316 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Under the right conditions. Based on what I've seen/read it seems as if the majority of people believe that this feat simply isn't possible. But here I am pulling off the impossible with my ex (1 year and 2 month relationship) that I split up with a little over a month ago. Here's some of the conditions that made this possible... - We had a great relationship and we both ended it on good terms with no ill feelings towards one another... No serious fights/cheating or whatever the relationship simply "burnt out" - We're both young and know that we still have a lot of life to live before we get into a serious relationship (we're both in college) - Although I still love her and care about her deeply, I was able to rationalize that she simply wasn't "the one" for me - I have enough confidence in myself to know that I will eventually find someone else as good as her (or even better) The first couple of weeks post-breakup was pretty hard but once we realized we could still be in each other's lives things got a lot better. Sure the relationship isn't anything like it was while we were dating (it's really casual), but she's still my best friend and it's nice to know that I don't have to completely erase her from my life. What do you guys think? Do you think it's possible to remain friends with an ex sometimes? Have you ever remained friends with an ex?
D-Lish Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Have either of you had to deal with the other dating other people yet? 1
Author 316 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Have either of you had to deal with the other dating other people yet? Not yet but we know it's coming. Even when it does it's not really going to change much because we only talk/see each other sparingly now.
Astra5 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It is possible to remain friends.. but its a lot of work.. and putting a lot of feelings aside. But I have a few relationships that ended... and the friendship remained... with a lot of work!
Author 316 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 It is possible to remain friends.. but its a lot of work.. and putting a lot of feelings aside. But I have a few relationships that ended... and the friendship remained... with a lot of work! Definitely a lot of work. I just don't agree with the people that want to pretend that once you break up your ex should be gone from your life for good or else you won't be able to recover. With the right mindset I think it's definitely possible to recover AND still have your ex in your life.
Lil1 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 My definition of a friendship doesnt jive with the type of 'friendship' that would be had with an ex. I think it may be possible to reconnect with an ex after many years and build a solid friendship then but only after a long time has elapsed (Im talking more than 5 years). Trying to save a superficial friendship with a recent ex is just not worth all the complicated emotions/ baggage that can come with it. Everyone is different of course and it sounds like you've managed to have a successful break up allowing for your friendship to be saved... but what is your deifinition of friendship? A hypothetical: Your watching a movie with your new love cuddling eachother on the couch when you get a phone call from your ex who is your friend to help her cos she got a flat tire and is stuck in the rain. Would you help her? Leave your honey to go help your ex.. errrrr I mean friend? Would you be able to handle it if it were the other way around (your honey is leaving you to go help her ex?) What are your reasons for saving the friendship you have with your ex? If you can honestly say there are no more intimate feelings left for her then you are stronger than most.. or you were never really in love
Mycteria Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm still great friends with my ex. We dated for two years, he was my first boyfriend. He's an amazing person and I would never agree to a relationship with any new guy who wanted me to stop contacting him. There is absolutely nothing romantic between us anymore but I don't want to lose him because he is such a special person and when you meet someone like that, I firmly believe you should hold on to them even if it wouldn't work out romantically. We've now been friends for 6 years. The initial year was hard and somewhat awkward but one night we were suddenly able to hang out as if nothing had ever happened between us and it's been that way ever since. He lives 3 hours from me and we travel to see each other a few times a year at least. We mostly go to music shows together. I have no problem introducing my boyfriends to him.
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It all depends on how much of an emotional attachment you still with her. Are you "over" her basically. If you're not...and I mean completely NOT...then no, I don't think you should be friends with your ex.
carhill Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 A good barometer would be for your ex to kiss a new love interest in front of you and you feel positive about the new happiness in the ex'es life. If other, you're not ready to be 'friends'. Sure, it's 'possible'. Anything is possible. Healthy is another matter. Good luck. 1
Author 316 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 My definition of a friendship doesnt jive with the type of 'friendship' that would be had with an ex. I think it may be possible to reconnect with an ex after many years and build a solid friendship then but only after a long time has elapsed (Im talking more than 5 years). Trying to save a superficial friendship with a recent ex is just not worth all the complicated emotions/ baggage that can come with it. Everyone is different of course and it sounds like you've managed to have a successful break up allowing for your friendship to be saved... but what is your deifinition of friendship? A hypothetical: Your watching a movie with your new love cuddling eachother on the couch when you get a phone call from your ex who is your friend to help her cos she got a flat tire and is stuck in the rain. Would you help her? Leave your honey to go help your ex.. errrrr I mean friend? Would you be able to handle it if it were the other way around (your honey is leaving you to go help her ex?) What are your reasons for saving the friendship you have with your ex? If you can honestly say there are no more intimate feelings left for her then you are stronger than most.. or you were never really in love Yes I would explain the situation to my girlfriend and I'm sure she'd understand. I'd also be fine with it if it were the other way around (although it would be a bit weird for a girl to help out her guy friend with a flat tire). If you're too paranoid to allow your SO to see their ex in an extreme scenario like that then you probably have trust issues. The post below me is a great example of why some people want to keep their ex in their lives. I'm still great friends with my ex. We dated for two years, he was my first boyfriend. He's an amazing person and I would never agree to a relationship with any new guy who wanted me to stop contacting him. There is absolutely nothing romantic between us anymore but I don't want to lose him because he is such a special person and when you meet someone like that, I firmly believe you should hold on to them even if it wouldn't work out romantically. We've now been friends for 6 years. The initial year was hard and somewhat awkward but one night we were suddenly able to hang out as if nothing had ever happened between us and it's been that way ever since. He lives 3 hours from me and we travel to see each other a few times a year at least. We mostly go to music shows together. I have no problem introducing my boyfriends to him.
pureinheart Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Under the right conditions. Based on what I've seen/read it seems as if the majority of people believe that this feat simply isn't possible. But here I am pulling off the impossible with my ex (1 year and 2 month relationship) that I split up with a little over a month ago. Here's some of the conditions that made this possible... - We had a great relationship and we both ended it on good terms with no ill feelings towards one another... No serious fights/cheating or whatever the relationship simply "burnt out" - We're both young and know that we still have a lot of life to live before we get into a serious relationship (we're both in college) - Although I still love her and care about her deeply, I was able to rationalize that she simply wasn't "the one" for me - I have enough confidence in myself to know that I will eventually find someone else as good as her (or even better) The first couple of weeks post-breakup was pretty hard but once we realized we could still be in each other's lives things got a lot better. Sure the relationship isn't anything like it was while we were dating (it's really casual), but she's still my best friend and it's nice to know that I don't have to completely erase her from my life. What do you guys think? Do you think it's possible to remain friends with an ex sometimes? Have you ever remained friends with an ex? Will take this even further. Even if there were issues, I see no reason not to remain friends...guess that's just me though. Now, I can't do weird, and if it's weird for me, it's really weird:laugh: With my daughters dad, it got too weird, too many lies and deceptions, then a "digging his heals into the ground" to defend the lie which hurt MANY family members. There are red lines, or lines in the sand, and if a person chooses to remain toxic, then that person should be held at distance. To my knowledge, I'm friends with all of them, possibly due to having closure concerning those types of feelings. I realised that most were infatuation, and have never had the real deal. Technically am still friends with my daughters dad as I am stuck with birthdays and such of which "running into him" is a given.
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