stevie_23 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I was thinking while I was half asleep last night...why is it necessarily bad or detrimental to the healing and moving on process to keep certain things that remind you or are directly from your ex? Like in my case, emails, texts, etc? In some cases, where there hasn't really been a horrific hurtful and betrayed or disrespectful ending to the relationship, and the relationship in general was really happy and loving, why NOT keep some things? To remind you of that happy time in your life? Some people see the end of relationships as sort of a "death". And when someone you love dies, you of course keep certain sentimental items, right? Why is this so different? In the specific case of older people who lose their spouse and then later re-marry at quite a late age (my partner's mother is 75 and just got re-married last October to a 72 year old man, who lost his wife 2 years earlier to cancer), they often keep items from their previous marriage even when they're happily re-married. Just because the relationship is over doesn't invalidate the happiness and love that once was. And it shouldn't mean you have to wipe the person entirely from your consciousness in order to move on. Should it?
grace777 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I kept all of the important things. I even backed up our pictures, sweet emails, poems, etc. to a flash drive. Then I put everything in a box. The box is in my storage shed. I did, however keep out a pair of earrings she gave me. I even wear them periodically. They are sentimental enough to be meaningful and a sweet reminder of our love, but not as powerful and intense as, say, the ring she gave me. There is no way I could throw away everything, delete everything, and delete her out of my life. I don't hate her - I'll always hold a part of her in my heart. And for me, I'm not going to try and eliminate her from my memory. That would be a shame. Still, I had to remove almost everything from my reach. If I could look at it, I would look at it, wear it, smell it, etc. So I just have the earrings. That works for me. Some may call me foolish, idk, but for me it works.
Author stevie_23 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 I think this is fine. You've shown a certain amount of useful and productive "discipline" with removing most items that wouldn't help you, but you've got certain things that remind you of those happy times.
Allumere Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Everyone is different. I packed up most everything including a gift he gave me because it was a very negative reminder. Only thing I kept was picture and ibecause its of us kissing, it will stay put away for a very long time. Now I can tell you when my ex left, most of his crap went on the lawn and I have nothing from the relationship. I sold the engagement and wedding ring, anything I could get money for on ebay, burned the wedding album...I could not purge fast enough and after 5 years, don't regret any of it. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 If you allow for these items to effect your mood in a negative way or it hampers NC then you shouldn't have them. If not, it's all you. I have several things,they are in my closet, doesn't bother me. I used to have her Teddy bear and teddy-puppy she got when she was lil and sick from her dad in my closet. A red/black(favorite colors) hand painted box, small, that contains a lil spider thing that has a heart on it andbeads. And a Valentine letter hand written her heart dotted eyes and accent marks over my name LOL...in it like a scroll. She was born on Valentine... Too bad she made it a lie. But it really does effect me.
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