I also don't go out looking like I am trying to attract every male that comes my way. 2
MissBee Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I can't imagine that after I say "I do" my wardrobe will change to match my new status as a wife. I assume however I dressed before married, my H would like it and I had been dressing that way ever since and he chose to marry me knowing that, so I wouldn't all of a sudden change attire to show that I am a wife. I will say though, if you're married to a man...say like...the president of the United States, and you are the First Lady or you have a husband in some type of leadership role where a supporting wife has to also show face, then I think if you're not naturally more modest, you probably will have to change your attire as that will fit better with that image.
Thegameoflife Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 From a Christian standpoint, dressing sexy is a form of vanity. Women dress sexy for themselves, which is a form of pride. Being sexy, creates lust in men, and lust is also a sin. When women do this, they're boosting their ego and pride, and all pride and glory is supposed to be given for God. The fact that it also inspires lust in men, and some women, also doesn't please the Christian version of God either. Your supposed to sacrifice your pride for a place at God's side in the afterlife. Also, the Catholic church, the first form of organized Christianity, supports and oligarchy system, where the foundation of family is based around the principles of church and God. The husband is like the God of your home, and church is the wife. While your husband provides the essentials for life for his family, the church or wife is there to uphold the commands of God. So essentially, the man is responsible for deciding the appropriatness of his wife's attire, and behavior. This should be decided by him based on Christianity, and what God commands. So basically by following your husbands leadership, and your husband carrying out Gods commands, you give your praise to God. If you're a Christian, the OP's friend is dead on with always dressing modestly, and obeying you're husbands enforcment of God's commands for his people. It is fundementally important in Christianity. That being said, modern culture goes against Christianity at almost every turn, and it's socially acceptable to dress less modest, and showing off your assets ;-). In my opinion, dressing appropriately is a sign of class, and the message you're sending to others, should be kept in mind. 3
frozensprouts Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 know my mother in law thinks i dress to provocatively. for my birthday, she gave me a set of something called a "cami secret" ( you put them in the neckline of your shirt/dress so it doesn't look to low cut... ( my shirts aren't low cut at all...she'd probably want me to wear one of those things with a turtle neck:p) my mom used to be the same way until she had breast cancer. it's now ten years later, and she now figures that if you've got them, flaunt them:laugh: 1
Author Nyla Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 I knew a woman who loved to dress very skanky. She told me that I dressed "too old" and I needed a makeover. I told this woman that I didn't want men leering at me or people not taking me seriously because I was showing everything. I am more conservative that most young women. I think my husband likes that about me; he feels that women with tats, body piercings and skimpy clothes are trash. While I don't care what other people do with their bodies, I am well aware that we are all judged by our appearance. This is why you don't see employees with visible tattoos or halter tops working in government offices or in the medical field...it just looks unprofessional. 2
Els Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 IMO the 'wives should dress modestly' bit hails from a rather outdated culture where a woman was considered 'off the shelf' when and only when she got a husband. This change in social status was reflected in many ways, not the least the woman's dress. It was a rite of passage, somewhat similar to girls wearing ankle-length dresses instead of frocks once they reached a certain age, in the 19th century. Can't say it's bad or wrong, but it does seem a little quaint. Personally I feel that respect should go both ways in any relationship - this includes the woman taking into consideration the man's feelings if he feels uncomfortable about the way she's dressed, and the man respecting the woman's right to decide for herself ultimately. Overtly sexy isn't really my style, but on the very few occasions the bf has mentioned anything (I can only think of two in several years), I offered to change on my own accord. This is partly helped by the fact that I know he does not expect to be able to control my style of dress solely due to the fact that he's in a R with me. I don't expect marriage to change that. P.S.: You would be surprised how some medical professionals dress when they're not working. 1
Radu Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) One of my best friends is a devout Christian. While we don't share the same beliefs, we are able to have rational and informative discussions about the way her faith influences her opinion about other matters. The last time I saw my bestie, we were watching a tv show where a married woman was dressed very provocatively. My friend thought that the representation of the wife was disgusting because "wives should only dress that way at home for their men". The wife on the sitcom was wearing a miniskirt with heels and a tank top with spaghetti straps. My husband will give his opinion on what I am wearing if I ask, but neither of us believe that he should have the power to tell me to cover up. I try not to dress in a way that will attract too much attention from other men only because it makes me uncomfortable. Do the husbands of LS feel that wives should dress modestly? Why or why not? To some degree i agree with her. However it is all relevant to the society you live in. That being said, a married woman is a taken woman. Just like a married man is a taken man. While the man should not dictate what she is wearing [there are exceptions in BDSM culture], she should have the common sense not to wear something that screams 'i'm single, come get it boys !'. So in this context i think a better way of saying it is 'a married woman should not dress heavily outside of the social norms, regardless of her husband's feelings'. PS: I'm not married, and i would love to hear from the married women here as well. Edited February 3, 2013 by Radu
Author Nyla Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 IMO the 'wives should dress modestly' bit hails from a rather outdated culture where a woman was considered 'off the shelf' when and only when she got a husband. This change in social status was reflected in many ways, not the least the woman's dress. It was a rite of passage, somewhat similar to girls wearing ankle-length dresses instead of frocks once they reached a certain age, in the 19th century. Can't say it's bad or wrong, but it does seem a little quaint. Personally I feel that respect should go both ways in any relationship - this includes the woman taking into consideration the man's feelings if he feels uncomfortable about the way she's dressed, and the man respecting the woman's right to decide for herself ultimately. Overtly sexy isn't really my style, but on the very few occasions the bf has mentioned anything (I can only think of two in several years), I offered to change on my own accord. This is partly helped by the fact that I know he does not expect to be able to control my style of dress solely due to the fact that he's in a R with me. I don't expect marriage to change that. P.S.: You would be surprised how some medical professionals dress when they're not working. I was clearly talking about medical professionals attire while they were at work. My husband gives his opinion and I will respect it so as to not make him uncomfortable. his is my choice. He is insecure and a little irrational about our age difference. At the same time, if my husband is wearing something which does not suit him, I will express my opinion and he will often listen to it. Goes both ways.
Author Nyla Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 The age difference is eight years, Radu. I wouldn't have gone past ten years. I have always preferred older men as I found men my own age to be immature. Older men have been far more understanding about some of the issues I have. Some men never grow up though and age does not always equal maturity. There is also a tendency for older men to be controlling and I'm glad my husband isn't like that. My husband's fear is that someone younger will take me away from him. He knows that I have never cheated on him and I don't believe in infidelity. Hubby is just a little jealous and insecure. I don't mind as he has so many other traits that make up for it and the jealousy is not at psychotic levels.
Author Nyla Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) and we wonder why our society has such an obsession cougars, cheating wives, milfs, and whatever other name hollywood can come up with. Not sure what you mean by this... I meant "This is my choice" in an earlier post, not "his" is my choice. LOL Edited February 4, 2013 by Nyla
Thegameoflife Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 From his stand point, there is zero incentive for him to marry you. You already fill the wife position, and have had his child. If he isn't traditional, I can't see one good reason. He is probably very aware that military marriages have bad odds of lasting for many reasons. He's dead right that there are zero benefits, and only risks. If it fails, he'll be stuck paying alimony and child support for three kids instead of one. Maybe agree to a pre-nup.
carhill Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Do the husbands of LS feel that wives should dress modestly? Why or why not? During our M, my boundary was that my exW *act* with modesty and respect (for herself and our M) when out in public. Her attire was entirely her choice. IMO, one can dress attractively and even sexily and still adhere to respectful and modest *behaviors*. Women do it every day. Men do too. 2
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