jaclynxox89 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 we have been friends for awhile, he's a family friend & we also work together. we flirt a lot & we recently went out for the first time alone. we had good conversation, but as i attempted to offer to pay again, i brought up my ex saying he wasn't brought up this way as i always ended up paying for everything. so he wanted to know what kinda dude he was... and then he brought up his ex saying his relationship was 4 years as well. and then saying that he wants to be with someone, but when he goes back to his country next year, he wants to go alone. because it has been too long.. so he wants to be alone because of that, but he does miss being in a relationship. he's so respectful & i am falling for him.. i honestly wouldn't mind where things led between us if we had to do a LDR thing in the next year, assuming things worked out.. but i just want that chance. i feel that he is interested, he always calls me 'goregous' or 'lovely' but i don't know how to go about telling him, or showing him, or leading him on to make a move..... assuming that he is interested! haha. we may be going out again next week for our days off and i want something to happen... rather than just... "okay, goodnight. thanks for going out with me tonight" uggghh.. haha. any... ideas or help?!
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 we have been friends for awhile, he's a family friend & we also work together. we flirt a lot & we recently went out for the first time alone. we had good conversation, but as i attempted to offer to pay again, i brought up my ex saying he wasn't brought up this way as i always ended up paying for everything. so he wanted to know what kinda dude he was... and then he brought up his ex saying his relationship was 4 years as well. and then saying that he wants to be with someone, but when he goes back to his country next year, he wants to go alone. because it has been too long.. so he wants to be alone because of that, but he does miss being in a relationship. he's so respectful & i am falling for him.. i honestly wouldn't mind where things led between us if we had to do a LDR thing in the next year, assuming things worked out.. but i just want that chance. i feel that he is interested, he always calls me 'goregous' or 'lovely' but i don't know how to go about telling him, or showing him, or leading him on to make a move..... assuming that he is interested! haha. we may be going out again next week for our days off and i want something to happen... rather than just... "okay, goodnight. thanks for going out with me tonight" uggghh.. haha. any... ideas or help?! You can always just put out. He already made it clear he doesn't want a relationship though. ATTENTION ALL WOMEN! You can't change a man. Don't assume that he says one thing but means another, or that you can be the miracle that gives him a change of heart. If you go for it, realize that it probably won't work.
rushingwaters Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I think he wants a relationship but he's scared. Some ideas... During the "date": try to create moments (10 seconds is enough) where neither of you are speaking, yet paying attention to one other. Then look him in the eyes and give him a sweet smile. Sometimes you don't need words to communicate. At the end of the "date": at least hug him if he won't initiate physical contact. Let your hug linger. Depending on how the date went or what the mood is like, you could even kiss him on the cheek. If it gets awkward, then he's probably not interested in a relationship. good luck
Author jaclynxox89 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I think he wants a relationship but he's scared. Some ideas... During the "date": try to create moments (10 seconds is enough) where neither of you are speaking, yet paying attention to one other. Then look him in the eyes and give him a sweet smile. Sometimes you don't need words to communicate. At the end of the "date": at least hug him if he won't initiate physical contact. Let your hug linger. Depending on how the date went or what the mood is like, you could even kiss him on the cheek. If it gets awkward, then he's probably not interested in a relationship. good luck i am thinking that he is scared too... i just don't know what to do because i am the shy one! ...in my previous relationship, which was my only other relationship in my whole life that lasted 4 years, it only began because this guy just randomly started kissing me, so i went with the floooow and things just progessed from there. I kinda wish that things would just go that way with this dude. haha. things would be soo much easier for me!
rushingwaters Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 i am thinking that he is scared too... i just don't know what to do because i am the shy one! ...in my previous relationship, which was my only other relationship in my whole life that lasted 4 years, it only began because this guy just randomly started kissing me, so i went with the floooow and things just progessed from there. I kinda wish that things would just go that way with this dude. haha. things would be soo much easier for me! Be confident. You can do little things like: -Lightly touch his arm when you talk. You might feel like it's a huge step forward but trust me, it won't look like a big deal from his side. -Smile at him more. -Maintain eye contact longer than normal. -Hug him and see if you can have a short little conversation while you two are hugging. You can ask him what he'll be doing once he's back in his country and try to incorporate yourself into his future plans.
Samilia Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I find that rather than trying to read through the lines, it's better to listen to what the guy has to say, in this case: "I miss being in a relationship but I want to go back to my country alone", not "I want to be in a relationship with you". To me it reads "lets hang out without a long term commitment". My friend always call me "beautiful" as a nickname, doesn't mean anything.
Author jaclynxox89 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I find that rather than trying to read through the lines, it's better to listen to what the guy has to say, in this case: "I miss being in a relationship but I want to go back to my country alone", not "I want to be in a relationship with you". To me it reads "lets hang out without a long term commitment". My friend always call me "beautiful" as a nickname, doesn't mean anything. that really has opened my eyes a bit to things, but at the same time... right after i was done reading this, i remembered a time where he goes, "i bother you because i like you" when i asked why he likes to "bother" me =) just as a conversation starter i guess.. he is a total prankster..
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Alright. To repeat what two other posters have now told you, when a man says he doesn't want a relationship, please believe him! He's not frightened and in need of your helpful reassurance. It doesn't require microdissection of other random, off-the-cuff comments. He just doesn't want a relationship...not with you anyway. If you proceed down that thorny path of misplaced optimism, denial, and changing him, you do so at your own peril. Also, since you've asked for advice about improving the tone of your interactions, I would not volunteer certain topics. Total buzzkill to haul out baggage and complaints about your ex. He doesn't belong in the conversation, especially one in which you're telling the new guy how to behave! (Buzzkill#2) To make matters even worse, it's a gripe about who pays and your ex stiffing you! (Buzzkill#3) Please check out the LS consolidated thread on that little landmine and the heated opinions on all sides beneath the thin veneer of civility on a date. Just don't bring it up. Your ex no longer matters. If he does, you aren't over him, and shouldn't be out dating someone new. This is going to be your second relationship. Please listen to some of the advice you are getting, rather than discovering life's dating lessons the hard way.
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