Mystery2Me Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Greetings and Salutations to Everyone, Feeling much better after a difficult few weeks. I must say it feels fantastic to just feel better again. In dealing with the emotional divorce roller coaster, I have gain a greater appreciation for: Peace of mind, Decreased anxiety, Joyfulness, Excitement, and Laughter. Since the sun is shining, am going to bask in it and enjoy myself. I wish everyone a great week and take care of yourselves. ~Mystery 3
revitup Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 That's what I'm talkin' bout! Joy is so nice when it comes back! Enjoy you have earned it. REVITUP 1
MsOptimist Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 In the wake of my divorce I remember wondering if I'd be able to laugh at stupid things or sing along to the dance music that I like. It felt so nice when I was finally able to do those things again without the divorce putting a black cloud over everything. I know I'm especially looking forward to spring this year. I don't hate the winter, I'm actually the crazy person out running through the snow in single digits temps, but spring this year will have a new meaning for me. Getting through these tough winter months and the start of new and exciting things. I try to remind myself often to be grateful for even the simplest joys in life and in my day.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 M2M I am glad to hear you are beginning to see the daylight If I may offer a little advice. Before the roller coaster ride totally flattens out, take the opportunity to embrace the darkest times, the loneliness, the emptiness, the hopelessness, so that when you do reach sunshine and daylight, you will never forget what it was like to have been there. My long time GF and now the love of my life also went thru the hard times of a divorce. In her case, in order to heal she took the bad times, stuffed them in the back of her mind, covered them up in order to forget and never remember what it was like. During my dark days, I decided that I was never going to fall in love again and I armored my self by sucking in the loneliness and emptiness. Little did I realize that in the future it would be a tremendous resource for the time that I did fall in love again. Example she has developed carpal tunnel in both wrists and is looking at surgery in the near future. A couple of weeks back she had to go to a specialist in order to test the nerves in both wrists. Unexpectedly I had to sit out over 2 hours in the waiting room with nothing to do or read. All the way home she apologized several times that it took so long. To me it was nothing, as I can still remember what it was like living in the dark pit of nothingness, when all time seemed to stop. 4
nelib Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Good for you and hope for all of those who are hurting right now....there is light. You have to believe. Found out my marriage of just two months was a complete SHAM on Jan 3rd at approximately 3pm. Got final consent judgement signed by Jan 30th at 5pm. Will be at hearing for uncontested divorce next week. And I must say. I feel great. Yes, I went through utter horrible SHOCK of falling on my face and realizing what a monster I was living with. But I have answered so many lingering doubts and understand why I felt the way I did. I knew something was wrong. It was only a matter of time before the TRUTH came out. 1
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Revitup...Oh yes it is!!! Many thanks for your continued support!! More importantly thanks for encouraging us all to celebrate all the bits of this journey...good, bad, silly, crazy, hilarious, omg, love, oh no you didn't, freedom. Hope the sun continues to shine for you and DD14, because you all so deserve bask in happiness. Cheers!! ~Mystery 1
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Hi Ms. O! So happy I am that the you are laughing, dancing, celebrating icy invogration, and defining spring on your own terms!! You've have always inspired me with your powerful, brave, honest, and ,unapologetic approach in dealing with divorce.....and all the while honoring yourself as a woman. Let's continue to remind each other that in the end only the simple things matter. Bring on the spring! ~Mystery 1
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Wise,wise,wise 2.50! You nailed exactly the essence of my post about appreciating the sunshine. Absolutely I am embracing (not obsessing) searing pain of dark days, so I can adequately squeeze every joyful ounce out of the bright sunny days. Sorry that your love is suffering with carpel tunnel, and that she's pain free soon. But how wonderful you are both supporting each other thru life's real tests....that sickness and health stuff! Take care of earch other! ~Mystery
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Good for you, Nelib! I am so sorry that you had to deal with such a painful discovery. Once I accepted that like it or not.....divorce is a journey of ups/downs/twists/turns that I must take to re-discover happiness my outlook improved. What does this mean? Well for me, for now life is a crazy merry-go-round cycling between times of sadness and joy as I realize how to embrace my new life. Realizing and accepting this unavailable fate, allows me to maintain balance...which is especially important during the sad times of learning the next painful lesson. Learning the joyful lessons are so enjoyable, but we can't forget learning while powerful it is not always fun. Good luck to you and stay in touch. ~Mystery
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Just a quick update, but later will let you know about STBXH breaking NC after 9 months (of course I did not fall for this). Excited to share that the peace of mind and the simple joy in day-to-day things continues bring sun shine into my life. Enjoying the little things has always been the cornerstone of my life, and now after a great deal of honest hard work.... my recent major break thru has shoved away the muck STBXW left me with. Funny thing is intellectually I knew the muck (e.g. it's my fault fault, guilt, self-doubt, my life is more important than yours) was not true or real; but emotionally processing a jedi mind trick.....well it takes a lady time to deal with that. So here I am getting my groove back, and have loved evicting STBXH from my mind and moving in my wants and needs. God's grace is an amazying gift. ~Mystery 3
Gunny376 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 (edited) Just a quick update, but later will let you know about STBXH breaking NC after 9 months (of course I did not fall for this). Excited to share that the peace of mind and the simple joy in day-to-day things continues bring sun shine into my life. Enjoying the little things has always been the cornerstone of my life, and now after a great deal of honest hard work.... my recent major break thru has shoved away the muck STBXW left me with. Funny thing is intellectually I knew the muck (e.g. it's my fault fault, guilt, self-doubt, my life is more important than yours) was not true or real; but emotionally processing a jedi mind trick.....well it takes a lady time to deal with that. So here I am getting my groove back, and have loved evicting STBXH from my mind and moving in my wants and needs. God's grace is an amazying gift. ~Mystery Like I said! You've just got to get out there and rub a little sunshine on your face! :D :D Life is worth living ~ but it goes by in a twinkling of the eye! Time to come out of the dark side of the road ~ and to the bright side of the street!! And dance for the rest of your life! Even when its raining! This life ain't nothing but a cosmic classroom ~ and the lesson is how to love un-conditionally, without hate, prejudice, without hesitation ~ because that's what God is all about! A tougher lesson to learn than most appreciate! Edited February 9, 2013 by Gunny376 2
revitup Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Gunny is right about it being a tougher lesson than many can appreciate.Everyone likes to think they would be strong when the poo hits the fan,but unless you have actually been where we have,you have no clue! Funny thing is,most who have actually been through this mess and or are going through it now, as M2M,Gunny,Downtown,MsOp and many others have been going through or have went through,really don't see their courage and perseverance as being that big of a deal.I think they just knew they would make it and thus made an early decision to succeed at their mission no matter what.That's strong. I say Congratulations and thumbs up.This stuff is really hard business.It's simple but it certainly isn't easy. M2M,you go on getting your Happy Tan on!!!This sunshine of which you speak,is the best thing in the world!!! Keep up the great work. REVITUP
2.50 a gallon Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Prior to my marriage I was pretty much a positive thinker. I was surprised to find how much gunk I had a accumlated in only 6 months of a bad marriage. It took a little while to wash off the gunk, but once I did, and I began to see the world in all its colors once again, and I got back into the positive thinking mode, it was not long before I was making new friends and finding new adventures. My life was once again interesting and worth living. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to clean off 15 years of gunk. I am sure it takes several scrubbings to remove
MsOptimist Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Wow, I can't believe he broke NC! Kudos to you for staying strong and resisting! Has he continued to try to contact you any further? Thanks for the words of encouragement, rev (and everyone here) - you're right in that I made the decision that I was NOT going to fall into depression and let myself and well being get dragged down because of this mess. I HAVE to come out on the other side a better and stronger person. We all have to
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Thank you, Revitup, 2.50, and MsO! Wise and authentic insight across the board. RevitUp: "It's simply but it certainly isn't easy" Spot on! Intellectually we all know what to do under these circumstances, but we must gently allow our emotions to catch up with our intellect. For me that meant within 48 hrs of D-day, I shielded my bruised emotions from STBXH....and only presented a hard nosed take care of business posture to secure finances and my home. Then went 100% NC...that right crickets chirping, while I went thru the unavoidable "it's gonna take time" healing fire to become emotionally healthy. Slow and steady does win the race, but it is difficult it will hurt to heal....but JOY does come! 2.50: "I began to see the world in all its colors once again" Yep, yep! The gunk dulls our ability to see everything. Oh yeah after 15 years, I decided early on to pick my battles because STBXH's abandonment was not going to define me...only I had the power to determine the what divorce war would mean to me. Take home, I refuse to spend the rest of my life sorting thru every single thing. So after 9 months of therapy based reflection my current mindset is....My marriage is over, not by my choice but over just the same. My summary statement: I loved him and he loved me....The End!!! Ms O: "Has he tried to contact you any further?" No, tomorrow it will be one week. We will see but he knows the score, I was never one for the back and forth. Now, I must admit it feels damn good to reject him. Have great week everyone and many thanks again! Hope you've made plans for a lovely Valentines' weekend. I have gonna spoil myself shamelessly, new dress, fresh flower arrangements, lunch w/friends, and a personal chef dinner. ~Cheers, Mystery!
Gunny376 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 There are many, many things that we come into contact with in life ~ the betrayal of a lover, spouse, etc is but one of them! When it comes across these things as many, many others have and will? We have choices. We can let it consume us, we can let it define us as people and individuals? Or we can learn from it and let it make us "stronger" The choice is literally ours to make! All too often we find ourselves bound in chains ~ never once realizing that it us that have held the keys to our freedom all the long. Per my divorce? I choose to learn and grow from it. I learned many, many lessons and yet to this day I'm still learning ~ and growing from the experience. One of the things I did get from it was a certain amount of immunity to the whole throught and process of ever getting divorce. I don't think Mrs Gunny and I will ever split ~ but then again one never know? But even if she did I would only have one question? "Are you taking the dog? You ARE taking the dog aren't you? Because I sure as hell ain't feeding and cleaning up after him! " 2
Gunny376 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I once had the unpleasant ~ yet rewarding assigned duty to be part of a MAGTF ~ Marine Air Ground Task Force, that was assigned to humanitarian relief to Bangladesh that had been hit hard by a Super Typhoon. Thousands were killed and made homeless. We hired a couple of locals to wash pots and pans in the field mess hall, load and unload trucks, pick up trash etc. I was sitting on my cot in the tent. One side was rolled up and the other side was rolled down. I heard my Marines outside at it again! :mad: :mad: Among other things they prided themselves on wanting to be future wrestlers for the WWF. I had seriously gotten on to them about this BS many times ~ because it was only inevitable that one would have to go on the Sick Call rooster for a sprained this or worse a broke that! Well they found a new way to entertain themselves. They were throwing quarters in the dirt letting five or six of the locals go tooth and nail trying to get them. I mean these guy were deadly serious about getting their hands on those fist full of quarters! To say that I was seriously PO'd would be an understatement. I entertained myself watching them sweat under the blazing almost un-forgiveable Bangdelish sun beating down on them for the next six weeks. I got called on the carpet by the old man for it, but once I explained why I was being so hard on my Marines? He told me to "Carry On until he got tired!" You see in Bangladesh, fifty cents is a days wage for hard manual labor! $15 is a months wages! :eek: Another time once I retired from the Corps I was a production supervisor at a plant that employed work - release inmates from the state prison system. I've learned to count my blessing instead of my troubles. If you've got your health, (both physical and mental) your freedom, your physical strength? You way ahead of the game compared to most folks throughout the world. 4
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Gunny you are a precious gift to all of us, and I extend my heartfelt gratitude. My Daddy retired from the Army (lol...still for the red white and blue); and inheriting that level discipline has sustained me thru all times including this. Yes with you all the way, I've had more good/blessed days than cursed ones. I just needed time to heal, and thankfully I have and will continue to do so. Thank you again for sharing your experience and wisdom, and full cursty to Mrs. Gunny for being the jewel of a lady worthy of the love of a true gentleman. ~Mystery
revitup Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Just checking in M2M, It seems the hearts,flowers,bears,strawberries,candy and pajama commercials are getting to me! I don't think it would be funny to say Happy Valentine's Day under all of our conditions,so happy Thursday before the weekend day!!!! Hope you are doing great. REVITUP
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Greetings Revitup!! Wise move...Happy Valentine's to you! Thanks you for checking in. Sorry, my friend that those things are getting to you; we never know what will be the next land mine. I would hazard a guess, that LOVE and kindness is all around you; and all love is a precious gift. Now put a big red bow on that, Lol. Luckily for me, traditionally I've never been much of a commercial holiday's girl....so Valentine's is not stinging that much. However, it will come. Lol, I have started praying. My advice as always is to spoil yourself and DD14; perhaps a lovely home cooked meal, greasy spoon cafe, or fine dining. And of course those still true loves (eg. family and friends) who are showing up for you every time...let them know how much you love and appreciate them. As for me and Cinnabelle: We are celebrating her first Valentine's Day and my first in 5 years!!!! Oh...it's a big...4 Day's of Valentines :-) *Thursday (tonite): Called my parents, Cowboy cut ribeye, heirloom tomato/avocado salad, my Valentine's crochet blanket, homemade ice cream *Friday: Lunch w/nephew, personally knitted Valentine's scarf, kitchen side table for one at my favorite restaurant *Saturday: Coffee w/my Yarn Bees, gonna wear that red dress anyway, Spa, margarita patio lunch *Sunday: Chruch, brunch....lazy afternoon Whew...that what I am throwing at it. But yes, you are correct the climb does become easier but it is still up hill. Hugs and happiness to you every single day not just Feb. 14. ~Mystery 1
revitup Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 M2M , You have got a great plan/plans.Simply planning things gives me a better feeling inside,those who have no plan will have their plans made for them!We are now smarter than that. Homemade Ice Cream!Whoa there country girl.That's good stuff there!My job when I was a little boy was to turn the crank on the ice cream bucket.I had to keep the rock salt and ice just right.I think they gave me the task because I was always ADHD and this made me be still in one place for a while! Well,enjoy the plans and stay tough. REVITUP 1
Author Mystery2Me Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Thank you, RevitUp! Turning the ice cream crank, you were the brains of the operation. No wonder you are handling any challenge with cool expertise. It's absolutely been a great weekend: Laughter, Joy, Melancholy, Thankful, Sadness, Freedom....but as you say we are wise enough to know that rainy days sets the stage for most beautiful rainbows. Enjoy a wonderful Sunday! ~Mystery
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