sgibson1967 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Hey, everyone. I just need a little advice on a very messed up situation. I had been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She was 21 and I am 25. The relationship quickly escalated into an extremely serious, incredible connection (possibly because we were each other's first sexual experience as well as first LTR). People were jealous of us... we had the perfect relationship. After a year, she even talked about us moving in together, having children and getting married. In November, our mutual friend got divorced. He is 33, and was actually a friend of mine longer than hers. He was the one who introduced us two years ago. He began messing around with my girlfriend's older sister, who is married... and they nearly got a divorce. They claim they never did anything, but no one will really know for sure I suppose. Eventually she came to her senses and went back to her husband. We weren't really talking much to him, because we were both pretty disgusted with his behavior. Then, out of nowhere, as soon as she goes back to her husband... my girlfriend begins texting him more and more often. Hanging out with him constantly. To the point where she's seeing him more than me. I begin asking her questions, and losing trust in her... but she tells me I have "trust issues" and I need to chill out. So I did. Then, suddenly, she tells me we "need a break". She tells me that she loves me still, and plans to move in with me and have my children... but maybe we should take a few months off to find ourselves and come back to each other later on. I didn't agree to it, but agreed to give her some space. So I did, for nearly a week. We reunited the next week, and hung out overnight into the next morning. We got along so great, and had an amazing couple days. Then, we picked up the friend... and went out to lunch. I noticed they were talking to each other more than they were talking to me. Then, we all went home. The next day, she acted normal, telling me she loved me... and didn't respond for 3 hours. 3 hours later... "we need to talk." She calls me, and dumps me. I was clueless as to how this switch went off in her head over a matter of a week, and how suddenly she "didn't want kids" and "didn't want marriage" and "wanted to be single for awhile". However, it did. After a few days, I came to respect it and let her be. Then... I receive a message from her sister... saying she had left her facebook open. Messages, about how they "enjoyed each other's cuddle time" and "I loved those flowers you sent me, but I'll tell everyone they're anonymous"... I was furious. I confronted the both of them. Dating each other a week after she dumped me?? Of course, they ran circles around it... and insisted they were "just friends". I have since completely cut off the friend from my life, and talk to my ex VERY rarely. It just hurts too much to speak to her. It's been two weeks tomorrow since she broke up with me, and I heard she went to his house two DAYS afterward. All in all, an extremely twisted situation. I'm not even sure if it's a rebound relationship or a serious one that they began building before ours was even broken. But they're trying so hard to keep it a secret, her family disagrees with it and likes me more, and the worst part... she's 21. He's 33. It's just not right. Do you think that I should cut her out of my life completely, or is this some strange phase? Her family will never accept this guy, ESPECIALLY because he almost destroyed her older sister's marriage, and they have absolutely nothing in common. Most people say I need to just let her go, and that even if she did come back, which she claims will never happen... I'd never be able to trust her. I just don't know what to do here... I wouldn't mind keeping her as a friend, but as long as she's with my best friend, it's just too painful. I can't believe something so perfect ended so quickly.
Samilia Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Hey, everyone. I just need a little advice on a very messed up situation. I had been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She was 21 and I am 25. The relationship quickly escalated into an extremely serious, incredible connection (possibly because we were each other's first sexual experience as well as first LTR). People were jealous of us... we had the perfect relationship. After a year, she even talked about us moving in together, having children and getting married. In November, our mutual friend got divorced. He is 33, and was actually a friend of mine longer than hers. He was the one who introduced us two years ago. He began messing around with my girlfriend's older sister, who is married... and they nearly got a divorce. They claim they never did anything, but no one will really know for sure I suppose. Eventually she came to her senses and went back to her husband. We weren't really talking much to him, because we were both pretty disgusted with his behavior. Then, out of nowhere, as soon as she goes back to her husband... my girlfriend begins texting him more and more often. Hanging out with him constantly. To the point where she's seeing him more than me. I begin asking her questions, and losing trust in her... but she tells me I have "trust issues" and I need to chill out. So I did. Then, suddenly, she tells me we "need a break". She tells me that she loves me still, and plans to move in with me and have my children... but maybe we should take a few months off to find ourselves and come back to each other later on. I didn't agree to it, but agreed to give her some space. So I did, for nearly a week. We reunited the next week, and hung out overnight into the next morning. We got along so great, and had an amazing couple days. Then, we picked up the friend... and went out to lunch. I noticed they were talking to each other more than they were talking to me. Then, we all went home. The next day, she acted normal, telling me she loved me... and didn't respond for 3 hours. 3 hours later... "we need to talk." She calls me, and dumps me. I was clueless as to how this switch went off in her head over a matter of a week, and how suddenly she "didn't want kids" and "didn't want marriage" and "wanted to be single for awhile". However, it did. After a few days, I came to respect it and let her be. Then... I receive a message from her sister... saying she had left her facebook open. Messages, about how they "enjoyed each other's cuddle time" and "I loved those flowers you sent me, but I'll tell everyone they're anonymous"... I was furious. I confronted the both of them. Dating each other a week after she dumped me?? Of course, they ran circles around it... and insisted they were "just friends". I have since completely cut off the friend from my life, and talk to my ex VERY rarely. It just hurts too much to speak to her. It's been two weeks tomorrow since she broke up with me, and I heard she went to his house two DAYS afterward. All in all, an extremely twisted situation. I'm not even sure if it's a rebound relationship or a serious one that they began building before ours was even broken. But they're trying so hard to keep it a secret, her family disagrees with it and likes me more, and the worst part... she's 21. He's 33. It's just not right. Do you think that I should cut her out of my life completely, or is this some strange phase? Her family will never accept this guy, ESPECIALLY because he almost destroyed her older sister's marriage, and they have absolutely nothing in common. Most people say I need to just let her go, and that even if she did come back, which she claims will never happen... I'd never be able to trust her. I just don't know what to do here... I wouldn't mind keeping her as a friend, but as long as she's with my best friend, it's just too painful. I can't believe something so perfect ended so quickly. Yes, I think you should cut her off. As for him, he'll dump her promptly very soon. She'll run back to you. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Yes, I think you should cut her off. As for him, he'll dump her promptly very soon. She'll run back to you. This. 100 percent this. While not as extreme, my GF was telling me how happy she was with me, how amazing I was, wanted to get married, etc....then BAM one week it was so different. She was getting messages and such like your girl is getting. NOT from a friend of mine, but I get it. The "relationship" is built off lies to begin with. They both like the craziness and newness of it all. It will wear off....the thing is do you really want her back since she did this? Right now, of course you will say yes, but REALLY think about this. If she is willing to do this now, do you think she will be loyal to you after this? My money is on no....just like my ex. Fighting it will ONLY make it worse. Youre doing well, keep it up.
cavalier99 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 (edited) What a b*tch. Don't take her back when she gets dumped. Kick this one this one to the curb. There are a lot of girls who will respect you..this girl will bring you nothing but more heartache. And this guy is no friend of anyone. Edited February 1, 2013 by cavalier99 2
Author sgibson1967 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Yeah, that's what I thought as well. I think they got this weird emotional connection because she was there for him through the nastiest parts of his divorce, and somehow it became romantic. When he was trying to get with her sister, he really played on her emotions and made her believe that she wasn't happy with her husband. I think he did this to my girlfriend as well. But yes, honestly, I would probably be foolish to ever accept someone like this back into my life, because if it's not him... it'll be the next guy. The worst part of it all is how she told me the day she broke up with me she "didn't know what love was" and "wanted to be able to live her life without reporting to anyone". Which originally I interpreted as G.I.G.S. At this point, I hope he dumps her so she can experience the same pain she put me through. It sounds awful, but I do.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Both of them deserve to be fed to a pack of wolves. That's messed up. I would cut this girl out of your life completely. Unforgivable. It would have been better if she got drunk and had sex with some random at a club. This is just cold-blooded and awful.
pbjbear Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Im sorry for what youre going through and I can only imagine the pain. Cut her off. Time heals all wounds. Ignore her if she tries to contact you. You will feel better in time
Stoic44 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 It's the coldest thing that can anybody can do in a relationship. Erase everything in your life that reminds you of her. Heal. Go out meet new people.
denxnis Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 What a b*tch. Don't take her back when she gets dumped. Kick this one this one to the curb. There are a lot of girls who will respect you..this girl will bring you nothing but more heartache. And this guy is no friend of anyone. This. Remove them from your life like cancer from your body. Sure it will suck recovering, just like after major surgery, but in the long run you will be happy you got rid of that "cancer".
Samilia Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I hope you find within yourself the strength to cut her off completely: email, phone, skype, facebook, twitter, cut any way for her to contact you. Silence treatment, she's not worth your energy. It's not like she just fell out of love, that would be forgivable, because these things do happen. But in this case, she betrayed you in a pretty awful way.
Harradin Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I am really sorry to hear about it, I know exactly how you feel as this is exactly what my ex and my "friend" did to me and its truly awful. The difference between yours and mine is that I was dumped by email, that the "friend" wrote from HER email account. My ex was upset about her parents getting divorced at the time, he was known for taking advantage of women who were upset and ironically it only worked on my ex, not all the countless other women he tried it on. The "friend" was also manipulative, backstabbing, once he had finished with someone he kicked them to the curb with no regret. I was distancing myself from him at the time as I realised his true nature a couple of months before all this. Definitely cut the two out of your life, I left a lovely voicemail message to my "friend" telling him never to contact me again. I did try and get my ex back (assumed it was the parents divorce, as mutual friends were telling me how much better I was for her then him, and a mutual friend was trying to persuade her to leave him as she knew about his nature,) but either she was happy with being manipulated or she was too stupid to realise she was being manipulated, so she lead me on then told me she was staying with him. Not heard from her since and its been 3 and a half months NC. Since she did dump you, it was her choice so she has to realise what a stupid mistake she made leaving you for him and she'll end up far worse off then if she stayed with you. Plus there are women out there who won't be so cruel. That's what I'm starting to realise with my situation.
Author sgibson1967 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 It's a shame that there are other people that have gone through this torture... but also reassuring. A lot of people have told me it won't last between them, but maybe they enjoy being miserable together. Either way, I've decided it's time I have to move on. I'm trying to keep telling myself that her and my friend lost a LOT more than me here... her family used to mean everything to her. Now she's shut them out completely, and they may not forget that. She lost the chance of a great relationship and possible marriage/kids with me. She always wanted kids... but this guy can't have kids, so suddenly she "doesn't want any". It's doomed to fail... but I shouldn't stick around waiting for it to I suppose.
Harradin Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 It's a shame that there are other people that have gone through this torture... but also reassuring. A lot of people have told me it won't last between them, but maybe they enjoy being miserable together. I'm trying to keep telling myself that her and my friend lost a LOT more than me here... It's doomed to fail... but I shouldn't stick around waiting for it to I suppose. Its the worst nightmare anyone can have and when it comes to light, they don't want to believe it as they always hear about it happening to everyone else but no one else don't think it'll happen to them. They want to wake up but then they realise its reality and they have to deal with it. That's I felt personally. And I'm telling myself that too, she not only lost someone who unconditionally loved her for exactly who she was, she threw it away for someone who's more then capable of throwing her aside when he's had enough without any remorse. From what I hear from mutual friends, no one on the forum (where I met her) likes her or him (he is a moderator on it) any more and they argue constantly, she flirts with every guy she talks to. Mutual friends told me it wouldn't last between them, that I deserved better, was far better off without her and what they both did to me was sickening. But yet they're been together for four and a half months or so now so I think its mostly a line said to make you feel better. See, I know deep down he'll kick her to the curb, she'll realise she got manipulated/backstabbed/kicked to the curb, sh*t will go down and that's when she'll come running back to me. But this does take a while to heal, its such a shock to the system and its a brutal betrayal, I got pretty low after it happened to me, I'm still not 100% over it by any rate.
cdt76 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Hey. I had the same type thing happen to me. Only my best friend was a co-worker. Cut them both out of your life. Cut out any mutual friends. Cut out people who associate with him or her. Cut out everything. They are like a cancer and even though you loved her like no other, there is nothing good to come from holding on or trying to figure out what happened. It took me two years to fully recover. Do yourself a favor and cut them out! 1
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