lack of experience + fear of losing

[mcsela]

I'm 24 years old and never had a seriously relationship until 2 years ago. I am currently with my boyfriend but right now we are going through a rough patch.

We communicate great, he is the kindest, most considerate man out there. We even talk about stuff that might be hurtful just to keep it real and to be fair with each other. We laugh together and we are silly together. This relationship had made me grow as a person, and we barely fight because its not worth fighting over small things. And everything is clear between us

I love I'm with all my heart. We agreed not to have expectations because I was not sure if the relationship was going to last, plus my parents are not find of me dating people that are not from my culture. PS. my parents do not know about him and they live in another country.

The problem why I'm in a tough situation is that I feel like I am missing out in relationship experience if I decide to commit to him. He desperately needs to know if I am up for it since he is ready to spend the rest of our lives together. Being a relationship virgin, makes me wonder often whats out there, however, I can't let my boyfriend stay with me when I do not plan to take the relationship to the next step. And he knows this, and willingly stayed in the relationship. But it is not fair to him if I decide to stay with him because I fear that is going to be painful to break up, and the lost of companionship and support system

He has shared with him his situation. He feels like I do not want him around, and I'm just waiting for the next good thing, and dump him. Which I do not know if its true. I would never cheat on him

Another problem is that I can't figure out what I want. Do I want him for the rest of my life? its a scary thought because I am still young and never imagine I would marry the person in first relationship. (what do i imagine does not necessarily translate to what i want) Can I live with the thought of never had experience any other relationship? how bad do i need it/want it?

We are on a break right now, and I have 2 months to make up my mind. And I'm surprised we didn't break up earlier because he does not feel wanted and I thought maybe that was the best way to do things.

I do see myself with him in the future, but I sometimes think being alone will help me figure out what I want. i could be wrong. Point is, I don't know if I should end it. I don't think I could find anything like we have.

HELP!