Pntl Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm in love with this girl from school and a couple of months ago i decided to tell her how i feel.She told me that she was in love with an ex of her and they would be again together but despite that, even when she said we wont talk again she was talking to me(at school and via the internet) without letting her bf know about it and she knew that we could never be friends because of what i feel for her...despite that she kept talking to me.Day after day we were talking more and more, i was writing songs for her(and she was waiting for them like crazy haha).And she knew that i love her very much because i left the university just to be with her and other "crazy" things.We hung out a couple of times after school together and i did not try to do anything such as kiss her, hold her hand, hug her because i was afraid she would not like it ( in the end it would be proved a mistake).But despite that we were getting closer.She was literally fighting with her boyfriend because he found out she was talking with me.After that we found a way to talk again without letting him know it.Later she said me she was chatting with me more than her bf, we were talking with diminutives but she never said me "i love you" or anything as "clear" as this.From what she said their relationship was not going well and they would probably break up for the 3rd time.Which happend a few days later(during the christmas break).Before the break i told her that i'll miss her and she told me that i could come to her village and get out for the christmas day.It was tough to go to her village because i had not a car but i wanted to see her so i managed to get there for the night with a friend of mine.She was surprised and she said she did not even thought that we would hang out together for the christmas night.We stayed there for 3 hours because we had to leave.That's when the bad things started.She broke up during the holidays but i did not knew it and from the other day she wouldnt answer to her phone, messages or anything else.A couple of days after she showed no sign of life she sent me "i don't want us to talk anymore.Sorry and thanks for everything" .She would not tell me the reason why...some days later i found out alone the reason.She had a relationship during the christmas holidays(and they still have) with another ex of her who is from her village.I was kinda mad with her because she acted so fast after her break up and did not cared about how i felt.After that she told me that she was talking with me because she did not want me to feel sad and i was only a friend for her...it confused me a bit because when we were talking it was like something more than a friendship.Despite that i said in my mind theres no chance for me and i just have to get over her.But something confused me very much and it wont let me get over her. You know she seems to be good with her current bf, she is uploading pics with them together, and talk to him like all the other couples.But from when she said me we wont talk anymore i had some calls from a hidden number.Those calls are usually from 22:00 to 2:30.And as the days pass this "someone" is calling me more and more often.i don't think there is a friend of mine that doesnt sleep in order to call me with his number hidden, and dont say anything...just to hear me talking.Guess who this someone is...it's her.That confuses me much...she said she doesnt feel anything for me, that she loves her current bf.If that's true why she is calling me? It's very hard for me...it drives me crazy because i get my hopes up and after that for example a pic of them kills all my hopes.And this happens over and over again.I don't know what to do!! I forgot to say that all this time we were talking was one month Can you please help me? what you think she feels about me? and what's the best thing to do? I start to think that what i have to do is just tell her that i know she calls me with the hidden number and that she has to choose who she want...me or him Thanks in advance!
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Drop and Dump. Period. If she's this fickle, she's a waste of time. It sounds like she loves the attention and drama. DRAMA - means Damn Retard Always wanting More Attention. You don't need this crap at school. Put her out of your mind. The moment you stop chasing, she'll notice and do one of two things: Go for him - which means she's not that in to you. Come chasing you - which means she's just fickle and misses the attention. Either way, she's a flake. 1
Lani Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Basically, she wants to be with whoever she feels like at the time, and have you waiting in the background in case she gets bored, or needs reassurance that guys like her. Don't fall into her trap. As TaraMaiden said - Drop and Dump!
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 DRAMA... :laugh: that's very good. (Thank you. I'd like to claim Credit of Origin, but sadly I read it elsewhere. However, YOU heard it from ME, first. So I have a minor claim to fame......! )
Author Pntl Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Drop and Dump. Period. If she's this fickle, she's a waste of time. It sounds like she loves the attention and drama. DRAMA - means Damn Retard Always wanting More Attention. You don't need this crap at school. Put her out of your mind. The moment you stop chasing, she'll notice and do one of two things: Go for him - which means she's not that in to you. Come chasing you - which means she's just fickle and misses the attention. Either way, she's a flake. It's something between those two things...currently she has a relationship with the other guy, she is not chasing me but she is calling me with a hidden number late at night to hear my voice
Lani Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It's something between those two things...currently she has a relationship with the other guy, she is not chasing me but she is calling me with a hidden number late at night to hear my voice you don't know that's her. It could be me.
Author Pntl Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) you don't know that's her. It could be me. I know it and i will tell you why.I don't give my number to just friends or people that i met the other day.Also there is no way for a good friend or a friend anyway to call me for one month late at night with a hidden number, and not say anything...just to hear me talking.And there no way a stranger would waste his time for that long just to hear me talking.This means the "someone" that is calling is a girl.Those calls started after i gave her my number and after she told me that she doesnt want to talk with me anymore.Finally there is no other girl to suspect...i mean there is no girl that has shown signs, or done something to let me know she likes me.And there are some little things that made me suspect her.For example every day that im not at school and she does not see me i have a call with a hidden number late at night.And the opposite...when she cant come at school for a reason, the same day late at night i have a call. Edited January 31, 2013 by Pntl
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It's something between those two things...currently she has a relationship with the other guy, she is not chasing me but she is calling me with a hidden number late at night to hear my voice This is the classic FMF. (Female Mind Pfhukk). men do it too, but it's different..... You really do need to cut her off at the knees. She's messing with you, and honestly right now, in your schooling you really do not need this kind of stupid, immature and childish distraction. Please, she needs to get over herself, she's not 'all that', and you need to focus.
Author Pntl Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 This is the classic FMF. (Female Mind Pfhukk). men do it too, but it's different..... You really do need to cut her off at the knees. She's messing with you, and honestly right now, in your schooling you really do not need this kind of stupid, immature and childish distraction. Please, she needs to get over herself, she's not 'all that', and you need to focus. Wow where you find these? (DRAMA, FMF) hahaha I know she is immature, she is an egoist, she doesn't know what she want but i love her...and there isn't any shortcut to get over her quickly
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Actually, yes there is. And no, you don't love her. Forgive me for being presumptuous, but I'm probably old enough to be your grandma.... You have no idea what 'love' is, but please trust me on this one - this isn't it. Read the No Contact Updated 2013 Guide link, in my signature. That's your 'short-cut'. And trust me - and hundreds of others on this forum. It's a Guide, because it works.
Author Pntl Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Actually, yes there is. And no, you don't love her. Forgive me for being presumptuous, but I'm probably old enough to be your grandma.... You have no idea what 'love' is, but please trust me on this one - this isn't it. Read the No Contact Updated 2013 Guide link, in my signature. That's your 'short-cut'. And trust me - and hundreds of others on this forum. It's a Guide, because it works. Oh come on...i'm 18 and a half and helplessly romantic I respect your opinion and i'm sure you have gone through a lot, you know lot more than me but that doesn't mean there is no chance for me to love someone.I'm not like the most boys at my age and it's not only me to say this.If i'll tell you how much i've been waiting for her what i've gone through just to talk to her, what i've done to be able to talk to her, the girls i've rejected for her...and all these before even talking to her and by having 0 hopes...just because she made me feel the butteflies in my stomach. No offence but i think that the younger the person is the more love he/she can give(of course i'm not talking about 12 and 13 yo kids...i'm talking about the period of your "first time love").I'm saying this because as the time passes life makes you tougher, more and people hurt you and you want "proof" to give yourself to someone
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Okay, look. (I have to be careful not to sound patronising, which is so easy for an older person like me, to be, with someone so much younger) but you came here for advice. You got some from a person who has the benefit of hindsight. And while I get your reasoning on 'young love' as opposed to that feeling felt by older people, the problem is, we have had the benefit of being able to distinguish between 'the real thing' and something fuelled by the impetuosity and freshness of youth. To be honest, love is pretty indefinable, at any age, because each situation brings a new experience, and a new dynamic. But if you've had to go through the hoops for this girl, and sacrifice, or put aside other opportunities in order to focus on her - and it's STILL not bringing results - what makes you believe your efforts and sacrifice aren't futile....? She IS messing with you, I'm sorry, but she is. Her behaviour is not one of a mature young lady who simply feels indecisive about her situation. Silent phone calls are childish and immature. "To hear your voice"...? How about to actually see you, spend time with you, and make a decision once and for all? Tell her that until such a time as she decides, firmly, what it is she wants to do - no prevarication and a foot in both camps - then you're going to go No Contact, because this type of fishing on her behalf is grossly unfair. Currently, you're what's known as "The Second Option", the "kick-Back Guy" or "The soft place to fall." She's using you, trying you out and frankly being flippant. That's not good, dearest. Take it from your 'mother'. You deserve better.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 She's a cheater. She also probably never respected you after the moment you revealed your feelings. She was using you and then had no more use for you. Stop wasting your time and feelings on women who aren't worth it.
Author Pntl Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 But if you've had to go through the hoops for this girl, and sacrifice, or put aside other opportunities in order to focus on her - and it's STILL not bringing results - what makes you believe your efforts and sacrifice aren't futile....? From the beggining i knew that i had almost no hope.I fall in love with a stranger that had a relationship and was in love with someone else...i knew that probably everything would be futile.But i was doing those things like i was sure she was the woman that i will spend many years of my life with her.It sounds funny but i don't know why i did this.Maybe it's because when i say that i love someone, i think that i have to do everything i can no matter how the other person feels in order to be able to look at her eyes and say her "i love you" without saying inside of me "who are you fooling? you don't mean it"...anyway even now that i know it's futile i would go again through all this for her just because i said i love her, and in orded to be proud of myself when i look back.Also it's not because it is the first time i do this and i want to know where i will "end up".She is the second girl i fell in love with and i know from my first love that i will probably end up hurt.Back then i even started thinking "is it good that i live?", "i don't want to live anymore" and things like that...it's not a good feeling but i don't care if i go through this for the 2nd time or 3rd time.I will be the same.It's maybe because i'm romantic.I don't want to be with a woman and leave a boring life because i was doing what logic says.I want to live a life like those stories...no better than those stories and i know you can't live like this with no sacrifices After what i said i think there is no need to write that i don't care if she is messing around haha ...it's something that i feel subconsciously! i suppose that the way i am. In the end i think that the best thing to do is tell her i know she is behind those calls and that she has to decide who she really want to be with.If it's not with me then we will never talk again... what do you think 'mum' ?
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 The more you say, the more I find it disturbing. I honestly don't know how you can equate your behaviour with 'Love'. It's not love, it's neediness and desperation. Love doesn't behave this way. it's not reckless, impetuous and unrequited. Love is real and comes from both sides. This isn't love, it's frankly messing around and being quite stupid really. And while this only comes from your side, sadly, you're extremely delusional about what love and relationships are about. Because believe me, the vast majority of relationships are nothing like those of Romantic Novels. Those are illusory stories, but they're about as realistic as Harry Potter stories. You need to stop obsessing, and you certainly should not talk to her about anything, phone calls or whatever. You're being ridiculous and setting yourself up for a fall, which will just serve, over time, to make you bitter about women in general, when in actual fact, the worst offender in this is you and your wild imaginings. But it's the job of teenagers to never listen to any sound advice, so, you do what you like.
Author Pntl Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 The more you say, the more I find it disturbing. I honestly don't know how you can equate your behaviour with 'Love'. It's not love, it's neediness and desperation. Love doesn't behave this way. it's not reckless, impetuous and unrequited. Love is real and comes from both sides. This isn't love, it's frankly messing around and being quite stupid really. And while this only comes from your side, sadly, you're extremely delusional about what love and relationships are about. Because believe me, the vast majority of relationships are nothing like those of Romantic Novels. Those are illusory stories, but they're about as realistic as Harry Potter stories. You need to stop obsessing, and you certainly should not talk to her about anything, phone calls or whatever. You're being ridiculous and setting yourself up for a fall, which will just serve, over time, to make you bitter about women in general, when in actual fact, the worst offender in this is you and your wild imaginings. But it's the job of teenagers to never listen to any sound advice, so, you do what you like. I said i love her not that this is love... Love is not reckless and impetuous when you are at your late 40s-50s and older. I don't think the fact that i can't get over her is something stupid...after all i'm not a machine to press the button that says "forget" and after that forget her.I can accept that i hurt my egoism,that i "lower" my value but i can't accept what you said. Do you want to learn why the vast majority of relationships are nothing like those of Romantic Novels? Because you and the vast majority of the people say that giving everything for someone without even thinking is he/she loves you too is quite stupid. Just think if two people that think like this meet those novels would be nothing.And i know this can happen because i am like this...there are people like me out there.Also maybe being hurt from someone or not meeting a person like this in your life doesn't mean that this won't happen with no one! Also being a mature woman that has many experiences does not mean that you know everything about relationships.You don't need to be THAT absolute! Until now i've never been bitter about women.And beeing bitter about women because 1,2,3,4,5,6,7(...) hurt you...well that's quite stupid p.s.: if you find it disturbing then just don't reply again to my thread
Quiet Storm Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 She is using you for attention and ego strokes. She is not romantically interested in you, but will happily soak up the attention that you give her if no one else is around at the time. If you were with her, she has demonstrated that she would not be a loyal or faithful partner. What is it about her that you love? Think about all of her qualities as a person. From what you described, she seems immature, inconsiderate, opportunistic, disrespectful....I could go on. I would try to consider that this may be lust, or just simple chemistry. FYI- We can feel chemistry and "sparks" for people that are not good for us. Don't use these feelings as a way to judge her ability to be a good partner for you. These feelings are biological, designed to compel us to mate. These feelings are not designed to guide us towards choosing long term partners. You need to use your head, logic, for that.
clia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 She has made her choice, and she's chosen him. She told you. This is what she said: "i don't want us to talk anymore.Sorry and thanks for everything" This means goodbye. In fact, she's been telling you from the beginning that she did not want a relationship with you, that she was in love with her ex. I don't care about the month you spent talking and getting closer or you writing songs for her or whatever else you did to stroke her ego and make her feel good about herself. I mean, get some perspective here -- she had a boyfriend the entire time she was getting her ego inflated by you, then she broke up with him, and moved on to another guy who wasn't you. She could have chosen you when she and her ex broke up, but she chose another guy! If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you! Are you listening? Are you? Because I don't think you are. I don't think the fact that i can't get over her is something stupid...after all i'm not a machine to press the button that says "forget" and after that forget her. But you can get over her. You are 18. This is not the last time you will think you are in love with someone, will get hurt, and will have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. It happens. It's part of life. However, you are in control of how long you let this fester. You have deluded yourself into thinking she might want you, even when she has explicitly told you that she doesn't. Don't do that! Do you want to learn why the vast majority of relationships are nothing like those of Romantic Novels? Because you and the vast majority of the people say that giving everything for someone without even thinking is he/she loves you too is quite stupid. What is stupid is pining away for someone who has explicitly told you they don't want to be with you through both her words and her actions. If you want to waste your youth doing that, then have at it. However, those of us who are a little older can tell you that you will regret it. Why would you want to waste another minute on this girl who doesn't want you when you could go out and find someone who does? Why? Forget the blocked phone calls. I get calls from blocked numbers every day. Is she calling me, too? I know you are so convinced that it is her, but even if it is, who cares? She chose another guy.
Recommended Posts