catlover26 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Hello there, I am new around here and I need some advice. I am in a LDR relationship for one year and three months now and I've know my boyfriend for three years. We met online, started chatting, became friends, best friends, fell in love and everything seemed perfect - we have had our ups and downs and the distance doesn't help, but still, we're happy. Last week he told me that he is a year younger than me. It all began with a misunderstanding, which he didn't clear up at that time because he didn't think it was necessary - after all, we could have talked just one or two times. But things got serious and he got afraid to tell me, afraid to not lose my friendship and then my love. If he was the age he initially told me, he would have given some important exams in a few months and for about 4 months I have been really, really worried about him not studying and not knowing what to do in the future, career related. Last week we started arguing, witch ended with me asking him what his reason was for not studying and him telling me he needn't to this until next year. He apologized in every way since then, and I understand what he's been thinking and I'm not mad anymore for hiding his age. What I am still mad about is him letting me be stressed about him for months (without a reason, I finally found out) and obviously, for him lying for three years. I don't seem to get over it and I find myself unable to answer to his "I love you"s without a pang of hurt and sadness. I trusted him more than anyone else, I was sure I knew him and that he would never lie to me in this manner. I love him, I love him a lot and I don't want to break up with him, but I don't know how to cope with this situation. I told him I need a few days of "silence", of being alone, but this isn't coming along as I hoped would do. I tried to keep my distance today and clear my head, but he got upset with me for not being there for him, as it seems today was a rather bad day for him. But I need some time for myself, I need to feel that I have control over my actions and if I want to be alone, to be able to do so without feeling guilty. He's my best friend and my boyfriend and he knows me the best, but I feel caged. He isn't possessive or jealous, but I still feel like I have to take all my decisions in relation with him. We coped with the distance by talking a lot, both on the phone and by chatting online and I tend to tell him everything - what happened today, what my thoughts are, and sometimes I feel there's nothing left for me only, something private. I don't really know what I'm asking here for. I feel bad and I wanna get over it all. Maybe my answer is in what I wrote here, but I can't see it clearly now.
FitChick Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 If something as insignificant as this bothers you to the point that you are obsessing over it, what would happen if something really important happened in your relationship?
Author catlover26 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Thanks for your replies. Everyone told me something along the lines of your answers - it's a small thing, etc. But I'm not obsessing about the age issue, I'm shaken by the fact that he lied to me for a long period of time and that I didn't think he was capable of doing that to me. I know every girl in love says stuff like this, but in three years he never lied to me. We obviously both agree that, given the distance between us, we have to be honest with each other.
butterflylover Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I don't see it being a big deal,so he lied about his age,there could have been a lot of other things he could have lied to you about.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I have been in your shoes. My ex lied about his age, for a really long time too. What bothered me and ultimately undermined my trust and the relationship was not his age, but the fact that he lied about it for so long. That he could let the lie stand for as long as he did. Like you, it meant I focused on a milestone that wasn't going to happen that year. He was otherwise an incredible guy! Honesty, integrity, and character are very important to me. I had a really hard time coming to terms with what he did. I still haven't. We all have our values and priorities. Do what feels right for you. Don't feel forced to compromise if that is the wrong choice for you. Best!
CarrieT Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Have you ever actually met this person or has it been only an online thing?
HeavenOrHell Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 You never really know someone until you've met them, sure people can lie in real life/face to face, but face to face you're going to get to know the real them far more easily and realistically than someone you've not met, until you meet it's mostly fantasy. Thanks for your replies. Everyone told me something along the lines of your answers - it's a small thing, etc. But I'm not obsessing about the age issue, I'm shaken by the fact that he lied to me for a long period of time and that I didn't think he was capable of doing that to me. I know every girl in love says stuff like this, but in three years he never lied to me. We obviously both agree that, given the distance between us, we have to be honest with each other. 1
LittleTiger Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Have you ever actually met this person or has it been only an online thing? Same question from me. If this is an online thing only, his age could be one of many things he's lied about. Let's face it, the only reason he told you about his age (or changed the story anyway - because even his new version might not be true) was because he got caught out.
FitChick Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 but in three years he never lied to me. As far as you know. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I think few people start out to deceive, when it comes to forum life because we're all young at heart. I never expected a romance and felt that I would never meet so it wasn't big whoop to say I was 50 or over 50 when i was a few years more. But I came to LS at 53 and before you know it four years has gone by and I'm 57 now which sounds like a death knell for some one 43-44. I don't feel a wit different from 50 or even 40 but I don't measure myself for again day bay day. I don't have single wrinkle on my face much less a bag under an eye. But for all you who wonder what my age really is and how it might have played a roll in my love affair gone wrong at this very-time last year, here's the alcohol-addled truth. I came to LS on the low side of mid fifties and seemingly over night, I'm now 57--probably the oldest cuss on the forum even though my heart is one of a teen. Life is an ass-kicker. I just wish everyone love and fulfillment, including myself for as long as you're healthful and vibrant the numbers don't matter not nearly as much as the image to people who think themselves immortal and validated because of their prejudice. No one els is an ideal in the math of a 70 year and year old. But there's a lot of potential unique connection in various age matches between such human beings of htose ages. And no guarantees that being close in age with pair two natural soul mates who can share a love never again to be close to equalled.
nessaaa Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Omfg! What is upp with ppl lying about their age! I had a dude who lied about his age, he was actually five years younger! Not nice.
allenpo123 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 As far as you know. I might be too insecure, but if he's lying about his age, what are the other things he lies about? If I were in your shoes, I would probably start acting paranoid haha
FitChick Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I might be too insecure, but if he's lying about his age, what are the other things he lies about? Maybe that's the only thing. I don't understand why someone who tells the truth about his age wouldn't like about other things. Some lies are more relevant than others. Pick your battles.
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