Doug123 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 So dated this girl for just under a year and half, she broke up with me. Reasoning behind the break up was a little questionable said she loved me but questioned if she was still "in love", not you its me, I need space to figure my stuff out. It was pretty harsh, she did over the phone, we were both emotional. We met up for coffee a week later talked, it was friendly interaction but she comfirmed the break was legit. I went straight no contact. We both dated others, she had breif relationship. Havent had any contact with her whatsover since mid october 2012, until last night. She texts me this: "I have had a lot of time to think and im ashamed at the way I ended things that wasnt right or fair to you or me. No matter what you think the time that we spent together will always be important to me. Im sorry for my immaturity in handling our break up. hopefully you will find it in your heart to forgive me, best wishes" I respond trying to play it cool, "Theres no need to apologize, Im glad you feel our time together was important I feel the same". I went on to say that, Ive been spending my saturday afternoons studying and the local coffee shop and if she wanted to come by that would be cool or if not that it would be no worries. She responded right aways said she we would be there this saturday, as in 2 days from now. After she texted me I decided to check out her Facebook and Twitter which i had blocked prior to her contact. to see if maybe somthing in her life has caused her to reach out to me other than genuine interest. There was a status dated the same day as the text she sent that said "I wish I could go back and time", and I confirmed that the guy she was in the breif relationship is out of the picture. Im very much interested in getting back together, I am curious as how to proceed? I am also wondering about her motives, does it seem like she has interest in getting back together or just trying to establish a friendship? I think it would be difficult to maintain a platonic relationship with her so I really dont have much interest in that. And if interested in getting back together what should my approach be at coffee.
Lone Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Your a lucky man. I would give anything to be in your shoes. Take it slow. Let her talk about it if it comes up. You dont say anything. Play it cool. Be 'friends' with her. Joke, laugh, smile. If you can have fun like you used to everything will work out either way. I wish you all the best mate. Just a question... how long were you NC for? Was there any contact from her in the meantime?
Author Doug123 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 We broke up in september officially still had contact till early october but limited. there was a period of like 3 1/2 to 4 months of stone cold no contact, no social media, no texting emailing or anything.
Author Doug123 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 and no she didnt try at all to contact me until lastnight
Lone Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It sounds like the NC period was crucial. How old are you two? I hope something like this happens with me. Been broken up about 2 months or so but NC for about 3-4 weeks as of now. im struggling big time. from what youve said - it sounds like shes looking to give it another go. i think its important for you to stay calm though and not disclose any emotional attachment
Author Doug123 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I appreciate your insight. Im 23 shes 21. Yeah no contact was super tough
Jono85 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 this is the girl that cheated on you/lined up another guy while you were dating, broke up with you, citing she wasn't in love with you anymore, lied to you telling you there was no one else, and she didn't want to date anyone, yet started a relationship with said guy, within 10 days of your breakup, and to top it off, ignored your call when you found out. she also didn't bother contacting you on your bday, or during the holidays. she was likely too busy ****ing her new bf. she didn't even bother getting back to you?!? she just ignores your call, knowing full well you were going to confront her for the lies/and likely cheating, and now all it takes is one nice text msg (now that her preferred option fell through) saying how much you meant to her and how sorry she is, and you're inviting her to hang out?? she might as well keep looking for upgrades the next time too, since she knows all it takes is a 2 line text to get you back incase it fails. cmon man. don't forget the pain she put you through and utter disrespect she showed you during the breakup. yet you're 'playing it cool' and telling her no need to apologize? i mean i get the whole not harboring resentment for ppl and forgiving, but she did you pretty dirty, and you're opening the door pretty easily imo. gl tho. 4
Happypuppy Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Partially agreeing with Jono85. Calls on birthday, holidays, etc is not to be expected when you are broken up with someone though. You ARE broken up, and calling etc only makes it worse. The dumper knows this. Sometimes silence is the dumper being kind, because they know they have nothing to offer. My ex told me straight up that I would not hear from him, it was too hard on both me and him. Same with ignoring the call. She has no responsibility in your feelings if she started dating after your BU. You were broken up, remember? That means your ties have been severed. Hell, my ex made a girl pregnant after 1 month without telling me. He even tried to keep it a secret. Only YOU are responsible for your life and feelings. She might have fallen madly in love, despite the fact that she wasn't looking to date. We never know what life brings us. But yes, don't take her back too easily. Let her work for it. Just meet her as a long lost friend and don't expect more. It is now her move if she want's something more then friendship, and if/when she does move, you make sure she knows your standards! Tell her straight up what you would like your relationship to be, if she doesn't agree: bounce! If some weeks pass and she keeps this "friend"-thing going, tell her you won't be a part of that, that you can't see her as just a friend. GL 1
Ordinaryday Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 God, you made a mistake! She only contacted you to ease her conscience and since you responded in the way she did she is feeling all right while you are still feeling crappy.! She dumped you... And she does not want to get back together with you. So why on earth would you be remotely interested in anything she has to say? You made a mistake big time as you eased her guilt and made her feel good while you got nothing in return.
Quest4_TheLost Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I agree completley with puppy. Take it slowly and cautiously, and don't expect anything. Good luck!
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