Whats happening to me???

[nick01675]

I've been in a relationship with this girl for about 6 month ,first 3 months was great it was awesome we didn't have any fights. we used to talk for hours together.

 

After 3 months, slowly we started with the fights.. I saw her msg on watsapp with a guy she was flirting with. I confronted her she told it was just healthy flirting and the guy knows tat she is in a relationship with me. The guy is major flirt.

 

I indirectly asked her to stop msg him as i cant stand my girl to flirt around with someone else. she did that. For about the month we had some issues and fights minor ones.. Then later on the same guy started msg her and they continued. Our calls and msg reduced and msg to him increased and one day i caught her red handed for msg him. We had a fight and i told I'm gonna end the relationship and she told tat I'm more important than tat guy and she promised me she shall stop msg him.

 

Now i reached a point that when ever i see her online on watsapp i get paranoid. I still think she is still msg him or someone new as our relationship is not the same as before. We are just having fights for random reasons.

 

Everytime we fight i blame her, I made her think tat way she really bad.

 

She is telling tat I'm getting to attached to her and i have more feeling than she has.

 

I'm having problems at work and I get angry very soon.

 

Yesterday we had a fight and it reached a point where she told lets breakup and its not working we just have fights these days. I couldnt take tat, i spoke to her and told tat i shall not fight next time. She told me if i do so then its gonna end and she wouldnt give me a closure.

 

I told her i love her and the fights are not because we hate each other. She told everytime we fight she considering herself as bad person and losing her self respect.

 

 

Now its in state if there is a fight its over.

 

I dont know. In between i lost trust in her. Maybe thats y im paranoid. i cant control when she is online on watsapp and doesnt msg/call..

[TrueAwareness]

You just took your first step to become her doormat. When you said "i will not fight again about this" you gave her all the power in the world to do as she pleases without feeling that she is not respecting you. And the more this happens, the more she will lose interest.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm sorry bud, but YOU need to dump HER.

She's untrustworthy.

When you're in a relationship with someone, it's completely unacceptable to continue flirting with other people, and get a buzz from the attention.

 

She's obviously not as committed to your relationship, at all, as you are, because otherwise she wouldn't complain you're getting too attached to her!

 

Damn right you should be - you're supposed to be in an exclusive relationship!

 

If she's looking for less attachment from you - it means she's looking for extra fun elsewhere, and this is how she's getting it, for now.

 

If left unchecked, it will escalate.

 

This relationship is unhealthy, and she has no right to make threats.

This is common with people who are guilty - to try to put themselves in the position of the offended person.

They turn the problem round, as if it's your fault.

 

Well, it's not.

It's hers.

And this is how she is.

 

And if I were you, I'd make her an ex-problem.

[Indio Negrito]

Bro, you're a man and are experiencing rationale feelings of dishonor by the woman you gave your heart too.

 

She's bringing the worst out of you, not the best....take your nads back and let her go dude.

 

You deserve to be in just as passionate relationship as you put the work in to provide.

 

It's a matter of respect. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Let her go like a gentleman and move on to a real woman.

[TaraMaiden]

normally I agree with Tara, she is a smart cookie.... but....

 

I guess it really depends if these messages are really bad, or the OP is taking them out of context because he is a bit insecure....

 

The point I was making was that having already spoken to her about it, and expressed his concern, her response and continued persistence to perpetuate the behaviour is disrespectful and condescending.

 

If your partner objected to your actions, my guess is that you'd discuss the matter and establish an agreement.

 

Their relationship sounds unbalanced if this is the result in their case....

he may well feel insecure, I don't deny that. But having an insecure partner should result in reassurance and concern, not pig-headed insistence of continuing the behaviour.

 

I still "what's app" females friends, and OK, there is no sexting going on, just chit chat, moans, help... I still get a kiss etc after each message, and send in in return... now us that classed as flirting?!?! IDK.

I think one can only determine that in context of the state of a relationship as it stands. And no two people are the same. if your spouse/partner is aware of what you text and what comes back to you, and is totally okay with that, then everything is healthy.

[incandescent]

wow this sounds a little like my scenario... she said the same thing to me, if we fight again she would dump me, so for a month i kept my mouth closed... but in the end i stood up for myself and said what she was doing is wrong, an argument erupted and she dumped me. STAND UP for yourself, if she is doing something wrong, DO NOT be afraid to tell her exactly what you think... you cant never argue, its impossible. from my own experience i would let her go man, she is definitely not worth it... but its your call : )

[williamshakespeare]

Based on your post, I don't trust this girl. What does your gut tell you?

Reading between the lines of what you wrote - I think its telling you not to trust her either.

 

What's a relationship without trust?

 

I'd get outta dodge if I was you - find a way out of this!

 

Do damage control!

 

If you don't - I see a bigger hurt coming your way down the line and then you'll be on this site for bloody years! You've seen this person't true colors and they ain't pretty.

[nick01675]

Thanks for the support. I just logged in today.

 

Day before she gave me a call we spoke for about 5 mins she told she is gng to sleep for some time will text after some time.

 

Soon after tat i got a call from my work place tat i had to submit few papers.

I thought i would meet her and tell sorry as her place is on the way.

I called her up after a long ring she picked up.

I asked her where are u?

She - Im at home.

Me - Can i come and meet u now? i wanna tell sorry for yesterdays incident.

She - Nooooo. I just came from Dance class im all sweaty.

Me - I just wanna tell sorry no hug or anything.

She - Nooo please dont. I dont want to see u right now,

After this i felt suspicious and went to her house which is like 5 mins drive from my place. Her roomate opened the door and told she is not at home. I called her again she didnt pick. Try calling her several times but no luck.

 

She texted me - Wats wrong?

Me - Where are u?

She - At home.

Me - Then why are not picking my calls?

She - I dont wanna talk, txt me.

Me - I was there ur room mate told tat u havnt reached home after dance class

She - I just came out buy few stuffs.

Me - Oh Ok. Can we meet in the evening.?

She - Yeah sure.

 

After 1 hour i called her roomate and asked if she is there at home, she told she isnt and the door bell rang . It was her and i asked her roomate not to tell that i called.

 

I texted her Wats up?

She called me back and asked wat i was upto. I told im at office. Asked her where she is and she told she is at home

I asked her when did she come back. She told long back.

 

I asked her if we can meet in sometime she told yes.

 

When we met i asked her where was she and y did she lie to me.

She got angry and told i dont wanna justify anything to u.

I told her bye and i went home.

 

After 5 mins she calls and says tat she was out for shopping. She was buying me a valentine gift.

 

Immediately went her place again spoke to her again told sorry a 1000 times . No luck. She ended.

 

I told its my fault - Good bye.

 

I txted her roomate told im the bad person and we split.

 

Yes we broke up.

 

Same night she had gone for partying with her roomate, Saw the update on facebook. After that as NC procedure i blocked her on all social networking site.

 

Yesterday she texted me.

 

She - We were bound to split soon or later. Please dont take anything on urself. It will kill me if u take everything on urself.

 

Me - Yeah we were bound to split . Good it happened yesterday. End of story.. Good riddance

 

She - Oh ok im happy that u are dealing with it nicely. I know we wont be in touch for sometime. Tell me when u have moved on.. We shall be friends again.

 

Me - I have a set some standards for my friends. U dont fall in that category. U never will.

 

After this she called me a 1000 times and i didnt pick

 

She texted - Please explain standards.

 

I didnt reply.

 

She called again i didnt respond.

 

She texted again please pick my call, ill just listen to u. please explain me abt the standards. I will never argue. I gave u proper closure even i deserve one.

 

Me - I have wasted a lot of time etc etc etc on u. I cant do tat anymore.

 

She - Sorry.. I Swear wont bother u again. U take care. Goodbye. Im sorry i wasted ur money time and energy.

 

After that no txt or call. after some time my friend met her as she called him to give some money tat she owed.

 

Later tat night she deactivated her facebook profile( my friend told me)

 

 

Now am i the bad person???

 

I still wonder tat i was just paranoid and i messed it up.

Edited February 3, 2013 by nick01675

[TaraMaiden]

So I was right.

Completely untrustworthy.

 

Drop her like a hot brick, and go Complete No Contact.

Read the Link in my signature.

You weren't paranoid, messed up or insecure.

You had a gut instinct and you were right.

 

Follow the Guide To The Letter.

 

 

On a separate note, it looks a lot better on forum if you spell 'you' properly, and not just put 'u'.

 

Oh - and the word 'that'.....? has an 'h' in it.

 

After that no txt or call. after some time my friend met her as she called him to give some money tat she owed.

 

Later tat night she deactivated her facebook profile( my friend told me)

 

 

'Tat' just means cheap crap.

 

Which in her case might be appropriate, but it's better to spell words properly on forum. You'll get far more responses that way - trust me on that one.

 

Yup - Go No Contact, don't create drama, and if anything happens (She tries to contact you, talk to you, text you, whatever) DO NOT REPLY - come back to your thread and seek pointers on what to do next....!

[nick01675]

Just an update.

 

I maintained NC.

She called my friend yesterday and enquired about me. He told that i'm ok, coping up with the situation. Her voice went low when she heard that.

[TaraMaiden]

Just an update.

 

I maintained NC.

She called my friend yesterday and enquired about me. He told that i'm ok, coping up with the situation. Her voice went low when she heard that.

 

Try not to be open to 'updates' form well-meaning friends.

That is in itself, also a form of contact. You're keeping tabs, even if that's not your intention.

 

"Thanks for the update man - do me a favour, if she contacts you again, say what you like, but don't tell me about it, ok? I need to get her out of my head, totally, so I don't really need updates, because it just messes with my mind. I appreciate the favour tho', that's cool."

[nick01675]

Just a gut feeling that she might call..

[TaraMaiden]

Just a gut feeling you'll break NC, go against all advice and answer anyway......

 

Hope not.....

[nick01675]

Its been almost 2 weeks of NC.. Again my friend spoke to her when she asked about me. She told she was in love with me but cant be in relationship as it doesn't work. She started enjoying her single life and is occupied with her new dance program. My friend tried forcing her, she was confused, 50% of her wanted to get back and 50% of her wants to run away.

 

Anyways I told my friends don't talk about her hereafter. I made a point that I wont ask our common friends about her(Though I feel like asking them). In fact I rarely speak to our common friends now.

 

Right now how i feel.

 

- Sleeping 8 hrs a day( disturbed her face pops up in between)

- Depressed.

- low and no mood to go gym.

- Don't feel like getting out as i'm scared if i would bump into her .

- Some days are better (but I was depressed all 13 days!!)

- When i think of reconcile i will be happy.. But when i thing think of moving on i feel sad.

- Lack of confidence

 

 

I know 2 weeks isn't enough, but day be day its getting worse and my confidence going low. I want to push my self but right know i cant.

 

I can maintain NC its not that Im going to stop that. I just that i don't see any developments in me.

[TaraMaiden]

Of course you don't.

 

It's like a broken arm under plaster.

 

you don't see the progress, but you're healing anyway.

Jeesh, it's only been 2 weeks, give yourself a break, man!

[nick01675]

Im sorry i broke it.

 

I was it maintaining NC for over 2 weeks.. I had huge hopes of she coming back. I thought she would miss me and eventually text me. The hopes kept killing me, i used to toss a coin to get an answer ( i know its foolish). I didn't know whats happening in her life. I felt i couldn't move on thinking that she would be back .

I decided to check on her. I texted her to knw how was she doing, got a immediate reply that she is doing great and happy with the single life (happy that i didn't beg) it was normal questions initially and her reply seemed she was happy and enjoying her life that is when i lost it. I got really irritated with her msg and we had a argument all over again and now its confirm that she wont be back and i dont have any hopes and I DON"T WANT HER BACK!!!!

 

 

Sorry guys i went against all your advice.

 

I shall be strong hereafter.

[nick01675]

Just a gut feeling you'll break NC, go against all advice and answer anyway......

 

Hope not.....

 

sorry Tara

[TaraMaiden]

I am not going to say "I told you so" because your butt must hurt enough with all the kicks you're giving yourself.

 

But now - you know.

You definitely know.

 

Help yourself through this.

be kind, be good to yourself.

 

You are your own person, and you are solely responsible for your own well-being peace, and happiness.

 

Work on yourself because right now, in your life, no-one is more deserving of this, than you are.

[nick01675]

Hey guys,

 

Need some support.

 

Today was bad. I was in bed the entire day. I started to realize that she wont be back and I don't want her!!. I started accepting the fact that she is not worth my time. I don't feel like breaking NC.. Hell No!!

 

Its been almost a month after breaking NC. I still feel the pain. Some days were ok. Today don't know why it was unbearable. I usually feel low in the morning but get better later, but today seems a very bad day for me.

 

Puked a lot today as I tend do that when depression kicks in to the max. I stopped taking antidepressant as the side effects was killing me. Didn't feel like going to gym today didn't have the energy..

 

I wish I took a sleeping pill and sleep for months and wake up only when i'm over her.

[The_Face]

nick, you're a lot like me. I broke up with my ex last May, and I think you and I went through much of the same things. I beat myself up about EVERYTHING, even when I KNEW that my ex was no good for me. Even after finding out she is untrustworthy and she's been up to no good, I still made myself feel like I was a bad guy. I also was impatient during my healing process. I thought I should feel 100% better the second I decided I didn't want her back. Fact is, even after I fully came to the realization I could never accept this girl back after what she's done, I still went through some funky, depressed times, a windy road of ups and downs.

 

I think you're doing alot better. I think it's pretty common to slip up after a breakup and break NC, or to be unsure of if you want your ex back, it can all change with the weather. So don't get too down about your situation, it's not alot different than many of ours.

 

Keep it up. Cleanse yourself of the memory of this girl. Think about the future, meeting someone new, getting back into old hobbies. These sorts of thoughts can inspire you to get back on track.

 

Hope I've helped in some way. My advice is all scattered and I'm not the best source, I suppose. But I related to your post and thought, hey, I know how this guy feels! And you're going to get through this, hopefully you know that.

[nick01675]

Thanks The Face.. I appreciate it. Thanks a lot.

[nick01675]

Sometime i feel indifferent, it feels so great that time, it gives me confidence that i can survive without her, but that happens only rarely. The very next day Ill be back to depression again.

 

I guess I'm over with the anger phase I'm not angry anymore. I just need to get past the depression.

 

Planning to go for a trip for about 4 days with guy friends I hope that makes a difference.

[Damaged23]

nick, you're a lot like me. I broke up with my ex last May, and I think you and I went through much of the same things. I beat myself up about EVERYTHING, even when I KNEW that my ex was no good for me. Even after finding out she is untrustworthy and she's been up to no good, I still made myself feel like I was a bad guy. I also was impatient during my healing process. I thought I should feel 100% better the second I decided I didn't want her back. Fact is, even after I fully came to the realization I could never accept this girl back after what she's done, I still went through some funky, depressed times, a windy road of ups and downs.

 

I think you're doing alot better. I think it's pretty common to slip up after a breakup and break NC, or to be unsure of if you want your ex back, it can all change with the weather. So don't get too down about your situation, it's not alot different than many of ours.

 

Keep it up. Cleanse yourself of the memory of this girl. Think about the future, meeting someone new, getting back into old hobbies. These sorts of thoughts can inspire you to get back on track.

 

Hope I've helped in some way. My advice is all scattered and I'm not the best source, I suppose. But I related to your post and thought, hey, I know how this guy feels! And you're going to get through this, hopefully you know that.

 

How are you feeling almost a year into the BU? Over your ex? Have u contacted her?

[The_Face]

How are you feeling almost a year into the BU? Over your ex? Have u contacted her?

 

Long story. I'd hate to bog down OP's thread with my nonsense, so.. Uhm, if I had to answer that, briefly, I'd say I am feeling pretty good, almost a year after the breakup. Yes, I am over her. At one point I liked her, even thought I loved her, but now I prefer not to even think about her, which brings me to your final question. Yes, I have contacted my ex. Our situation is a bit different though. Had she not just given birth to a child that may be mine, I'd have no reason to ever speak to her again. But, here we are.

 

Keep hangin' in there, OP, and anybody else who may have found themselves in a similar situation. This all may be rough, the world feels like it's ending, etc. etc., but it will NOT break you. This girl doesn't matter anymore.