enbowen Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I have been married for 12 years. My wife and I have a beautiful, smart, funny 7 year old daughter we adopted from China when she was 1. As with most Chinese adoptions, our daughter was abandoned at birth. My wife has decided she does not want to be married to me anymore, and is divorcing me. I know no specific reason why. There has been no adultery and no abuse. I have pleaded with her to attend marriage counseling with me, as has our daughter's therapist. She refuses. I do not want the divorce. Here is my dilemma. I do not want to blame the divorce on my wife to my daughter, but it is vitally important to me that my daughter know I did not surrender time with her voluntarily. I don't want her to think I'm someone else who prioritizes myself over her, or abandons her. And I don't want to participate in the lie that this divorce by mutual consent. What can I tell my daughter?
foolish1 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I'm going through the same thing. I want the kids to know the truth too. Its hard not to react emotionally when you didn't want it. Especially when you are destroyed and they watch you be destroyed and could care less. Give yourself a few days to digest it and then formulate what you will say. You don't want to react in front of your child and upset her.
Yasuandio Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I'm going through the same thing. I want the kids to know the truth too. Its hard not to react emotionally when you didn't want it. Especially when you are destroyed and they watch you be destroyed and could care less. Give yourself a few days to digest it and then formulate what you will say. You don't want to react in front of your child and upset her. Ms> Foolish, Fool around in your own backyard right now, You have business to attend to in the AM.
Yasuandio Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I have been married for 12 years. My wife and I have a beautiful, smart, funny 7 year old daughter we adopted from China when she was 1. As with most Chinese adoptions, our daughter was abandoned at birth. My wife has decided she does not want to be married to me anymore, and is divorcing me. I know no specific reason why. There has been no adultery and no abuse. I have pleaded with her to attend marriage counseling with me, as has our daughter's therapist. She refuses. I do not want the divorce. Here is my dilemma. I do not want to blame the divorce on my wife to my daughter, but it is vitally important to me that my daughter know I did not surrender time with her voluntarily. This is very confusing. If your wife wants the divorce and you do not want the divorce, then that is the truth. Any other explanation you provide your daughter will be a lie or mistruth. She will figure it out sooner or later. I don't want her to think I'm someone else who prioritizes myself over her, or abandons her. And I don't want to participate in the lie that this divorce by mutual consent. What can I tell my daughter? If you don't wan't to particiapte in a lie, then don't lie. Tell the truth.
K Os Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 If you don't wan't to particiapte in a lie, then don't lie. Tell the truth. I agree with Yasuandio. Telling the truth doesn't necessarily apportion blame if you don't frame it that way. I've had the same thing with my son. I've told him several times that separation and/or divorce are not my idea, and I didn't want it. I haven't gone any further than that, and I've never said anything negative to him about his mum. And he and I are fine. Truth is simple and best.
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