jcrew11 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I've been thinking about the issue of creating "Self-confidence" in dating. Part of creating self-confidence is that women/men are attracted to self-confident people who have their life together. But in creating self-confidence, there has to be something in yourself to be confident about. And also knowing that you have "qualities" that other people want and find appealing. But we also fall into the trap of trying too hard to please or appeal to another person, and coming off looking weak and desperate. Maybe we "don't know ourselves well and are trying to shape ourselves differently." Maybe we are not confident and do not feel we have any attractive qualities, so we just try to cling to other "stronger" people. So my question is, What qualities do you have that other people find attractive? Maybe you are good-looking, are funny/sense of humor, good talker/charmer, caring/affection person, smart, rich, have a cool job, etc.? What is your "personality identity" and does that give you self-confidence?
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm smart (I think, though not good at math). And I'm good at playing basketball. And I think I'm a fairly good person. That's pretty much all I can think of...
TouchedByViolet Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 As a 25 year old man. I am sweet, a bit geeky, fun, open for adventure, easy to communicate with, silly, a good cook, reliable, independent and a lover of making love.
melodymatters Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm a cute, petite, bouncy little blonde, that's probably the first thing that gets noticed, but my strength and confidence come from being a really warm person who is kind, open, and friendly with everyone she meets. It comes easily as I'm an extrovert but I think that is my " super power". There are plenty of cute blondes around, but men love a warm, smiling, kind woman IME.
HitMeNow Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I have a great body. I am pretty smart. (although Idk if people can tell). I have masculine energy. Good voice tone. Good body language. But ultimately and most importantly, I am a happy and relaxed laid back dude. The best compliments I've heard have been, "We can do anything together and have a good time". People feel comfortable and good around me once they get to know me. 1
carhill Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 What is your "personality identity" and does that give you self-confidence? I've long felt comfortable within my own skin and have had an outward focus. This means, in general, in daily behavior, I do not seek validation or to draw attention to myself but rather to be interested in and positively acknowledge and support others. Historically, women have apparently found this quality to be attractive in a general sense but perhaps not in a markedly sexual sense. Occasionally I've run across some who apparently find some physical features attractive, but that has been a minority and relatively transient. Most of those have been MW's so I generally discount such anecdotes. The 'confidence' is feeling comfortable and positive about being alone, meaning not interacting with others, or engaged, meaning immersed in interpersonal relationships, whether romantic or platonic.
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm smart (I think, though not good at math). And I'm good at playing basketball. And I think I'm a fairly good person. That's pretty much all I can think of... I love basketball...was my life growing up and into the my 20s..what position do you play? Do/did you play for any school?
monicaelise Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I think my "personality identity" is largely rooted in my physical being. I feel good in ..and about ..my body. Even with everything it's been through, it's served me well and I've worked hard to take care of it. That definitely gives me confidence, both in facing physical obstacles and in my dealings with other people. I think the other things that appeal to members of the opposite sex are probably a fairly high level of tolerance, self-awareness, and flexibility. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I love basketball...was my life growing up and into the my 20s..what position do you play? Do/did you play for any school? I'm an undersized big man, except with fairly good ball handling ability. Kind of like Charles Barkley mixed with Earl the Pearl.
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Physical things I've been complimented on: Eyes - Probably my best feature and one of the benefits of being half white/asian. It's really hard to tell in photos, but they are a mix of green/brown...green on the outside and brown on the inside. Like this: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e0/Green_eye_lashes.jpg Lips - I have really full lips. What's funny is that, growing up, I used to get teased ENDLESSLY about them...I hated them. Now, I love them...and so do the ladies. Body shape - I'm not big or anything like that, but I'm tall and lean and just have good genes I guess. Even when I don't work out I still get compliments. Personality-wise: I'm a nice guy, with an edge...is what I've been told most often. I have a bit of a temper (used to be very bad) and I also don't take crap from anyone, even if it's a gorgeous woman. I'm not "in your face" confrontational, and I'm very diplomatic, but if you piss me off, I will let you know. But I'm a gentleman, first and foremost, and I do believe that a man has to be a man and a woman should be a woman. But, I'm not overkill. I guess the best way to explain is that I'll open a car door to let a woman into my car, but don't expect me to open it to let you out...you have an arm...use it. I like to think I'm very intelligent. I don't think anyone would ever call me dumb. But I don't go around acting like I'm smarter than anyone. My wife said that, when she first met me, she thought I was the kind of guy that thought he was smarter than everyone and would always correct people and she was delighted when that didn't turn out to be the case. I have some OCD and it can make me VERY driven when I find something I really like. It's really helped me succeed in my career but it also makes me appear as if I'm not lazy, because truth be told, I'm VERY lazy. Sexual abilities: Well...I like to think I'm great in bed. I've been told by every LTR I've had that I was their best lover, by far. I'm pretty emotional and that translates into passion in the bedroom. I'm a GREAT kisser (my lips help a lot, I guess) and I'm just really good at "reading the mood". I know when she wants me to kiss her softly, or kiss her deeply, or shove my tongue halfway down her throat. And the same under the sheets. I know when she wants to make love, and when she wants me to **** her like a whore. 1
Imajerk17 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) I'm smart (I think, though not good at math). And I'm good at playing basketball. And I think I'm a fairly good person. That's pretty much all I can think of... Yes, you are indeed smart and articulate going by your posts on LS, and you come across as pretty likeable on here too. If you can play basketball well too, that's awesome. Unless you --act like a hyperactive puppy around women --mumble and look down while you talk --have terrible hygiene or style, OR --are never around any women, I'm just having a really tough time seeing why you'd have any trouble getting girls. I mean that as a compliment. (And even if you are any of the above list, that can be fixed.) OT: I'm really smart, I'm insightful, I'm actually a pretty caring person, I go for what I want and I have nice eyes. It's made up for lacks on my part... Edited January 31, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You are indeed smart and articulate going by your posts on LS, and you come across as pretty likeable on here too. If you can play basketball well too, that's awesome. Thanks for the kind words Unless you --act like a hyperactive puppy around women --mumble and look down while you talk --have terrible hygiene or style, OR --are never around any women, I definitely teeter from looking completely disinterested in women to being needy/clingy. I often stick with the disinterested/aloof act to avoid looking like a loser. I know that's a huge problem for me. I shower, shave and use deodorant and cologne. I posted a thread a while back about style. I'm not the most stylish person in the world (mostly t-shirt and jeans) but I don't wear my stripes with my plaids or anything like that. And yeah, I'm rarely around women. Unless we're counting the grocery store or something like that.
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm an undersized big man, except with fairly good ball handling ability. Kind of like Charles Barkley mixed with Earl the Pearl. Nice. Barkley is one of my favorite basketball players ever. I'm a member over at insidehoops.com and one of the discussions was on how well Barkley, standing at 6'4" would fare in today's league and it was pretty much unanimous that he would make sweet rape on the entire league. I was a 6'1" shooting guard in high school, even though I was the tallest guy on the team. Our center was 5'10" but a LOT stockier than me. I weighed 160 soaking wet back then.
Mycteria Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 My eyes are definitely my #1 favorite physical feature. They are green, just like the pic KungFuJoe posted but maybe a little deeper green. I also have really shiny dark hair and a generally love my body, although I have some bad scars on my leg from a motorcycle accident. Oh yeah, I ride motorcycles. And I'm a huge adrenaline junkie. I've found that some guys are intimidated by this but most guys like it. I'm also really into the outdoors in a much more extreme way than your typical outdoorsy person. I catch snakes, fish, and wrangle alligators for a living. I'm very very smart, and can outwit almost anyone. This, again, is attractive to some men and a turn off to others. I'm very funny but some people can't handle my type of humor. I can't date men who are too sensitive and who can't match my wit. The thing I pride myself most about is a good sense of objectivity. I am very confident, but I know when I'm wrong and if someone beats me in a debate, I'll admit it. I'm also really good at seeing what's really going on in my relationships and seeing my own problems objectively. This makes me really easy to talk to and to solve problems with. I don't overreact as long as a man has my trust. Sexually, I'm extremely open minded. It does take me a long time to really get comfortable with someone sexually, but once I do, nothing's really off the table. God. This sounded so boastful. But I guess that was the point of the thread. 1
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