williamshakespeare Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I was dating a girl who had a very rough childhood (alcoholic parents and other stuff that I'd rather not get into) and as a result has major confidence issues and gets into dark moods quite a bit. She is extremely sensitive and the main reason why we broke was due to her sensitivity combined with my lack of regard for it ie me being a bit too brash and blunt at times (I regret this obviously). I love this girl to bits - maybe its like a wounded bird syndrome or something I have going on. I don't know. Lately we've been hanging out, having an amazing time and I'd love to re-unite with her. However she is giving me mixed signals saying that she loves me, that 'we're more than just friends' but she wants to take things slowly. TBH, I don't think that she's in love me anymore because she doesn't make much of an effort to see me ( I see her once a week on average), but she does text me everyday saying that she loves me. At the moment we've reached an impasse - I get the same texts everyday but there's not a lot of them and I don't see her that much. (In fairness to her, she does work long hrs and we live 2 hours away from each other but in the past I know she would have displayed a greater interest in seeing me.) The impasse is messing with my head because I feel I am in 'no mans land', could be 'being played for a fool' and am not performing well at work. I think she still has deep feelings for me and there's a chance that if I was to go NC that it may give her a chance to get back in touch with her emotions. At the moment I feel I am 'overly available' to her. The risk obviously is that if I go NC, she may take it the wrong way, be deeply upset and it could permanently damage and chances of re-uniting. However, I'm beginning to feel its a risk worth taking because then at least I'll know for once and for all. I feel this is a tricky one and would greatly appreciate your opinions. I've tried to talk to her about this stuff but the conversations don't seem to go anywhere and I don't want to come across as 'clingy' either.
tattoo Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 If you are not getting what you need or want out of the relationship, let it go. Don't expect more from her than she can/will give you. You will need to decide if what you are getting from her is enough, and if not, then you distance yourself from that. I feel for you, I do. But it's not worth clinging to if she's not available to you in that way.
Addison312 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 IMO, you should walk away. Issues like that have the potential to morph into an emotional, needy tornado unless she gets lots of therapy. Save yourself the heartache and find someone who can meet you halfway.
Author williamshakespeare Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Many thanks Tattoo and Addison for your thoughts. It really sucks to let this one go because of the amazing chemistry that exists which i've never had with any other (I'm in my 30's). Fool that I am, I actually quit a job to be close to this woman (the job i have now is just temporary) and moved 3000 miles cross country. This is what makes the situation suck even more - all the sacrifices that i made to lay the foundation for a reconciiation. 2 questions for you and anyone else who can help: What do you reckon will happen if I cut her off? Under what scenario if any should I take her back? (that is if she's even interested - she just called me by the way cos I've been quiet all day - I didn't answer). Many Thanks again
Samilia Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I was dating a girl who had a very rough childhood (alcoholic parents and other stuff that I'd rather not get into) and as a result has major confidence issues and gets into dark moods quite a bit. She is extremely sensitive and the main reason why we broke was due to her sensitivity combined with my lack of regard for it ie me being a bit too brash and blunt at times (I regret this obviously). I love this girl to bits - maybe its like a wounded bird syndrome or something I have going on. I don't know. Lately we've been hanging out, having an amazing time and I'd love to re-unite with her. However she is giving me mixed signals saying that she loves me, that 'we're more than just friends' but she wants to take things slowly. TBH, I don't think that she's in love me anymore because she doesn't make much of an effort to see me ( I see her once a week on average), but she does text me everyday saying that she loves me. At the moment we've reached an impasse - I get the same texts everyday but there's not a lot of them and I don't see her that much. (In fairness to her, she does work long hrs and we live 2 hours away from each other but in the past I know she would have displayed a greater interest in seeing me.) The impasse is messing with my head because I feel I am in 'no mans land', could be 'being played for a fool' and am not performing well at work. I think she still has deep feelings for me and there's a chance that if I was to go NC that it may give her a chance to get back in touch with her emotions. At the moment I feel I am 'overly available' to her. The risk obviously is that if I go NC, she may take it the wrong way, be deeply upset and it could permanently damage and chances of re-uniting. However, I'm beginning to feel its a risk worth taking because then at least I'll know for once and for all. I feel this is a tricky one and would greatly appreciate your opinions. I've tried to talk to her about this stuff but the conversations don't seem to go anywhere and I don't want to come across as 'clingy' either. Keep in mind that the energy level she had when the relationship was new might not be the same now. If you decide to go NC, I would explain it to her. Give her time to figure things out for herself, don't just disappear all of the sudden. 1
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