How do you approach women? / Are signs of interest important?

February 2, 2013

I wanted to edit my post above, but I was too late.

I didn't mean to call the honduran chick crazy. I consider her a friend and this was nearly 15 years ago when we were both in a "bad" place at the time. She WAS crazy back then (the bathroom scene was nothing) but she's changed since then...and so have I.

February 2, 2013

But I'll reiterate...I think a BIG deal is just being "comfortable" around women...something I've never had a problem with.

I think if you're uncomfortable and combined with feeling attraction, you just come off as awkward or "creepy". I've seen it firsthand. One of my good friends is like that. He's always "semi" hitting on a mutual friend of ours (my best female friend) who is very attractive. But, we've been friends for YEARS, and she has a boyfriend. But he'll still make sexual innuendo jokes to her that are pretty suggestive...or he'll rub her shoulders and sit real close to her. And you can see how she stiffens up when that happens.

Just be COOL.

I'm not a big flirt...I'm not touchy feely...I don't say all the "cool" things. I'm friendly, have a sarcastic humor, and women ALWAYS have said how "comfortable" they are around me.

Most of my best friends throughout my life have been female.

February 2, 2013

Of course

Posture is important for working out so I've studied that as well. It's mostly common sense stuff you're talking about and it doesn't really make any difference

If you think it's common sense you either haven't studied it, don't do it, or are naturally good at it and bonk in other ways.

Judging by the fact that you called it common sense, I'm assuming you haven't done a careful study of body language.

February 2, 2013

If you want to MEET women, then MEET them through other people. Expand your social circle and expand your hobbies / join groups / community groups.

Makes sense, but what do you mean by meeting them "through other people".

I have only had 1 friend try to introduce me to a girl before in my life, unfortunately she was interested alot more in him than me. For me friends aren't going to introduce you to single females who could be interested in you.

February 2, 2013

I still remember in Jr High (I went to Buena Park Jr High, btw) I had a class with a kid that, if you didn't know who he was, you would have thought he was a straight up geek. Dirty blonde hair, in kind of a "bowl" cut but long in the back. Had an overbite and a big nose.

I still remember (even though it's been forever) my first impression of him. Total dweeb. But then he would open his mouth to speak and it's like everything changed. He was very confident, almost cocky...pretty loud and was kind of the "class clown" but in a cool way. Everyone liked him, and he had a gf that we all thought was too hot for him. And he adored him.

Vibe. It exists.

February 2, 2013

Some of the advice you give here is decent, I just can't take you seriously when you sit there and claim that random girls hit on you and make out with you in public places. It's absurd

It sounds like you've watched a few too many pornos

Oh man if you thought the bathroom part of that story was the crazy part...your head would spin if I told you the entire thing.

Your head would spin right the **** off.

February 2, 2013

This sort of vibe of course exists - but this relates to personality, making a connection with people, etc....

I don't buy for one second that a man can have enough "vibe" to make attractive women approach him without him doing anything

of course you don't.

Necris - there is literally millions (and millions) of Rock's f- I mean articles and torrents etc on how to approach women. There is as much an element of inner game as there is on outer game. Study and do your research. The anecdotes here are helpful, but you have to go and experiment yourself. There are some excellent posts in here from KFJ and Talak7. Read and decipher.

*goes back on haitus*

February 2, 2013

I still remember in Jr High (I went to Buena Park Jr High, btw) I had a class with a kid that, if you didn't know who he was, you would have thought he was a straight up geek. Dirty blonde hair, in kind of a "bowl" cut but long in the back. Had an overbite and a big nose.

I still remember (even though it's been forever) my first impression of him. Total dweeb. But then he would open his mouth to speak and it's like everything changed. He was very confident, almost cocky...pretty loud and was kind of the "class clown" but in a cool way. Everyone liked him, and he had a gf that we all thought was too hot for him. And he adored him.

Vibe. It exists.

Ahh... junior high, hated that time.

Man I had so many bullies it seemed like the school itself hated me, even a few girls now and then would try to bully and continuously mock me as well. Also the few friends I thought I had really weren't friends at all and eventually showed their true colors as well. I was always the shy, nerdy, super intelligent, socially awkward kid with a speech impediment who could never fit in or belong in any group, basically like the stereotypical genius kid with no friends. Fortunately I managed to slowly end the bullying through either direct physical confrontation (you really can't reason with junior high kids) or other methods, like this one kid who seemed to mock me at every turn, I found out he was a Catholic and instead of fighting I asked him, what would Jesus think of his behavior and he realized how wrong he was, though that only worked for him didn't work for the atheist bully I had.

Anyway I guess this "vibe" is an innate characteristic that you either have or don't have, I never been the popular guy, always had very few friends, never had a girlfriend, and always have been a natural nice guy.

February 2, 2013

Ahh... junior high, hated that time.

Man I had so many bullies it seemed like the school itself hated me, even a few girls now and then would try to bully and continuously mock me as well. Also the few friends I thought I had really weren't friends at all and eventually showed their true colors as well. I was always the shy, nerdy, super intelligent, socially awkward kid with a speech impediment who could never fit in or belong in any group, basically like the stereotypical genius kid with no friends. Fortunately I managed to slowly end the bullying through either direct physical confrontation (you really can't reason with junior high kids) or other methods, like this one kid who seemed to mock me at every turn, I found out he was a Catholic and instead of fighting I asked him, what would Jesus think of his behavior and he realized how wrong he was, though that only worked for him didn't work for the atheist bully I had.

Anyway I guess this "vibe" is an innate characteristic that you either have or don't have, I never been the popular guy, always had very few friends, never had a girlfriend, and always have been a natural nice guy.

I pretty always hated school. I never really got bullied to a point where it was an issue...probably because I'm pretty tall...but I'll never forget my VERY FIRST DAY of Jr. High. I moved to Anaheim, CA from Hollywood (where I grew up as a kid) and I'm completely new. I don't know a soul. First day at gym class. Some kid walks up to me and, I **** you not, says, "Wanna fight me?". He's a shorter kid than me and not even much bigger...and his fat ass friend is just standing there with a smirk on his face. But, of course, I just say "no" and try to ignore him. Well...this goes on for MONTHS...him egging me on in front of everyone. It got to a point where I dreaded going to PE. Now, I was never really afraid of the kid because he wasn't bigger than me, but I just didn't want to "deal with it" if you know what I mean.

Well...one day he traps me in the locker room after PE and again he's with the whole "c'mon...fight me you p*ssy". I finally had enough. I just said, "Fine...let's do it!" and I punched him in the chest (don't ask me why but for the LONGEST time I could not bear to punch someone in the face). But he was visibly hurt and he immediately backed off and I'm in his face saying, "What?!? What!?" or something...don't really remember. He just backed off, tried to say he was messing with me, etc, etc...and that was it. He never went near me again.

School, overall, didn't get any better. I had friends, but any social events were complete mysteries to me. I didn't go to a single dance, homecoming, prom, etc...nothing. Didn't have a gf...didn't even a kiss a girl all through high school.

What's funny is I'm 38 now and I'm going to community college THIS Monday after not having been in school for nearly 15 years.

Should be fun. Hope I don't get some punk ass trying to fight me the first day...

February 2, 2013

"gotta go balls out before you can go balls deep in some sugawalls." -HodgeTwins

February 2, 2013

I pretty always hated school. I never really got bullied to a point where it was an issue...probably because I'm pretty tall...but I'll never forget my VERY FIRST DAY of Jr. High. I moved to Anaheim, CA from Hollywood (where I grew up as a kid) and I'm completely new. I don't know a soul. First day at gym class. Some kid walks up to me and, I **** you not, says, "Wanna fight me?". He's a shorter kid than me and not even much bigger...and his fat ass friend is just standing there with a smirk on his face. But, of course, I just say "no" and try to ignore him. Well...this goes on for MONTHS...him egging me on in front of everyone. It got to a point where I dreaded going to PE. Now, I was never really afraid of the kid because he wasn't bigger than me, but I just didn't want to "deal with it" if you know what I mean.

Well...one day he traps me in the locker room after PE and again he's with the whole "c'mon...fight me you p*ssy". I finally had enough. I just said, "Fine...let's do it!" and I punched him in the chest (don't ask me why but for the LONGEST time I could not bear to punch someone in the face). But he was visibly hurt and he immediately backed off and I'm in his face saying, "What?!? What!?" or something...don't really remember. He just backed off, tried to say he was messing with me, etc, etc...and that was it. He never went near me again.

School, overall, didn't get any better. I had friends, but any social events were complete mysteries to me. I didn't go to a single dance, homecoming, prom, etc...nothing. Didn't have a gf...didn't even a kiss a girl all through high school.

What's funny is I'm 38 now and I'm going to community college THIS Monday after not having been in school for nearly 15 years.

Should be fun. Hope I don't get some punk ass trying to fight me the first day...

Man, if you got someone hurt like that you gotta go in for the kill. Don't stop throwing elbows until someone pulls you off that kid's unconscious body. You were young, you could get away with winning fights. None of that lawsuit bull****. Worst case scenario you take a week off and get a slap in the wrist.

February 2, 2013

I pretty always hated school. I never really got bullied to a point where it was an issue...probably because I'm pretty tall...but I'll never forget my VERY FIRST DAY of Jr. High. I moved to Anaheim, CA from Hollywood (where I grew up as a kid) and I'm completely new. I don't know a soul. First day at gym class. Some kid walks up to me and, I **** you not, says, "Wanna fight me?". He's a shorter kid than me and not even much bigger...and his fat ass friend is just standing there with a smirk on his face. But, of course, I just say "no" and try to ignore him. Well...this goes on for MONTHS...him egging me on in front of everyone. It got to a point where I dreaded going to PE. Now, I was never really afraid of the kid because he wasn't bigger than me, but I just didn't want to "deal with it" if you know what I mean.

Well...one day he traps me in the locker room after PE and again he's with the whole "c'mon...fight me you p*ssy". I finally had enough. I just said, "Fine...let's do it!" and I punched him in the chest (don't ask me why but for the LONGEST time I could not bear to punch someone in the face). But he was visibly hurt and he immediately backed off and I'm in his face saying, "What?!? What!?" or something...don't really remember. He just backed off, tried to say he was messing with me, etc, etc...and that was it. He never went near me again.

School, overall, didn't get any better. I had friends, but any social events were complete mysteries to me. I didn't go to a single dance, homecoming, prom, etc...nothing. Didn't have a gf...didn't even a kiss a girl all through high school.

What's funny is I'm 38 now and I'm going to community college THIS Monday after not having been in school for nearly 15 years.

Should be fun. Hope I don't get some punk ass trying to fight me the first day...

I'm a tall guy as well, unfortunately people trying to bully me always did so in groups and there was always that charismatic guy that everybody liked who could get everyone around to also join in the mockery. Strangely people liked making sexual jokes about me either saying I was gay, asexual (I guess never having a girlfriend automatically means you're either gay or asexual:rolleyes:, also I guess everyone but me was having sex:rolleyes:), or just saying things that can only be described as retarded ( I remember a girl asking me why I liked to have sex with CD drives, I was like where the hell did that come from, I guess that's her way of saying I'm a nerd.) Now I was able to earn a little respect after beating down some of my bullies and through weight training for whatever reason they got too cocky and didn't think I actually knew how to fight.

For a guy who keeps to himself I got alot of attention for some reason I guess it had something to do with a "vibe" I was giving off or something.

Edited February 2, 2013 by Necris

February 2, 2013

This sort of vibe of course exists - but this relates to personality, making a connection with people, etc....

I don't buy for one second that a man can have enough "vibe" to make attractive women approach him without him doing anything

It happens but I doubt its "the vibe" that's attracting them, its definitely something else more noticeable, the "vibe" may make him look like an easier person to talk to but that's really about it I think, unless women are more psychic then I was led to believe:lmao:.

February 2, 2013

It happens but I doubt its "the vibe" that's attracting them, its definitely something else more noticeable, the "vibe" may make him look like an easier person to talk to but that's really about it I think, unless women are more psychic then I was led to believe:lmao:.

For a woman to cold approach you in a club/bar (and I can count how many times that's happened to me on one hand) it's purely based on physical looks. Too loud and too much going on to really sense someone's vibe...but you can get an idea by seeing how they interact.

Like when I'm at a club, I'm not standing there, by myself, like a creep, just scoping chicks out. I've usually got a drink in my hand, talking with friends, etc.

But vibe can probably be described as personality. Some people have an attractive personality that you can just tell right off the bat. Like that "nerdy" jr high classmate of mine.

To be honest, though, looks play a big part. You don't have to look like Ryan Gosling, but you have to have features that other women will find attractive. Me, personally, I've always felt my looks were subjective. I've been called "dorky" looking by girls...and I've been called hot. I have ears that stick out and my "features" are kinda soft. I'm more "pretty boy" than "stud" and a woman that wants that big, burly looking dude is not gonna go for me.

But, I still think personality/vibe > looks.

February 2, 2013

Gentlemen when you approach a girl do you look for signs of possible interest first or do you just approach without any signals from her.

Also what is your approach style, as in how do you do your approaches?

As for myself while this method has been shown to be a complete failure I never get signs of interest so I just talk to random (not usually total strangers but not really girls in my social circle (they are unavailable) either, mostly girls I kind of know so it would be a little less scary for her) girls who seem friendly enough and try to see if I can generate interest, if I feel like she might be interested I may decide to see if I can ask her out.

I don't look for signs of interest because they are almost always wrong.

OTOH, if I feel she is staring at the ceiling or at the pretty boy sitting at the bar when I'm trying to talk to her, then I probably won't ask her for her number.

I'm just like you. I never get any signs of interest, so I try and jump on opportunities that I get when a woman is friendly to me. Most of the time she has no interest, but every now and then, it's a score.

You have to act fast and be decisive.

February 2, 2013

Good point.

Signs of disinterest are much more obvious then signs of interest.

February 2, 2013

Good point.

Signs of disinterest are much more obvious then signs of interest.

No, they can both be very obscure.

February 2, 2013

No, they can both be very obscure.

Disagree.

Most of the time I can tell when a girl doesn't want me around her. Those signs are far less subtle then when she's interested.

February 2, 2013

Let me say this;

Sometimes its good to just go for it and take a risk. Some girls are truly terrible at letting guy know they are interested...and some chicks are shy about putting out signals because they can get intimidated the same way guys can be.

Ive been quite surprised a few times in the past by a couple of women actually being into me despite them not giving me concrete signals that they were. You just gotta go for it sometimes.

February 2, 2013

This is true. My best female friend of nearly 20 years used to like me back in the day when I was single. I guess you could say I sort of suspected, in the back of my mind, but there were no obvious signs other than we were good friends and spoke a lot and hung out a lot. But she was never flirty, never "touched" me in flirty ways, nor did she make any "romantic gesture", etc.

Turns out, all those years, she did like me and she even asked my wife one night how come I never got any of the signs.

February 2, 2013

Gentlemen when you approach a girl do you look for signs of possible interest first or do you just approach without any signals from her.

Also what is your approach style, as in how do you do your approaches?

As for myself while this method has been shown to be a complete failure I never get signs of interest so I just talk to random (not usually total strangers but not really girls in my social circle (they are unavailable) either, mostly girls I kind of know so it would be a little less scary for her) girls who seem friendly enough and try to see if I can generate interest, if I feel like she might be interested I may decide to see if I can ask her out.

This is strictly for bar/club setting - or a "pick-up scene" type of context if you will. NOT random women on the street, at the shops, etc.

I would at least make eye contact first. If she lingers with eye contact I'd think I had a shot at least. If she smiled I would feel better about it too. If she looked away quickly I might wait a few minutes then try again. If she avoided eye contact all together I would NOT try to approach her. You have to be able to read her facial expression as well; obviously sometimes eye contact is incidental. If your eyes meet and she suddenly looks like she smelled a pile of dog dooky then that's bad. If she remains indifferent or blank then it's not good. If she looks sheepish or coy suddenly and/or turns and whispers excitedly to her friend that is good.

If a girl(s) is hovering in your vicinity that is a sign of interest. This has been the most likely scenario from my experience. I have had girls walk across the room to order a drink beside me at the bar, even though she was already standing AT the same bar but on the other end. That's a pretty good sign - I have gotten numbers from a few girls who did this.

If a girl is staring you down that is a sign of interest. I've only had that happen a handful of times.

When I was more into the "scene", it was rare that I would try to chat up a girl without some sort of signal that indicated she was interested. Sure, sometimes things can get confused but hell that is life. You either try and succeed or you get shot down in flames. I guess watching for signals is a way to maximize success while minimizing failure.

Lastly, I would have to add that no initial interest is a guarantee of sex or a girlfriend or any type of romantic relationship. It's just an opening to talk to someone without getting rejected immediately. There are 1,000 things that could go wrong after that. If you are not an interesting person to talk to you better be really good looking or you're going down in flames most likely.

February 2, 2013

Disagree.

Most of the time I can tell when a girl doesn't want me around her. Those signs are far less subtle then when she's interested.

This.

I can pick up signs of disinterest alot easier, as its easier for women to show signs of disinterest, like telling me about guys she thinks are hot, avoiding contact, being unfriendly, etc.

February 2, 2013

Of course disinterest is more obvious to you guys....it's what you are expecting!!!

February 2, 2013

It's reality for me.

Reality = perspective

Remember that.

February 2, 2013

Wait for interest, and you'll never ask anybody out.

I think its good to look for a sign...if a girl who is in the zone on her ipod while working out, I'm not going to approach, but if I think I catch a girl checking me out or smiling at me, I'll approach, doesnt work most often, but it does once in a while...

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How do you approach women? / Are signs of interest important?

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