FailedFirstLove Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 The difference between the ex and I is that he suppresses his feelings. I cannot do that for the life of me. If I'm hurt or upset I can't pretend everything is ok. He can act like his completely happy so it doesn't effect others... How can he do that? I'm dying inside... I wonder if suppressing feelings or the other person will help you get over them. Eventually te feelings may disappear if they never get to come out? If you suppress the feelings of wanting to be with someone will they eventually just disappear?
stevie_23 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 This is a very interesting question, and I think your theory does have SOME merit to it. I don't suppress FEELINGS but I certainly hide them. Partly because I have to (I can't very well express my true sadness about the end of my affair to my partner, can I!?) and also partly because it's always been my nature to feel embarrassed about showing sorrow, anger, etc in front of anyone. So I don't. But I still feel it all. It is quite exhausting, hiding your feelings. Now, my ex, he is a suppressor. He's a very deep thinker and he also can't show his feelings to anyone around him (for both the same reasons I have). So he's used to just hiding his feelings all the time, however he seems to be better than me at actually IGNORING his feelings inside as well. And I do tend to think that if you constantly ignore your feelings, they will either explode out of you at random times and be channelled into weird behaviours, or they will just...fizzle quietly.
ActionJ623 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Hey love, I use to wonder the same question but for myself, I have a large pride. When I was out with people just imagining the thought of the ex having so much power over me as to damage my current relationships with friends bothered me to pieces so yeah when I was out I suppressed it, and being able to suppress it while being with other people I think made the BU process easier. I had the mentality that I may only suppress it for 10 seconds with people around today and make those 10 seconds count, but tomorrow it will be 20 seconds and those 20 seconds will be 2x better than the 10 seconds, therefore over time the BU will become more and more unimportant....if that makes any sense. But getting to a point where you don't have to necessarily suppress it but instead repress it... that's a challenge.
stevie_23 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I went interstate to visit my family and friends over Christmas, which was 2 weeks after my BU with my ex. He had left me suddenly and I was still shell shocked and distressed. While I was there, I couldn't show how I really felt. I had to act normal and "happy" all the time. It was exhausting, but at the same time it was a distraction and it helped me get through. I found when I was alone, and could indulge my feelings, I felt worse in a way. Not exhausted, but more sad and upset. When I was around people, I got exhausted (emotionally) but felt more...ok.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I try to do that around friends. But then I found coming up home afterwards was just worse. Then I would end up taking it out on my mum. I feel horrible. There are still times I would completely tune out of what was happening because I felt like SHET. at those points I can't suppress it. People still ask about him if they don't know what happened. It just brings up everything again. Hurts like crazy 1
todreaminblue Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 The difference between the ex and I is that he suppresses his feelings. I cannot do that for the life of me. If I'm hurt or upset I can't pretend everything is ok. He can act like his completely happy so it doesn't effect others... How can he do that? I'm dying inside... I wonder if suppressing feelings or the other person will help you get over them. Eventually te feelings may disappear if they never get to come out? If you suppress the feelings of wanting to be with someone will they eventually just disappear? I have been taught to suppress, to a certain degree it helps because if you suppress emotions when you are feeling unstable, you can always try and deal with them when you have more faculties to do so, it is like having an argument when you have high uncontrollable feelings.....wont end good....for either party.....suppressing emotions can sometimes be a good thing.... in a crisis is it good to have people running round like chickens with their heads cut off?...or would it be better to have people who are suppressing their natural and inherent desire to get the crap out of there????.scaring everyone who is already in a highly emotional state....battles and uneasy situations are never handled well in a highly emotive state..strategy should be paramount.this would make an excellent debate topic....because there are many pros and cons for both sides....nice topic..i would go for.... suppression..deb
iouaname Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Personally I think that suppression will cause the emotions to come out even stronger in the future.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Personally I think that suppression will cause the emotions to come out even stronger in the future. Yeah that's what I thought... But my ex seems to be doing great? He suppresses loss due to death too. Never mourns and I think it may be the reason why he can't hear about his dad or grandma. He can't really talk about them still. Even after 6 years. It still hurts him. possibly cause he suppressed it. And never truly let the grieving process take place.
mano Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 my ex is same, pretty good at supressing his feelings n acting strong, n it dosn't seems he faces a hard time after the breakup, but later he always has a really depressing time when the reality hits him, he decieves himself n makes him think whatever that makes him feel better n denies the truth. Though for me its really tough, i have to fake smiles n pretend i am doin well when i am arounf friends in uni everyday, but as soon as i get home i end up crying n feeling worse n taking it out on my mum n siblings venting it out is better than supressing because the more u supresss them they bottle up inside n resurface again with far more potential. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) I'm sorta confused what people mean by suppressing emotions. I mean i have cried many times, i still feel the pain acutely every so often and accept this. And i think that is good. However, at the same time it think it is stupid to wallow in these feelings too often. I often push the thoughts and feelings away and focus on the present the best I can. I tell myself I'm happy, confident, and will be over this etcetera and get on the best I can. Is this suppressing? I don think so. I think it is making a decision to be strong and get thru this. There is a time to cry, reflect, mourn the loss etcetera, and think of things past, but there is also a time to just STOP it and get on with things in your day and life. Cav Edited January 31, 2013 by cavalier99 1
flitzanu Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 The difference between the ex and I is that he suppresses his feelings. I cannot do that for the life of me. If I'm hurt or upset I can't pretend everything is ok. He can act like his completely happy so it doesn't effect others... How can he do that? I'm dying inside... I wonder if suppressing feelings or the other person will help you get over them. Eventually te feelings may disappear if they never get to come out? If you suppress the feelings of wanting to be with someone will they eventually just disappear? you're assuming he suppresses his emotions and acting like he isn't hurting, right? what if he isn't acting?
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 you're assuming he suppresses his emotions and acting like he isn't hurting, right? what if he isn't acting? Well he used to tell me he always does. And when his grandma passed away he didnt cry at all... he pretended everything was fine. And I assume his acting with that because it would be horrid if really was happy. He laughed at it and smiled the whole time... While I was crying. Not even knowing his grandma
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