Should I ask why ???

[Guest]

I was with my girlfriend for almost 3 years.

 

 

After we met she was the first one the jump me in the car but it was some time after that we were really intimate.

 

 

I think we had a great time together, we complemented each other and others often commented about the same.

 

 

We were both honest, sincere, attractive and nice people.

 

 

I loved her heaps and she knew that.

 

 

I thought she loved me because that is what she always said.

 

 

We previously talked of our future and marriage, etc.

 

 

2 weeks ago she stunned me by saying that she had actually freaked when I had previously brought up the topic of our future, marriage, etc.

 

 

This was unexpected because she had been doing little things which I thought meant we were going to be together.

 

 

Recently she went interstate (I didn't go because I was sick) and said it wasn't the same without me. Also, I recently sold my house (I'm a developer and received a good offer) and she voiced her disappointment because we had talked of living in it in the future.

 

 

We met last night and we broke up. We discussed alot last night and I said she was gutsy to come out with this, I told her I loved her and left the door open for the future in the event that she realises what she really wants (albeit I might be with someone else at the time). She said that she has been unable to think for the last 2 weeks, has not slept (actually, either have I), she does not know what she wants at present, she does not know whether it is a matter of whether I am the one or whether she is not ready for commitment, she decided that we should break up and try to get on with our own lifes for now. We spoke for 3 hours and upon leaving we hugged for a minute and both cried and complemented each other (I do love her heaps) and in a attempt to break the ice I asked her for one last shag (she knew I was joking and smiled a little).

 

 

I am completely heart broken and she knows that (I had actually already bought her a $30,000- ring which she does not know of). I think both our little worlds have been broken. I will miss her, her family and friends.

 

 

Her parents are stunned, her brother, sister and friends are stunned. My family and friends are stunned.

 

 

She is not sure of her true feelings at present.

 

 

At some point in the future I want to know her true feelings for me and why it has ended like this.

 

 

I will eventually accept that I was not the one for her BUT it will be more difficult if she really did love me and wanted me. I don't want to go through life thinking of what could have been.

 

 

How can I find this out ???

 

Paul

[Ed]

If she is the one that wanted to break it off with you, then she is the only one that knows why she did it (unless she spoke with a friend about it). You or I could spend the rest of our lives speculating why, but it would just be our best guess. Only she knows for sure. I think you deserve a straight, honest answer. Trying to get that answer from her is probably not worth it in the long run. It's probably best that you just leave it and her alone. If she wants something more from you and the relationship you shared with her, she will be back. Give her space and time to think about it. She knows how you feel about her. Telling her over and over again will not make her come back or make her feel any other way.

 

You handled this breakup perfectly. You acted mature even though you are hurting inside. That is very admirable. All you need to do now is follow through with your maturity. Take some time to lick your wounds and sort through your baggage. Then get up, dust yourself off and carry on with your life.

 

By the way, don't let the thing about the $30,000 ring get out. There are a lot of girls with 24 carat shovels looking for guys like you.

[sparkle]

Paul,

 

It was good that you two ended the relationship on good terms. Since you two just broke up last night, there's

 

two important things you need to give to her and yourself as well: time and space.

 

Maybe she's just confused..and needs time to have a clear mind to think things through. Even if she still wants to remain friends and continue talking to you (i'm not sure if that is that case with you two), be nice and polite..don't be rude or anything..BUT don't pressure her or chase after her or try to convince her to be with you.

 

I'm a strong believer of fate, if it was meant to be..and she realizes that she wants a future with you, she'll come back to you. You sound like a great guy, so in the meantime, give yourself some time to relax and be single.

 

Sort your thoughts. Don't go looking for another girl all of a sudden. Don't give involved in any rebound relationships. Just take it easy for a while.

 

You were ready to start a future with this girl..ready to marry her. I know you're stunned and I know you'll miss her enormously, but you just have to hang in there.

 

A few other things: if you do talk to her, don't mention the $30,000 ring..it may cloud a girl's judgement.

 

Take care

[Nic]

Perhaps the hardest (but easiest way in the long run) is to ask her straight out, if she sees a future for the 2 of you. It will be hard to get the courage to ask this, but it's going to be for your benefit in the long run. You won't be sitting there tormenting yourself over it. Tormenting yourself only manifests itself and makes it harder for you.

 

Is she the kind of person who is afraid of getting hurt or things not working out the way she dreams? Maybe looking too far ahead in the future is scary for her, because she may be scared of what may or may not happen. It's easy for some people to get scared and back off from the unknown, especially if something means that much to them and they get afraid that somehow they might lose it. If she's like this, she may need lots of time and reassurance to feel secure in her decision, especially if she's prone to feeling insecure.

 

Or she could just feel that deep down, she's just not ready yet. The reality of it all could be somewhat overwhelming.

 

It could be a number of things, but I think what you need to do is sit down together - no pressure - and just be honest and rational about if you think it's going to work.

 

She sounds very confused, but please don't look at it as a reflection on you. You sound like a genuine guy and it's obvious you love her very much and I'm sure she'd appreciate the depth of your love for her. Any girl would with a guy like you. She's very lucky (hmmm, maybe she feels so lucky it's one of those "too good to be true" feelings that she's feeling a bit scared???)

 

If things work out for the 2 of you, great. If things don't work out, don't beat yourself up over it. Some of the most wonderful relationships end with 2 people very much in love, just wanting different things at different stages in their lives. At least you will have wonderful memories if they don't, which is a lot better than having bad memories. And also, you don't know what the future holds - if she wants to be with you, she knows where you are and she will come back to you.

 

Good luck :)

I was with my girlfriend for almost 3 years.

 

After we met she was the first one the jump me in the car but it was some time after that we were really intimate. I think we had a great time together, we complemented each other and others often commented about the same. We were both honest, sincere, attractive and nice people. I loved her heaps and she knew that. I thought she loved me because that is what she always said. We previously talked of our future and marriage, etc. 2 weeks ago she stunned me by saying that she had actually freaked when I had previously brought up the topic of our future, marriage, etc. This was unexpected because she had been doing little things which I thought meant we were going to be together. Recently she went interstate (I didn't go because I was sick) and said it wasn't the same without me. Also, I recently sold my house (I'm a developer and received a good offer) and she voiced her disappointment because we had talked of living in it in the future. We met last night and we broke up. We discussed alot last night and I said she was gutsy to come out with this, I told her I loved her and left the door open for the future in the event that she realises what she really wants (albeit I might be with someone else at the time). She said that she has been unable to think for the last 2 weeks, has not slept (actually, either have I), she does not know what she wants at present, she does not know whether it is a matter of whether I am the one or whether she is not ready for commitment, she decided that we should break up and try to get on with our own lifes for now. We spoke for 3 hours and upon leaving we hugged for a minute and both cried and complemented each other (I do love her heaps) and in a attempt to break the ice I asked her for one last shag (she knew I was joking and smiled a little). I am completely heart broken and she knows that (I had actually already bought her a $30,000- ring which she does not know of). I think both our little worlds have been broken. I will miss her, her family and friends. Her parents are stunned, her brother, sister and friends are stunned. My family and friends are stunned. She is not sure of her true feelings at present.

 

At some point in the future I want to know her true feelings for me and why it has ended like this. I will eventually accept that I was not the one for her BUT it will be more difficult if she really did love me and wanted me. I don't want to go through life thinking of what could have been. How can I find this out ???

[Deejette]

She has already told you what the answer is through her actions. Otherwise, she would still be with you. So much confusion shows that she really has made a choice, and that is, to not be your girlfriend any more.

 

Her staying up nights and wondering if you are the one or not is not indicative of a firm love or a committed future.

 

Actually, it sounds like this girl has been jerking you around, leaving you wondering, instead of being clear-cut in her behavior and talk. She may be trying to leave the door slightly open so she can come back to you after she has tried other guys out in her quest to figure out who is the right one for her.

Perhaps the hardest (but easiest way in the long run) is to ask her straight out, if she sees a future for the 2 of you. It will be hard to get the courage to ask this, but it's going to be for your benefit in the long run. You won't be sitting there tormenting yourself over it. Tormenting yourself only manifests itself and makes it harder for you. Is she the kind of person who is afraid of getting hurt or things not working out the way she dreams? Maybe looking too far ahead in the future is scary for her, because she may be scared of what may or may not happen. It's easy for some people to get scared and back off from the unknown, especially if something means that much to them and they get afraid that somehow they might lose it. If she's like this, she may need lots of time and reassurance to feel secure in her decision, especially if she's prone to feeling insecure.

 

Or she could just feel that deep down, she's just not ready yet. The reality of it all could be somewhat overwhelming. It could be a number of things, but I think what you need to do is sit down together - no pressure - and just be honest and rational about if you think it's going to work. She sounds very confused, but please don't look at it as a reflection on you. You sound like a genuine guy and it's obvious you love her very much and I'm sure she'd appreciate the depth of your love for her. Any girl would with a guy like you. She's very lucky (hmmm, maybe she feels so lucky it's one of those "too good to be true" feelings that she's feeling a bit scared???) If things work out for the 2 of you, great. If things don't work out, don't beat yourself up over it. Some of the most wonderful relationships end with 2 people very much in love, just wanting different things at different stages in their lives. At least you will have wonderful memories if they don't, which is a lot better than having bad memories. And also, you don't know what the future holds - if she wants to be with you, she knows where you are and she will come back to you. Good luck :)