Am I in the wrong here?

[mandey]

Fiance and I just got into it today over bills. Not in a bad way, but we were extremely stressed about an increase in most of our bills and he worked today, while I had a day off. Made him food when he came home, that is pretty much the only fun thing we did togethor.

 

Tonight rolls around and he decides to as USUAL go to bed at 7pm for work at 5am. His work schedule sucks and I hate to ask him to spend more time with me, because he works so much. But sometimes it is just so hard not to be selfish and ask him to maybe spend some more time with me other places then just us lounging and stressing about things at home.

 

We get into an argument because he says I don't understand what it's like to work so much and I tell him he doesn't understand how much I just am not feeling the love anymore.

 

As the fight progresses, he begins to fall asleep saying he wants to break up and that I will take care of him regardless because I am 'whipped'? Which is true, because I take care of him, do his laundry and what not every single night for him. Was he in the right to do and say these things? I kind of lead the fight on in the beginning, being selfish and ask him to stay up with me when I know he should be sleeping.

 

But is it manipulative for him to say these things for me? To threaten he wants space and wants to be single, and then just expect me to still do his laundry for the night?

 

My question is: should I just cancel this fight and answer it with 'he's exhausted and probably doesn't mean it' or do I deserve to constantly hear these things?

 

I am almost just so sick of it (as this has been a repetitive thing) and I said some hurtful things back (that I didn't deserve to be with someone who manipulates me to stick around, etc. And then I proceeded to tell him to hug me and that regardless of a fight, we should show each other that we still care, despite an argument.)

 

Or should I stand my ground, ignore the laundry, sleep on the couch and proceed to talk about how much he disrespected me in the morning?

 

I am just such a female and sometimes I need other advice. Please don't say that I should leave him, because in all honesty I won't. I just need some advice on what to do to CHANGE things, try to show him that he can't talk to me like this. Idk :/

[Bito]

Hugs to you sweetheart. Showing empathy for your fiance is great thing that many people sometimes overlook.

 

However with that said he is right. Youre a doormat and he does not respect you if he is willing to say those things. Being careing to your partner is a wonderful thing but you cant let him walk all over you. Has that been the dynamic throughout the whole relasionship?

 

You seem like a really nice girl and he needs to feel lucky to be with you. Not entitled.

[KatZee]

Ew he sounds horrible!

 

You do all that for him and he doesn't even appreciate it. It's very clear he's taking advantage of all you do. Even though I wouldn't condone this situation either--- it's not as if he were wasted and said those things. He was just tired, so yes, he is manipulative and verbally cruel to you. Those are not the actions of love.

 

So he works at 5am... does that mean he wakes up at 5, or he's at work by 5? Because no one needs 10 hours of sleep a night. If anything he's getting TOO MUCH sleep and that's why he's always exhausted. Oversleeping makes you feel worse!

 

Why is it that you want to marry this guy anyway? You want to marry someone who in their eyes, views you as "whipped"? He knows he can do whatever he wants, treat you however he wants because you love him so much.

 

And why should YOU sleep on the couch when he was the a.sshole? You dear, are a nice fluffy doormat. You cook his food, do his laundry, probably wipe his a.ss for him too and then he gets to go to bed, left alone, verbally manipulate you, make you feel like trash, pushes you to sleep on the couch. I'm kind of confused as to what's attractive here. This is what you want for the rest of your life?

 

This guy clearly can't communicate either and it doesn't sound like you're the couple to get through problems, you're the girl who avoids issues and just makes excuses.

 

I'd stop making food for him honestly. And stop doing his laundry. You're a girlfriend/fiance. Not his mother. You need to take your power back. Go out with your friends. Let him come home to an empty house with no food, nothing. Let him wonder why his dirty underwear is still on the floor and you're not there.

 

Also, don't TELL him to hug you. You can't force someone into being emotionally or physically supportive of you. He should be doing that on his own free will.