leopard doesn't change its spots - debate

[youdunsay]

How true is this in terms of human behaviors, values, etc? Open to the floor to answer.

[Woggle]

It does happen but it take a lot of self examination and work to do it.

[tbf]

Think of the brain as this gigantic mapping of neuro-pathways. As you age, the pathways you don't use as often, get automatically shut down for the purposes of efficient usage of brain "power". The pathways you use more often, thicken, just like bandwidth.

 

By the time most people reach the age of 25, they have definitive ways they think.

 

This doesn't preclude change since the closed pathways can get reopened. But it takes a lot to consistently use the new pathways, instead of falling back to the old pathways.

 

In general, most people are too lazy to change. It usually takes trauma of some form to break people out of their complacency, since it takes dedicated effort to change.

[youdunsay]

So if a person is enjoys attention-seeking from opposite gender during his growing years, around 20- 30 years old, there is a tendency that this habit will bring over into his 30s and 40s?

[Quiet Storm]

Many behaviors are ingrained. The way we react to stress, cope with problems...those things are hard to change.

 

For example, if you were a child of an alcoholic, raging father, you may have learned to stuff your true feelings to "keep the peace", and act out in passive agressive ways to show your anger. These patterns repeat themselves in adulthood. A man may agree with everything his wife says to keep the peace, but "get back at her" by cheating.

 

If you learned as a child to lie in order to avoid punishment, it can become a habit and evolve into lying automatically in any uncomfortable situation, or embellishing truths to make your life sound more exciting.

 

If you felt abandoned by your father as a child, especially as a woman, you may subconciously crave male attention and validation. This can translate into accepting poor treatment from men, seeking approval from men, trying too hard to please men at your own expense.

 

If a person felt neglected as a child, and did not have an involved parent, or had a disordered or mentally ill parent, they may end up with poor boundaries. They did not have the social skills instilled in them to property guage whether a situation is appropriate, and may have a "anything goes", live in the moment attitude.

 

If a person grew up in a household where infidelity or domestic abuse was acceptable, a person may find themselves repeating the patterns of their parents, no matter how much they hated it as a child.

 

If a person had parents who coped with stress by turning to alcohol or drugs, they will not be equipped to deal with life because they were never taught healthy ways to cope. They may be self destructive, make bad choices or self medicate.

 

A child in chaotic circumstances may become very controlling because that is how they have learned to feel safe & stay sane in their unstable environment.

 

An abused child must learn to detach in order to survive their overwhelming environment. These people will have difficulty forming relationships because their ability to attach or get close to others is damaged. Although they are no longer abused, they are not consciously able to be vulnerable. They have built a wall, and don't even realize it.

 

I have seen kids that were the youngest in large families become demanding and overbearing. They often had to fight for attention, yell to get their voices heard, deal with mean older siblings. These people will often be very sensitive and feel as though the world is against them, even after they have been long removed from their childhood environment.

 

Unless the person has a personality disorder (especially narcissistic or borderline), I think change is possible. It will not happen on its own, however. The person must recognize that they have issues, and seek treatment for them. This requires deep introspection.

 

Even after years of therapy, though, people often revert to their default responses in times of stress.