Gingerxr2 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I just want some encouragement ! I want to know I'll be ok and that I will be happy again ! I truly miss her everyday and think about out relationship and that I didn't do enough to save it ! , My main question is how can she remain no contact after a 5 year relationship and not give a **** ! I don't get it ??? I'm completely screwed up ! And she's not even attempted to make a call !
cavalier99 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) Well. That sucks...but at same time it doesn't. It doesn't change what you had while you had it. And who knows.. maybe she knows how tough this is for you and is staying away on purpose..maybe not and it is all about new guy..or both. I have only got 1 email in 4 months. And to tell the truth it was easier thinking that i never crossed her mind. You have no option but to get over her. It is a blessing she disappeared. Talk to her in another 6 months or so. I'm sure she will be friendly and you will be happy she respected your NC. Not that you'll care at that point. Edited January 31, 2013 by cavalier99
Minadee Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 You can think "What if!" Till it drives you insane, but you have to realize dwelling on the past is not going to change a thing. I know it's hard, and I know it hurts. But the first step of moving on is accepting that this has happened. No amount of wishing for a time machine is going to change that. You need to learn where you went wrong and find your way back to who you were before the relationship began. It sucks but there is nothing else you can do. She is gone, and for the meantime (i can't see into the future) that is how it is. I wish you well in your journey. xxx
Happypuppy Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I was just gonna tell you that everything will be fine! I also come from a 5 year long relationship, we also have NC and due to sircumstances in our last time together, I really felt horrible for several months. But YOU WILL BE FINE! I'm now 7 months down the road (and I have held myself back, just because I kept wallowing in my misery and because our end was so crappy), and this week I have been smiling all on my own, for no reason. I'm not over him, not by a long shot, but I know that I will be and I'm really looking forward to see what my future brings me. I still miss him and think of him, but I now see that he did me a favour. I now realize I wasn't happy in our relationship, and I now feel better then I did with him, even though I at some point thought he was the one and I still love him. My tips for you: Look forward! I know it sounds cheesy, but try to imagine what your future COULD be like. What would you like it to be? Who could you meet? What kind of relationship do you want? Know you did without this person for many years, and work on finding yourself. Do things that makes you happy. Socialize. Organize and clean your home. Take on a project. Don't spend all your time thinking about what has been and what might have been. If you spend too much time in our own head, you will be "lost" in that imagination, and it is so much harder to get out. Take a piece of paper, write down things you want in a relationship, things she did that annoyed you or didn't do that you would have liked her to. Really LOOK at the truth on her and your relationship. And be honest with yourself. SO important. It only delays the pain to fool yourself. This is what helped me: cold hard facts, crying and mourning over that truth, and then focusing on what I WOULD like in my life, not what could have been or what has been. Good luck, it's only uphill from here! (you get a better view, but it takes some effort) 1
mutant Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 At least your ex didn't tell you " I have found someone else who I am willing to give a chance". That was my ex with whom I had a four year relationship. It's better when she isn't contacting you. It makes it easier for you to move on and YES you'll be fine.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Cheers guys for all the replys , I guess I just feel bitter the fact she never once made that effort to even try and prove she cared or make that little effort ghat she missed me , makes me feel like I ment nothing !
drpepper1886 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I'll chime in. I went NC and told my ex that I was going NC to heal directly after she broke up with me and moved out after almost 3 years together. I went over 3 months, nearly 4 NC. I sent her a closure email for myself stating that I knew what my wrongs were and admitted to them. I did not accuse her of anything. I asked that if she didn't see a future for us to let me know. She responded back by telling me how much she had missed her best friend, and how I was the only person she truly ever loved that she wants marriage, but is not capable of being in a LTR right now and has too many issues to deal with from her past that she can't forgive herself for. She was confused as to why I contacted really, since I had asked for it, she said even though it's been very hard for her and she still has no idea how to deal with it. She also didn't know what else she could do, that giving me the time and space was the only thing that she thought I could really ask of her and even though it kills her, she stuck to it as well. Your ex probably knows that you need time to heal and is not in the best shape either. It hurts everyone in a breakup to cut ties from someone you've spent so much time around. Nothing was gained by my email, I got a little bit of closure knowing that she knows I know where I went wrong. But that was it. It didn't really set me back and reaffirmed that nothing has changed. It probably actually set her back a bit. Although she was fearful she would never hear from me again. I've gone back to NC and wished her the best in figuring out her issues.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Cheers for that response and I guess your right ? I guess I will never know what is happening in her head and I never will , she's the type of person that would rather ignore me than admit her true feelings . Deep down I know that I should never go back there it would be stupid to ! But how can you stop your heart felling that way ??
drpepper1886 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Deep down I know that I should never go back there it would be stupid to ! But how can you stop your heart felling that way ?? You don't stop it, you accept that it does because it all meant a lot to you, and even 10+ years from now you'll look back and still think that. But then the pain won't be associated with it. It takes time. Trying to stop and forget it all only makes it harder to do so.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 You don't stop it, you accept that it does because it all meant a lot to you, and even 10+ years from now you'll look back and still think that. But then the pain won't be associated with it. It takes time. Trying to stop and forget it all only makes it harder to do so. I think I agree with that , I guess it will get easier with time cheers guys ! Atleast I have here to rant !!
foolish1 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I'm so sorry. I don't think there is an answer. Its mind blowing how one minute they are making plans for your future and you are the center of their universe the next minute you are nothing. My husband divorced me today and he has not shed a tear! Its hard to believe they don't care but believe them they dont
Author Gingerxr2 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 I'm so sorry. I don't think there is an answer. Its mind blowing how one minute they are making plans for your future and you are the center of their universe the next minute you are nothing. My husband divorced me today and he has not shed a tear! Its hard to believe they don't care but believe them they dont Really sorry to hear that , makes my problems seem nothing compared to that !! My thoughts are with you xx But i know what you mean , we were living together , talking about having kids , getting married , had dogs etc etc then bang nothing
bitterruin Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I was in a relationship for five years as well. It's been four months since the breakup, and I don't even know how long NC. We've been doing this dance of going cold turkey for a couple of weeks and then he would message me and I'd respond. I messaged him once but now I'm tired of it, the only thing keeping contact did was prolong the pain. I can now say that I'm going to be fine. Don't worry about how she's doing, I'm sure it's hard for her too, she can ignore her feelings for a while but she hasn't moved on. But focus on you moving on with your life. In a couple of months you'll be amazed at the progress you've made.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I was in a relationship for five years as well. It's been four months since the breakup, and I don't even know how long NC. We've been doing this dance of going cold turkey for a couple of weeks and then he would message me and I'd respond. I messaged him once but now I'm tired of it, the only thing keeping contact did was prolong the pain. I can now say that I'm going to be fine. Don't worry about how she's doing, I'm sure it's hard for her too, she can ignore her feelings for a while but she hasn't moved on. But focus on you moving on with your life. In a couple of months you'll be amazed at the progress you've made. I really wish I could say I don't worry a out her but I do, in the relationship when your arguing and **** happens you look at it and think , god I wish it would end ! Then when it does ! You regret it ! I really miss her everyday and want her back so badly , but I haven't heard anything at all ! Not even a I'm sorry , I know that would take alot but the unanswered questions , the hurtful mess is something that will haunt me for along time !
Darren Steez Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Cheers for that response and I guess your right ? I guess I will never know what is happening in her head and I never will , she's the type of person that would rather ignore me than admit her true feelings . Deep down I know that I should never go back there it would be stupid to ! But how can you stop your heart felling that way ?? That is why your heart is down there...not upstairs where your brain is. It's a harsh assessment but think about it like this, when you look at things analytically and coldly. i.e read someone else's post about cheating or a break up you'd probably give them completely different advice to the decisions you make in your own situation. Why? No emotions involved. So every time your heart speaks, let your brain to tell it to quiet the hell down. Let it heal for that next special person in your life..then it can shout for all it's worth! 2
Author Gingerxr2 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 That is why your heart is down there...not upstairs where your brain is. It's a harsh assessment but think about it like this, when you look at things analytically and coldly. i.e read someone else's post about cheating or a break up you'd probably give them completely different advice to the decisions you make in your own situation. Why? No emotions involved. So every time your heart speaks, let your brain to tell it to quiet the hell down. Let it heal for that next special person in your life..then it can shout for all it's worth! I think it speaks a different language
Darren Steez Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I think it speaks a different language No the heart speaks the most powerful language we all understand. That language has no barriers, it can be understood by each and every single person in the world regardless of race or culture. Hang in there.
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