SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Months after our last final break up, I'm welcoming myself back to the break up page again... I broke up with him and I sure to god hope I won't have a twist of mind and go back again when he starts trying for it! I wish I could say I won't but the past has proven that I have never kept this promise to myself. Here's what he did to me: - He cheated on me with his ex in the first year we were together - He kept contact with her secretly - She never knew he had a girlfriend - when we got back together he didn't tell her he had a girlfriend - He didn't tell her he had a girlfriend until 6 months ago - he kept contact with several other girls from his past and new girls - he was super secretive about his phone, always on flightmodus when at my place - he didnt want to put me on fb as a friend, let alone as his gf - he dumped me like 100 times in the past 2 years - he is whatsapping on his phone the whole day and night - when he comes over to my place, he whatsapps in front of my door before coming in and then puts on flight modus - When i asked him several times to talk about all this, he said over the course of 2 years, get over it, you're b*tching - Tried to keep me as a friend and then making comments to me like, I want to f*ck bitches and have no relationship, later telling me he did this because he didn't want us to fight all the time YEAHHH RIGHT) So I did: - When he dumped me the last time I started dating my high school crush and had a wonderful time - I had sex with him - I had long nice conversations with him - I had several nice dates with him we went doing fun things - When my boyfriend started pursuing me again, I never canceled a date with the new guy for him - Evetually I let go of the new guy because I had no feelings, of course it was too soon to date someone new -I got a lovelyy revenge Then my boyfriend changed completely: - He stopped whatsapping the whole day immediately - He put me on FB as his girlfriend and removed all girls from his past (I didnt ask him to remove them btw) - He stopped putting his phone on flight modus when coming over to my place - he stopped dumping me in every fight this is all very nice, but he lost his trust in me also..and he can't let go of what happened. He feels I cheated and betrayed his trust. he's angry with me all the time and says, ''you ruined this, things will never be the same again''. And I'm just sick and tired of his selfpity. For 2 years...I took all the crap he pulled on me, I tried talking millions of times...only to get shut down and dumped. So I feel good.. I feel good I hurt him where it hit hardest. he made me an evil person..and i feel good that he's hurting. And now? I dumped his ass . I know revenge is never ever the answer... but sometimes you just can't help it to recover your ego somewhat. I loves this guy to the fullest and all he ever did was more lies and more shadiness.. I would like to hear from you all if you have ever been through such a situation? And your opinions about it?
KatZee Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Uh why are you with this idiot? Two years? Honestly... wasted. This guy's an idiot. He doesn't respect you at all. He only "changed" because your value went up in his eyes when he saw you getting attention from other guys. A worthy guy recognizes your value from day one and doesn't go cheating, lying, and all that other crap he's done. Keep it moving and don't look back. 2
cherepaha Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) ^ agree. plus most likely he is just put up an act to get you back and once he'd know you are attached to him as before, he'd go back to his old antics. Dont let him fool you again. Good you dumped him, but dont think how to hurt him, it will just prolong your healing process and it is all about you know. If not ready to get into a relationship dont (just cuz you want to hurt him nd show him you are wanted). You revenged him once, should be enough. Keep going and cross him off of your 'to do' list completely (be it make up, break up, revenge or prove him something) so not worth it. Edited January 31, 2013 by cherepaha 1
its a lifestyle Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) I've just read all of your posts... You are infatuated with him, you're convinced he's 1 in 3.6 Billion but in truth he's now-where near the top tier of men, he's a loser. You remind me of my ex, she's the same with some other guy... he could have her back at the click of his fingers, she will always go running to him no matter what he's done wrong, or how much he's hurt her... and so will you, ALWAYS. You'll never be happy with somebody else because this will, eventually surface and cause problems in all of your future relationships. Any other guy can only be 2nd best in your eyes, you'll ALWAYS have some kind of feelings for this guy and any new guy isn't going to be around for long because "eventually", it will show. - be it directly or indirectly. Every girl has that one guy she goes back to, heartbreak after heartbreak and nobody knows why, not even her. And she just can't let go.The only thing untrue in this quote is "every girl", there's girls who won't do this... those are the girls who haven't yet found that one guy... but you have... and the one you've chosen is a scumbag - but to be honest, you get what you deserve in life. Edited February 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed inappropiate comments 2
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 The only thing untrue in this quote is "every girl", there's girls who won't do this... those are the girls who haven't yet found that one guy... but you have... and the one you've chosen is a scumbag - but to be honest, you get what you deserve in life. Thank you for your opinion lifestyle, but don't you think you shouldn't judge me? I mean it's a bit harsh to come here tell me ''I get what I deserve in life'when you don't know me AT ALL i'm sorry for what your ex did to you, and yes you are right that this is the 1 guy i always go back to, but i don't WANT TO do this. Love is something you can't get a grip on. So please, give me advice, but don't come around judging... 1
cherepaha Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 off topic - i just wanted to apologize for the terrible grammar in my previous post. i was typig fast and altered some parts without really checking the rest. Urgh sorry. And back on topic, please listen and cut him off for good. 1
venusianx13 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I understand where you are coming from, but I think you should change your perspective a little. Getting on with your life, healing, going forward - don't look at it as revenge. Do what you need to do in order to be happy and to heal, but don't do it to spite him. His behavior was disgusting toward you; be the better person. You have every right to dump his ass and date other guys in order to escape the toxicity of that relationship, but do it to be kind to yourself, not to hurt him. Take it from me, that doesn't work. I was with a guy remarkably like your ex for 6 YEARS... we did the same song and dance as you and your guy did, and I had such trouble letting go. Any attempts I made to move on after he'd done something rotten to me (such as cheat or lie), were a complete ruse... because as soon as he'd notice I was attempting to move on, he'd reel me right back in, and I'd fall for it every single time. Don't do this to yourself. Move on, find your own happiness...and you'll know you've accomplished that once you can finally find yourself wishing for his happiness as well. 2
its a lifestyle Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) Thank you for your opinion lifestyle, but don't you think you shouldn't judge me? I mean it's a bit harsh to come here tell me ''I get what I deserve in life'when you don't know me AT ALL i'm sorry for what your ex did to you, and yes you are right that this is the 1 guy i always go back to, but i don't WANT TO do this. Love is something you can't get a grip on. So please, give me advice, but don't come around judging... My ex did nothing to me... just stole a bit of my dignity at the end when I was weak, now I'm rebuilt and don't give a shi... she's going nowhere in life, it's me who feels sorry for her... I know enough about you from reading your posts to judge your situation with this guy, I know you're situation, I've seen it plenty of times... why do you feel like you shouldn't be judged for your naivety? Especially when you're here publicizing it... You just admitted it yourself, you'll always go back, that takes away your right to cry and whine about it when you get hurt, you're insecure, you lack self-control and respect for yourself, you accept being USED because being used by him for you is better than not having him around at all... Why shouldn't I put your bad qualities on a plate in-front of you? if for nothing else then to just make sure that you're aware how stupid you are to be accepting this in your life?.. I not going to say I'm trying to help you, because you are beyond help and you'll always be miserable with this guy infecting your mind, But it's something similar to trying to help... call it a neutral dose of reality. Edited January 31, 2013 by its a lifestyle 2
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Uh why are you with this idiot? Two years? Honestly... wasted. This guy's an idiot. He doesn't respect you at all. He only "changed" because your value went up in his eyes when he saw you getting attention from other guys. A worthy guy recognizes your value from day one and doesn't go cheating, lying, and all that other crap he's done. Keep it moving and don't look back. True, He has no respect. This has come up several times, he just doesn't get it. What you say about my value going up is true as well. before i told him i slept with the other guy, everything was so different...thats what i meant why he changed..when he found out about the guy..he even asked me to marry him..luckily i never took that seriously because indeed i knew it was because my value went up in his ego eyes.. ^ agree. plus most likely he is just put up an act to get you back and once he'd know you are attached to him as before, he'd go back to his old antics. Dont let him fool you again. Good you dumped him, but dont think how to hurt him, it will just prolong your healing process and it is all about you know. If not ready to get into a relationship dont (just cuz you want to hurt him nd show him you are wanted). You revenged him once, should be enough. Keep going and cross him off of your 'to do' list completely (be it make up, break up, revenge or prove him something) so not worth it. yes this exactly what I want to do...Im going to try to let go slowly this time.. cold turkey is not working for me.. so gradually im just going to remove him from my life..
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 You just admitted it yourself, you'll always go back, that takes away your right to cry and whine about it when you get hurt, you're insecure, you lack self-control and respect for yourself, you accept being USED because being used by him for you is better than not having him around at all... Didn't i just tell you that i go back every time but I DONT WANT TO DO THIS? So why wouldnt I have the right to cry about it and whine when i get hurt? Im trying arent I? true, im insecure and lack respect for myself, but do you know why? Do you know what ive been through? and how this occurred? So before you come on all angry, think about EMPATHY and then start typing. im here for sympathy and help, not to be judged by someone who knows me from my posts only 1
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I understand where you are coming from, but I think you should change your perspective a little. Getting on with your life, healing, going forward - don't look at it as revenge. Do what you need to do in order to be happy and to heal, but don't do it to spite him. His behavior was disgusting toward you; be the better person. You have every right to dump his ass and date other guys in order to escape the toxicity of that relationship, but do it to be kind to yourself, not to hurt him. Take it from me, that doesn't work. I was with a guy remarkably like your ex for 6 YEARS... we did the same song and dance as you and your guy did, and I had such trouble letting go. Any attempts I made to move on after he'd done something rotten to me (such as cheat or lie), were a complete ruse... because as soon as he'd notice I was attempting to move on, he'd reel me right back in, and I'd fall for it every single time. Don't do this to yourself. Move on, find your own happiness...and you'll know you've accomplished that once you can finally find yourself wishing for his happiness as well. Yes I first started dating this guy because I wanted to move on, and then when I realized how much it was hurting him, I got this feeling I had revenge..terrible isnt it, that i actually liked this feeling? 6 years..wow..thats scaring me right there, I have a friend and she's in thr same situation for 7 years now, she's given up and accepted this will go on for the rest of her life. These are the reasons for me I want to cut off and break free NOW, while Ive ''only'' wasted 2 years, I see the other examples
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Didn't i just tell you that i go back every time but I DONT WANT TO DO THIS? So why wouldnt I have the right to cry about it and whine when i get hurt? Im trying arent I? true, im insecure and lack respect for myself, but do you know why? Do you know what ive been through? and how this occurred? So before you come on all angry, think about EMPATHY and then start typing. im here for sympathy and help, not to be judged by someone who knows me from my posts only This should be fun thread to read in about 8 hours when some of the tenured members get on here lol.
its a lifestyle Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) Didn't i just tell you that i go back every time but I DONT WANT TO DO THIS? So why wouldnt I have the right to cry about it and whine when i get hurt? Im trying arent I? true, im insecure and lack respect for myself, but do you know why? Do you know what ive been through? and how this occurred? So before you come on all angry, think about EMPATHY and then start typing. im here for sympathy and help, not to be judged by someone who knows me from my posts only Haha come on, I'm not "angry" at you, I could come here and tell you to lose him and move on with your life like everybody else will... but we both know you're not going to do that. Why come on here claiming small victories of "finding closure" and "getting revenge" when we both know you're absolutely, hopelessly, naively addicted to this guy and you'll always be his lapdog... I'm not going to sympathize with somebody repeatedly sticking their hand in a fire... sit there and burn yourself all day for all I care... but while I'm passing I'll point out the fact that it's a very stupid thing to do... I'm not "angry", I'm not insulting you, I'm not putting you down, hell I'm not even "judging" you... I'm giving you the harsh reality, unfortunately for you I've chosen to give my views on this... and you don't like the fact that I do it in a NoBS, harsh manner with no sympathy or empathy... But you do know that I'm right... You know that I'm right, regardless... you're going to carrying on burning yourself whether it hurts or not and whether you "want to" or not... that's weak, that's pathetic, that's low, that doesn't deserve sympathy or empathy, don't even mention respect. We both know you're beyond help, you made your bed... lay in it... "with him, being used", lol syke... but yeah, lay in it girl. Edited January 31, 2013 by its a lifestyle 1
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) Haha come on, I'm not "angry" at you, I could come here and tell you to lose him and move on with your life like everybody else will... but we both know you're not going to do that. Why come on here claiming small victories of "finding closure" and "getting revenge" when we both know you're absolutely, hopelessly, naively addicted to this guy and you'll always be his lapdog... I'm not going to sympathize with somebody repeatedly sticking their hand in a fire... sit there and burn yourself all day for all I care... but while I'm passing I'll point out the fact that it's a very stupid thing to do... I'm not "angry", I'm not insulting you, I'm not putting you down, hell I'm not even "judging" you... I'm giving you the harsh reality, unfortunately for you I've chosen to give my views on this... and you don't like the fact that I do it in a NoBS, harsh manner with no sympathy or empathy... But you do know that I'm right... You know that I'm right, regardless... you're going to carrying on burning yourself whether it hurts or not and whether you "want to" or not... that's weak, that's pathetic, that's low, that doesn't deserve sympathy or empathy, don't even mention respect. We both know you're beyond help, you made your bed... lay in it... "with him, being used", lol syke... but yeah, lay in it girl. If you think love is so easy so you are able to think rationally of it, why are you even on LS? I deserve respect, empathy and sympathy just as much as anyone else whether I burn myself 10000 times to the same guy or not. When a person is TRYING you shouldn't kick 'em down because you know they are going to fail anyway. If I fail a 1000 times I will succeed eventually. So take your rationalities on love elsewhere than my post please. We will all see the day that you do something stupid out of loving somebody YOURSELF. Thanks. You're the kind of person that would tell a fat person on a diet that they shouldnt cry theyre fat, because they ate so much themselves. Edited January 31, 2013 by SerCay
MidwestUSA Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Difficult to command respect from others if you have none for yourself. Just sayin'. 2
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Difficult to command respect from others if you have none for yourself. Just sayin'. So you want to tell me that in love, you've always put your selfrespect first? Never got back together with a cheater or asked or begged for a person to come back? etc?
MidwestUSA Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 That is correct. Because I have to be happy with who I am first before involving others. A self-confident person does not allow him/herself to be used as a doormat, nor does he feel elated about getting revenge. I wish you the best! 2
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 That is correct. Because I have to be happy with who I am first before involving others. A self-confident person does not allow him/herself to be used as a doormat, nor does he feel elated about getting revenge. I wish you the best! I wish to get there some day
its a lifestyle Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) If you think love is so easy so you are able to think rationally of it, why are you even on LS? I deserve respect, empathy and sympathy just as much as anyone else whether I burn myself 10000 times to the same guy or not. When a person is TRYING you shouldn't kick 'em down because you know they are going to fail anyway. If I fail a 1000 times I will succeed eventually. So take your rationalities on love elsewhere than my post please. We will all see the day that you do something stupid out of loving somebody YOURSELF. Thanks. You're the kind of person that would tell a fat person on a diet that they shouldnt cry theyre fat, because they ate so much themselves. I've been in love once, I've been heart broken once, Love is hardest thing I've ever had to experience in my life. But there's a difference, you're not just in love... you're infatuated, he is your be all and end all, you're addicted to him, it's not the same... We don't move on because our love for them is faded, we move on because we accept that they don't love us. This guy doesn't love you, you're his lapdog, his habit, his guaranteed option... When you know this, but you continue being a fool... it's not love it's addiction... you need to love yourself before you can love anybody else... all you're doing is hurting yourself, no self respect, if this was down to love then you would be enlightened to the fact that you deserve better... you would do what is best for you... look after number 1. Don't blame love, in this case... it's ADDICTION. Edited February 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 If you think love is so easy so you are able to think rationally of it, why are you even on LS? I deserve respect, empathy and sympathy just as much as anyone else whether I burn myself 10000 times to the same guy or not. When a person is TRYING you shouldn't kick 'em down because you know they are going to fail anyway. If I fail a 1000 times I will succeed eventually. So take your rationalities on love elsewhere than my post please. We will all see the day that you do something stupid out of loving somebody YOURSELF. Thanks. You're the kind of person that would tell a fat person on a diet that they shouldnt cry theyre fat, because they ate so much themselves. This entire comment right here shows me that you are not mature enough to handle advice/adversity/any form of real of criticism. You act like NO one on these forums has heard anything like your situation and somehow yours is different....NO! It's the same story that a good 95% of people on here have, just with a different book cover. In fact, coming on here and writing a thread stating how revenge feels "awesome" makes me a tad disgusted. I too have read your entire situation and I agree with lifestyle X1000. You are the backup plan to this guy and the sooner you realize this and move on, the sooner we can talk about this less. You are addicted to this guy plan and simple. Love went out the door a long time ago. PS-you can fail 1,000 times and not succeed if you never correct the issue. 1
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 When you know this, but you continue being a fool... it's not love it's addiction... you need to love yourself before you can love anybody else... all you're doing is hurting yourself, no self respect, if this was down to love then you would be enlightened to the fact that you deserve better... you would do what is best for you... look after number 1. Don't blame love, in this case... it's ADDICTION. This is true. I've been reading about love addiction. I read about it and I thought I'd overcome it. But pretty soon I realized it's not as easy as reading the book and thinking differently. This is something rooted deep inside, something I need to work on for much longer. The reason why i didn't notice before and let all these terrible things happen? Because I also fell in love once..and it was with him.
cherepaha Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 This is true. I've been reading about love addiction. I read about it and I thought I'd overcome it. But pretty soon I realized it's not as easy as reading the book and thinking differently. This is something rooted deep inside, something I need to work on for much longer. The reason why i didn't notice before and let all these terrible things happen? Because I also fell in love once..and it was with him. do you think it's possible for you to seek out (semi) professional help? i had a hard time when i was 18 (nothing to do with men tho) and i ended up talking to my bff's older sister who is a psychologist. Honestly, two times were enough for me to get myself back on track. Maybe you also know someone who is a professional? some friend's relative? i know a lot of ppl who studied psychology... not that rare it's totally fine to do so imo and i even know some other girls who went to the older sis regarding guy issues. apparantly helped bottom line: if you feel you cant do it on your own, reach out 1
flitzanu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 sounds like you totally showed him by sleeping with your old ex that you obviously didn't still have feelings for!! 1
denxnis Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) Uh why are you with this idiot? Seeing that she rebounded with someone for revenge then broke up with said rebound after she got what she needed these two seem like a match made in heaven. Edited January 31, 2013 by denxnis
Author SerCay Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 sounds like you totally showed him by sleeping with your old ex that you obviously didn't still have feelings for!! I had absolutely no feelings for him he was a platonic crush back then
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