WillItEverCome Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 Hi all - 18 months into my relationship here and my g/f tells me fairly regularly that she loves me. She understands when I don't say it back because she realsies I don't know how I feel. Here is my problem: It's been a year and a half now and I would like to be able to snuggle up to her and say it, and know that i mean it, but I just don't how to tell what love is. I've not had that much experiance before this relationship so i'm wary because i have nothing to compare it to. I'm just so confused, sometimes I look at her and feel someting so special and others, i look and just wonder what i feel. I enjoy almost every minute we spend together but I do enjoy time on my own and sometimes I just want that. Problem is when I tell her i want time alone, it makes me think that i don't love her after all. I know i sound like some sort of relationship idiot, but i'm a mature enough guy. Most my friends (who are married) say the fell in love at first sight, but i didn't. Is it possible to fall in love so long after starting the relationship. I would like to spend the rest of my life with her, but untill I can say 'I love you' i just feel empty and confused
moimeme Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 You're not supposed to fall in love at first sight. That's usually infatuation and it usually ends. Read a married man's take on love: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=290266#post290266
binturong Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 Just to make it clear...needing some alone time does not mean you don't love her. I don't know that anybody can spend 24 hours a day with someone day in and day out without needing alone time.
MissPriss Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 What is your heart telling you??? Being comfortable with someone is not the same as being "in love" with them. It's easy to confuse the two. I feel like if you truly "love" her then you would want to tell her how you feel.
WillItEverCome Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 I like spending time with her and if you asked me would i like to spend my life with her then i would say - YES but....my heart is telling me I don't wanna say i love her if i don't. I don't want to break up with her, becasue my heart doesn't say yes i do love you OR no i don't love you Thing is - the way i think is usually - glass is half empty (
MissPriss Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Well, do you want to spend the rest of your life with her as a.....friend or spouse??? Let me ask you something - if you never saw her again would you want her to know that you loved her???? If the answer is yes then why aren't you telling her?? There are different types of love and I'm not so sure you've figured out what type of love you have for this lady. It's tough and I've been there - figuring out if it's "true love" or "friendship love" is a hard one..... Good luck and keep us posted.
happymeal Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Hmmm....I think if you're in love with someone, you know. You feel butterflies in your stomach and you think of her constantly. You can't imagine your life without her. Have you ever felt this way about her? Maybe you're putting too much thought into what your friends describe as "love" that you feel you have to have the same experiences as them to be "in love" with your gf. Do you spend too much time together? Do you miss her when you're apart? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you do spend too much time together, take a couple of days apart...spend time with friends instead and see how you feel later.
WillItEverCome Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 When i'm not with her, i do miss her, but as I said in my earlier post, i do enjoy spending time on my own. I think your probably right about me putting too much effort into the thought of what love is....after all, the other aspects of the realtionship are all great. She's happy and i'm happy spending time with her. Everything is fine. If i could stop worrying about whether i do or don't love her, it might be much clearer, yet i can't sop thinking about it
chicasha Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 I only WISH i was in ur position! I'd LOVE to have a relationship with a man where everything was fine, and I truly enjoyed myself. I'm single..and I've been in many one-sided relationships, and just have had bad luck...sigh. You...are lucky! u have a great girl....a great relationship. I know u might think ur unsure.....but if everything's fine, and both of u were happy....man, that's saying something right there. These days...its SO hard to find people you click with, who are genuine, and loving. It looks like u've found her........don't let her get away. U might not realize it now.....but I'm telling you...love is not just a feeling....its an experience. Its not always easy to define..but thats the beauty of it. Its not always easy to say you love someone.....but that's cos...how do u really put something like that into words...? Its normal to feel unclear....but really, I think ur in a good place with this girl. :-) Just......accept that, and feel good that in this chaotic crazy world...u've found someone who you are happy with. It might just be as simple as that :-) good luck.....and I hope u do tell her ;-)
Kelebek Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Originally posted by happymeal Hmmm....I think if you're in love with someone, you know. I agree with this. Do you not remember that bit in the Matrix when the Oracle tells Neo he is "The One?" "Being The One is like being in love. Nobody can tell you you're in love. You just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones." Lol, I love that film! But on a more serious note, I really, really believe that. I have been questioning recently whether I love my boyfriend or not...and the fact that I'm questioning it tells me that I don't love him. Simple as that. I'm not stressing though, it might or might not happen. Thing is, I'm not stressing cos I don't have any pressure to love him. I can see how much you want to tell this girl that you feel the same...but if you really loved her, believe me you wouldn't just be telling HER, you'd want to tell the whole world!!! I've only been in love once and YOU JUST KNOW. There's nothing like it. It's clear that you care for her, and that you're considering her feelings. But I think you should have a good think about whether you're really happy in this relationship. It might be hurting her (I'm sure it is, in fact) that she's telling you she loves you and you don't say it back. If I told someone I loved them and they never said it back, I would be CRUSHED. I don't mean to sound harsh...I kinda know where you're coming from - I like my own time too. It sounds like you need a good bit of 'you-time' to chill out a bit, because you're upsetting yourself far too much over this...to really sort it out you will need to sort out your head first, give yourself some time. You can't FORCE love. If it's meant to be, it'll be. I'm kinda thinking like you right now...I'm the kind of person who hates wasting time and I want to know if I'm going to love him or not...but like I said, it can't be forced. I know how much it fills your mind though. All we can do is be laid back about it, be patient and see how things unfold!! It really doesn't sound like you're in love now...I'm basing that on my belief that if you are in love, you know. Simple as. It doesn't mean that you won't ever love her though. She might do something one day that makes you love her for how thoughtful she is...or you may see her talking and laughing to someone else and you'll love her for being so friendly and lovable!! I don't know - but I do know that if you worry too much about it, you won't give yourself any space in your heart to DEVELOP these feelings!! Don't rush yourself - give yourself a break! Take care, and I'll be thinking about you.
emra Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Did you ever think that maybe, because your view is the glass is half empty that, maybe, you are actually afraid to let yourself love her? Or that maybe if you say the words I LOVE YOU, that it may take something away? You may lose her. Or that it will change everything and right now, without saying the words maybe you are very comfortable? There is nothing wrong with spending time on your own, Everyone needs their space. It doesn't take away anything from a relationship unless someone creates something out of nothing. I think, at some point in time, everyone wonders the same thing, do I or don't I. I think you are putting way too much stress on it. You obviously have something for her. Or you wouldn't want to be with her and for now, that is all that matters.
WillItEverCome Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Did you ever think that maybe, because your view is the glass is half empty that, maybe, you are actually afraid to let yourself love her? Yes, yes, yes...this is probably the reason. I don't want to fall madly in love and fr it to all collapse somewhere. The ONE thing i want to do in the world is sit back and relax and let things flow and see where they go to, but i've wound myself up so much thinking about this, it's got me stressed and i can't stop analyzing (perfect word for the situation) every single thing we do. She does something nice - i think i love her, we argue - i think i don't Does that make sense ? I'm guessing I do love her, but as i said, the glass is always half empty for me, as i'm a pretty unlucky guy !
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