kaylan Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 So Ive been thinking about my overall dating life. Tbh my dating life has had to many long droughts or slow periods. And its slow when compared to what I want my dating life to be...I know it may be more lively than others though. (I had to add that so no one could say my dating life is fine since others dont have one at all) Anyways, Ive acknowledged that the slow parts in my dating history are due to my not being much of an active persuer. Sure there have been times where Ive taken a leap into the unknown...but usually the girls Ive been with Ive met through friends. If I took the initiative to go after girls who Ive met on my own during other times in my life, Im sure Id have more things going on dating wise. Now regarding my title....its stated that way because of the general roles men and women take in dating. Women tend to wait for the right guy to find them, while men more actively go after the right woman. Even though Im less of a risk taker in my dating life, I think I have it better than women in certain respects. Firstly, I know what I want in a woman...and Im sure of what I need in a relationship. I feel that by being a persuer, I can find what I need and exactly what I need since Ill be grabbing life by the horns. If I was a woman, Id be more likely to just let life happen to me, which gives me less of a probability of finding what I want. Now Im know plenty of women are assertive when it comes to their dating life, but it wouldnt seem to be the majority. I feel everyone should take initiative and chase what they want in dating if they know what they want. Secondly, as a guy, you dont have to deal with awkwardly rejecting people often. I hate turning people down...and I feel super weird whenever I have to do it. The good thing about being a guy is tthat you generally control most of the male-female situations you are in. Thus, if I catch a girl looking my way often in the gym, as one did tonight...then I can assess if Id want to approach her. If she were to just approach me and make convo and ask me out, itd be mighty awkward if I wasnt into her. Now despite everything I have said, I still have to put into plan my new risk taking mode. With where I live, its hard to meet people sometimes...so I have been being too lazy and using OLD too much. The thing with online dating though is that many of us become to picky on it. Im guilty of it...but I do try and soften my preferences and message more girls. A big part of the OLD problem though is that most profiles I read do nothing for me, and essentially I find myself just messaging a girl Id want to hook up with. Id like to message her thinking wed really click...but most profiles suck, but thats another issue. Anyways....discuss. Would you rather persue or be persued? Again, I like having the role of finding exactly what I want in life and not waiting for life to happen to me. So from now on I plan to just put myself out there more. And either a girl is feeling me or she isnt. Im not terrible..and i know that...so I gotta prep that ego armor of mine.
SmileFace Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I do both when dating so it's a win-win. Yet my dating life is dead by choice and location right now.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I would rather be a man because I like to do the choosing and pursuing, rather than just pick one of the options that pursue me. When I pursue men, it somehow always ends up looking desperate I also would love to be the one that's supposed to make first contact after first date and first time sex. I hate the feeling of lack of control as a woman. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Universal Rule: The Vagina Rules and Runs Everything Kaylan. I think having a dick is much cooler 2
Author kaylan Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I would rather be a man because I like to do the choosing and pursuing, rather than just pick one of the options that pursue me. When I pursue men, it somehow always ends up looking desperate I also would love to be the one that's supposed to make first contact after first date and first time sex. I hate the feeling of lack of control as a woman. Theres only a lack of control when you refuse to take control. Theres no reason you cannot contact a guy after a first date or sex. Ive had girls hit me up first about both and its welcomed. Universal Rule: The Vagina Rules and Runs Everything Kaylan. Maybe in your world, but not in mine. 1
Lani Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 The thing that makes it easier for guys is that they know it's ok for them to pursue women. Us women have been given so many conflicting ideas on whether or not we should approach guys, and how brazen we should be about it. It's hard to know whether we should do it or not, and which guys would like and which ones wouldn't. At least if you're a guy, you know it's ok, every time. 2
MrCastle Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'd rather be a dude. I know the women I approach are the ones I'm 100% into. I'm not settling for whoever comes my way, nor am I having to go through the awkward situation of rejection. Say what you will about the bitter men on here, in my experience women handle rejection much, much worse. Which is probably why very few of them approach. In reality, you hope both sides are capable of going after what they want, but if the social construct dictates that men be the hunters, I'm okay with that. 1
Imported Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I think way way back at @ the beginning of time. A very wise man got the very best deal for all men for how the mating ritual goes. That is, for men to do "most of the work". Now we have dudes that complain like its a raw deal. The way it is now, puts guys in a very good position to do and get what we want and avoid what we don't want. Well, most of us anyway. Also, I'm a man. I like being a man. I have a penis and it is pretty cool.
CptObvious Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I think having a dick is much cooler I gotta admit, it is pretty damn awesome to be a guy. And it's even more awesome to be white. Got the better outcome at the coin toss and the best outcome at the dice. If there is a god, then he was really looking out for me. Least I can do is be humble about it.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'd prefer to be the pursuer rather than the pursued, only because that's what's generally expected of me, being a man and all. I would prefer not to be emasculated by someone I date. I just would like a little bit of a sign that my pursuits had a reasonable expectation for success. So that I don't waste my time.
lino Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I would rather be a man because I like to do the choosing and pursuing, rather than just pick one of the options that pursue me. When I pursue men, it somehow always ends up looking desperate I also would love to be the one that's supposed to make first contact after first date and first time sex. I hate the feeling of lack of control as a woman. You can do all those things without problems.
TouchedByViolet Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm happy with being a man. Having said that I am pretty introverted and not a highly sociable person. I feel like that hurts guys more than women when it comes to dating. Everyone should pursue those they are interested in.
somedude81 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm tired of getting rejected. As a woman I'd be 500% more desirable, just for being a woman. I don't think I have the right personality to be a man and do well in the dating game. If I had been born a woman, I would have been married to a good guy a long time ago. It wouldn't matter if I was still average in looks, shorter than average height and insecure. Those things are perfectly acceptable in a woman, in man they are a curse of celibacy. 1
AlexDP Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm tired of getting rejected. As a woman I'd be 500% more desirable, just for being a woman. You could have sex more easily as a woman, but it would have to be with the somedudes out there. Would you really go for it?
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Anyways....discuss. Would you rather persue or be persued? Again, I like having the role of finding exactly what I want in life and not waiting for life to happen to me. So from now on I plan to just put myself out there more. And either a girl is feeling me or she isnt. Im not terrible..and i know that...so I gotta prep that ego armor of mine. A smart woman doesn't have to sit around and wait to be approached. She can pique a guy's interest and he will still do the approaching. 1
somedude81 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You could have sex more easily as a woman, but it would have to be with the somedudes out there. Would you really go for it? Did I mention sex anywhere in my previous post?
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You guys really think sex is easier for women? The act alone-maybe. I'm really struggling reading posts about men who don't get laid because the men I meet have NEVER talked like this....people are confusing.
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Also, as women...do you guys have any idea how hard it is to be able to decode you guys? Or to have a man chase...then you chase...then if you do have sex...said dude just quits calling. Being a woman is difficult. Especially since we tie emotions to the act of sex. Everything I'm reading about men/emotion/lack of/hiding them/pretending they don't exist/getting laid/not getting laid makes me want to just be celibate.
Radu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It's better to be a man overall. As much of a cinic as i am, if i had PMS i would be lethal. 1
somedude81 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You guys really think sex is easier for women? The act alone-maybe. I'm really struggling reading posts about men who don't get laid because the men I meet have NEVER talked like this....people are confusing. It's not uncommon for men to avoid talking about personal issues like this to people they know. 2
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It's not uncommon for men to avoid talking about personal issues like this to people they know. That's part of the problem. I'm constantly questioning communication thinking I talk/express too much but it's not me. People SHOULD say what they feel...leaves women thinking these men are users and players...it's dumb. I feel at 34 years old I shouldn't know so many men who play games. There's nothing to gain...some sex for them? Maybe men should be more open and have a little self control when it comes to women. I'm meeting/dating men in their 30's who act like they're 18...it's a huge turn off and for everyone who says, "who cares, move on, etc etc etc" it's not that simple...not everyone is empty and vapid. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It's not uncommon for men to avoid talking about personal issues like this to people they know. Yeah I might have one or two people that I know real well that I'll talk to about my struggles every now and then. Otherwise? I don't tell anyone.
superb Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Yeah I might have one or two people that I know real well that I'll talk to about my struggles every now and then. Otherwise? I don't tell anyone. If that's the case..you can't wonder or complain when a woman has no clue what you're thinking, what you want and quits talking you to.
Ladybugz Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Some times i think its better to be a men. Cause i think they go from woman to woman never get hurt. They can walk at night without fear of some perv grabbing them.and when it comes to men people dont try sexual stuff on them. And they can beat them up more easily cause they are more strong. They can get away with a lot without any kind of consequences. Like make babys never look back. Its like everything seems so easy for those bastards. But when i look at the reality i think i should be happy for what im. Cause the men do go true things like woman do but they deal different with it. And there is a reason why there is a men and a woman. Cause they can do all by themselves. And beside a men can do what ever he wants, but if he woman say no, he cant do anything. hahahhaahhaha Like they can flirth with you make the best date ever for you. they can do what ever to have sex with you sweet talk and all. they can do the greatest wedding propose, but if we say no. notthing will happen! hahahaha
somedude81 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 That's part of the problem. I'm constantly questioning communication thinking I talk/express too much but it's not me. People SHOULD say what they feel...leaves women thinking these men are users and players...it's dumb. I feel at 34 years old I shouldn't know so many men who play games. There's nothing to gain...some sex for them? Maybe men should be more open and have a little self control when it comes to women. I'm meeting/dating men in their 30's who act like they're 18...it's a huge turn off and for everyone who says, "who cares, move on, etc etc etc" it's not that simple...not everyone is empty and vapid. You seem to be talking about several different issues in your post. I counted four different topics, possibly more. Women communicate in a different way then men do. Men are more focused and women jump around which can leave a man feeling lost. I don't know if you're talking about a lack of communication from men or how some guys are players.
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