Frustrated666 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Hi everyone, i'm glad i found this forum because i really need help, and i'm the kind of person who will just not go out and talk to a psycologist or any other kind of consultant in the matter. So here's my story: I've been suffering of avoidant personality disorder since 2003, which was the year in which i reached the ultimate stage of my social phobia, i was 15 back then and i haven't had a social life since then, i've only come out of the house to move to other houses (3 times now) and each time always after midnight, as you might have guessed i am still a virgin, and my youth just when down the toilet with all my dreams, thanks to an invicible wall of fear. Throughout the years i have developed some serious sexual frustration, from feeling evnvy of my old friends in when i see them sharing time with their girlfriends on facebook, to the point in which i'm now, that would be some serious hateful and mind twisting behaviours. Six months ago i moved out of a house in which my only company was that of my cat, and my mother, to a new place. This is where i reached my new level of sexual frustration. In this place i was forcefuly exposed to a high level of social interaction, since is just a small room in a building with many other small rooms, i live elbow to elbow with about other four families, this has expossed me to contact with beautiful girls, who also have boyfriends. This has provoked me a horrid feeling of jealousy, to the point of wishing the boyfriends dead, hating them guts in mad rage without even knowing their names, calling the girls whores and luts inside my head every time i see them. Every time i see a beautiful woman on tv i feel a mix of hate and lust, like if their beauty offends me. One of the girls likes all the same things i like, and is also gorgeous and very sweet, the fact that she's having sex and is in love with another guy is destroying every little fiber that was left of my sanity, i just can't stand it, it haunts me everywhere i go. Ironically i am a lot stronger now, more self confident, and my mental disease has decreased considerably, but the sexual frustration has grown stronger, to the point that some times i don't even know myself anymore, please help me. Sorry for the long ass post, i would really appreciate your advice.
Ladybugz Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 if you dont want to get help , then go live in a mental institution to protect other from you. cause if you dont deal with your issue,it will deal with you. and no gets such disorder out of the blue , so you have to visit the therapist. and maybe cause you are shy /insecure you choose not to be social and that maybe the reason you are so much in your own sad world. thinking crap. more time you spent thinking something, soon it will become part of you. so stop thinking, avoid such a thinking, and get a therapist, start reading books that can help you. like books about your disorder and books about being social.
Ladybugz Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 get busy instead of sitting all day long waiting for those thinkings to come. plan your whoe day and be busy with good stuff, work, hobby, family time, cleaning,sport. etc
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) Yes, basically, you're still in need of intense and professional therapy. What you're experiencing is far from natural and you need to seek experienced support and fast. Venting on a public forum won't do it: Like it says below: Please note:The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. I think your doctor or counsellor should definitely be your first port of call. Not a relationships forum. Edited January 31, 2013 by TaraMaiden 2
Author Frustrated666 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Yes, basically, you're still in need of intense and professional therapy. What you're experiencing is far from natural and you need to seek experienced support and fast. Venting on a public forum won't do it: Like it says below: I think your doctor or counsellor should definitely be your first port of call. Not a relationships forum. Thanks for replying to both of the users above. You are both right and wrong TaraMaiden, i do need to take my sexual frustration to a shrink and not to a help forum, but the "the girl i like has a boyfriend" thing does belong here, in fact that was the main reason for which i came here. I only wrote about my sexual frustration in desperate seek of some words that would cold my heart and give me some rest, sorry if i scared you with my twisted views on beautiful women, i know for girls hearing about this sort of things from a man it can be quite disgusting, believe me, i don't give up to this thoughts, i would never finish myself up by doing so, i owe some justice to myself, like living my life, being happy with a woman, and many other good things that i never had or did, instead of falling prey to the worst of me and ending up in a real jail this time. I'm not some evil psycho about to explode, sorry if i caused such impression. One thing i would really like to do, would be stealing this girl from her boyfriend, it would make me feel so much better with myself, is that wrong? And how do i deal with the jealousy for knowing she's with another man, every time i think about it i get sick and i wanna scream and cry, what do i do about it, how does it end?
TaraMaiden Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Thanks for replying to both of the users above. You are both right and wrong TaraMaiden, i do need to take my sexual frustration to a shrink and not to a help forum, but the "the girl i like has a boyfriend" thing does belong here, in fact that was the main reason for which i came here. I only wrote about my sexual frustration in desperate seek of some words that would cold my heart and give me some rest, sorry if i scared you with my twisted views on beautiful women, i know for girls hearing about this sort of things from a man it can be quite disgusting, believe me, i don't give up to this thoughts, i would never finish myself up by doing so, i owe some justice to myself, like living my life, being happy with a woman, and many other good things that i never had or did, instead of falling prey to the worst of me and ending up in a real jail this time. The above - and this - this has expossed me to contact with beautiful girls, who also have boyfriends. This has provoked me a horrid feeling of jealousy, to the point of wishing the boyfriends dead, hating them guts in mad rage without even knowing their names, calling the girls whores and luts inside my head every time i see them. Every time i see a beautiful woman on tv i feel a mix of hate and lust, like if their beauty offends me. One of the girls likes all the same things i like, and is also gorgeous and very sweet, the fact that she's having sex and is in love with another guy is destroying every little fiber that was left of my sanity, i just can't stand it, it haunts me everywhere i go. - Is what makes me convinced you need to see someone professional because these feelings are invasive and all-consuming, and need urgently to be addressed, because they're unnatural, dangerous and extremely damaging to you. They're extremely unhealthy, and even if you were to find yourself in a relationship, you'd risk being subject to extreme reactions, should you, for example, see your young lady standing close to another guy and talking to him.... This would evoke a strong reaction from you, I am assuming, and you would react in a jealous and possessive way. And how stupid would it make you look if you discovered the guy was her brother? You are far from emotionally equipped to consider any kind of emotional relationship, until you have addressed these feelings and reactions. I'm not some evil psycho about to explode, sorry if i caused such impression. One thing i would really like to do, would be stealing this girl from her boyfriend, it would make me feel so much better with myself, is that wrong? Yes, it's very, very wrong. And it won't work. Because your motive is not based on a healthy foundation of true affection. It's based on having latched onto a pretty girl, and simply wanting her for yourself.... But 'stealing' someone from someone else, very rarely works. First of all, you have to be absolutely 100% certain that she is 'steal-able'. And if she is, then she's fickle, and if she can be stolen by you, from someone else, she can just as well be stolen FROM you, BY someone else.... If she's not, you just come over as some desperate creep. Why think of 'stealing someone' when you should be able to formulate your own relationship with someone already free and available? And lastly, this: And how do i deal with the jealousy for knowing she's with another man, every time i think about it i get sick and i wanna scream and cry, what do i do about it, how does it end? Is a final indication that you need to be under psychological care, because frankly, you're suffering from self-inflicted torture, and doing this to yourself will only end unhealthily and dysfunctionally. You cannot even think about venturing into any kind of relationship, until and unless you get help. I'm sorry, but posting in a relationships forum isn't where you should be, from a standpoint of discussing it. Seriously. And I can't add more than that.
Radu Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I think TM is basically right, but i won't call you sick/diseased or whatever, like some other poster called you. Mostly because i have in a small way been in your shoes, and i saw all those processes going down inside your head, trying to assert themselves inside my head. Those feelings you get, attaching labels like "wh*re" is a way for yourself to protect your ego, you are essentially trying to reduce her/them to a level beneath you so that you feel better about yourself. It's a self-defense mechanism. You can see it in the posting of many ppl here on LS actually, male and female. They try to rationalize their RL problems by deflecting any possible blame that they themselves might have in the process, in an effort to prop up their fragile ego's. And yes, breaking a couple up to get one of the partners in a relationship with you, shows that you are not a good person [if you do it ... fantasizing is another thing]. I'd say, stick around here, and read ... and try to learn from what you read because it can really help you when it comes to creating some healthy boundaries. But keep in mind that LS is not a replacement for professional help, and i think you need it. You should just get over your shame, and put yourself out there to find a good therapist. Also, i made a post a while back where i documented my own history, i think you should read it : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/368477-total-beginner-when-comes-dating-new-culture#post4535191
yumyumyum Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) What you seem to be really talking about is how to attract a female/find a partner...and the frustration and negative thoughts that you are encountering because you haven't been able to do this. ...I think this is unremarkable and unsurprising. Most of the people in this forum (including myself) encounter this frustration and are seeking answers. One thing I am learning at the moment...is that YOU WILL NOT HELP YOURSELF AT ALL BY FIXATING ON FINDING A GIRLFRIEND. Let me repeat this...because it is a VERY important point. If you fixate on finding a girlfriend...if you go over your inability to find one in your mind...if you constantly think about how you can talk and behave in a way that will make women like you.........YOU WILL BE 100x LESS LIKELY TO ATTRACT FEMALE ATTENTION. So don't do it! I mean just think about it. Imagine a guy who is desperate to attract a girlfriend. He is chatting to a girl and at every moment...he says something and then waits for the girl to respond...hoping that she will like him, but terrified that she wont. ...Just really think about how this person would look. Clingy...needy...and desperate for approval. These are the first things that spring to my mind. Imagine the pressure the girl would feel in the conversation. WOULD YOU HONESTLY WANT TO DATE SOMEONE LIKE THIS? ____________________________________________ Now think about the guy that knows he had close family. He knows at the end of the day he can run back to his family for support if he needs them. THIS IS NOT AN IDEAL SITUATION...BUT...at the back of his mind, he knows he has people who are there for him. He has taken the time to really think about the things he has worked hard to achieve. Specifically, things that HE VALUES IN HIMSELF, something HE KNOWS WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF HIM...WHATEVER OTHER PEOPLE SAY. ...This guy can approach women in a far more cool and relaxed way. He is not desperate for a woman because he has other things going for him THAT DOESNT NEED OTHERS APPROVAL. He can flirt and talk to the girl. He can ask questions about her and compliment her in a chilled out manor...WHY? Because he doesn't NEED her to like him. He might want her to, but at the end of the day if she doesn't want to hang out...or is rude...HE CAN SAY, "FAIR ENOUGH" and WALK AWAY...safe in the knowledge that he IS A VALUABLE PERSON, that he tried...and that he can try again tomorrow! He has taken control of the situation. _________________________________________ Really think about which 'attitude' you are adopting when you talk to women. Believe me...I have tried both, and the latter seems to draw people (women in particular) to you. They will have much greater respect. If anything...women might subconsciously want a guy to 'fawn' all over them. Acting as if you are NOT hanging on her every word/as if you CAN do without her...MAKES HER MORE CURIOUS...AND EAGER TO SEEK YOUR APPROVAL! ...love the mind games! Edited February 2, 2013 by yumyumyum
trevzilla Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'm convinced that a lot of the raging lust that men deal with is an historic anomaly created by the constant bombardment of the media and the porn industry. It's not uncontrollable, it's just become a raging fire artificially created by constant external stimuli. It's not healthy and I wish the temptation wasn't there, but we've opened pandora's box and it's out now. I think it also screws up a lot of relationships as men become incapable of relating to women as people rather than a sex object. That and peoples' stupid cellphones are ruining communication and interaction now. 2
uglie_mq Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Kind of understand how you feel becuz I have somehow been through this... My suggetion is that you can find a part time job like a bartander or somthing to expose yourself to other people. Try to see things positively:)
KraftDinner Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 If you ever got a girlfriend, my feeling is that you would be so jealous of everything she did, any interaction with other males, that it would be so incredibly unhealthy.
Fatdrifter Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 If you ever got a girlfriend, my feeling is that you would be so jealous of everything she did, any interaction with other males, that it would be so incredibly unhealthy. I'm not going to agree with or encourage OP but do you honestly believe the society we live in IS healthy to begin with?
hppr Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 It sounds to me like your personality is a bit obsessive and you are constantly thinking about these girls and guys and how everyone has what you don't have. What you need is an outlet, something that is rewarding and external rather than internalizing everything. A job that sees you outside, in public, interacting with people, a physical hobby that is very active and involves other people, that kind of stuff. You aren't abnormal or crazy you are just lonely and need to GET OUT, be social, do something external with all your mental and physical energy. Secondly, all these pretty girls with boyfriends...they have pretty girlfriends who don't have boyfriends. Guaranteed. Just say you are kinda new to the area, don't really know anyone - looking for something fun to do, that sort of stuff. Eventually she WILL mention her female friends at which time you ask - in a coy sort of way - if any of them are hot/cute/fun whatever.
hppr Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I'm convinced that a lot of the raging lust that men deal with is an historic anomaly created by the constant bombardment of the media and the porn industry. It's not uncontrollable, it's just become a raging fire artificially created by constant external stimuli. It's not healthy and I wish the temptation wasn't there, but we've opened pandora's box and it's out now. I think it also screws up a lot of relationships as men become incapable of relating to women as people rather than a sex object. That and peoples' stupid cellphones are ruining communication and interaction now. Not really. I bet if they decriminalized prostitution all this sexual angst that nerdy single guys have would practically disappear. Societies that are sexually open, where higher percentages of guys are getting laid, are more peaceful and have less crime. These guys just need to go out and get laid. edit: maybe you are right in a way, they dangle all this stimuli in front of us and then these guys can't figure out how to connect the dots and it hurts them on the inside. I guess I could see that.
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