valeriepm Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Summary: Dated for 3 years, 20 years old, first loves; I asked for a break after an argument over family beliefs, took it as a breakup and told his entire family; we agreed the next day it was a misunderstanding; the next two weeks he broke up and got back together with me twice for various, trivial reasons (you're not affectionate enough, you leave when you're mad, my family doesn't like you now, I'm too hurt, we're not compatible, etc); he ignored me for a week so I went to his house and he yelled at me - called me crazy, get out of my life, there's nothing to talk about, etc; no contact for 6 weeks then I sent him an email "I'd rather be with you, but I'm letting you go." Below, he replied. Background: He broke up with me once in the summer of 2011 because he didn't like my mom; he took me back after a few hours out of guilt (I begged); he said our relationship was no longer serious, I may not be the one, etc; he truly stopped caring about me - he was different and never wanted to see me; he tried breaking up with me a few more times to go active duty although never followed through; left for basic two months later; called me crying and wrote me letters of apology, saying I was his only girl and had a connection with me like no one else; he came back home after 4 months and everything was perfect again, even planned on buying an engagement ring, until this breakup. Email: valeriepm - Email To protect me? Because he loves me more? Different directions? It makes no sense. I'm going to college and we live close. He's pressured about his future - probably trying to decide between going active duty, volunteering to deploy, or going to tech school. I asked for clarification and he ignored me. I still love him but I'm sick of him pushing me away like this. He is acting the exact same way he did during the summer before basic, except this is a real breakup. I'm going on with my life but there's a part of me that still hopes he'll grow up and come back one day Any opinions? Thanks.
flitzanu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Summary: Dated for 3 years, 20 years old, first loves; I asked for a break after an argument over family beliefs, took it as a breakup and told his entire family; we agreed the next day it was a misunderstanding; the next two weeks he broke up and got back together with me twice for various, trivial reasons (you're not affectionate enough, you leave when you're mad, my family doesn't like you now, I'm too hurt, we're not compatible, etc); he ignored me for a week so I went to his house and he yelled at me - called me crazy, get out of my life, there's nothing to talk about, etc; no contact for 6 weeks then I sent him an email "I'd rather be with you, but I'm letting you go." Below, he replied. Background: He broke up with me once in the summer of 2011 because he didn't like my mom; he took me back after a few hours out of guilt (I begged); he said our relationship was no longer serious, I may not be the one, etc; he truly stopped caring about me - he was different and never wanted to see me; he tried breaking up with me a few more times to go active duty although never followed through; left for basic two months later; called me crying and wrote me letters of apology, saying I was his only girl and had a connection with me like no one else; he came back home after 4 months and everything was perfect again, even planned on buying an engagement ring, until this breakup. Email: valeriepm - Email To protect me? Because he loves me more? Different directions? It makes no sense. I'm going to college and we live close. He's pressured about his future - probably trying to decide between going active duty, volunteering to deploy, or going to tech school. I asked for clarification and he ignored me. I still love him but I'm sick of him pushing me away like this. He is acting the exact same way he did during the summer before basic, except this is a real breakup. I'm going on with my life but there's a part of me that still hopes he'll grow up and come back one day Any opinions? Thanks. what? who wrote this email and who is it for?
Author valeriepm Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 My ex wrote this email to me.
destroyed4sho Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Summary: Dated for 3 years, 20 years old, first loves; I asked for a break after an argument over family beliefs, took it as a breakup and told his entire family; we agreed the next day it was a misunderstanding; the next two weeks he broke up and got back together with me twice for various, trivial reasons (you're not affectionate enough, you leave when you're mad, my family doesn't like you now, I'm too hurt, we're not compatible, etc); he ignored me for a week so I went to his house and he yelled at me - called me crazy, get out of my life, there's nothing to talk about, etc; no contact for 6 weeks then I sent him an email "I'd rather be with you, but I'm letting you go." Below, he replied. Background: He broke up with me once in the summer of 2011 because he didn't like my mom; he took me back after a few hours out of guilt (I begged); he said our relationship was no longer serious, I may not be the one, etc; he truly stopped caring about me - he was different and never wanted to see me; he tried breaking up with me a few more times to go active duty although never followed through; left for basic two months later; called me crying and wrote me letters of apology, saying I was his only girl and had a connection with me like no one else; he came back home after 4 months and everything was perfect again, even planned on buying an engagement ring, until this breakup. Email: valeriepm - Email To protect me? Because he loves me more? Different directions? It makes no sense. I'm going to college and we live close. He's pressured about his future - probably trying to decide between going active duty, volunteering to deploy, or going to tech school. I asked for clarification and he ignored me. I still love him but I'm sick of him pushing me away like this. He is acting the exact same way he did during the summer before basic, except this is a real breakup. I'm going on with my life but there's a part of me that still hopes he'll grow up and come back one day Any opinions? Thanks. So freaken weird!! People are crazy!!! Go to the "grass is greener" thread....I think this is the perfect case of this.
Author valeriepm Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 So freaken weird!! People are crazy!!! Go to the "grass is greener" thread....I think this is the perfect case of this. I've considered before that GIGS may be the case (mostly because of our age). It's just weird - his email is confusing and I honestly don't believe anything it says. You don't break up with someone over the phone and treat them like this because you are a "true man." I'm not going to get any clear answers from my ex, obviously, so only time will tell. I hope he matures and realizes his mistake one day but, sadly, some people never grow up. Thanks for the reply.
Author valeriepm Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 And the irritating part is he always called me immature. And I believed him. I actually took full responsibility for this breakup for weeks until I realized that I did nothing to deserve this.
SuperSad09 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Ew!! Seems sweet at first bit if he really "loved you more" he would love you enough to make it work. GAMES!! Move on. Reminds me of an email my ex sent and reading it for someone else I realize how mind f*cking it is. You deserve better.
Samilia Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Probably an email that he wrote so he doesn't have to feel the guilt of ending thins with you. I love how he emphasizes that he's a real man, he cares for you, and it was sooo hard to let you go. The I love you more is a nice touch. Please. Hit delete, move on. 1
Author valeriepm Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Thanks for the replies. It really is messed up - and the fact I still love him and hope for him back is even more concerning.
destroyed4sho Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I've considered before that GIGS may be the case (mostly because of our age). It's just weird - his email is confusing and I honestly don't believe anything it says. You don't break up with someone over the phone and treat them like this because you are a "true man." I'm not going to get any clear answers from my ex, obviously, so only time will tell. I hope he matures and realizes his mistake one day but, sadly, some people never grow up. Thanks for the reply. I know its so hard to believe but BELIEVE it!! People aren't normal out there. It is so hard to know who a person really is until something like this happens. You have to take his email at face value. There is no secret reason he is really breaking up with you. It's all in the email. He can't give you what you want and what you deserve. He knows what a little person he is and he keeps trying to convince himself he is a big true man trying to do the best for you.....and honestly I think he is doing the best for you because he knows what a little wormy he is deep inside. He also sounds a little narcisstic....calling him self a tall, strong guy, true guy, smart enough to think for the both of you, fulfilled a wish with god??? cuz he is so perfect with God...etc...ewww His whole email makes me vomit especially the "love you more" touch at the end!!! ugh, he added that for sappy drama. I think you can do a lot better than him and HE even thinks so..... I picture him like kim kardashians ex husband...Gross!!
destroyed4sho Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Thanks for the replies. It really is messed up - and the fact I still love him and hope for him back is even more concerning. I feel you. There may be other reasons for that, that have nothing to do with him. I feel that way about myself and deep inside I know that it more has to do with me. I do want my ex back, but I know that if I ever saw her again I would NOT want to speak with her, NOT feel anything and feel very strange around her because I am a different person now. After someone dumps you, your feelings automatically change no matter how much you think you want them back and no matter how much you think you still love them. I think the disappointment makes your heart cold, even though your brain is begging for them back to fulfill that awesome "in love" feeling you had when you were around them. But your heart knows better and eventually will dictate even if you get back with them. When someone dumps you or is even thinking about it, ITS OVER. :-(
Author valeriepm Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 I know its so hard to believe but BELIEVE it!! People aren't normal out there. It is so hard to know who a person really is until something like this happens. You have to take his email at face value. There is no secret reason he is really breaking up with you. It's all in the email. He can't give you what you want and what you deserve. He knows what a little person he is and he keeps trying to convince himself he is a big true man trying to do the best for you.....and honestly I think he is doing the best for you because he knows what a little wormy he is deep inside. He also sounds a little narcisstic....calling him self a tall, strong guy, true guy, smart enough to think for the both of you, fulfilled a wish with god??? cuz he is so perfect with God...etc...ewww His whole email makes me vomit especially the "love you more" touch at the end!!! ugh, he added that for sappy drama. I think you can do a lot better than him and HE even thinks so..... I picture him like kim kardashians ex husband...Gross!! I just feel like the email doesn't even apply to our situation - we're not going different directions, I was perfectly happy with him, and I don't understand why he would break up with me to keep me safe. If he truly wanted to be with me, he would be with me. The email makes him sounds noble, like he's doing this for my own good. No matter what he says, he has to have his own selfish reasons for this. And then when I think he really is doing this for my own good, I try to contact him, reassure him, and let him know differently. And then I get nothing in reply. It's irritating - almost as if nothing at all gets through to him. Thanks for replying.
destroyed4sho Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I just feel like the email doesn't even apply to our situation - we're not going different directions, I was perfectly happy with him, and I don't understand why he would break up with me to keep me safe. If he truly wanted to be with me, he would be with me. The email makes him sounds noble, like he's doing this for my own good. No matter what he says, he has to have his own selfish reasons for this. And then when I think he really is doing this for my own good, I try to contact him, reassure him, and let him know differently. And then I get nothing in reply. It's irritating - almost as if nothing at all gets through to him. Thanks for replying. Okay, you seem not to understand. He knows that he can never meet your standards so he is breaking up with you because of that. You have certain high standards (rightly so) and he cannot meet them and he knows and always knew that. Trust me he is not being selfish right now, he WAS being selfish BEFORE because he knew that he couldn't meet your standards from the beginning of the relationship (DAY 1) and finally NOW after some time, has enough balls to cut it off now. There was probably some trigger that made him finally reveal his true self- new friends, new girl, going away, new job...etc. I know its hard and difficult to understand when your in it. :-(
Author valeriepm Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Okay, you seem not to understand. He knows that he can never meet your standards so he is breaking up with you because of that. You have certain high standards (rightly so) and he cannot meet them and he knows and always knew that. Trust me he is not being selfish right now, he WAS being selfish BEFORE because he knew that he couldn't meet your standards from the beginning of the relationship (DAY 1) and finally NOW after some time, has enough balls to cut it off now. There was probably some trigger that made him finally reveal his true self- new friends, new girl, going away, new job...etc. I know its hard and difficult to understand when your in it. :-( He met my standards and he always has - he has no reason to feel like he isn't good enough. Maybe I'm just really blinded by the situation...it's just that I loved him and thinking that he left because he believes he isn't good enough makes me feel guilty. I didn't do anything to make him feel that way.
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