Radu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I think the act is much more difficult. Being penetrated really does not sound fun Actually, it's pretty great. 1
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 As a friend, or a potential romantic partner? Would you want a guy you were interested dating, to tell you that he hates his life because he's always been single and that he wants to know what it's like to have sex with a girl who actually likes him? Odds are hearing something like that would kill all desire you had for him. Is that exactly what you'd say? Or would you be a little more subtle?
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I believe in friendship being the foundation to long term relationships. You're going to have to be brave and try to find that one person who will hear you and care. I don't think I could handle telling a woman those things and having her run away. I've handled enough rejection already. 1
AlexDP Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm not really giving advice, I was sharing thoughts. If words on the internet from a strangers hurt you then you shouldn't be online. They don't hurt me. They hurt others.
somedude81 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Is that exactly what you'd say? Or would you be a little more subtle? Ha ha! What an answer 2
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Of course I do. But rarely. And certainly not before I got to know her better. Look, as a man you can bond with other men talking about your problems. If you do that with women, they'll just label you a loser. Best to prove you're not a loser first. It's a shame you feel that way. I see people as people, I don't put their gender first. I have a lot of male friends and they tell me all sorts of things about their insecurities and woes. I had a long call from my ex husband the day before last because he has a lot of going on and he wanted someone to talk to. Or my army ex occasionally calls me when he gets a lot of sh*t and tells me stuff that's not 'manly'. It's important to find people you can open up to, it's true that you need to be wise and sometimes you care about the image you show but there are good people out there who can be true friends to you. 1
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I don't think I could handle telling a woman those things and having her run away. I've handled enough rejection already. That is the same way I feel...so what advice would you give me?
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 They don't hurt me. They hurt others. I have no intention of hurting anyone so I don't know what you're referring to.
Radu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Of course I do. But rarely. And certainly not before I got to know her better. Look, as a man you can bond with other men talking about your problems. If you do that with women, they'll just label you a loser. Best to prove you're not a loser first. Good point, i'm a guy and i'm also an introvert who overtly analyzes things in life. I was basically told in no certain terms quite often to keep how i am [and how one can see me on this forum for instance] hidden for a while, because it can have a negative effect on the relationship; funny enough the ppl who told me were women. From my testing so far, they were right about it. 1
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Good point, i'm a guy and i'm also an introvert who overtly analyzes things in life. I was basically told in no certain terms quite often to keep how i am [and how one can see me on this forum for instance] hidden for a while, because it can have a negative effect on the relationship; funny enough the ppl who told me were women. From my testing so far, they were right about it. I had really thought this was more applicable to those in their 20s. You are older, aren't you? And you still experience this?
AlexDP Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It's a shame you feel that way. I see people as people, I don't put their gender first. I have a lot of male friends and they tell me all sorts of things about their insecurities and woes. I had a long call from my ex husband the day before last because he has a lot of going on and he wanted someone to talk to. Or my army ex occasionally calls me when he gets a lot of sh*t and tells me stuff that's not 'manly'. It's important to find people you can open up to, it's true that you need to be wise and sometimes you care about the image you show but there are good people out there who can be true friends to you. Yes, Emilia, but you're in your forties. You just can't do that with twentysomething girls. In your twenties, as a man, you don't have worries. Nada, zilch. They do not exist. Your are fearless. You know no possible scenario in which you could be hurt, wounded or die. That's how twentysomething girls view us. 3
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Ha ha! What an answer Honestly, does anyone like to hear only pessimistic words? If you were to get to know someone and eventually tell her (once you trust her) that you've struggled with dating and finding someone you trust, it'd not be so off putting as "I feel like a rejected loser". That's common sense.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 That is the same way I feel...so what advice would you give me? Play things close to the vest until you feel that you trust the person not to run away. Or, when you feel that they've sufficiently invested enough into the relationship that it wouldn't be worth it for them to run away. This is just for relatively minor stuff though. If somebody has something major going on (like a terminal disease or a kid that lives with them) they should probably reveal that. Being inexperienced is that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, especially since if you date someone you're going to get experienced through them. 1
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Play things close to the vest until you feel that you trust the person not to run away. Or, when you feel that they've sufficiently invested enough into the relationship that it wouldn't be worth it for them to run away. This is just for relatively minor stuff though. If somebody has something major going on (like a terminal disease or a kid that lives with them) they should probably reveal that. Being inexperienced is that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, especially since if you date someone you're going to get experienced through them. Nothing wrong with playing it safe. It is your journey after-all. I say be proud of who you are regardless but don't keep yourself trapped in fear.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Yes, Emilia, but you're in your forties. You just can't do that with twentysomething girls. In your twenties, as a man, you don't have worries. Nada, zilch. They do not exist. Your are fearless. You know no possible scenario in which you could be hurt, wounded or die. That's how twentysomething girls view us. No I met my husband when I was 21 and it wasn't like that. You meet the wrong women. There is no way I would want to be in a serious relationship with someone whom I can't talk to the way I feel I need to (within reason obviously). 1
AlexDP Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 No I met my husband when I was 21 and it wasn't like that. You meet the wrong women. There is no way I would want to be in a serious relationship with someone whom I can't talk to the way I feel I need to (within reason obviously). Not really, because I can talk to my girlfriend about it. But suggesting it as a way to connect with random women is just ridiculous.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Not really, because I can talk to my girlfriend about it. But suggesting it as a way to connect with random women is just ridiculous. I asked about your girlfriend and you said 'rarely' Not random women but your friends Don't you have female friends? 1
Radu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm 30 now. I was told this when i was about 28.5, and if i go back into dating i'll probably look into the same age group. Ever since i applied this, i have had better succes when interacting with ppl. This 'friends' works, but only if you find someone who trully is ok with how you are as a human being and is willing to give back input when you overwhelm them with information without fully pulling back. The ideea of having a friend in a SO is great, and something i totally subscribe to ... but from experience i know very well that if you start to treat that person as a complete friend [very close one] before you know the LTR will work well, you are setting yourself up for dissapointment, maybe even the destruction of your relationship. This applies to me though, it could be different for others ... though i believe that the same basic principles apply.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 This 'friends' works, but only if you find someone who trully is ok with how you are as a human being and is willing to give back input when you overwhelm them with information without fully pulling back. Yes I can see that. There are so many angles to emotive responses though that it's hard to discuss here. The ideea of having a friend in a SO is great, and something i totally subscribe to ... but from experience i know very well that if you start to treat that person as a complete friend [very close one] before you know the LTR will work well, you are setting yourself up for dissapointment, maybe even the destruction of your relationship. Happened to me too but I'm not prepared to have it in any other way. I've never experienced destruction as a result but I do understand that men view women differently than women view men. I think it pays to have female friends though because it helps to relate to women in general. Male friends help me that way.
AlexDP Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I asked about your girlfriend and you said 'rarely' Not random women but your friends Don't you have female friends? I do. But I don't see them as romantic prospects.
monicaelise Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You couldn't pay me to be a man, especially when it comes to dating! I would hate to have my libido control so much of my daily life and the idea of chasing/pursuing anyone absolutely revolts me. Also, I happen to think the female anatomy is far better, in terms of both design and function, when it comes to sex. Let them have bigger paychecks and pecs. I'm quite grateful for that second "X" chromosome. 1
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I do. But I don't see them as romantic prospects. Oh yeah, I understand that. I think having opposite sex friends is very helpful when it comes to understading gender relations, etc. Also I talk to men I'm getting to know a little bit differently from how I talk to male friends but I want to see evidence that they are capable of emotional connection quite early on. This doesn't mean unleashing some kind of disclosure more like gauging their emotional range I suppose.
Radu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Yes I can see that. There are so many angles to emotive responses though that it's hard to discuss here. Happened to me too but I'm not prepared to have it in any other way. I've never experienced destruction as a result but I do understand that men view women differently than women view men. I think it pays to have female friends though because it helps to relate to women in general. Male friends help me that way. Agreed. Beyond the different genders between us, we are in different socities and at different stages of life. But on the whole opposite gender friends issue i agree.
Radu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You couldn't pay me to be a man, especially when it comes to dating! I would hate to have my libido control so much of my daily life and the idea of chasing/pursuing anyone absolutely revolts me. Now, now, young lady [drools over soft skin and nice smell], we are perfectly ok with controlling ourselves. Also, I happen to think the female anatomy is far better, in terms of both design and function, when it comes to sex. When a candle burns brighter, it tends to waste away before it's time. 1
Charlene78 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I think it's safe to say that in most cases it's men that do the pursuing. An attractive woman can have multiple men pursuing her at any time. Which means that men can face competition during their pursuit, sometimes without them knowing it if the woman isn't open about it.
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