cheerfuldoer Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I posted a couple months ago about not knowing when to make a move. Something drastic happened and I saw an attorney. I told my husband the other night and he had a terrible reaction. He said it would get ugly, it wouldn't be amicable, blah blah blah. He didn't say a word about me taking the kids. He just was mad about his perceptions of how much of his money I would get. I said we need to tell the kids. He said, it's your doing you tell them, I'm not. I told them and my surly 16 year old son said it's obvious it was going to happen. He then said he wanted to live with his 21 year old brother not me and his annoying sister. My husband came downstairs and said, "sorry, your mom's taking all of my money, I'm going to live in a crate so I don't have room for you." He said that to our children. My daughter started crying. Yep.... He stormed out and left. He came back an hour later a different person. My attorney prepared a document outlining what I was asking for. My husband read it while he was out. He called his dad who started acting like I was going to screw my husband over. That put my husband in a different frame of mind. He defended me to his dad and said I wasn't like that. Husband came home, we sat down and talked. We agreed that we aren't good spouses to each other. We also agreed there is no sense of trying to know who did what to whom to get us here, because we needed to move forward, not backward. We verbally divided up our household goods. He joked about me not being jealous when he had a 25 year old girlfriend. I told him I wouldn't be, because he'd be wiping her kids snotty noses. Husband said he was just caught off guard about me telling him I wanted a divorce. I told him on New Year's Day after our big drastic event that I was calling an attorney on January 2. I've also been telling him things all month, not to mention telling him I'm done since last summer. He said yes, but I didn't know you were serious. I looked at him and said, we've been married 22 years, when do I ever not mean what I say. He admitted he maybe didn't want to hear it. That was Wednesday. I've rented a house for the kids and I, using the money I'd squirreled away as the deposit. I was judged here for squirreling money away, but I didn't know what he would do when I told him, so I had to be ready. I told him about the money and the deposit and he said that's fine. I'm moving on March 1. We are living together until then. We are going to sell our home. He is going to live here and do repairs until it's sold. He then plans on buying a small home nearby so the kids can go to whichever house they choose, which I agree with. It seems odd, but life is the same, I still cook and we're sorting out the finances during this month.
GuyInLimbo Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Good for you. It seems the two of you can be mature about this, when many people are unable to be that way. I don't know why people would criticize you for saving money the way you did. If one is afraid of what may happen, that's a reasonable thing to do. You need to be prepared.
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Do family counseling. It could be easier for the kids as a family unit to know that you and your husband will still be co parenting together and put them first no matter what. You and your H may be better parents apart and become friends, in time. Your divorce doesn't have to be an ugly one so I'm glad your H is being nicer and more mature about it. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 My brother and his ex-wife are extremely close and very good friends. The divorce wasn't as smooth as one would hope, but they're almost best buddies now.
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