LadyChatterley Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'm just wondering if that is a common lie. He randomly messaged me after no contact on my part(and a bit of a falling out) and said he wanted to be friends and that we could do something some other time. I thought we were 'cool' again, so I messaged him a few days later as a friend. I was just lonely and bored, and he has yet to reply, which made me feel really embarrassed. That's why I was mad in the first place. He just started ignoring me but still replied sometimes. I slept with him too fast I guess and was really annoying, and he likes someone else. But the thing is, he messaged me the day college started up again. He is a bit older than college age, but numerous people who go there are older. Anyway, I speculate that he just did that so if we ran into each other somehow, it wouldn't be awkward or he wouldn't want me to lash out or something, which I'd never do. How does he think saying we're friends and then ignoring when I act like we're friends is going to make me not act weird around him? I haven't seen him in person for a while, and I sort of want to so he has to confront me, but I think I'll just ignore him and act like he's not there. He has girl friends, so I don't know why he can't make room for me to be one.
lakerman34 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Forgive me if I missed anything, I just sort of trimmed. After a relationship, "let's just be friends" tends to mean "if we see each other out in public, lets say hi, smile to each other, and move on." Nothing else. I'd say don't expect to hang out as a friend with an ex ever.
Author LadyChatterley Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Okay I see. He wasn't even an ex, just some guy..he'd always say we were friends, but I get it wasn't a true friendship. I'd rather have a friend though and forget about the drama. Idk why people have to act weird just because you got sexual with them. Anyway yeah I just didn't get why he would propose getting together...maybe just to appease me or make it sound legitimate but with no intention of pulling through.
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 He was either doing it to be nice/out of guilt, or he wants to use you as a backup option/lady to boost his ego
StanMusial Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I've remained "friendly" with most of my exes but not "friends". Once you bang someone like it or not you have "history" with them. Unless you are in a tight social group with the other party this designation typically means the same. Its just a way to avoid drama and be nice about it. No big deal.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 How does he think saying we're friends and then ignoring when I act like we're friends is going to make me not act weird around him? I haven't seen him in person for a while, and I sort of want to so he has to confront me, but I think I'll just ignore him and act like he's not there. He has girl friends, so I don't know why he can't make room for me to be one. maybe he just wants to string you along in case he can sleep with you again or just keep things quiet and make sure you don't 'cause drama'. you were probably right to not talk to him because clearly he is a d**k. I'd put him on ignore again.
phineas Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'll only be "just friends" with someone if it's on my terms. I never accept it as a consolation prize from a woman i've actually dated.
Granin Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It can vary. I've known the "be friends" line to be a consolation and just an affirmation of remaining on good terms, but not initiating and developing an actual friendship. And I have known it to actually mean the latter. There's an absolute swamp of subtext and pragmatics in dating and relationships because people are far too afraid to express their true feelings our of fear of rejection or hurting someone, and that fear is what causes 90% of drama and problems. My policy is always to be explicity honest, but as kind as possible. Sometimes you can hurt someone and sometimes they can hurt you, but as long as they follow the same philosophy, there's absolutely no confusion, which is the worst thing in any romantic situation.
BRUNT Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Forgive me if I missed anything, I just sort of trimmed. After a relationship, "let's just be friends" tends to mean "if we see each other out in public, lets say hi, smile to each other, and move on." Nothing else. I'd say don't expect to hang out as a friend with an ex ever. I would tend to agree. There was this girl who sucked me in, i thought things were going somewhere, but then she said she just wanted to 'get to know each other as friends'. over the subsequent weeks, I tried to set up a drink or a coffee with her three or four times well in advance (as friends), but each time she had an excuse at the last minute, so i just left it and let her set the pace of things. We'd see each other from time to time in passing we'd say hello, but never any subsequent contact, then i just got aggravated that i'd been mis-led by her and came to the conclusion she had better things to do, so i saw her a couple of times over the next 6 months in passing and didn't bother smiling or saying hello. It would have just been to ease her guilt if i had continued to maintain the pretense that i hadn't been shafted. Then she accuses me of ignoring her and blanks me everytime she sees me. as you can tell, im over it.... sigh.
Recommended Posts