New2Love4Now Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'm also new to love as the name implies Here is the dilemma I have... hopefully somebody can offer some advice because currently I'm beating myself up all day I'll just cut to the chase here... My long distance girlfriend broke up with me for reasons that are still unclear to me to be honest. I think it may be because I took her for granted and didn't give her the attention she deserved which I regret like crazy. She seemed so in love with me I just never imagined she'd want to leave me. The girl literally worshiped me. Anyway... I'm 18 and I've been in short relationships with girls but this was the first time I've truly loved a girl. Because of this, I haven't had any real experience with breaking up with someone I actually love. So, when she did break up with me I made every single mistake in the book... I panicked and texted her so many times asking her why she was leaving and telling her how much I loved her. I did this for several days and she was clearly getting annoyed by it, which made it worse because I began profusely apologizing and all that which pushed her away even further. I asked to see her one more time via video chat and cried my eyes out in front of her and begged her. She ended up just closing the chat after I had clearly made her very angry with my begging and pleading and making her feel guilty.After all of this, I made myself look even more pathetic by constantly asking to stay friends and just making myself look like a fool even more. After doing research on the internet I came to realize how badly I messed up. I did the exact opposite of what I should have done, which is act cool about the break up. I seriously let this girl walk all over me and was way too nice. I wish I could remember all the mistakes I made but there are way too many. Basically, the girl has zero respect left for me. Absolutely none. The last message I sent to her was from a conversation that I basically forced her to have with me out of pity, and at the end I actually thanked her for talking to me. Looking back on it I realize how absolutely pathetic I was throughout the whole experience. My question is: is there any way I can gain some respect back from this girl, since I think that would make her want me back. Right now she basically owns my manhood. I've considered these options: 1) trying to gain her respect slowly by continuing to talk to her as a friend, which she says she's fine with. However, I doubt she'd ever contact me if I didn't contact her so I feel like contacting her is just annoying her. 2) telling her that I know I messed up and that she lost all respect for me but that I was not acting myself and was acting purely out of emotional panic. My concern with this is that she won't care at all and that it will make me look even weaker. 3) Stopping all contact with her in hope that she'll contact me in the future. I really have no idea what to do right now. Has anybody gone through something similar and been able to gain back respect after completely humiliating them self? Link to post Share on other sites
fabi20 Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 i know you're hurt, but since you are so young i think you need to step back and realize that this isn't the end of the world, not even close. i think you can try the first option if you really care to, I'm sure she'll understand that you were upset and why, so you don't need to explain anything to her, just show her your more calm and collected side from now Link to post Share on other sites
Kenji Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 You have no need to validate yourself to her. Please do not blame yourself for the ending of the relationship. I made the same mistakes as you. You need to stay strong. Believe in your strengths, and give her space. If you don't want to initiate total No Contact, I at least would not contact her unless she contacts you first. Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I think 3 would be a good one... she needs some time to miss you and most importantly to wonder. It would be surprising for her if you went from pleading to complete no contact. it's going to be hard... Very hard. There is no point telling her anything cause actions speak louder than words... If she gets curious why ur not contacting her she might contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author New2Love4Now Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 thank you both for your advice and kind words and thank you to anyone who also replies the problem with me continuing to talk to her as a friend is that it will be completely forced since I don't see her contacting me unless I contact her first. I guess this is also the problem with No Contact. I really want this girl to respect me again because right now I feel like she sees me as an extremely weak person with no self respect... I think I'm actually okay with both of us moving on with our lives as long as she is happy but what irks me the most is that she'll remember me the way that I was at the end of our relationship. I just wish I went out with some dignity. Do you guys think she'll forget about my desperate acts for the most part and remember how I was before the break up? Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 thank you both for your advice and kind words and thank you to anyone who also replies the problem with me continuing to talk to her as a friend is that it will be completely forced since I don't see her contacting me unless I contact her first. I guess this is also the problem with No Contact. I really want this girl to respect me again because right now I feel like she sees me as an extremely weak person with no self respect... I think I'm actually okay with both of us moving on with our lives as long as she is happy but what irks me the most is that she'll remember me the way that I was at the end of our relationship. I just wish I went out with some dignity. Do you guys think she'll forget about my desperate acts for the most part and remember how I was before the break up? Oh if your ready to move on and not get we back then DEFINETLY go NC for awhile. Then call her up one day and jus say you acted stupidly on emotions and your completely fine and happy with the decision. Then NC. She will die inside However if u wait for her to call. Even better. Balls in your court. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Definitely number 3. NC. She's not a friend. And you want her back. You've made every mistake you can make so you're right. Right now she doesn't value you or find you attractive. She pities you. Especially since she left you for someone else, and you're still groveling. Where's your self-worth? Stop chasing after someone who doesn't want to be with you. As of this moment, the friend's card is off the table. So is talking occasionally. She's not going to respect you if you keep initiating conversations. Only way she will EVER realize you're worth something is if you leave her completely alone, let her live her new life without you and with this new guy. She'll either be much happier, or she'll realize the guy she left you for isn't as amazing as she thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author New2Love4Now Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 thank you for your advice Kat, and thank you as well FailedFirstLove Kat, do you think it would be a good idea if I texted her one last time telling her that she made the right choice and explaining that I acted the way I did because I panicked and let my emotions take over? basically should I admit that I embarrassed myself but that I know it was a mistake? after that I'd stop all contact and see what happens Link to post Share on other sites
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