SkyPilot Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Hi! So, my boyfriend and I have been dating almost two years now and things have been going good. But soon he is going to a doctoral graduate program and as a way to make extra money, he wants to be a bartender. Hell still get a stipend though. Originally I was fine with it... But now that it's sunk in a little, I dunno how comfortable I am with that... I'm really shy and drink very little, so the last place you'd find me is in a bar, not to mention I'm going into a health professional career where I've seen firsthand what lots of alcohol can do to the liver. Its not pretty. But all that aside... I've heard that most bartenders make their money by flirting for tips, and getting hit on. That doesn't sit well with me. By nature, Im a very independent person but I'm really loyal (to a fault) to the people that matter the most to me. I'd have a hard time flirting or making advances with someone else when I already had a boyfriend... Even for money. I just wouldn't be able to do it, it goes against my intrinsic values. I guess I have a hard time understanding how other people separate their personal and work life that easily. I don't want to be controlling and say I'm not comfortable with it... He'd probably not do it in that case but then I'd feel bad... So I'm not sure if anyone has advice about coping with a situation like this, or jealousy in general? I don't want to restrict him... That doesn't seem right... But I also don't want to feel jealous/anxious/nervous either.... If he worked in a bar, I'd probably feel too uncomfortable to even visit, it's just not the right place for me. >_<.
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I was a bartender for a year and a half in college. When a guy gets close to my heart Im loyal (to a fault) as well. I understand your worries and I dont think youre insecure. I flirted to get tips and I was never a big drinker myself other than an occasional party where I got out of hand and social drinking. I wasnt in a relationship though...the attention was nice at first, after all I was in college and immature, until you realize people see you as a hunk of meat and it didnt amount to much. If your relationship is really good and your boyfriend is emotionally healthy, seems satisfied and loyal with you, and doesnt have a history of being an attention seeker/ego stroker I wouldnt worry too much.
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