Jingle14 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) I'm dreading it. Last year, I didn't celebrate it at all but I am forcing myself to this year and am going away for a couple of days with a friend who I know I'll have a good laugh with. But no matter how much I make my life busy and fill it with good, positive people, this horrible sadness doesn't go away. It will be 2 years in June that I was dumped and he is still on my mind every day. There are still places I choose not to go to (difficult when he lives in my neighbourhood and no, I can't move as my son goes to school here, all his friends are here and he would never move from his dad - not the man who broke my heart). I dream of him, often vividly, at least 3 nights a week. He's often a selfish and immature man but when we mutually adored each other, it was the happiest I have ever been as I saw another side of him, warm, loving, kind. I truly loved him unconditionally. And he did love me, but then he didn't - didn't stop him hugging me tightly for over an hour last year though, eyes closed and head nuzzled into my neck, and yet his 'feelings are dead' for me. I miss him but, so far as I know, he is still with the person he started seeing less than 2 weeks after we slept together. It is more than I can bear to think of him being with someone else, whether that's spending time with them, holding hands, or worse. So I've had to completely shut down and numb my feelings. I'm still not interested in anyone else - have been out with a couple of people but am just not interested. I know he won't contact me on my birthday, if he even remembers what day it is (probably too busy buying this bitch romantic treats or taking her on the romantic break he promised me, if he hasn't already!), he didn't last year and he never contacts me anyway. Yet I know this will upset me, but I'll put on the act, smile and pretend I'm happy, sassy and fun, like I always do. In truth, I'm far from it. I'm just so unhappy without him. Unlike him without me, no doubt. I'm just feeling very down. It's not easy when I have to drive past his bloody parent's house every time I leave my street either, and often he is there. It's a nightmare. I still can't believe we will never speak again, never see each other intentionally again, never smile warmly at each other and never hold each other. Once we couldn't spend 24 hours apart without dozens of texts and phone calls and then rushing into each other's arms when reunited (where he would pick me up, so delighted to see me), now I am dead to him. Edited January 31, 2013 by Jingle14
hudson701 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Yes there is something worse- asking your ex out on your own birthday, which is what I did. So I will be reminded of my ex every birthday and how ecstatic I felt that day when she accepted the offer of a date. My 30th is coming up shortly and for obvious reasons I'm absolutely dreading it.
Zammo25 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Jingle I am with you. My ex is having her first Valentine's day with Mr Wonderful this year. It is 50/50 they will get engaged I think. The day will be HELL but do we die when they leave ?, do our lives stop having any purpose anymore and forever more ? Do we ?
Author Jingle14 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Yes there is something worse- asking your ex out on your own birthday, which is what I did. So I will be reminded of my ex every birthday and how ecstatic I felt that day when she accepted the offer of a date. My 30th is coming up shortly and for obvious reasons I'm absolutely dreading it. How dreadful, I can only hope that, in time, you manage to overlay your birthday with better memories. But until then, it's so tough.
Author Jingle14 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Jingle I am with you. My ex is having her first Valentine's day with Mr Wonderful this year. It is 50/50 they will get engaged I think. The day will be HELL but do we die when they leave ?, do our lives stop having any purpose anymore and forever more ? Do we ? Not necessarily, as I've read your description of him before and he sounds more like me dull than wonderful. And if he is then she will surely reap what she has sowed.
Zammo25 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Not necessarily, as I've read your description of him before and he sounds more like me dull than wonderful. And if he is then she will surely reap what she has sowed. I think Jingle we are both dead on the inside now, the ex's have destroyed us. Do we accept this ? You have 40 years left, most likely. Can you live like this for 40 years ? Mr Wonderful is what she needs and wants clearly and when my best was not good enough, it hurts, very bad. 1
Sugarkane Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Look on the brightside- more valentines Day chocolate for you! And no ex to make you feel guilty about it either. Stuff the ex. I would still go out for a meal on my birthday. What about swapping a valentines day gift with a family member, sibling or friend? (just platonically).
Author Jingle14 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Look on the brightside- more valentines Day chocolate for you! And no ex to make you feel guilty about it either. Stuff the ex. I would still go out for a meal on my birthday. What about swapping a valentines day gift with a family member, sibling or friend? (just platonically). Yes, that's what I'm doing, going out with a female friend. It's already difficult seeing all the lovey dovery card crap in the shops though, on the night itself all the restaurants will be decked out with hearts and lovey dovey couples., horrible.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 LOL my ex was born on Valentine. Yup. I remember our final year. Nothing like spending 200$ in various bday gifts and then 200$ in her favorite. Flowers to so she could let them wilt for a couple of days on her porch. Then throw my bday gifts(very expensive ring) with our names engraved on the ground. And never wear them. LOL... Then calling it fake and she can't wear fake stuff...prepish. although it was very real LOL, all but a side item, a Sterling silver necklace was only 5$. Oh Even more lovely: when she got several gift baskets she put up; a Teddy bear with a heart(she said her mom got her.) A golden heart-pendant she said her dad got her. Then when we spent time together(already upset over my gifts), she ignored me texting and talking to "friends." Even when I told her to put the phone down, she was being sneaky and texting. Awh Valentine lover born on a day of death, only to cheat then kill her relationship.
Emilia Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Valentine's day is just another day in the calendar, it is only 'special' because people choose to buy into it. The sooner you realise this the sooner you put its irrelevance to your life into perspective. 1
darkmoon Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Aquarians rock I like them alot (Aries, not so much, for example) 1
Author Jingle14 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Aquarians rock I like them alot (Aries, not so much, for example) I'm with you on that! I saw a jokey post on FB the other week which said 'Aries are selfish pricks' - they got that one right!! 1
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