Miss1122 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Me and this guy I'm seeing decided to not have sex with other people. We also agreed to not see other people. I brought up the sex topic last week telling him I'm not comfortable to keep having sex with him if he's having sex with other girls. He said hes not and he won't. Yesterday, the topic came up again and this time it was his idea to not have sex with other people then the topic lead to not dating other people. My question is, if we're not having sex with other people and were not suppose to go out on dates with other people, does that mean we are in a relationship like bf/gf? Im thinking of asking him to clarify but I don't want him to think that I'm already thinking of being in a relationship with him. We've been seeing each other for almost three weeks. We had sex on the third date. Great sex and were so attracted to each other. Thanks.
rushingwaters Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Me and this guy I'm seeing decided to not have sex with other people. We also agreed to not see other people. I brought up the sex topic last week telling him I'm not comfortable to keep having sex with him if he's having sex with other girls. He said hes not and he won't. Yesterday, the topic came up again and this time it was his idea to not have sex with other people then the topic lead to not dating other people. My question is, if we're not having sex with other people and were not suppose to go out on dates with other people, does that mean we are in a relationship like bf/gf? Im thinking of asking him to clarify but I don't want him to think that I'm already thinking of being in a relationship with him. We've been seeing each other for almost three weeks. We had sex on the third date. Great sex and were so attracted to each other. Thanks. You two are exclusively dating but this doesn't mean you're bf/gf. I think if he's willing to have a conversation with you about not having sex or seeing other people, he's ready to discuss if you two are bf/gf. But if you have your doubts, you can always wait another week since you two are already exclusive. I would ask before I get too attached to him though.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It means your exclusive not necessarily his gf, you have to specify gf and bf
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I have never made it to a girlfriend status but Ive had several exclusive relationships...they are not the same. Some guys dont like their girls they sexing up to be sleeping around but they dont want to deal with relationship baggage/expectations either Its too early right now, let it be...you hardly know him by this point
SJC2008 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 What's the difference between being exclusive than BF/GF//in a relationship? It makes no sense to me. 2
KungFuJoe Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I would have your lawyer draw up a contract. This could get messy. 5
Lorelai Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I feel grateful, the dude I'm seeing at least has referred to me as his girlfriend on several occasions. We haven't explicitly had the "exclusive" talk, but we met on a dating site and he told me when he was going to disable his profile... and did so. After which, I did. (We also got tested before any hanky-panky, which does imply we aren't wanting to screw other people.) Let's hope I'm not the one messing up on not getting a contract in writing!
Lorelai Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 What's the difference between being exclusive than BF/GF//in a relationship? It makes no sense to me. I had a "sexual exclusivity" clause with any FWB I've had. I fully expected any such things to dissolve if either of us found others, so the rule was "If you sleep with another girl, you need to tell me before you try to have sex with me again." Fortunately no one has had a problem with that.
clia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 What's the difference between being exclusive than BF/GF//in a relationship? It makes no sense to me. Yeah, is this a new thing with you young people? If you are exclusive sexually and have agreed not to date other people (meaning you are exclusive in that sense also)...that always meant boyfriend/girlfriend. Is it just the label that people have a problem with now? How is it different? 2
candie13 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 If two people decide to call their thing a "relationship", it doesn't make it so. I seriously think you should NOT talk or even ask him that. Spend quality time with him, get to know him and see if you like him. Like really like him, enough to make him your bf. And look at the signs: Does he act like your bf? Does he initiate contact? Does he introduce you to his friends? Do the two of you decide beforehand when you're going to see each other? Does he come up with nice ideas for your dates? Does he voluntarily share his weekend plans with you? There's your answer, that's a relationship, not hanging a title over it. Take your time, it is still very early... maybe you'll discover he's not bf material, leave that door open your yourself. Better not to rush it.
Emmms Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 "We also agreed to not see other people." you sort of answered the question yourself. As for no sex, he must value your friendship too much to wreck with with nude playtime. That's not necessarily a bad thing!
Divasu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 A mutual decision to be exclusive sounds like a committed exclusive relationship to me. What am I missing?
veggirl Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 wait for it, wait for it...he is gonna tell you he doesn't want the label/pressure of a relationship I bet. otherwise he would have asked you to be his girlfriend. are you cool w/ no label? I'd figure that out before asking him "what are we". 1
Samilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I would wait a few weeks before bringing the subject up again, it should naturally fall into place anyway. 1
HitMeNow Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 wait for it, wait for it...he is gonna tell you he doesn't want the label/pressure of a relationship I bet. otherwise he would have asked you to be his girlfriend. are you cool w/ no label? I'd figure that out before asking him "what are we". NO. Although guys are cool and laid back, they do have their little bits of insecurity too. aka don't wanna sound too eager. There's a lot of "rules" both sexes have about relationships. Guys always wonder why the girl hasn't asked them, since it's her duty. Girls always wonder why the guy hasn't asked them.... Point being, just go with it.
candie13 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 wait for it, wait for it...he is gonna tell you he doesn't want the label/pressure of a relationship I bet. otherwise he would have asked you to be his girlfriend. are you cool w/ no label? I'd figure that out before asking him "what are we". putting a label on it doesn't make it so. however, explicitly asking for this does make you look insecure and clingy... take a chill pill, see your friends more, do some sport, get out of town to refresh your ideas. It's all about the dynamics of your relationship, it doesn't MATTER if you say it out loud or not, it's about how this thing makes you feel, how he treats you, if he is a nice person and most importantly, if you think he's worth all this attention.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Are you in a kind of romantic relationship? Yes. Are you his GF? Not unless you two specify that. However being a GF/BF has certain expectations, i.e. a long term commitment.
tbf Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 The next time you see him, get flirtatious and feminine by taking hold of his arm with both hands, shimmy up to his side, peer upwards at him from beneath lowered eyelashes and say "I like that we're girlfriend/boyfriend". If he disagrees and believes it to be a lesser type relationship like an FWB or exclusive dating, he will react. But if he visibly reacts, he'll feel like a cad for disagreeing.
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 It is different for every couple. My partner and I were not bf and gf until about 5 or 6 months in, once we started living together. Before that, we were exclusive and did not want other people, but we were just not sure if we wanted a very long term relationship that we wanted to tell every one about! A few things to consider: I was hard to get to know, as I had a lot of mental health issues.... It took longer for us than many other couples, to establish that we wanted to be bf and gf. Furthermore, my bf was super casual and laid back and hated labels. Most men who say they hate labels are just not into you and ar elooking for something better out there but with my bf, he genuinely just wanted to let things be, and a long term relationship should just happen in his mind, he hates orchestrating it, and rather it just happen without titles. ...So yeah, once we started living together and I met his friends, and I was the girl who picked him up after he had a night drinking with his mates, THEN I was became known as "ANdrew's girlfriend"
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 don't write him off just yet, there are exception to the rule, my boyfriend was and now we are very happy living together for 2 years. If he treats you nicely, calls texts or sees you daily and shows a desire to communicate with you on regular basis, and he is not at all interested in seeing other people, AND if things progress forward (your feelings that is) THEN youc an expect to become bf and gf. As long as both of you have an understanding that you are getting to like each other more and more, rather than things tapering off..... If your not bf and girl after a few months, and things do not seam to be growing, then I would move on.....
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 NO. Although guys are cool and laid back, they do have their little bits of insecurity too. aka don't wanna sound too eager. There's a lot of "rules" both sexes have about relationships. Guys always wonder why the girl hasn't asked them, since it's her duty. Girls always wonder why the guy hasn't asked them.... Point being, just go with it. My bf had never had a propper girlfriend and just thought giving titles when you were not sure if you wanted a long term relationship was lame. You know - once he knew we were clearly in it for the long haul, he changed. Not everyone knows after a mere few months if it is a long term thing, where you will be taking each other over to visit each others families for Christmas and holidays.
veggirl Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 NO. Although guys are cool and laid back, they do have their little bits of insecurity too. aka don't wanna sound too eager. There's a lot of "rules" both sexes have about relationships. Guys always wonder why the girl hasn't asked them, since it's her duty. Girls always wonder why the guy hasn't asked them.... Point being, just go with it. How long would you suggest someone "just go with it" for? Indefinitely? putting a label on it doesn't make it so. however, explicitly asking for this does make you look insecure and clingy... take a chill pill, see your friends more, do some sport, get out of town to refresh your ideas. It's all about the dynamics of your relationship, it doesn't MATTER if you say it out loud or not, it's about how this thing makes you feel, how he treats you, if he is a nice person and most importantly, if you think he's worth all this attention. Asking doesn't make anyone look insecure or clingy. It only looks that way if the other person isn't on the same page, in which case best to know now rather than 6 months from now of "exclusive dating".
SJC2008 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 It's too early to tell IMO and if I were you I'd be in "Does he want steady trim or a real R" mode! And I think you are given your concern over the matter. As far as the titles are concerned it really depends on his intentions. Does exclusive mean "I won't date anyone else but don't get any ideas about a long term commitment" OR does it mean "Let's date exclusivley and see if something more serious blossoms".
HitMeNow Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 How long would you suggest someone "just go with it" for? Indefinitely? I say just go with it meaning. If you feel like talking about the label go ahead. He will probably be OK with it. The other thing you have to understand is that the fact that you will be in a relationship, will not make you guys closer, or better off for the future... IT WILL BE THE ****ING SAME 1
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