stupid_ex Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 It's been a month since my ex broke up with me. I got frustrated with my ex because I wanted to talk about our problems, and he took it as a joke. I kind of pushed him to break up with me. He did, he has stuck to his guns. During this month, we have seen and spoken to each other. Here is why I am confused. The first 3 weeks of the break up, my ex was cold, I tried to get him to talk about us, work out our problems but he basically pushed me away. He does love and care for me, this I do not question. He is tired of all our fighting and doesn't want to be in a relationship. HE has been getting prank blocked calls and some guy calling him saying "stay away from my girlfriend you fag". My ex thought it was me. It isn't. Last week, I sent the ex a text saying, I am leaving them alone, if you change your mind, you know how to contact me. Last Monday, I ws in a movie. My ex called during the movie, I didn't answer. I text back saying "I'm in a movie". He said "Can you call me later". I saod "I have nothing to say to you". He text me to say stop prank calling him he will go to the police etc...I left the movie, called him to say "I isn't me". He believes me. Next day, he agrees to meet up with me. We had a hot chocolate, he paid and it was a great little meeting. Lasted 1.5 hours. Didn't really talk about the relationship. He asked me a lot of questions. He said he was shocked by my comment I have nothing to say to you when he called me. I didn't ask why. was he expecting me to hang around waiting for him? Did he expect me to call him back at a drop of a hat? Then he admitted to Facebook stalking me. He removed me as a friend but I didn't realize that some of my post were made public. He was looking recent photos I put up. He also asked who I was waiting for that is coming at the end of February. (I am talking to a guy who I met overseas 2.5 years ago, remained friends but liked each other. They are now moving to Australia). My ex was questioning this, and said I AM NOT GOING TO STOP YOU. I didn't say anything, I kept my silence. My ex asked "How many guys have I been sleeping with or met up with". I replied "You know me, that is not me. I haven't seen anyone". He goes, me neither, I am staying single. (1.5 weeks after the break up, he went on a gay sex site. I found out, my heart sank). He has since deleted his account. Small chit chat, he got a pay rise etc. He said he was going away on holidays. He asked if I wanted anything. He asked several times. I replied, no thank you. As we got to street level, he said Do you want a hug? I said yes, we hugged and he say bye. That was 4 days ago. I haven't heard from him since. The other night, I went in to his work, he saw me but I didn't make eye contact with him. I made out i didn't see him. I looked over and he had a smile on his face (Like, aww he couldn't stay away from me). I went about the store shopping. I didn't say hello nor did I go to his register. I could see he was following me around with his eyes. I went to the register on the other side of the store and walked out. I culd see he was cut by that. That night, his friend posted on facebook. How is everyone going. Don't be shy. My ex replied '****". (i am friend still with his friend and my ex still has 9 of my friends on his FB. I am confused as to what the hell happened? He was cold last week, this week all loving. What do you guys think?
OJ loved Nicole Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 my ex broke up with me. he has stuck to his guns. Does he want me? No..........
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 What do you guys think? I think you need to stop wondering what he's up to, and focus on what you're doing. And what you SHOULD be doing is going NC, staying NC and not playing into his games. he's still trying to control you 'from the outside'. "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either." Get TF out of here! Read the No Contact Guide - it's in my signature. Copy, paste, print as many copes as you need to paper the entire surfaces of all walls of where you live. Print an extra copy to hang in the toilet (well, it's always good to have something interesting to read) and carry a copy with you at all times. Block his number, delete all ane every and any means he has of getting in touch with you, or catching your attention. He's being a big kid. Time to be the adult. 1
Author stupid_ex Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 When I said he has stuck to his guns, as of now, he hasn't said he want's to get back together. His action say otherwise. When we broke up, he said I am out of his life and he is letting me go. He hasn't. Why Facebook stalk me? Why meet up with me? Why keep 9 of my friends on his Facebook list, who he doesn't know every well. His words, incase something happens to me. We will still has some connection. Why hasn't be blocked me on Facebook? Unfriended, yes, blocked no.
Author stupid_ex Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Tara, thank you. Its been 4 days of no contact, since our meeting. I haven't contacted him at all. I only when into his store because I had to. I looked around first and didn't see him. I went in. He must have been on a break. Later I spotted him. My last two relationships, I did no contact. The 8 year relationship, did no contact for a year, after a year we became friends and still are. that was 7 years ago. We are very good friends but not lovers. The second NC was 4 years ago, I havent heard anything. No contact for me is not about getting the ex back. In my case, no contact has helped me move on never got the ex back. I still love this person, I still have feelings for him and he has feelings for me. If i felt it truly over, I would have walked away already. I do want him back. I know I have to lay low. I have been thinking of removing his friend off my FB and blocking him and her. I was tempted last night to do that.
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I hate to break this to you - but you need to stop asking questions. Again, that's touched on in the Guide. Seeking answers to these questions means you'd need to get inside his head. That's not possible. Read - the - Guide. Honestly, it's the best thing you'll ever do.
Author stupid_ex Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I want to add, that we dated a good 5 months before we became a couple. In that 5 months we had no physical contact whatsoever with each other. We connected on a personal level. Which is rare, especially in the gay world. we gained respect and love from our everyday interaction and not through sex. The relationship wasn't a bad one. I was a good partner to my ex. we didn't cheat on each other, we didn't lie to each other, we supported each other but I have insecurities and that is my demon. He has told me since the break up, he is attached to me, he loves and cares for me, he doesn't see me as a bad person and I am the first person he connected with emotionally. This gives me hope. 4 days of no contact and I am sticking to it.
Samilia Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 He has told me since the break up, he is attached to me, he loves and cares for me, he doesn't see me as a bad person and I am the first person he connected with emotionally. This gives me hope. 4 days of no contact and I am sticking to it. It's not an uncommon thing to hear from a dumper, I read that a lot on LS. Stick to your guns as well. Since you say you have insecurity issues, show him you're doing fine without him. Work on your issues as well, you can read on it, try to understand why and how to get past those issues. However, don't read too much into what he's told you, I know it gives you hope, but hope can be a cruel thing. Try and find balance in your life through this break up. Is there anything that helps you have a good day? For instance I know I do better when my house is clean and organized, it helps me clear my mind and as a consequence it also helps me feel like life is good after all. Some people like the gym, the outdoors (I do), find what works for you.
Author stupid_ex Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 You are right Samilia. I have just unfriended his friend from my Facebook. I know she was giving him updates on my Facebook. I am trying hard. relationships suck. I tried to avoid them, they creep up on me when I least expect them.
Samilia Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I miss the times where we had one phone and that was it. Now technology makes it harder for someone to get over someone else.
Author stupid_ex Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I hear you. Technology is the devil I would have moved on by now if I thought it was really over. He is younger than me, I was a good partner to him. He knows that I love and care for him. He needs to realize now that he is on the edge of losing me. He said to me after the break up, you had the edge over me before. I always submitted myself to your power and now the tables have turned, I break up with you and your whole world comes down. It like a power struggle. He is slowly realizing what he had was a good thing. I am taking a step back.
destroyed4sho Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I don't know if he wants you back or not. But why would you want to be with someone that does not want to talk about issues or problems? That is a BIG problem in and of itself and because of this you will never find peace between the 2 of you. Even if you did get back together for a few weeks, the same problem will arise again. I really think you need to move on. I know it hurts and there will be many remaining questions that will NEVER be answered. But it seems that you have been very strong the past few days and I suspect that you will do better than most people in this situation. :-)
Author stupid_ex Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) I asked him and he said he was trying to keep the moment light and didn't want to get into any heavy talk. I got frustrated. That aside, the relationship was one filled with love, we have chem and a deep connection. I am not willing to give that up just yet. It's only been a month since the break up. We haven't really spent anymore than 4 days of no contact with each other. Today is my 4th of contact with him. I am not willing to give up. Not just yet. I have been strong the last few days and it is getting easier. I finally removed his friend from my list. I wrote her and said "its not personal". She will understand. I am so close to blocking him and her. I think that is too extreem. PS: He often does talk about issues. This case he didnt. Edited February 2, 2013 by stupid_ex added a sentence
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