calgary Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 had this amazing girlfriend for 18months it was so much fun honestly she made me so happy and she stood by me in some bad times. we started arguing because she'd disappear on nights out for a while and not answer her texts.. or i'd see her dancing with a guy, offer to buy her a drink to get her away from him and then before i'd even got my change back, she was back dancing with him again... explaining that he was just a friend and I need to chill out she'd never cheat and to stop being insecure.. it got to a point where she stopped initiating things like she used to always tell me she loved me, or give me a cuddle when I arrived. she'd always be happy to show me off to her friends she made me feel so good about myself.. but it just got a point like on new years, where the clock striked midnight and she would have never come over and kissed me or looked at me if I hadn't have gone over to her she just wouldn't have bothered at all. it really hurt.. but 5 minutes after we were leaving her guy friend asked me to grab her.. so I told her to go see him, waited for her with my friends, turned around and they were stood talking and holding hands.. I hated it said something to her in private and she got really mad at me again... we basically broke up because she was supposed to come to my house but bailed on me to go to this guy she was holding hands withs house. I didn't like it. a week after we broke up she went out with the intentions of getting with a work friend, but he didn't show up... with her not eating properly after the break up she got insanely drunk and told everyone she worked with sshe liked him.. so that's how I know.. but then we weren't together it's none of my business ( I just think the weekend after we broke up from an 18 month relationship that that was a little harsh of her really.) anyway I disappeared went no contact... hey it works. she text me a week later asking how I was... I played it cool, replied the day after saying I was good ( didn't ask how she was ) ... week after she got in touch again saying she had my sweater and she wanted to give me it, but I was in night class so I couldn't reply for 4 hours... so she messaged me on facebook asking if I was ignoring her and that we need to sort stuff ( I think that was a play on words) I told her I was busy all week and i'd meet her Saturday.. she messaged me again Thursday to confirm it was still on and maybe we could grab a coffee.. so I said yea.. I was really excited to see her ( it'd been 3 weeks since i'd last seen her and I was used to seeing her almost every day for a year) I put on her favourite aftershave. I made an effort to look good. I arrived bang on the dot... she turned up 15 mins late. hungover in last nights make up with a stamp on her hand from a club... she asked how I was doing.. I told her i'd passed my exam, I was doing well with my new job. I was enjoying spending more time with my friends and that I was just trying to get back to my old self.. I asked her and she said she was struggling to eat, she'd been sick a lot.. she was stressing about work and she kept getting really really drunk. I tried making the conversation cheery and getting a couple of laughs in.. nothing too heavy.. then she asked me if we could be friends.... you know that dreaded feeling haha ? so I told her I couldn't see her in that way and that she would always mean a lot to me. I wouldn't like to see her in that way, maybe if she'd like to take things slow and go out for a coffee date or lunch sometime i'd be interested.. but she didn't seem to respond.. so I told her that the best thing would be to just walk away from each other and delete each other from facebook and that this would possibly be the last time we saw each other... she seemed really upset and quiet but agreed.. we went to the car park I walked her to her car. we had such a loving long hug it hurt like crazy but felt like home haha (i'm such a loser) and then I said goodbye and walked to my car... she couldn't get the sim out of my iphone in time so she said she would get it back to me soon so I do have to see her again.. but I deleted her from facebook and that was Saturday.. it's now Thursday... I feel like no contact for 3 weeks did me the world of good. when we first broke up, I was a clingy insecure mess of a guy who would have begged and cried and being pathetic really. so i'm glad I stayed strong and didn't do any of that... now I feel after a month that.. I don't necessarily need this girl... but I want her does that make sense? nothing too serious. I feel like i'm already getting myself back together and i'd like to take things slowly like we just started again. maybe go to the seaside one weekend, or go out for dinner. I don't want to jump straight back into things. I understand i'll probably never hear from her again at this apart from to get my phone back of course ( by the way do you think that was a ploy to re-see me one last time or am I looking into that too much? did she just want a free phone haha ? ) I can move on now. I know i'll be fine without her.. I know what went down was unacceptable for me with the flirting.. and she probably saw me as possessive clingy and insecure.. but the thing is, I believe that could have been resolved and the truth is, is that she probably lost the spark from the relationship and wanted something new and exciting again. so this was just a way out fast... now that I feel like the guy I was before I want her rather than needing her and all that.. i'd really like an opinion or some advice on how I could possibly make this work.. I know most people will say move on and believe me I am doing no contact works wonders. I'm just wondering if people think that I would ever hear from her again... or if it's salvageable before I give up on her for good. did I do the right things ? would you have handled things differently ? Thank you.
will1988 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'd say you messed up on a few things. However, I can honestly tell you that if I was in your situation I know I would've done exactly what you did. You don't want her in your life at all, period. She had the gaul to flirt with other guys, dance with them, hold hands with them in front of you. If my GF did that to me I'd be so mad I'd probably create a scene... leave her there, and throw all of her stuff off of the balcony of my 5th floor apartment. She treated you like dirt. The only reason she wanted to be friends and possibly get with you is because you are her safety net and the fling with this new guy did not work... so she wants you in her life in some way. Do not contact her, let her fade into memory. Good luck!
flitzanu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 what exactly are you going to take slowly with her? you're broken up, she never gave you any indication of getting back together at all. are you trying to delude yourself that it will be ok to just be friends with her because you think being friends will convince her to date you again? cuz it won't. if she wanted you around, she would be reaching out to you, and she isn't. if you try to be friends with her now, it isn't going to be any different, except you getting hurt AGAIN.
Author calgary Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 hey thank you for your replies! I said I didn't want to be friends with her. I left it at no contact I removed all contact with her and walked away. i'd get hurt if I stayed friends you're right! I feel like with her getting so desperately in touch to return a sweater and have a coffee it seemed like something more. like she was trying to make me work hard and beg and apologize but I didn't. she did treat me like dirt towards the end you're right thanks. I just suppose I wanted other peoples opinions on if she'd ever get in touch again .
Author calgary Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 hey will, which things would you say I messed up on ? Thanks
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