Why is meeting a potential partner in a bar so looked down upon?

[yongyong]

That's just The Way It is. I go to a bar every week. I don't expect to find a gf or future wife. I just like to have fun and want to work on my conversation skills that can be used in other public settings.

 

I like classy girls and sometimes I meet not a bar type at all, classy girls.

I met this very naive, good girl at a bar. too bad, I scared her off by holding her hand on a first date (I am sure her friends told her 'you met him at a bar, be careful!!')

 

If you don't expect a lot, then you will be fine.

If you are actually looking for a GF, then you will have a hard time.

[Pyro]

So what you're saying is, "quality people" are all around everywhere ...but when such people go to a bar, their judgements are impaired and that makes them not quality people?

 

 

After I had two girlfriends that I was actually serious about cheat on me and blame it on the alcohol.....I want to see how a girl behaves when drunk.

 

I control myself. I regulate a nice buzz. I'd be past out before I behave in a manner that is "not me". I want a girl that is like that. I think "quality people" outside of bars are unproven.

 

No I am not saying that at all. My point is that when you go to a place where alcohol is the primary item being served to people you are going to have a large (larger then any place outside a bar) number of people whose judgment is being clouded, which makes them act and do things differently then they normally would. Thus you are meeting a false side of the person.

 

Is this everyone at the bars? NO, but again I say that you will have a large number of people there (in comparison to other places) who are.

 

Bars are an OK place to meet people but it certainly isn't the best place to.

[Jane2011]

My first instinct was to agree with you because I too know people who go to bars and to coffee shops. If you meet some guy or girl at a coffee shop and judge them "serious" and "intellectual" and "not a bar type," you could easily be wrong (at least about the latter) because they may very well have been at a bar the night before, or even several nights during that week.

 

That said, I can understand people saying they don't want to meet someone in a bar on the grounds that they "don't want a bar type of person." This is because if you meet someone in a bar, it's a good chance that that's their thing. [Not always, of course. There are times you meet a person in a bar and it is a total fluke that he/she is there; it just happens to be the one or two nights out of the year when he/she does the bar thing] However, I'd venture that most people who go to bars go regularly to semi-regularly. And there isn't automatic "low quality" in that -- not at all (many patrons are educated, well-spoken, good-looking, moral, courteous, etc.) -- but I do think the bar setting is for a certain personality type. Bar people. They wouldn't be my type even if they were high quality because they still have a bit of a "bar personality" to them.

 

Lastly, I'd say that your point is valid (your point and mine, actually) that bar people often go to coffee shops too, and vice versa. We all have friends, relatives, and acquaintances who we like and see as good catches who go to bars. It really is hard to reconcile that with what seems to play out in reality, anyway -- that when you meet someone in a bar (even if said person goes to coffee shops too), things are so often goofy when the meeting place was there?

 

I don't get it myself, but the truth is -- empirically, for me -- things have always turned out in such a way that the bar stereotype fits. Guys who I have met in bars and who have come on to me: 1) have chatted me up and gotten my number and never called me, or 2) made it very clear they wanted sex, or to make out, right then and there.

Edited February 1, 2013 by Jane2011

[Jane2011]

Re read this post to yourself a few times and see if it makes any sense

 

 

I go out quite a bit and so do 95% of people in my age group. Among single people I know, it's damn near 100%. I have no idea what you mean by "bar personality"

 

It does make sense.

 

The point is, while it's true that some people who go to bars a lot also go to the supermarket, coffee shop, the gym, etc. (places thought of as a good places to meet "quality people"), they are still bar people if they go to bars regularly. If anything, that's also a statement that just because you meet someone in a coffee shop one day, it doesn't mean they don't like to party in bars (which may or may not fit your personality).

 

As far as the "bar personality," I suppose that's a subjective assessment on my part which I can't really describe. But liking to drink is part of it...

[bodhesatva]

I think the context isn't often one that leads to fulfilling, healthy relationships, so people instinctively dislike it.

 

It's sort of like catcalling women on the street. Is it possible it could work? Sure, it happens. Could it possibly lead to a long lasting relationships? Again, I'm sure very rarely that does happen.

 

But most of the time, it doesn't. Most of the time, it just annoys or threatens women. Most of the time, it's a crude remark from a guy just looking to get laid. Bars are sort of the same; most people don't go in there looking for their soul mate. Most people, both men and women, just go looking for a fun time. If you happen to meet the live of your life in a bar, that's not a problem, but you can understand people's instincts when you consider that 90% of the time, that's not the sort of "love" being found at bars.

[Jane2011]

I guess I'd add that when people say they want to meet someone in a coffee shop, a book club meeting, a cooking class, they probably mean they want to meet the type of people for whom those past times dominate what the person likes to do. They don't want to meet a person in a coffee shop who goes to bars regularly (or a lot) but just happened to be in a coffee shop that day.

 

Coffee shops have a greater amount of people who are purely about drinking coffee, reading books, going to lectures, going to movies, doing non-drinking things. Bars have a greater amount of people who go to bars regularly to semi-regularly and like to drink.

 

Going to coffee shop to try to meet a certain type and avoiding bars to avoid a certain type makes sense, odds-wise.

 

I'm not anti-bars or anti-drinking. I rarely go to bars or drink, though. I'm in in coffee shops about three times a week and in a bar about three/four times a year. The fact that you would find me in a bar three/four times a year isn't enough to qualify me as a bar person. If people know they are looking for a certain type of person, they have to go where their chances are highest of meeting that type of person. A guy wanting to meet a more bookish/subdued girl (even if bookish/subdued girls can be found in bars sometimes) has a better chance of crossing paths with a greater number of said girls at a coffee shop.

[kaylan]

Whenever people bring up going to bars when their single people flip out and act like its the worst possible place to meet people..its almost as if somebody said theyre going to the local prison to try to find a partner or something..

 

I know plenty of normal solid people who are single and go to bars and would make good partners..the idea that everyone who goes to bars is a alcoholic drunk and is looking to just have tons of one night stands is highly inaccurate..

 

Most people in their 20's and 30's go to bars at least once in awhile on weekends to unwind and have fun i dont know why people think only the dregs of society can be found in these places..

 

Am i saying its the best place to go when single to try to find a partner? no not at all but i also dont think it should be as taboo as it is because these are normal people youd also find anywhere else when looking for a partner..

 

So remember if you find a person you want to date at an art gallery or starbucks or through a friend that person might also go to *gasp* bars at times as well..

Why?

 

Because people get so butt hurt that they chose the wrong people to date at the bar that they go on and stereotype all people who go to bars.

 

Bars have so many types of people who go to them. I dont see people saying not to meet an SO at a bookstore or college, or thru friends, after those relationships fail.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Just from my own personal experiences... meeting men at bars never works out.

 

 

That being said, it really comes down to what you are looking for.

Sure, you COULD meet your soul mate, but honestly if I am looking to settle down [which I was] it is better to meet someone who isn't at a bar.

 

 

I met DB at a starbucks, he doesn't even go out, and it is just the relationship I always wanted.

Not saying it will NEVER work, but if you are looking for something more serious, I would always recommend dating someone that you didn't meet at a bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I dated a ton of guys I met at my local dive bar and had some good times, none were relationship materiel, and the ones that were definitely turned out to be *******s and NOT ready for one.

[El Brujo]

Meetups have bars beat cold. Even the drink-a-thons.

[Geiss]

So people that go to drink coffee at starbucks are better than people that go to bars? Do people actually go to a coffee shop to be picked up? I've never seen it happen.

 

I spend most of my time not at a bar but once I go into one I'm assumed to be a piece of crap. Since I'm in there I'm no longer a worthy person of getting to know?

[Divasu]

I met a prior boyfriend at a bar, dated for three years. Good boyfriend. Oddly though, we did not like each other at first. heehee.

 

It can happen, but I wouldn't count on it necessarily.

[Indi]

I met my first serious boyfriend at a bar. He was the sweetest most nicest guy and we ended up in a 3 and a half year relationship together!

 

This was in my mid twenties.

 

However I was the one that ended it because I was not ready to settle down yet.

 

I am now in my early/mid 30's and still single and ever since, have had the worst luck with guys.

 

That has made me realise how lucky I was to have met him and when I do meet someone like him again will appreciate and cherish the relationship so much more.

 

Do still wonder what it would have been like if I had stayed with the first boyfriend. Guess it was not meant to be.

 

Agree with Divasu. It can happen, but don't count on it necessarily!

Edited February 2, 2013 by Indi

[Jane2011]

The overwhelming majority of people, at least around my age, enjoy casual/moderate drinking at the very least

 

 

I don't see how that's anything bad. I suppose if you're a social hermit who likes to stay inside and avoids alcohol may not be compatible with guys who like to go out and drink but that's just common sense

 

 

Most people enjoy going out and I don't see how it's a bad thing to meet a mate at the bar

 

lol, I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting people at a bar. Not at all. I would love to have met someone at a bar, the times I went to a bar (and I did...). Just saying it never happened (the guys who came on to me were weasly), and it doesn't happen for a lot of people who also say that for whatever reason (even if we know good people go to bars), their boyfriends and girlfriends have been met in places other than bars.

 

My older sister met her partner (been together since 1999, married since 2003) in a bar. They've been married ten years now and have two kids.

 

There's nothing wrong with meeting people at bars. Bars have good people. People meet boyfriends and girlfriends in bars all the time.

 

I, personally, never have, because I think my type is more often found outside of bars.

 

I like to drink a little (not much, though, lately) and I don't mind people having drinks.

 

I'm about moderation, really. I find people who would never step foot in a bar and would never have a drop of alcohol kind of strange.

[veggirl]

What about the people who date people from LS. what type of personality would that indicate? better or worse than someone who dates someone from a bar?

 

:confused:

[SmileFace]

What about the people who date people from LS. what type of personality would that indicate? better or worse than someone who dates someone from a bar?

 

:confused:

Obviously that will be ok...teehee

 

There is good and bad everywhere.

[silvermercy]

It depends on your country.

Try leaving in the UK (where it's a pub/bar dominated culture) when you originally come from a different European coffee culture. LOL I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy and I am looking to immigrate soon! Seriously, almost everyone there has this surreal alcohol obsession where every Friday night and weekend goes out to binge-drink and their idea of great fun is to end up half-naked on the wet, cold ground (or the hospital), with no shoes and vomit on their hair and clothes (what's left of them anyway).

In my country of origin they'd be considered alcoholics at least...

Edited February 2, 2013 by silvermercy

[Pyro]

What about the people who date people from LS. what type of personality would that indicate? better or worse than someone who dates someone from a bar?

 

:confused:

 

Much better. Judgment isn't tainted due to consumption of alcohol.

[veggirl]

Much better. Judgment isn't tainted due to consumption of alcohol.

 

Not if they're posting drunk

 

(shout out to Ross!)

 

:p

[SJC2008]

Why?

 

Because people get so butt hurt that they chose the wrong people to date at the bar that they go on and stereotype all people who go to bars.

 

Bars have so many types of people who go to them. I dont see people saying not to meet an SO at a bookstore or college, or thru friends, after those relationships fail.

 

Very good point! There's no safe bet in where you meet someone. I wonder if cheaters liars and criminals drink coffee? I'm sure one of those types has never been to a starbucks! Most people drink so where would they go?

 

Sure there are men who go to bars to get laid, But you can spot them a mile away IMO.

[MrCastle]

It works for certain people and it doesn't for others. Depends on where you stand with bar stuff in general.

 

Being in my 20s, in college, and single, you might think I'm like Frank the tank from Old School. But I'm not. The bar scene isn't for me.

 

Especially because of how expensive and crappy most of the clubs in the city are.

 

You have a $10 cover, then a $14 drink they pour into a thimble, and you have as much space to move around as you do in an airplane seat.

 

I'd rather spend my money on a book, or a movie, or an album, something that has replay value. Something that entertains me. Not something that I'm going to pee out in an hour. You're peeing out your money. I'm not into that.

 

I do go to bars on occasion, usually for birthdays or other special occasions with my friends, but the bulk of young people who go don't go just for those special occasions. Most of them are there every other weekend and go just to go. Their lifestyle and my lifestyle are very different. Even if we're both in the same place for that moment in time.

[Imported]

I like to go to Starbucks sometimes and pretend like I am speed reading a book. I am sure it makes me look intimidatingly intelligent to the other people there. Sometimes I even wear a sweater vest.

[Casablanca]

It depends on the bar, there are bars guys go to when they want a one nighter, not a place to pick up a girl for long term and then there are other bars/pubs where people go to relax and de-stress from the weekend...not a bad place to meet someone...all depends on the bar and its location and the type of crowd

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Whenever people bring up going to bars when their single people flip out and act like its the worst possible place to meet people..its almost as if somebody said theyre going to the local prison to try to find a partner or something..

 

I know plenty of normal solid people who are single and go to bars and would make good partners..the idea that everyone who goes to bars is a alcoholic drunk and is looking to just have tons of one night stands is highly inaccurate..

 

Most people in their 20's and 30's go to bars at least once in awhile on weekends to unwind and have fun i dont know why people think only the dregs of society can be found in these places..

 

Am i saying its the best place to go when single to try to find a partner? no not at all but i also dont think it should be as taboo as it is because these are normal people youd also find anywhere else when looking for a partner..

 

So remember if you find a person you want to date at an art gallery or starbucks or through a friend that person might also go to *gasp* bars at times as well..

 

I'm with you. I don't think bars are bad places to meet people. If you go to a bar and your a good person, there is obviously going to be other good people there!

 

Also, just because someone goes to church doesn't mean they are a good person. They could be a total douchebag. Good people and douchebags exsist all over the place.

 

My cousin met her husband in a bar and they have three beautiful little girls now, have been married for 10 years and he is a high school principal.

[Woggle]

It depends on what kind of bar we are talking about. If it is just your average club or neighborhood place than fine but if it is some place where the criminals and junkies hang out then it might not be the best place to find love.