DrStrangelove Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Got out of a 3 year...met new girl online. She told me she wants to take things slow - as I came off eager, it makes sense. I've been texting less, and I know she is interested. The dating thing seems all so new. I don't have a job, and finished school - so my mind has been bored lately. Have a puppy to take care of, but that's is the extent of it. I made it clear I wasn't looking for sex - which I am not. I am looking for long-term, as is she. She hasn't dated anyone in a year, because she got out of a long-term (2years). Couldn't marry the guy because he wasn't her race. Anyways. She never initiates the text, but always responds - sometimes within a minute, sometimes later. Need to brush up dating. TY!
WhatYouWantToHear Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I would say 'be yourself'. Now a lot of people would caveat that with 'as long as you're not an neurotic, overbearing, borderline stalker'. Not me though. I say if you are a neurotic overbearing borderline stalker you shouldn't try to hide it. If she's into that, she's into that. If not, then well, in 1 year this relationship won't fall apart because you tried to hide your true self and it eventually came out. Now, when I said 'neurotic, overbearing, borderline stalker', I kind of meant it literally, but mostly as a metaphor. Whatever you think your flaws are, you should not hide them. You should definitely work on fixing them, but whatever personality traits you have, you shouldn't try to hide them from someone you want to truly know you. Let her judge you for your true self. In conclusion, you don't need to brush up on dating or being too eager. You should let her know how you feel, what you want and how her actions/inactions are making you feel.
Author DrStrangelove Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 solid advice. thanks sir.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 You can take your car to the races until you've got some practice laps around the track...this is one of those practice laps (no I don't like nascar!) But the point is, you're just out of a relationship and if so is she...this is kind of a recipe for a rebound disaster. She's likely still not over her ex, just trying to date and move on...get him out of her head and move on with her life. You're likely feeling the residuals of being lonely and detached from a 3 year relationship which is a whole other ball game than dating. So you'll hit up this new girl with a lot of energy and fire, trying to get really far fast to re-experience some of those "feelings", and just getting a whiff of that new car smell. She'll be detached or reserved to an extent, putting up a wall up, either wanting to be friends or take it slow but ultimately buckle as she is vulnerable and if she likes you enough. You've also got your life not so much together at this point, so you'll depend on her or someone else for validation and a distraction from possible stresses...kind of a vacation from life maybe, or at least something to hold you over until you do...thinking this is just a good thing for you, but you'll try and dump all of your time and energy into her. You need to get back to the drawing board and snap out of it...rearrange your priorities; - Get a job - Get your life together in order that might have been taking a backseat due to your last relationship, after all you've got to restructure your life with this new gap in it - Emotionally heal or you're going to land yourself into another relationship just for some pu$$y - oh I mean of course, it's not just about the sex! But until then, I think you're going to be in a bad place...you'll either end up with girl that gives you attention in return that you're not really into...you'll end up with another girl who's also rebounding...you'll likely hurt women in the process by not just leaving them along but stringing them along. I think you'll be out of balance and overzealous until then...after all why in the hell are you looking for a long-term relationship when you just got out of one? You're eager right now because it seems like you're just looking for validation.
Author DrStrangelove Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 I think I mis-informed readers, or you may have taken it differently. She has been out of a relationship for a year now, and has moved on. She made it clear, and just wants to take things slow. I am over my ex. I do want to date someone as I enjoy her company. Yes, it has only been a month. But, I know in my heart - she wasn't the one, and the past is the past. I agree with your other points about getting my life back together. A job is what I am missing in my life - that should be priority one. This girl just seems so nice, and passing her up would be a mistake. I don't think I need to give you the reasons, ha unless you want to know. But, we have been clicking, and showing interest.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I think I mis-informed readers, or you may have taken it differently. She has been out of a relationship for a year now, and has moved on. She made it clear, and just wants to take things slow. I am over my ex. I do want to date someone as I enjoy her company. Yes, it has only been a month. But, I know in my heart - she wasn't the one, and the past is the past. I agree with your other points about getting my life back together. A job is what I am missing in my life - that should be priority one. This girl just seems so nice, and passing her up would be a mistake. I don't think I need to give you the reasons, ha unless you want to know. But, we have been clicking, and showing interest. Fine...fine! I'll give you the advice...you want to hear! Just take it slow then, subdue the urge to blow her phone up or contact her...don't be in a hurry, gauge her interest level and respect her space...but not too much where you are too passive...let her reciprocate and show interest, contacting you first sometimes and vice versa. Don't lay it on all hot and heavy, but don't be too cold to touch. Try to have a platonic relationship with her, meaning build a friendship first, get to know her, talk about things not related to romance, love, or sex. She just needs to gain trust and be comfortable...but honestly, if she's not open to your advances and told you to back off once, she's giving you a chance because you came off "too much"...now you're kind of on your last lifeline and she's giving you a chance to "grow on her"...keep in mind there might not be anything to do to change that, from now on you're going to have to gauge her interest level and take some chances when you feel she wants/desires more...all women want to be pursued if they are interested in you, it's up to you to figure out what is too much and too little...so communication, and "feeling her out" will tell you where those limitations are at. Ultimately once she catches feelings for you she'll be just as into you or more to some extent...if she doesn't she's just not that into you, or she'd rather just be "friends". Pssst...btw this is still a rebound!..::runs away giggling through the forest::
Author DrStrangelove Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 ha thanks for the second perspective. I do think I need to giver her that space. Which I have been doing.. she asked to meet up today, it wasn't convenient so we are rescheduling. I am sure she is into me...but, I know I have been way to eager. Thanks for the words of enlightenment. Ha, I'll have to open this thread or a new one in 6 months, or a year... to see if I am still with this girl. I believe she is what I am looking for though. Remains to be seen.
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