Own Worst Enemy Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 So this is week 4 of no contact, and it is hitting home with a brutal slap that he really means it. He really is out there looking for someone he CAN feel attracted to enough to want s.ex with them. I'm doing ok for the most part, in that I am out and at the gym a lot, and mostly I am calm, with plenty of periods when I think, "your loss, pal." But for the last few days I have had this constant undercurrent of sadness, interspersed with panic at the thought of him with someone else and the constant refrain of "how can he not be missing me, how can i mean that little after so long" drumming through my head. Logically I know that he is missing me, just not at all in the right way. Logically I know that someone who is so hung up on looks and having a thin partner is a shallow a.rsehole. Logically I know that this guy finds it impossible to relate to most people and to make friends, and that I am the first person in his entire life that he has felt truly comfortable with, and that he confided everything in me. If he wants to chuck that away for some pr0n related ideal of a seriously hot girl, then what an idiot. Logically I know that I'm not skinny but I'm not a hambeast either - although feel free to disagree! [COLOR=#800080]http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm177/rachelswipe/NOTGINGER_zps76064572.jpg[/COLOR] But the damage it has done to my self-esteem, spending so long with someone who thought I was too unattractive to sleep with, is horrific. I feel like nobody will ever want me again, and would only do it out of "obligation" (a particularly charming explanation from him about why he didn't seem to have a problem with me for the first few months). I feel pointless and stupid, given that he can go from constant contact and sharing everything with me to blissful silence. And I don't know how to stop these negative thoughts so that I don't carry them with me. How do you guys tell yourself "it's their problem, not mine" ? Or what should I be telling myself? Happy Friday! x
Inviv_girl Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Honey, don't mind what he said! he is a total dumba$$ who dont deserve any of your time! he is not worth at all! Please... tell this to yourself over and over again, the beauty is come from within, feel the beauty of yourself anytime, when you put your dress on and look at yourself on the mirror tell the world you are the most beautiful girl on earth. We all do, all woman are beautiful!! please remember that! If he wants to feck around then let him, let him do whatever he want because he is no longer worth your time and certainly dont deserve your love! so f*ck him!! each time he popped in your head quickly tell him to f*ck off...just f*ck off!! Tell yourself you are beautiful and deserve better!!! 1
stevie_23 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 You know what? I feel for you. You describe a lot of how I was feeling a few weeks ago after my ex dumped me and went NC suddenly. Seemingly deeply in love before and then "blissful" silence. Hmm indeed. I felt worthless, ugly...I had trouble looking at myself in the mirror for longer than few fleeting seconds because where I used to feel his love and desire for me through my own eyes, now? Nothing. An unappealing reflection. I haven't read anything else about your experiences, but did he treat you poorly during the relationship at all in relation to knocking your self confidence over your appearance? If so, then he has major issues with his own self image and esteem. Not that I SHOULD even need to say it, but you are GORGEOUS. You remind me a little in your photo of a young Grace Slick (who I find amazingly attractive and hot and who I would LOVE to look like). Now, my ex was always amazing at making me feel desired and attractive and loved. If your's was NOT, then of COURSE you're going to feel unwanted and unattractive and somehow "faulty" now. It's hard enough to not feel that way (as per my situation) even when you're always getting ego boosts from your partner and you know you're attractive to begin with, let alone if he has given you an actual reason to doubt your appeal. With regard to your thoughts about feeling worthless because he went from sharing everything with you to...nothing...well, this really is all about HIM. Who do you think it reflects on that someone loves, needs and enjoys being with you and then abruptly fades to nothing and seems happy about it (which may or may not be the case)? It reflects entirely on HIM, not you. Not at ALL on you. You say he was never able to really be comfortable with people or be understood by people or get on well with anyone, apart from you. So...you were his first true person who REALLY "got" him? Maybe because of that, he's now seen someone CAN "get" him and he now thinks he can find that again in the future... Or maybe he got tired of being "got" and is a superficial prick who just wants to have sex with random people he deems attractive enough for his "superior standards".
Author Own Worst Enemy Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 reading these replies has helped me to feel a little bit better. knowing we are all feeling the same thing does help. we all rock. our exes have a screw loose for even trying to live their pathetic lives without us! x
cavalier99 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 (edited) I love red heads! BTW you are very pretty, beautiful smile, eyes...and hair! Hows that for an ego boost! My ex was 130 when I met her...great body... She got up to 170 at one point ..not so great body. I maintained my weight and always looked relatively good. I still loved her the same and sex was just about as good. I wouldn't have complained if she lost some weight for health reasons and it does up endurance and attractiveness level some but it wasn't a big deal to me. Cav Edited February 1, 2013 by cavalier99
Samilia Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 So this is week 4 of no contact, and it is hitting home with a brutal slap that he really means it. He really is out there looking for someone he CAN feel attracted to enough to want s.ex with them. I'm doing ok for the most part, in that I am out and at the gym a lot, and mostly I am calm, with plenty of periods when I think, "your loss, pal." But for the last few days I have had this constant undercurrent of sadness, interspersed with panic at the thought of him with someone else and the constant refrain of "how can he not be missing me, how can i mean that little after so long" drumming through my head. Logically I know that he is missing me, just not at all in the right way. Logically I know that someone who is so hung up on looks and having a thin partner is a shallow a.rsehole. Logically I know that this guy finds it impossible to relate to most people and to make friends, and that I am the first person in his entire life that he has felt truly comfortable with, and that he confided everything in me. If he wants to chuck that away for some pr0n related ideal of a seriously hot girl, then what an idiot. Logically I know that I'm not skinny but I'm not a hambeast either - although feel free to disagree! [COLOR=#800080]http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm177/rachelswipe/NOTGINGER_zps76064572.jpg[/COLOR] But the damage it has done to my self-esteem, spending so long with someone who thought I was too unattractive to sleep with, is horrific. I feel like nobody will ever want me again, and would only do it out of "obligation" (a particularly charming explanation from him about why he didn't seem to have a problem with me for the first few months). I feel pointless and stupid, given that he can go from constant contact and sharing everything with me to blissful silence. And I don't know how to stop these negative thoughts so that I don't carry them with me. How do you guys tell yourself "it's their problem, not mine" ? Or what should I be telling myself? Happy Friday! x Because you're the girl someone won't be able to keep his hands off. Simple as that. That's just not him. Don't let his idea of what's attractive define who you are, how you dress, how you laugh, etc.. If we were to change who we are each time we get rejected, we'd be a bunch of single people with no personalities. It is his problem indeed, not yours.
cherepaha Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 WHAT? you are nowhere near fat at all!! you look great and a great smile! men like him just have low-self esteem IMO and take it out on others OR he was scared you'd leave him for someone better and this was his way of keeping you... at the end the BS got to his head and he fell for his own pathetic words and now is chasing a stupid fantasy that will never ever make him happy. He got his priorities messed up and you dont need that in your life. He might realize how stupid and shallow he is acting down the road but it would be a little too late.
Author Own Worst Enemy Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 when i feel really really low, it helps to come here and read these comments. you're all very kind and I feel lucky to have found this place. although sorry cav, it's not reeeeally ginger, it's brunette with a bit of a red tint. blame the camera flash!!
Ruby Slippers Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I've been with OK-looking guys who thought I was OK, and very good-looking guys who couldn't keep their hands off me. You just won't do it for some people - and others will think you're a sex bomb. I've learned not to bother with guys who are lukewarm about me and don't appreciate me.
cavalier99 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 when i feel really really low, it helps to come here and read these comments. you're all very kind and I feel lucky to have found this place. although sorry cav, it's not reeeeally ginger, it's brunette with a bit of a red tint. blame the camera flash!! My bad...Looks good anyway!
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