Recent breakup, no contact, rebound

[nostalgicx]

Hi, I'm new to these forums and am seeking advice! I apologise in advance for the lengthy details below.

 

Two months ago my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) and I broke up. We were officially together for 2.5 years, however had spoken all day every day for the 6 months leading up to our relationship – so it was more or less a 3 year relationship. We were each other’s first loves, best friends and he was my first relationship, we are both 20 years old. The last few months leading up to the end of our relationship were a bit rocky due to a break in trust on his behalf – I found some messages he would of preferred I not see. Whilst there was no cheating these messages left me feeling insecure and somewhat invaluable. Every time these insecurities would rear their ugly heads in our relationship we agreed to continue to try and make things work as we felt our relationship wasn’t just “average”. Every time he would try for a couple of days and then go back to his old ways. These changes in our relationship occurred just after he had begun a new career and whilst he had problems going on within his family. The last month or so of our relationship was beginning to look up, however it obviously wasn’t good enough for him in the end. By the last week he had almost completely withdrawn, telling me we needed to break up because thinking about it was making him physically sick.

 

During the break up he gave me the normal text book answers – I just need some time to find myself, this is just temporary, maybe we’ll just call it a separation for a couple of months, I don’t want you to be with anyone else. He told me I was the closest person to him and that I was still his best friend. I was not offered any answers as to why this was happening, other than I don’t want this right now and my feelings have changed. I was heartbroken but did not feel the need to fight him any longer so I agreed to the break up and left. I did not contact him for 3 weeks after our initial break up, nor did he contact me. In this time I was told by his brother that he was becoming close to a girl that he works with, stupidly this got me into a panic. I rang my ex to ask if there was something going on that I should know about and he said no he was not with anybody else and that was the truth. We had a short but friendly conversation afterwards but that was it. A couple of days later on Christmas day I was struck with a whirlwind of emotions, at this stage it had been about 3.5 weeks of living in limbo, not knowing whether to move on or wait for him. I called him and questioned his reasons for the break up, he told me that I should “move on for now but we'll see what happens in the future” and that he was sorry. That is the last I’ve heard from him.

 

A week ago I went out for my friends birthday and coincidently some of his friends were there. They all asked me where he was and how we were going, this struck me as odd. I told them we had broken up weeks ago, this was news to all of them. I later found out my ex has only told a select few that we are no longer together and that he is yet to change his relationship status on facebook or remove the pictures of us together. While I know facebook doesn’t mean anything, it really does confuse me. Wouldn’t these things have been removed almost immediately, particularly if he was pursing another girl? Additionally, I've had a few missed calls from private numbers the past couple of days and I can't help but think that they're missed calls from him.

 

It has now been around five weeks of no contact. I'm feeling better everyday (most days at least), however I'm still waiting to hear from him. I'm going out with my friends a lot more and trying to get a move on with my life, but I'm hoping that he'll be part of my future.

 

We have many close mutual friends that I know my ex has been spending time with, however no one knows what’s going on with him or if they do, they’re not forthcoming with any information. However, my instincts tell me this girl is still in the picture. He has caused me nothing but heartache since the break up, however stupidly I feel as though he’s going through his own problems and struggling to understand the results of his actions. I think he is in a state of “grass is greener” or a rebound relationship. I assume he is seeing this girl. Primarily I’m wondering if anybody has had experience with the dreaded “rebound relationship”? Do his actions mirror those of a person in a rebound relationship? How long do these types of relationships last? And what is the aftermath? Whilst I know no two situations are the same, I am hoping someone will be able to shed some light. Sadly, I am still waiting for his return so any information or advice would be greatly appreciated.