Lorelai Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I love Starcraft, and you can only save if he was playing campaign, if he was playing online with other people you can't. I understand the frustration, but as a gamer I also understand the annoyance of having someone wanting to drag you away from it. It's like trying to take a bone away from a dog. This was in 1997. Not really an online platform at that time.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Yeah I would like to know what game he is playing also? I recently started playing LoL, and that game is so addictive, and each match averages 40min -1hr. That game consumed my life like no other.
todreaminblue Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 My boyfriend used to call me everyday on his ay home from work. Lately...he hasn't been. We'll send a couple texts a day and he might call like twice a week. I called him tonight because I had a doctor appointment today (that he knew of) and knew I was concerned about. Well I thought he'd call on his way home to ask about it but he didn't..so I called him. He acted really weird the entire time, and about 2 minutes into the conversation he said he had to go because he was going to play video games now. I didn't say anything for about 10 seconds because I was waiting for my voice to chill so I wouldn't sound upset...and right as I was saying bye he hung up. [during our phone call, his friends were still talking to him through the mic and he would respond] So when he got on facebook I said he hung up before I said bye. He said he thought I had already hung up. I said, "No. You don't really seem to like talking on the phone anymore anyways" And he said, "I'm busy tonight. I do like talking still, it's just that I am playing a computer game with my friends right now." I replied with, "I wasn't referring to tonight." and he said, "i've been playing this game a lot more lately, it just came out." Yeah, cool. Play the game, I don't care...but he always called ON HIS WAY HOME....aka...at a time when you're not using the computer or Xbox. So what gives and why is he trying to use the game as an excuse? And PS...in person everything is fine. He is always touching me and says he loves me and kisses me, etc. "When you become a man you put away childish things"....a relationship should trump games if you are mature, its fine to have me time and play games, online becomes addictive, i should know i am addicted loveshack style in here to a game called this and that...if was in a relationship i would limit my time and honestly would prefer to spend time with a partner.....smilin.....not that i wouldnt come back but i would be busy annoying a guy in reality instead of people on here....deb
Els Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 You're going to need to provide more information than that to get a balanced answer. All I can say from here is that he's a bit of a douche for forgetting about your doc's appointment and not showing due care about it. Aside from that, it's just one night that he had to go because his friends were most likely waiting for him on the game. Can't infer much from that.
Els Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I love Starcraft, and you can only save if he was playing campaign, if he was playing online with other people you can't. I understand the frustration, but as a gamer I also understand the annoyance of having someone wanting to drag you away from it. It's like trying to take a bone away from a dog. Yeah, bf and I pretty much adhere to that rule. Online play with friends = DND sign. Single player and pausable game = anything goes. Twice a week, when I'm raiding in WoW, that 2-hour block is sacred. He knows there are 9 other people that will be sitting there waiting for me if I get pulled away. When he's in the middle of a Dota2 game, I only call him for emergencies. Fortunately I know that game like the back of my hand and can usually estimate based on looking at it, how long it will take to finish. I hate the 'if you can't stop playing a video game to talk to someone it means you're addicted and placing it above them' stereotype that some people push. So, if their bf is playing football or basketball with his friends in a friendly match and they call him, they expect him to drop everything and talk to them while everyone else just stands there and waits? No? Why are video games so different? There are real life people sitting behind the monitors. Obviously if the guy was constantly choosing to play football (or video games) over spending time with you, or he was doing it ALL the damn time, then yeah, there'd be a problem. Expecting someone to drop whatever they're doing at any time to attend to a call is pretty self-centred though.
Els Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Instead, ask him how he's enjoying his game and see if you can watch or play with him. You don't have to like it, but you get to spend some time with him while he's doing something that he enjoys and I'm sure he'll enjoy your company too. Just came across this. I agree with your post in general, but disagree with this paragraph, especially the bolded. Nobody should make themselves do something they dislike on a regular basis just so they can get more time with their SO, when it is their SO's choice to be spending time on it to begin with. It's unfair to themselves, comes across as desperate, allows their SO to become complacent, and doesn't help matters. Trust me, I spent a lot of time in LAN parties as a college kid and saw a lot of this. Gfs hanging on, watching their bfs play for hours, looking extremely bored, but just being there because they wanted to spend time with their bf and felt they weren't getting enough time with him outside it. It typically made things worse. The girls became resentful and the guys became even more complacent about spending time with them outside the game because, well, they felt they were hanging out with the gf while playing! A better idea for someone in that situation is to get some hobbies of her own. If her bf is interested in their relationship, he will make an effort to spend time with her outside of gaming, and she should be reasonable and appreciate that time while understanding that he needs some time for his own hobbies as well. If he isn't, then she knows what to do. Obviously, this only applies if she doesn't like watching/playing. 2
Els Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 As usual, taken to an extreme where NO ONE even went or suggested. Your stance on this topic seems every bit as extreme as Greznog's, though. Most of us have mentioned the lack of concern about the doctor's appointment as being a problem. You, on the other hand, saw fit to go on a full-blown rant about '16-year-old Peter Pan and his online social misfit buddies' simply because he happened to be playing video games when he turned her call down once. What if he had forgotten her appt. and turned her call down because he had been surfing, or playing football, or hiking, or hanging out with friends? All those are acceptable because... they fit into your narrow view of what 'adults' do with their spare time? Is that it? Times are changing, hon, and video games aren't just for 'kids' anymore. The only reason they were perceived as for 'kids' to begin with is because they were invented fairly recently and kids picked them up first, but those kids are grown now, and gaming has evolved into a huge and varied culture. Some of the people are married with kids of their own (and are being excellent parents), others are doctors, lawyers, teachers, professors, etc. Now, obviously, the difference between kids and adults is that adults should know how to prioritize, and not to let any one hobby take over their life. Prioritization does NOT however mean that one needs to pick up the phone and talk for 10 minutes pronto at any given time no matter what he's doing. Can't begin to guess which the OP's bf is solely based on the information she's given us.
Author Beachbabe9109 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Your stance on this topic seems every bit as extreme as Greznog's, though. Most of us have mentioned the lack of concern about the doctor's appointment as being a problem. You, on the other hand, saw fit to go on a full-blown rant about '16-year-old Peter Pan and his online social misfit buddies' simply because he happened to be playing video games when he turned her call down once. What if he had forgotten her appt. and turned her call down because he had been surfing, or playing football, or hiking, or hanging out with friends? All those are acceptable because... they fit into your narrow view of what 'adults' do with their spare time? Is that it? Times are changing, hon, and video games aren't just for 'kids' anymore. The only reason they were perceived as for 'kids' to begin with is because they were invented fairly recently and kids picked them up first, but those kids are grown now, and gaming has evolved into a huge and varied culture. Some of the people are married with kids of their own (and are being excellent parents), others are doctors, lawyers, teachers, professors, etc. Now, obviously, the difference between kids and adults is that adults should know how to prioritize, and not to let any one hobby take over their life. Prioritization does NOT however mean that one needs to pick up the phone and talk for 10 minutes pronto at any given time no matter what he's doing. Can't begin to guess which the OP's bf is solely based on the information she's given us. What information am I leaving out that would be helpful?
Els Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 What information am I leaving out that would be helpful? How many hours a week does he spend on games? How many hours a week does he spend with you (on the phone and IRL)? Have video games ever been a problem between the two of you before? Does he generally display good care for you (and I don't just mean kissing you and having sex with you, I mean taking care of you when you're sick, etc)?
ls32ssibm Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Fact: Once a nerd discovers girls or manages to get one, they put games second. Once a jock starts playing a game and gets hooked, the girls come second. Depends on which type of guy you are talking about.
Keenly Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 That would only happen if you're a social misfit lacking the maturity to be able to prioritize real life from playing games. Your basically saying that because I like to play games, I fail at life and am unable to love a healthy life because I some how lack social skills. To which I say its pretty obvious you are just angry.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 That would only happen if you're a social misfit lacking the maturity to be able to prioritize real life from playing games. "Real" recreational activities are no more real than games. We're consciousnesses in brains hooked up to bodies. We work to survive; beyond that we seek out experiences to satisfy various desires or needs of our brains. People go out and drink or play sports or whatever else; the only legitimate claim you could make that those activities are "more real" than games is that they involve other humans. But wait, the gamer in question was gaming with other humans! Now you have nothing left to call his recreational activity "less real" than other recreational activities, other than blind prejudice against video gaming. There is a real physical rush associated with gaming and it affects the brain just like any other potentially addictive substance or activity. Video gaming and its associated effects are no "less mature" than other potentially addictive or absorbing recreational activities. Go to any bar and look at the people there - that's your definition of maturity? 1980 called, it wants its video game stigma back. If he had been going out drinking with his buddies, would you be similarly questioning his "maturity" to prioritize "real life" from going out and drinking? You may claim so, but I seriously doubt it. OP, I've heard gamers say that they were much happier with people who shared a roughly equal interest level in gaming. If you and your BF have markedly different levels of interest in gaming, it's not a good sign. I still stand by my older advice though.
Author Beachbabe9109 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 How many hours a week does he spend on games? How many hours a week does he spend with you (on the phone and IRL)? Have video games ever been a problem between the two of you before? Does he generally display good care for you (and I don't just mean kissing you and having sex with you, I mean taking care of you when you're sick, etc)? - I don't know exactly, but he plays probably most nights when he gets home from work until he goes to bed I guess. so I'd say maybe like 20-30 hours. - We spend 1 whole day together a week (it used to be 2 before I started back to school. We might spend a few hours together also besides the one full day if we can.) - As I said in the op, he used to call me everyday on his way home from work, but now it's like 2-3 times a week for some reason, which is my main question here. if I bring it up he just says he's been playing that new game more. Which is fine but he's still driving home from work everyday and he's not playing a computer game while he's driving home obviously. - Not really. I don't care that he plays. But sometimes we'll decide we're going to go out somewhere and we'll leave like 45 minutes later because he's playing. - I've not really been sick since we've been dating. But when I have a headache or something he'll get me some Tylenol. And I do like playing games, different games than he does, but I still like to play. I hardly do though. I don't have a gaming system.
silvermercy Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Well, it seems that he's a full on gamer. And when he gets a really new exciting game things get worse, hence the drop in calls. I don't know if his situation qualifies as addiction but I guess he's now showing you your future and how life is going to be with him from now on. Perhaps he now got way too comfortable with you accepting his lifestyle. I'm a big female gamer, too, but I'm not sure I'd be ok with this limited amount he seems to be devoting to you. P.S. The car drive calls are still odd though... I have no explanation for that...
Els Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 - I don't know exactly, but he plays probably most nights when he gets home from work until he goes to bed I guess. so I'd say maybe like 20-30 hours. - We spend 1 whole day together a week (it used to be 2 before I started back to school. We might spend a few hours together also besides the one full day if we can.) - As I said in the op, he used to call me everyday on his way home from work, but now it's like 2-3 times a week for some reason, which is my main question here. if I bring it up he just says he's been playing that new game more. Which is fine but he's still driving home from work everyday and he's not playing a computer game while he's driving home obviously. - Not really. I don't care that he plays. But sometimes we'll decide we're going to go out somewhere and we'll leave like 45 minutes later because he's playing. - I've not really been sick since we've been dating. But when I have a headache or something he'll get me some Tylenol. And I do like playing games, different games than he does, but I still like to play. I hardly do though. I don't have a gaming system. Ah, okay, so it isn't just one time that he had to go because you called while he was playing, the game seems to be eating a lot into your time together. That's a totally valid concern IMO. 20-30 hours is pretty excessive, and he seems to be calling you and seeing you rather little. Being regularly 45 minutes late is pretty unacceptable too. If you're going to talk to him about this, make it about the big picture, not about him cutting short a call that one time like you did in your OP. Talk to him about how this makes you feel in general.
Author Beachbabe9109 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 The only reason we only spend one day a week together is because he works 5 (long) days a week and I'm in school everyday. We see each other some time in the week if possible. The games aren't a problem when we're together, normally. He doesn't usually play when I'm there. The 45 minute thing was a rare occasion, but it has happened numerous times. But if I say something like, ok we really need to go now' he will stop and get ready to go. I'm not going to say anything about it right now. If it happens a few more times, I might. The thing that I may bring up is the drop in the amount of calls. I just don't really know how to bring it up without sounding needy/clingy like 'I need you to call me everyday' or something. Whenever I have subtly brought it up, he just goes back to that game. That he has been playing his new game. I don't understand why he brings it up as it does not affect his driving home time.... Do you think I should bring the phone call thing up? If so, how and what should I say?
Els Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 You need to stop with the 'driving home time' bit - you're giving him way too much leeway here and accepting too little. If he is interested in your R, he will take 10 minutes to call you out of the 4-5 hours that he spends on his game. Just tell him (not subtly) that you would like at least a phone call a day, period. How he divvies up his game time/driving time is then up to him. It is not too much to ask.
Titania22 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I love that there is a thread about gaming on here. This doesn't relate directly to the OP, but does relate to gaming and relationships. One of my friends I used to regularly ladder with on SC2 had a girlfriend, and despite the excitement of getting into yet another game, he would call and talk to his girlfriend every night before before. Apparently she couldn't get to sleep without him singing to her. So he would be AFK for about 30mins and sing her to sleep and then be right back to gaming. I thought that was just the sweetest thing when I heard it, and proves it is possible to balance gaming and relationships, if the people involved are motivated to do it. 2
Keenly Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I love that there is a thread about gaming on here. This doesn't relate directly to the OP, but does relate to gaming and relationships. One of my friends I used to regularly ladder with on SC2 had a girlfriend, and despite the excitement of getting into yet another game, he would call and talk to his girlfriend every night before before. Apparently she couldn't get to sleep without him singing to her. So he would be AFK for about 30mins and sing her to sleep and then be right back to gaming. I thought that was just the sweetest thing when I heard it, and proves it is possible to balance gaming and relationships, if the people involved are motivated to do it. That is sweet, but as anyone who plays sc2 knows... The real test if he loves her is if he answers his phone while in the middle of a ladder match
TheZebra Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I love that there is a thread about gaming on here. This doesn't relate directly to the OP, but does relate to gaming and relationships. One of my friends I used to regularly ladder with on SC2 had a girlfriend, and despite the excitement of getting into yet another game, he would call and talk to his girlfriend every night before before. Apparently she couldn't get to sleep without him singing to her. So he would be AFK for about 30mins and sing her to sleep and then be right back to gaming. I thought that was just the sweetest thing when I heard it, and proves it is possible to balance gaming and relationships, if the people involved are motivated to do it. Yeah, I knew my last relationship wasn't going well when I would see my phone ring (his pic on caller id) and I'd shrug and continue playing whatever game I was playing. At our highest point we would purposely get co-op games and play together, but that was before things went south.
ltjg45 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 That is sweet, but as anyone who plays sc2 knows... The real test if he loves her is if he answers his phone while in the middle of a ladder match I don't know about you guys but if a phone is ringing and that is my girlfriend, I will literally stop tanking during a boss attempt in a raid for WoW to answer that phone. Women > Epic pixels any day of the week, esp. if getting laid that very night is on the line.
Els Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I love that there is a thread about gaming on here. This doesn't relate directly to the OP, but does relate to gaming and relationships. One of my friends I used to regularly ladder with on SC2 had a girlfriend, and despite the excitement of getting into yet another game, he would call and talk to his girlfriend every night before before. Apparently she couldn't get to sleep without him singing to her. So he would be AFK for about 30mins and sing her to sleep and then be right back to gaming. I thought that was just the sweetest thing when I heard it, and proves it is possible to balance gaming and relationships, if the people involved are motivated to do it. Totally! The bf and I both game, but we make it a point to spend lots of time with each other apart from the game, too. Like any other hobby, balance is necessary. I was just in LFR, but he called and asked if I'd like him to pick me up on the way home so we could head to the beach, so... out of LFR I am now! Some of my raid mates have to go by a certain time or AFK so they can cuddle their gfs to bed.
Titania22 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Yeah, I knew my last relationship wasn't going well when I would see my phone ring (his pic on caller id) and I'd shrug and continue playing whatever game I was playing. At our highest point we would purposely get co-op games and play together, but that was before things went south. Actually he would sometimes pick up mid game, multitask to the end of the match and then afk.
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