ascendotum Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I guess I don't really understand the whole "seal the deal" thing. I can't imagine talking with a guy for a while and then being on the fence as to whether or not I want bang him, as if he would have to convince me to. If I've made up my mind that I want to sleep with him, there isn't much that would make me not want to, and hence no deal-sealing required. I think you have it wrong in relation to this phrase. It does not been that he is unsure about the desirability about a girl he talking too, rather it means he is not pushing her to go on a date or to come back to his place for some fun. People pretty much know in a fairly short time if they find the person conversing with them 'doable' or not. The problem for this guy is maybe he is waiting for overt indicators of interest back from the girls and is not getting them or the girls are subtle in their flirting and he is totally missing the signals or maybe he is on the shy side or he had some harsh knock-backs recently and is waiting for the girl to ask him to hang out. It means he is good at kick starting & keeping a conversation going with a girl, but does not get her number or some action.
Author Avulare Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 ...That or maybe she was referring to what he just did with me, i.e., lead me on for a few months, ask me out for drinks, and then conveniently cancel right before we were supposed to meet and not make any attempt to make up for that. I met up with a couple of his friends (who were in town for a few days) at a bar, and they said he just had a cold and thought it was strange that he cancelled a talk and apparently a meeting with a respected biologist in his field. I still keep thinking of him, and I hate it. I'm sort of embarrassed and pissed off for allowing myself to believe there was genuine interest on his part and consequently becoming emotionally invested before I even met the guy. I wish I could unfriend or block him on FB, but I think the fact that we have several mutual friends would complicate that. For now I'm doing NC as best as I can. :\
dasein Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Two months of this? You are a doll, I have no doubt you will find a guy just as interesting and much more convenient if you get out and look around. Would consider stopping with the FB stuff and get out and about. This guy is lukewarm at best, find a warmer one. Good luck.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 ...That or maybe she was referring to what he just did with me, i.e., lead me on for a few months, ask me out for drinks, and then conveniently cancel right before we were supposed to meet and not make any attempt to make up for that. I met up with a couple of his friends (who were in town for a few days) at a bar, and they said he just had a cold and thought it was strange that he cancelled a talk and apparently a meeting with a respected biologist in his field. I still keep thinking of him, and I hate it. I'm sort of embarrassed and pissed off for allowing myself to believe there was genuine interest on his part and consequently becoming emotionally invested before I even met the guy. I wish I could unfriend or block him on FB, but I think the fact that we have several mutual friends would complicate that. For now I'm doing NC as best as I can. :\ There's a lesson in there: don't jump the gun. It's happened to all of us at one time or another. Don't worry about it and just move on. There's plenty of good-looking people in biology (I know because I was one ). Someone else will come along.
Author Avulare Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Thanks guys. My problem is oneitis... I can really only be attracted to one person at a time, so when that person invariably ends up rejecting me, it still takes a loooong time for me to get over them and become attracted to someone else because I'm just comparing everyone to the person I was interested in. That and with each time this happens, I become more skeptical of men who show signs of interest in me, less willing to open up to anyone.
callingyouuu Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Thanks guys. My problem is oneitis... I can really only be attracted to one person at a time, so when that person invariably ends up rejecting me, it still takes a loooong time for me to get over them and become attracted to someone else because I'm just comparing everyone to the person I was interested in. I actually don't feel one-itis is in-and-of-itself a bad thing. My primary concern is that you feel, for whatever reason, that you'll be invariably rejected. Also, you're attaching too much self-worth to a guy who added you on Facebook, invited you to get a few beers, and then couldn't come because he had a cold. You're obviously brilliant, attractive, and well-spoken. Just ride out this wave, keep up NC, and wait for the next "one" to come into your life. There's plenty of good-looking people in biology (I know because I was one ). +1 Most of the postdocs in my biology lab actually found their partners while in grad school. 1
Author Avulare Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 So I've been largely ignoring this guy on FB, and he's started liking and commenting on my stuff again. For April Fools I changed my Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship" (I usually do jokes at my own expense for April Fools, one year I changed my profile pic to an ultrasound of a pregnancy like what new expectant mothers do), and then later in the day I put a comment that said I was just kidding, etc. The dude liked the comment I put saying that I wasn't actually in a relationship, along with several other guy friends (interestingly, all the people who liked that I was "in a relationship" were women). I just don't understand WTF he wants. The more I ignore him, the more he pesters me on FB. When I actually show that I'm willing to engage in contact with him beyond a computer screen, he backs off completely, wouldn't even respond to a FB message I sent him. Shyness? Immaturity? Flakiness? And men think women are the ones who are hard to understand...
hudson701 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Wow nice picture... I'd definitely fornicate with you ha!
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