My Story - critique

[Talak7]

Please critque my thoughts and situations.

First of all – This is going to be a very post. I’ll give you some background, give you some scenarios, and ask for your critique on my thoughts….about dating and my situations in general.

Background

Hi!

Secondly – I am a 24 year old graduate student with fairly bright career prospects (jobs lined up, large companies, etc)

In the looks department I feel okay about myself. I’ve dated gorgeous woman (though we may all know how far only 1 aspect of a relationship gets us….!)

I have a ton of hobbies. I’ve taught myself guitar and computers, can solve almost any computer issue and enjoy video games, shredding the guitar, and intramural sports. I learned a foreign language in college and spent some time playing in a band and teaching English abroad. It was a blast.

So. I say all these things to give you a bit of a background about myself. I feel like a fairly reasonable person with above-average intelligence.

My story

Sometimes I really just don’t know what I’m doing wrong- but I know I’m doing something wrong. So here I am.

I was in a relationship for about 3 years with a girl whom I I felt I loved. To be honest, I ended up cheating on her with a friend of 5-6 years. I felt terrible and I made stupid mistakes. I own up to it and am not proud of it. I ended up realizing that my friend was never the lover I was going to need, and then my girlfriend at the time crushed my heart a few months later too… This all occurred in 2011. The worst part is looking back and feeling that if I knew what I know now – I would be able to appreciate what I had.

 

So there’s that. I felt from that experience that I learned that one of those girls was never going to be the lover I needed and the other was never going to be the friend I needed. So I’ve been off on my new quest of finding that wonderful combination ; A friend, a lover, something else…!

 

I’ve been reflecting about love and what it means, a lot. And It’s been a depressing time. I (like everyone) blindly followed the idea that I would find someone to love, they would match me in every way I need, and things would be blissful until you die and el oh el wtf is this a Disney movie…..is pretty much how I’m gonna end that sentence.

Does that person exist? Oh I’m sure. Somewhere around there is a cute little girl that likes video games but not too much – who has her own goals, needs, and wants, but more than is genuinely nice, manner minded, and very smart on a down to earth level. However, this “girl”, seems hard to find. And if I do find her, I can’t imagine meeting her at a time when she’s single.

2012

And so in 2012 I really tried. I tried opening my mind – meeting all sorts of girls and trying to really put myself out there.

I dated a CRAZY neo-bush staunch conservative who had considered a friend of mine in the army a murderer. Like I said, crazy! Gorgeous reporter – AWFUL HUMAN BEING! That lasted a couple weeks.

I hooked up with a few foreign exchange girls from asia…uh…just really not. Anything. Special. At all. I feel bad about it. I think these were mostly that “post 3 year relationship” bitter at love kind of deals.

I ended up semi-dating an old high school friend when I moved back to my hometown for a few months for an internship. It was about 3 weeks before I had to leave, and she was nice and beautiful but just like….we smoked some green and kinda chilled. I dunno. We didn’t really have anything in common other than liking pot, sex, and…I dunno. We were (are) studying the same subject and I had just SUCH a deeper interest in the political and blab la bla…and she just had like, no ****ing clue or care about it. It seemed very wishy-washy. Like I could’ve been anyone and she’d be happy. When I left we agreed to be friends – and I apologized and said I just couldn’t do some distance thing on a relationship that’s been a few weeks and we don’t know when we could even visit again – maybe we’ll meet again we said with a smile and said our merry goodbyes. We talk sometimes but I feel like it’s mostly when either of us are probably just feeling down.

I hooked up with a girl from my accounting courses- She was nice enough but really just that typical air-head ditzy bleh feeling. I think she’d be great for an art loving someone that’s not me.

I went on a date with a pretty nice girl….We met at the bar a couple times and she kind of forced my hand to take her home. Well…kinda. She kept blatantly flirting with some musclehead bro trying to make me jealous. Well I called her on it, and we went home together….but the whole situation made me feel like “RED FLAG!” and me really not being into that sort of thing…

And then there was this girl that seemed really nice and really smart. But she was emotionally immature….We went to a football game and hung out afterwards, had dinner, and ended up hooking up. She was super great for like 5 days……then she said she saw her ex and they talked and she just wanted to be friends with me and try to be friends with her ex. 3 weeks later we hang out again…make out….2 weeks later (while in contact) BOOM shes back with her EX, deleted+blocked me on facebook – and then wouldn’t take my calls. Well….I’m always overly nice and feel that everyone is born good and she is not a lying cheating harlot…but it’s a bit glaring in my face….LETS MOVE ON!

Okay…WOW! That was a bad one. How depressing….! So about 3-4 weeks after that, me and an acquaintance finally go get that beer we were talking about. We (of course) end up going home and banging (Page 3 in MS word=getting more blunt!) . Again – for this girl I’m actually like “hey, alright, you seem pretty cool…” Well she is alright. I think. She has texted with me a TON. We hooked up right before a break and it was expected to not really be around, and now it’s just weird. She tells me things like “I like you I just don’t want you to have some expectation because we moved so fast when we first met” – which I agree with completely…. And I’m fine with. What I’m not fine with is “Hey let’s hang out!” –“Sounds good – What would ya like to do?” “Oh I don’t know – Actually I have homework to finish so hit me up after your basketball game (2 hours later). 2 hours later comes. “Hey finished up whats up” “Oh I’m out drinking blab la bla” “Blab la bla” This goes on for about 2 hours and she keeps texting me like she wants to meet up “where are you?” “What do you wanna do?” And then BAM right before we are gonna do something she ditches out. Like, almost notoriously. I’m fine with girls not wanting to hang out or date or anything….I just don’t want to waste my time and make plans around things that don’t exist. I told her straight up and I get the whole “oh I like you I just yeah we should hang out uh derp” kind of messages.

Is she just leading me on? Frankly, she’s a smoker anyway and that was already a huge “meh” ….it’s

One other girl I went home with after a night at the bar. Probably the best story. I was sitting there at 1:00 am and looked to my left and she was this South American that joined the US army. Told me some really interesting stories. I could see she had a lot of passion in her beliefs, she was a tough soldier (which is pretty ***in sexy), yet very nice with a very very down to earth thought process on how she viewed her job and life in general. We went home, and nothing happened. We talked – she showed me her Sprinfield 45 (COOL!), and I went home. I tried to hang out with her and she told me she was just getting out of a relationship….I found out later that she was going through the tail-end of a divorce. I totally get all that. She’s deployed now and we chat every month or so on facebook or something and say hi.

 

From these stories – You probably won’t get that I’m actually an incredibly nice guy. If my friends could describe me, I really do think they would include me being genuinely nice and caring as one of my top few attributes. I’m a sucker and a total hopeless romantic.

I mean- truly- I’m no Adonis. I think there’s been like 1-2 times in my life where I’ve ever been able to pick up a stranger from a bar – I’m just not that good looking and not that good with that kind of game. What I do GREAT at is developing real relationships with people. I think my problem is I’m having trouble developing a real relationship with someone I WANT to have a real relationship with….

As I review these, there’s one GLARING object in my face – I always end up sleeping with girls really soon. But I’m not TRYING to. Well, I am trying to, but I’m trying to in a…. I guess I just don’t know when to stop? When to ease off the throttle? Or if that’s the problem?

Maybe it’s because most of these girls are ages 20-23 and this is what people do when they are 20-23. I really don’t know. Maybe they don’t understand me as well I hoped they would? I’m the type of guy that – If you don’t want to date or something and I’m pursuing you – I make it very clear we can be friends. **** – I’ve turned down girls before. I get it…who cares. It’s part of life. But I think a lot of these girls end up getting all high-pressure with me or something and then making things into like, a stressful-big deal?

But all of this has made me do a lot of thinking. I’m still not finding any (attractive?) girls that have similar interests/hobbies as me. And heck – we don’t have to date- we could just be friends! Where are all the guitar-playing-computer-cracking-videogame-enjoying girls? I generally meet people through friends – maybe that’s not the way to go about it. I’ve tried online dating – but my area is too rural for that sort of thing (60,000 town is just too small. Girls on those sites for that large of area…it just hasn’t become normal or “not weird” here at all. So you can imagine the people it attracts)

 

I’ve been pretty cynical with everything. Now I feel like that guy at the bar that sits there and watches dumb girls fall into stupid guys’ arms. I feel like everyone is just fickle-ing insecure and desperately looking for someone to love them so they can validate themselves – but they have nothing to validate. The few that do either seem to not match up with my thoughts or be completely unavailable.

The more and more I look at it, the more and more I feel like “Oh, my 10 Japanese model girlfriend of 3 years? That’s who I should’ve stuck with. Because she was a really great person, even if not similar in activity/interests…”. On the other side of that coin is “Well if I have to settle then **** that”. Or love isn’t real….we just find someone we can deal with that sexually satisfies us?

I’d say I wish I was gay so me and my best friend could just be dating, but the gay community seems to have it rougher than us!! Hahahha.

Well…

 

PLEASE be brutal. Share your thoughts. Any relations? Any insights of your own?

Every year I reflect on my experiences and learn about them. I think this year I should try to get feedback from those around.

Edited February 1, 2013 by Talak7
fixing Formatting Font/Errors

[babycrapgreen]

Too long, you should simplify it. You'll get more advice.

[rushingwaters]

You sound like a perfectionist. Since perfect people do not exist, you will not find her.

 

If you want a down-to-earth girl who will play video/computer games with you, you can try looking for a shy/nerdy girl. Sit in the lounge at a school library instead of a bar.

[pbjbear]

Based on your first few paragraphs you sound like someone I would date.

 

But you come across as entitled and angry in your posts. Not saying youre like that in real life (if you are it will scare off some women) but on here thats how I see it.

[StanMusial]

Now what is the question again? Dang