mesmerized Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 The problem is you live in Canada my dear. Men with a pair of balls are a rarity here.
harnold Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Notice how she was initially sitting back, maintaining distance from Hitch, then started to lean forward, focused on him. Also, the look in her eyes went from skeptical but mildly entertained, to intrigued and focused, as he built his perception of her and the situation. There was also a flirt nuance in everything she said and in all her actions. So...watch her eyes. As this pertains to Sarabina, how do you express interest to men through facial expressions and body language? When you're chatting with them, do you flirt? Bear in mind that flirting isn't necessarily what you say but more, how you say it. Delivery counts. Hitch's approach was good. He handed out compliments and backhanded compliments without hacking her down, while providing a different perspective that was non-confrontational. Good banter because he displayed major signs of interest through his intent focus on her, while still being able to retain his identity and composure. He also provided insights that might or might not have been true but displayed his observational skills, his interest in her as an individual. Based on that scene alone, Hitch displayed intelligence through his ability to think on his feet. He helped her get Dufus (so dumb, so lacking in social finesse, more interested in forcing his reality and conversational focus, onto her) off her back which made her feel politely obligated to engage with him. This is called a foot in the door because he got her attention in a positive manner. That he didn't remind her of obligation, instead absolved her by connecting down a different path, was another positive. And at the end, he bought her a drink with no obligation attached, hence increased comfort level. Notice how your response to me was loaded with major negativity, fraught with drama potential for given offense? Had you couched it in terms of asking me why I found the scene to be interesting, it would have been more conducive to extending conversation by building a greater comfort/safety level through openness to hearing another perspective. The only reason I'm responding is to illustrate both how Hitch triggered her attraction and also how building rapport doesn't include major negativity. The only reason that **** worked was cause he feigned disinterest in her. Admit it or not, females want what they can't have (and actually, so do guys... hence why we all like "the chase"). Especially an attractive female who is frequently approached and so has been exposed to alot of male attention. She's not interested in the generic ****, she wants a guy that sets himself apart from the others in some respect. So if that guy flirts with her, manages to show some originality, pushes the right buttons, and then walks away like he's disinterested, it plays to her insecurities and begs the question "Wow, I wonder why the hell he's not attracted to me? I mean, all the other guys are... what makes him so special?" It creates attracts attraction and builds value for himself. There's no miracle in that. I may not have expressed that as eloquently as the movie script does, but its truth, and has worked since the beginning of time. Like the guy above me said, cheese city. Not real life. Truth.
insertnamehere Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Without a pic, there is zero way to give an honest answer. If you're not willing to post a pic, it's not even worth bothering to ask.
tbf Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 The only reason that **** worked was cause he feigned disinterest in her. Admit it or not, females want what they can't have (and actually, so do guys... hence why we all like "the chase"). Especially an attractive female who is frequently approached and so has been exposed to alot of male attention. She's not interested in the generic ****, she wants a guy that sets himself apart from the others in some respect. So if that guy flirts with her, manages to show some originality, pushes the right buttons, and then walks away like he's disinterested, it plays to her insecurities and begs the question "Wow, I wonder why the hell he's not attracted to me? I mean, all the other guys are... what makes him so special?" It creates attracts attraction and builds value for himself. There's no miracle in that. I may not have expressed that as eloquently as the movie script does, but its truth, and has worked since the beginning of time. Like the guy above me said, cheese city. Not real life. Truth.No, you've missed the subtlety of the interaction. He was very clear about his interest in her, using compliments and backhanded compliments. But instead of hoisting the responsibility for his attraction onto her by acting like an over eager puppy dog, attempting to sell himself to her, he retained his independence, his sense of self. Also, Hitch and Chip were attempting to use a similar pick up methodology. Hitch pulled it off because he sheathed any aggression where Chip tried way, way too hard to dominate, where he wasn't very bright and then, because he wasn't happy about her rejection, attempted to give her negative feedback in an attempt to undermine her self-confidence (negging and nexting).
Author Sarabina Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Wow! There are some very rude responses. Why is that when a girl complains about dating/relationships people are quick to be rude; yet when a guy complains he is shown much more understanding. Anyway, I am not a tomboy (as I said in the post I dress and act in a feminine manner) I wish people would stop asking for my picture (I am not disfigured or fat - that's all you need to know) The scene from Hitch is massively cliched and if a guy said that to me, red flags would immediately go up. Are there any guys on here who are content to be friendly with a girl but ignore her otherwise. What about her makes you ignore her - what would make you more interested in her?
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Wow! There are some very rude responses. Why is that when a girl complains about dating/relationships people are quick to be rude; yet when a guy complains he is shown much more understanding. Anyway, I am not a tomboy (as I said in the post I dress and act in a feminine manner) I wish people would stop asking for my picture (I am not disfigured or fat - that's all you need to know) The scene from Hitch is massively cliched and if a guy said that to me, red flags would immediately go up. Are there any guys on here who are content to be friendly with a girl but ignore her otherwise. What about her makes you ignore her - what would make you more interested in her? You're looking for an answer that doesn't exist. The type of women that turn me off are self confident, arrogant, hi main, princesses. Sex and the city types. Glam types. No interest. But PLENTY of other men love those same women, especially if they are physically attractive. See what I'm getting at. You're saying you've never been hit on by a man, rejected a man, had a friend fall for you, ever?
outsidethebox Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 There is a lot of rudeness to you, OP, and seems a double standard to me since there are tons of similar question/complaint threads from guys. I don't understand it. You've said you look and dress feminine, and that covers about the only thing I know of that doesn't attract guys, that being masculine looking. Other than that there's no information to hazard a guess why. No info on what kind of guys you're talking to in what situations, and most guys find it hard to believe that a feminine girl is not hit on whenever possible. People have provided the answer. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. If you are not approachable or have some filters in place that are pushing guys away then they will not be interested. That's about all anyone can say with no info. 1
mortensorchid Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I've been suffering from the same. I have been told that I can come off as cold and unfeeling, hard to read, etc. when I am talking to others. First impressions of me tend to be that of unfriendly, but once an initial "ice" is broken I am not like that. That being said, that's one handicap that I know I have that others will always comment on. As for other things, I have simply determined over the years that it doesn't matter if you are a supermodel or a troll, most men don't want you. They want someone who is lesser than they are. And that doesn't mean how much money you make or how much career success you may have, it's a total package. They want someone who is less attractive physically, has less personality, is not as smart as they are, doesn't take chances, and doesn't achieve. In short, they want someone who will take care of them. If they don't get that vibe off of you, they move onto someone else. Bitter? Well, it's been proven more than once to me. And I'm done with them all.
ltjg45 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Unfortunately, I have to agree with everyone else. It is hard to believe that you could be this attractive and not be hit on even by the players. That is almost impossible these days. Every attractive female I seen either got a man (and I'm using that term VERY loosely since I have no desire talking to them with their pants falling off their tails) or I can clearly see the ring on their fingers stating they are taken. You may call yourself attractive but I'm sure there is something that is scaring them away. Either that or it's your attitude/personality. Most women never tell the truth on that part.
outsidethebox Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 @morten: wow, then how do you explain men flocking around pretty women?
kaylan Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 The problem is you live in Canada my dear. Men with a pair of balls are a rarity here. If you Canadian lasses fancy a dude with balls, I recommend moving to NY =P
somedude81 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Couple of questions. What does brown skin mean? What is your ethnicity? Is it the same as the men you are interested in? On the 1-10 scale, 5 being average, where would you rate yourself? Would you consider yourself to be outgoing or more passive?
Bristolius Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I'm stuck in a conundrum. I communicate with and hold conversations with men frequently. guys are generally nice and friendly towards me, but that's it! in my 21 years no guy has shown romantic interest towards me. I dress in a pretty and feminine way and I've been told I'm attractive. why do guys just want to remain friends with me - will I die a virgin cat lady! HELP!!! P.S. I know some of you will say that I choose to ignore unattractive guys and some of them may have been interested. trust me when I say that not one guy, no matter what he looks like has shown any interest ( I've asked them, I'm not just making **** up) You say that you're serious. Could you be too serious? What do you do for fun with your women friends?
MyPoutine Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It's possible you are too friendly and easy to talk to and are seen as "one of the boys." Also learn to flirt, twirl hair, smile, light touches but do it only to the guy you are attracted to. Desperation stinks and shows, so make sure you are not giving off those types of signals. Change scenery, join a club with new people, volunteer, do something that takes you out of your current circle and brings in new people. Good luck, you will find someone 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Men see 'serious' as cold, stand-offish and prudish. Women who are sociable, outgoing, slightly flirtatious and have a good sense of humour - that is, they laugh readily, but not stupidly - are more apt to have success when 'dating'. if a man has to make an effort to crack so much as a hint of a smile, then it's already too much like hard work. Why are you 'serious'? Are you shy? Do you 'look down' on people who are more flighty as being maybe, not your type and to be avoided? This is an unhelpful attitude: I've been told I'm a bit serious but that's just how I am I can't/won't change that about me And may be your problem. if you initially appear serious, you seem unapproachable and you already erect a barrier. When people describe you as 'a bit serious' then listen to them. Because they're probably trying to be tactful and little reserved in their appraisal. For 'a bit serious' read - "you are quite stiff and it comes off as lacking any sense of humour.' Highfalutin." And if you adopt the seemingly inflexible attitude that you 'cant/won't' change that about you - then be prepared for a lot more of the same. Edited February 3, 2013 by TaraMaiden
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Hi OP, You mention that you are too serious. I know a few girls that are well into their 20s and never had bfs. They are pretty girls, but very shy and serious. I think men just don't feel comfortable if you give off a too reserved or anxious vibe. Try practicing playful and silly banter with guys you wouldn't be romantically into, to make yourself more comfortable. Also, try smiling more. P.S. looks like Tara beat me to it
Author Sarabina Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) See what I'm getting at. You're saying you've never been hit on by a man, rejected a man, had a friend fall for you, ever? Yesterday 9:28 PM I have had random men wolf-whistle and cat-call me. They are usually "thugs" or homeless men. I have never had anyone like me (have a crush on me, ask me out, etc..) I've been suffering from the same. I have been told that I can come off as cold and unfeeling, hard to read, etc. when I am talking to others. First impressions of me tend to be that of unfriendly, but once an initial "ice" is broken I am not like that. That being said, that's one handicap that I know I have that others will always comment on. As for other things, I have simply determined over the years that it doesn't matter if you are a supermodel or a troll, most men don't want you. They want someone who is lesser than they are. And that doesn't mean how much money you make or how much career success you may have, it's a total package. They want someone who is less attractive physically, has less personality, is not as smart as they are, doesn't take chances, and doesn't achieve. In short, they want someone who will take care of them. If they don't get that vibe off of you, they move onto someone else. Bitter? Well, it's been proven more than once to me. And I'm done with them all. This! Unfortunately, I have to agree with everyone else. It is hard to believe that you could be this attractive and not be hit on even by the players. That is almost impossible these days. Every attractive female I seen either got a man (and I'm using that term VERY loosely since I have no desire talking to them with their pants falling off their tails) or I can clearly see the ring on their fingers stating they are taken. You may call yourself attractive but I'm sure there is something that is scaring them away. Either that or it's your attitude/personality. Most women never tell the truth on that part. I have been hit on by players, but that's not what I am looking for. Couple of questions. What does brown skin mean? What is your ethnicity? Is it the same as the men you are interested in? On the 1-10 scale, 5 being average, where would you rate yourself? Would you consider yourself to be outgoing or more passive? I am Indian,and I am interested in men of all colors and backgrounds. I would rate myself 7 or 8 and I am more introverted and nerdy than bubbly and outgoing. PS. thank you Eternal Sunshine, I think you might have captured my problem. Tara - I have had people say to me that I seem aloof (until they talk to me and see how friendly I am). I am trying to control my natural facial expressions and try to look more approachable (I have a perma-bitch face) Edited February 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Now see, that's funny! Thank you for your reply. I wish you well. I don't think, in time, this will prove to be as much of a problem, if indeed you can call it that.... ('you' generic, not 'you' specific.....) It's going to sound stupid, but perhaps you could practice in a mirror. Do you actually like to look at yourself? Some people honestly don't, so I'm not being insulting, or probing..... people always look so much nicer when they smile, their whole face just transforms.... I try to smile as often as i can, even if i don't have anything to smile about at all. It's amazing how much people are drawn to you, because they'd love to know what you're smiling about..... But don't go grinning like a darn idiot......
KathyM Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It could be that guys are scared away who might otherwise approach you if you show no interest when they are in your vicinity. Try to make eye contact with guys you are interested in. Chances are, they will take that as interest and come to talk to you if they perceive you as attractive.
Author Sarabina Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Now see, that's funny! Thank you for your reply. I wish you well. I don't think, in time, this will prove to be as much of a problem, if indeed you can call it that.... ('you' generic, not 'you' specific.....) It's going to sound stupid, but perhaps you could practice in a mirror. Do you actually like to look at yourself? Some people honestly don't, so I'm not being insulting, or probing..... people always look so much nicer when they smile, their whole face just transforms.... I try to smile as often as i can, even if i don't have anything to smile about at all. It's amazing how much people are drawn to you, because they'd love to know what you're smiling about..... But don't go grinning like a darn idiot...... I'll practice smiling more (but if I get shipped off to a mental asylum - I'll blame it on you)
Bristolius Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 You're only too serious if you look more serious than you feel. Maybe you're OK. Not everyone has fun the same way. That's why I asked what you do for fun. There are serious men.
somedude81 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I am Indian,and I am interested in men of all colors and backgrounds. I would rate myself 7 or 8 and I am more introverted and nerdy than bubbly and outgoing. Tara - I have had people say to me that I seem aloof (until they talk to me and see how friendly I am). I am trying to control my natural facial expressions and try to look more approachable (I have a perma-bitch face) Ah, now it's starting to make some sense. A lot of men already have preconceived notions of Indian girls. Being introverted and nerdy doesn't make that any easier on you. You are really going to have to be more friendly and outgoing if you want guys to take interest in you. And having a permanent bitch face does not help. You need to smile and let guys know you are approachable.
Author Sarabina Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 You're only too serious if you look more serious than you feel. Maybe you're OK. Not everyone has fun the same way. That's why I asked what you do for fun. There are serious men. I enjoy all sorts of different activities as long they have nothing to do with sports:sick: Ah, now it's starting to make some sense. A lot of men already have preconceived notions of Indian girls. Being introverted and nerdy doesn't make that any easier on you. You are really going to have to be more friendly and outgoing if you want guys to take interest in you. And having a permanent bitch face does not help. You need to smile and let guys know you are approachable. What sort of "preconceived notions of Indian girls" do men have? Are Indian girls undesirable?
wonderw4ll Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I had the same feeling for a while. Some guys are just shy or intimidated. If you started out as friends it's going to be hard for him to show any interest he might feel you just want to be friends. I've used coycrush.com a few times to see if that was the case. You may also try flirting a bit more or making more body contact.
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