sunshine6 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Help me! I'm trying to get over this married guy I work with, but all I keep hearing is other people say how wonderful he is - he is quite charming, obviously... but, I know all too well otherwise! Of course I can't go around saying so... Has anyone else ever faced this problem? Advice? I'm so mad at myself for getting mixed up with him. Mixed up is exactly what I am.
wisernow Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Help me! I'm trying to get over this married guy I work with, but all I keep hearing is other people say how wonderful he is - he is quite charming, obviously... but, I know all too well otherwise! Of course I can't go around saying so... Has anyone else ever faced this problem? Advice? I'm so mad at myself for getting mixed up with him. Mixed up is exactly what I am. I wonder if your husband would share with the others who think he's so "wonderful." Why in the world are you married?
2sunny Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Maybe you relate to those feelings because you have something in common...?
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Help me! I'm trying to get over this married guy I work with, but all I keep hearing is other people say how wonderful he is - he is quite charming, obviously... but, I know all too well otherwise! Of course I can't go around saying so... Has anyone else ever faced this problem? Advice? I'm so mad at myself for getting mixed up with him. Mixed up is exactly what I am. I'm sure he is charming and wonderful to many..He just cheats on his wife! Anyway, keep your head down, focus on your job and only deal with him on a professional level and do all that you can to avoid him. Can you ask for a transfer or start looking for another job? If not, somehow you need to learn to detach and not care what others say about him. You know he's a scumbag..
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Okay, I read your other threads.. How do you perceive yourself? You also cheated on your husband, just like this married co worker cheated on his wife. And I'm sure you're witty, charming and many people at work enjoy your company. Apply this to your exMM. You both messed up by choosing to have an EA and letting it get to kissing and fooling around. It ended and that's a good thing. Doesn't matter who ended it, it's over now. FOCUS on your husband and reconnecting with him. Do counseling too, with your H and on your own. Something is wrong inside of you to let another man who isn't your husband close to you, to kiss and fool around with someone other than your H. If you are lonely, or unhappy in your marriage, or feel something is missing, PUT effort into fixing things rather than lust after another (married) man. This just made your life harder and now you get to work with this guy every day. Tough, but part of the consquence of having an A with a colleague.
Spark1111 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 IN IC after DDay, I told my therapist that I was sure the OW in my sitch was probably a wonderful woman, and he stopped me in mid sentence, looked me square in the eyes and said, "Wonderful people DO NOT have affairs." Think on that, please. 1
promises Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 IN IC after DDay, I told my therapist that I was sure the OW in my sitch was probably a wonderful woman, and he stopped me in mid sentence, looked me square in the eyes and said, "Wonderful people DO NOT have affairs." Think on that, please. I disagree. The act is not wonderful, it's awful. But, the people aren't always bad people. I would say, don't let his wandering eye meet your gaze. Steer clear of that mess. 2
missy268 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I have this problem too My ap was one of our managers - he is not married, he has a long term girlfriend. I'm single... it all came out earlier last year about us Guess which one of us gets ignored at work Not him thats for sure. So i know how hard it can be
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 OP let's get back to simple black and white. They say how great he is and you say "really? I know he cheated on his wife, thats not what nice people do". Expose his character and you won't have to listen to the false image any more. If she says this, then I guess it would be okay if the MM says that about her since she is married as well. 1
Realist3 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 If she says this, then I guess it would be okay if the MM says that about her since she is married as well. ^ This. To me this sounds like sour grapes. The OP is no better than the MM.
SunshineToday Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 op let's get back to simple black and white. They say how great he is and you say "really? I know he cheated on his wife, thats not what nice people do". Expose his character and you won't have to listen to the false image any more. agree 100%
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