Avulare Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I have literally zero experience with this stuff, I'm a recent ex-virgin, a clean slate. One of my friends at school has a guy friend back where she did her undergrad, and they seem to be pretty close - she refers to him as one of her best friends. He's super hot (even my friend said so), and I think she's super hot too (hetero female judging though), they're both single, but I haven't seen any evidence they're sleeping with each other, even though they hang out pretty often considering they're a 6-hour drive apart. However, I can't really picture them being JUST friends, you know? So anyway, the hot guy friend sent me a friend request on Facebook back in December... Normally I don't accept requests from guys I don't know, but he seemed cool from what I could see of his profile and we had several friends in common (biologist friends, that's what we do). Also the fact that he was hot influenced my decision, admittedly. Since he sent me the friend request, we've been having pretty regular pseudo-interactions on Facebook - i.e., he'll like/comment on some of my stuff and I'll do the same to his, and he liked a few photos of me that got uploaded and I've done the same to his. No serious interactions like messaging or chat or whatever. When I was hanging out with our mutual friend (the chick) around New Year's, she was like "You should meet my friend Jeff, I think you'd really like him" - kind of a weird thing for her to say if they were sleeping with each other? I dunno. But anyway, I was hanging out with her again last week, and she mentioned that even though he's hot and a nice guy and constantly gets female attention, he rarely gets laid because he's "bad with women". When I prodded for elaboration, she said that he's picky with women and when he does get to talking with a chick, he can't/won't (not sure which) "seal the deal", as she put it. Anyone on here have any idea what that might mean? Now I'm extremely picky myself and I respect some reasonable level of pickiness in a guy too, but when I heard that this guy was picky it sort of got me really disappointed. I guess because I consider him better-looking than me, if it's fair to compare men and women. I would maybe call myself cute on a good day, and I have guys ask me out pretty regularly, but this guy, you look at him and all you can think is "daaaaaaamn". If he's picky, then I just feel I have no chance to get with him. :\ I FB stalked photos of his ex (could only find one certain ex in several years of his photos), and I'd say she was hotter than me, but perhaps not by too much. To end this essay (sorry for the length) - how can I find out if he's DTF? Just wait till he comes to visit the area and try to hang out with him? Send him a message on Facebook asking if he wants to meet up for beers with me? Does he just seem shy or insecure (in regards to his lady troubles)? To the guys on here, if you sent a friend request to a chick and then liked/commented on a bunch of her stuff, would that likely be because you were interested in her?
harnold Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I'm a guy. Only reason I'd send a friend request to a girl I didn't know was because I found her attractive and wanted to kick it to her. If he rarely gets laid because he "is bad with girls" and can't "seal the deal"... that means exactly that. That in spite of his looks and the first impressions he's able to create, he's not the playboy you think he is. Maybe he has insecurity issues. Shyness/awkwardness around girls? I don't know him. It could explain his relationship with that girl. If she's trying to hook you up with him, like you said, they obviously don't do ****. And if he's a good looking dude, than that should say something about his lack of ability to spark an attraction with that girl... due to lack of personality. Anyway, enough of all this psychoanalysis. Yeah, he'll **** you. 1
pbjbear Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Throw yourself at him, what do you have to lose What is an ex virgin
Author Avulare Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Haha, dude, I will totally bang this guy all night and into the next day if I can. Horniness is a terrible thing to waste. Ex-virgin... Meaning I lost my virginity fairly recently (this past July) and haven't had any sexual partners since then (just because I haven't found someone I want to bang since then, not because I don't get propositioned). Also, it was with my boss for my last paid field field job (we lived in a field house together for months and worked in close proximity every day), so there wasn't any courting involved. We just started banging one night and kept it up for the rest of the time I was there. I guess I don't really understand the whole "seal the deal" thing. I can't imagine talking with a guy for a while and then being on the fence as to whether or not I want bang him, as if he would have to convince me to. If I've made up my mind that I want to sleep with him, there isn't much that would make me not want to, and hence no deal-sealing required. Maybe if I met him and he was disgusting or an ******* or something, that would change my mind. Who knows - I don't operate like most women, and I don't understand courting from the male perspective either.
Author Avulare Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Serious thread. Most of my friends are guys, so it's hardly surprising that I type like one, I guess.
Author Avulare Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) Whoa, speed bump. So in the past few days the FB interactions between me and this guy have increased a bit, and yesterday he even made a post directly on my wall. But just a while ago I was looking through his photos and I noticed there was one from a few weeks ago (January) where he's sort of in the background of an informal get together and there's a chick sitting on his lap - the same chick who I previously (erroneously?) thought was an ex-GF. This is the first time she's appeared in any of his photos since mid-2010, and she's not tagged in any of his photos (but I'm sure it's the same person), new or old. Well I know now that I'm going to back the hell off for a bit and restrict FB interactions with him until it becomes apparent what's actually going on. I would never knowingly so much as flirt with a guy who was in a relationship, whether that relationship is good, bad, or whatever. I also lose respect for men who hit on me when they're in relationships. Why would he friend me, like/comment on photos of me, and even post something on my FB wall (which seemed like it could have been borderline flirty in his unique way) if this other girl is in good enough standing with him for him to allow her to sit on his lap? I feel a bit depressed now, kind of like I've been led on. Edited February 5, 2013 by Avulare
harnold Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Some girls are just naturally flirty, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything more than that. I've had girls sit on my lap before.. Doesn't mean I've ****ed em. Especially if they are close, she probably does that a lot.. Not even necessarily as intended flirtation, but just because that's the way she is
Author Avulare Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think most people would let their ex sit on their lap though, that's what makes it weird. Sounds like they might have gotten back together or something? Whatever the case is, I'm going to be... Cautious... For a while. I don't do drama, especially involving people I've never even met before.
callingyouuu Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think most people would let their ex sit on their lap though, that's what makes it weird. Sounds like they might have gotten back together or something? Whatever the case is, I'm going to be... Cautious... For a while. I don't do drama, especially involving people I've never even met before. I feel like you're looking for a reason not to pursue relations with him, perhaps due to fear of rejection? One snapshot from one moment of his life a few weeks ago is hardly conclusive, IMO. As are Facebook relations in general. I think you need to take a breath and relax a bit! I'm confident that you've at the very least piqued his interest. Don't put all your hopes in him and keep your eyes open for other guys, but don't close the door, either.
Author Avulare Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Thanks, yeah, I'm probably just thinking too much and psyching myself out. :\
Archgirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Quick! Snap him up - he's the holy grail of single men - gorgeous but doesn't know it and probably not that great at chatting to women coz he's never had to initiate it (just the sort of guy that women will try and sit on his lap to seduce him and he won't really welcome it) , I would guess he has had as little/not much more experience than you. Don't back off, keep flirting. Your friend is obviously sounding you out on his behalf btw, because he's let her know he's interested/asked her to - tell her you want to meet him! Go for it!
Author Avulare Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Exactly. 10 chars Probably a gay man. http://i47.tinypic.com/mifc6f.jpg Quick! Snap him up - he's the holy grail of single men - gorgeous but doesn't know it and probably not that great at chatting to women coz he's never had to initiate it (just the sort of guy that women will try and sit on his lap to seduce him and he won't really welcome it) , I would guess he has had as little/not much more experience than you. Don't back off, keep flirting. Your friend is obviously sounding you out on his behalf btw, because he's let her know he's interested/asked her to - tell her you want to meet him! Go for it! I think I'm just not being used to having a guy I'm interested in actually reciprocating or even initiating the interest, it's never happened to me before. There's only been a few guys I've known that I've ever seriously been attracted to (not just appearance-wise, personality and interests are just as important), and until this guy showed up I've never had any of them be interested in me too (either they were in relationships, or they just never cared enough to make a move, etc). I have plenty of guy friends that are into me (they don't deny it), but for one reason or another, or often several reasons, I do not feel attraction to them. 1
pteromom Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I don't do drama. Yet you are letting drama control this situation instead of TAKING control of it. If you truly don't do drama, cut through all the bull**** drama ("is she his gf or ex? OMG, she's sitting on his LAP! What does 'can't seal the deal' mean? Why does he want to be my FB friend") and take the bull by the horns. Take control! Ask your friend if she is seeing/sleeping with him. If not, ask him out! He'll either say yes or no, but either way, you'll have your answer and can let go of all the questions and drama. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Not sure why I'm helping you, but cute gals (6-7) can get hot guys (9-10) all the time. Happens all the time and often it is the hot guy hitting on the cute girl. If you haven't been able to land any really hot guys, either your personality is terrible or you're overrating yourself. You might not get a relationship out of it, but if you play your cards right, you can probably get a lot of sex easily, be able to tell your girls you dated a real hot guy, and raise the bar some more for mediocre looking guys who you won't talk to. Win-win!
pbjbear Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Pounce on him. Whats the worst that can happen? 1
Archgirl Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Is this for real? You're a girl. Sex is easy for you to get. Literally just ask him and you should be good. Umm, you're definitely 100% right, I just don't really understand the relevance to op's situation?
Author Avulare Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Thanks guys. So I've decided that at some point fairly soon I'm going to go back to my hometown for a weekend (which is 4 hours from here, and 2 hours from where this guy lives), and send the dude a FB message seeing if he wants to meet up for a beer or something. Maybe the weekend of 16th, I'll have to see how brave I feel. Is it possible for him to suddenly lose interest even though I've been reciprocating the small interactions we've had on FB? He's been "quiet" towards me on FB the past few days. I'm trying not to read too much into it and brush it off as just some sort of game he might be trying to play, but my brain keeps forcing all these hypercritical thoughts into my mind (i.e., that he's not and maybe never was interested).
Author Avulare Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 It's a little more complicated than that, because I don't want "any guy", I want someone I actually get along with and am attracted to. And up until now, no guy I've ever been interested in has returned the interest.
Archgirl Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 don't have any expectations other than having a beer with a cute guy - you'll scare him off and be disappointed if you go into thinking too far ahead, remember you are not there to get his approval and neither should he have to feel evaluated for long term suitability on the first date. Also babe, honestly, if he does lose interest, then well, stuff him - just one more idiot you can cross off the list right? Be brave and lucky! xo
CptObvious Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 http://i47.tinypic.com/mifc6f.jpg Would. Can you send me one without the robe?
Author Avulare Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 don't have any expectations other than having a beer with a cute guy - you'll scare him off and be disappointed if you go into thinking too far ahead, remember you are not there to get his approval and neither should he have to feel evaluated for long term suitability on the first date. Also babe, honestly, if he does lose interest, then well, stuff him - just one more idiot you can cross off the list right? Be brave and lucky! xo Scaring him off is actually something I'm terrified of... I don't know anything about his personality or how outgoing/forward he is, only that our mutual friend said we'd get along great. I'm sure he knows he's good-looking, most of his photos have comments on them from girls (and guys!) saying things like "You're so beautiful" and "You should be in GQ". I never get comments like that on my Facebook photos! The thing is that even my hometown where I'd be staying for the weekend is a 2 hour drive from where he is... I kind of feel like that by suggesting we go get a drink I'm basically saying "Hey I don't know you but I'm willing to make a 4 hour round trip just to get a beer with you", and that might come across as desperate and scare him off? Perhaps my plan needs reevaluation. Would. Can you send me one without the robe? There's not much going on under that sweater, believe me.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 How about: "Hey! I'll be in town next weekend visiting my folks. If you're up for it, let's grab a beer sometime. I leave Sunday evening." Of course, I've never had the guts to ask a guy out. I just smile and hope he eventually figures it out. 1
Author Avulare Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Xanadu, that strategy seems to work for guys, but my brain just doesn't function that way. Honestly, the fact that this guy is good-looking is just sort of the icing on the cake, none of the other guys I've wanted to get with have been as "classically" attractive as him. I'm only attracted to guys in the sciences (fellow biologists usually), this is because I just can't relate well-enough to guys in non-science professions because pretty much all of my studies, work, and hobbies revolve around biology. It's just what I do, it's what I live for. That significantly narrows the pool of potential candidates, because I can't just go out and see a hot guy and decide that I want to get with him. Sometimes I wish I could do that though. So... Updates. Facebook interactions continued as normal, then back in mid-February, I posted a photo on his FB wall of a rare species I found that day relating to his specific field of biology. Right after I did that, he sent me a FB message saying that he was going to be coming to my city in mid-March to give a talk, and that we should meet up and grab some beers. I was elated and of course I agreed to this. After that, the Facebook stuff continued as normal, and I was finally convinced he was interested in me after all. The dates he was planning on being up here were during my spring break, so it would work out perfectly. However, about a week or a week and a half ago, as the date of his arrival was getting close, I noticed the FB interactions sort of grinding to a halt. Several days would pass without him liking or commenting on my stuff, and occasionally I'd try to "break the ice" again by commenting on something of his, with no reciprocation from him. He was supposed to get up here on the 20th, and a couple days ago I sent him a FB message telling him what time I was going to be free that day, and that I'd like to grab a beer with him if the offer still stood. I also included my phone number in that message. He read the message pretty soon after I sent it (I think it's kind of creepy that FB has that feature, but whatever), but didn't reply back until that evening. He said he definitely still wanted to get beers with me, and also gave me the time and location for the talk he was going to give. I was slightly encouraged at that, but tonight he sent another FB message to me and our mutual friend (who was coming back from her spring break early because he was going to be here) saying that he was super sick and probably will not be able to drive up here tomorrow - this means he's not going to give his talk at the professional society, so I don't think he's faking. However, he was supposed to visit here for several days, and in his message he never mentioned driving up the next day or even the one after that if he felt better. Just that he "may not be there". Even worse, our mutual friend said that since he's probably not coming up, that she was probably going to stay put down south for spring break too. Which would be fine and dandy, but we had already planned some stuff to do for later in the week (with a few people, including the guy of interest). All of the rest of my friends at this school left for spring break too, I stayed here because I'm attending a multi-day workshop on campus. So yeah. Went from being super excited about spring break to now realizing that I'm not going to meet this guy and I'm probably just going to be hanging out by myself at home until school starts again. Feelin' kinda ****ty right now.
Author Avulare Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 A question, I guess... Does this seem like a genuine unfortunate event, him losing interest or never being interested in all, or him being interested but having trouble "sealing the deal"? I can't stop over-analyzing this, I'm going to see if I can get some sleep.
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